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Is Dating Your Ex-Wifes Friend Crossing The Line ?

Is Dating Your Ex-Wifes Friend Crossing The Line ?

  • Absolutely Positively Yes You Dog

    Votes: 22 26.8%

  • Think Of Your Happiness and Go For It

    Votes: 23 28.0%

  • Yes, But Be Careful and Sleep With One Eye Open

    Votes: 9 11.0%

  • No, But You're Both Adults So Live Freely In Love

    Votes: 42 51.2%
  • Total voters
    82
  • Poll closed .
Blueimac

Blueimac

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Nov 17, 2011
22
0
Paris (not France) for now
Never expecting to find yourself in an enlightening situation like this one just makes life even more interesting especially when you're stranded in a lonely place without the company of friends who are now very far away.

I present, for your consideration a question that has utterly bewildered the human race since the dawn of man and of course completely perplexed myself, as it is my situation now.

The events happened without planning, without thought of repercussions and just plain out of the blue.

Could this have been avoided? Yes, but in the forefront of my wandering mind my happiness comes first.

One of my ex-wife’s friends and I have decided to start spending time together so we may become better acquainted, have already discussed date plans and the thought of beginning a relationship if all goes well.

Knowing the way my ex-wife’s mind is set in permanent always disagree with me at any cost mode, Hearing the negative response of “That’s a Line You Don’t Cross” came as no surprise to me at all.

Which of course led to a very heated discussion that lasted several hours and again last night she added more comments fueling the fire even more.

So I ask for your humble opinion, When dating the friend of an ex-wife are you crossing the line?
 
For me personally, you're relationship with your ex is now over. So I'd say you are free to do what you want. If anything, the friend of your ex-wife would/should feel more of a moral obligation than you about the situation. But if she doesn't care about offending her friend, then who cares? :p
 
SidewaysTakumi said:
For me personally, you're relationship with your ex is now over. So I'd say you are free to do what you want. If anything, the friend of your ex-wife would/should feel more of a moral obligation than you about the situation. But if she doesn't care about offending her friend, then who cares? :p
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At first my ex's friend felt kinda weird about it as she put it, But also told me she would get over it. I'm glad you agree with me but try telling the world according to my ex that.
 
I don't think you crossed the line. Crossing the line, IMHO would have been leaving your ex for her friend.

Just be aware that it may be awkward. Especially if your ex tries to "save" her friend from you by trying to get her to break up with you, etc. And is she prepared to lose her friend to be with you? That could ultimately be what happens as well.

So while not crossing the line for me, IMHO it's not worth it.
 
Maybe I'm just young and naive but I don't see a line to cross. So she's a friend of your ex - what's the big deal? Obviously it would be wrong to do it out of spite (and not for your ex's sake) but otherwise you're a free person, why worry about what she thinks?

Also consider that if she thinks you're crossing the line it means her friend is as well, she'd have to disown both of you ;)
 
Unless there are children involved, you don't even have to talk to the ex. Good luck
 
quagmire said:
I don't think you crossed the line. Crossing the line, IMHO would have been leaving your ex for her friend.

Just be aware that it may be awkward. Especially if your ex tries to "save" her friend from you by trying to get her to break up with you, etc. And is she prepared to lose her friend to be with you? That could ultimately be what happens as well.

So while not crossing the line for me, IMHO it's not worth it.
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Well said, and I agree completely.
 
As long as its ok with you if she dates one of your friends, I don't see a problem. That is ok right? Seriously there's a whole bunch of women out there that aren't friends with your wife, I think I'd try my luck with one of those.
 
If you are both fine with it, go ahead. Though she must understand that her friendship with your ex may be over if your relationship ends up being serious
 
quagmire said:
I don't think you crossed the line. Crossing the line, IMHO would have been leaving your ex for her friend.

Just be aware that it may be awkward. Especially if your ex tries to "save" her friend from you by trying to get her to break up with you, etc. And is she prepared to lose her friend to be with you? That could ultimately be what happens as well.

So while not crossing the line for me, IMHO it's not worth it.
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Hopefully even my ex would never tell her to break it off or try to break us up.

I know it's going to be awkward for my ex's friend and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, I've known her for a little over two months now and really never gave dating her much thought until recently when I was at her apartment to help out with a repair problem.

While standing next to her I hinted around wanting to go back to a very nice Italian Restaurant in the area but don't like to dine alone.

So I asked her if she would have lunch with me there later in the week and she said yes (which is actually now today in about 40 minutes )
 
1. Are you concerned with pissing off your ex-wife?
2. Is the new girl concerned with pissing off your ex-wife?

If the answer to both questions is "no," then proceed.

My ex-wife and I haven't seen or spoken to each other since the divorce; I have no problem with seeing or hanging out with her former friends. I'm remarried, so dating one of them isn't an option; otherwise, I wouldn't have felt I was crossing a line.
 
Telling Your Ex-Wife

Why are you talking to your ex about who you are dating? You got divorced for a reason, and I would guess that it's because you and her didn't see eye to eye. Why would you think that she would give her consent. She likely views her friends as hers and off-limits to you. When you split up stuff from the divorce, I bet friends were the hardest thing to divide. Don't ask you ex for advice unless she is a subject matter expert, like a tax lawyer. Don't ask her for advice on who to date, she obliviously has bad taste in her own mind, so why should you trust her advice now?
 
quagmire said:
I don't think you crossed the line. Crossing the line, IMHO would have been leaving your ex for her friend.

Just be aware that it may be awkward. Especially if your ex tries to "save" her friend from you by trying to get her to break up with you, etc. And is she prepared to lose her friend to be with you? That could ultimately be what happens as well.

So while not crossing the line for me, IMHO it's not worth it.
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perfect way of putting it,

Its ok but not worth it
 
stroked said:
Unless there are children involved, you don't even have to talk to the ex. Good luck
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This is a key point. What is the nature of your relationship with your ex-wife and what was the nature of your divorce? I'm sorry if you think these questions are too personal, but they weigh heavily in the situation and could be determining factors in how best to proceed.

If kids are involved then there is the whole dynamic of your ex having to consider how any woman in your life will treat her children. Maybe she likes her friend as a friend, but she thinks she would be a terrible mother.

If your divorce was ugly and involved things like infidelity then your ex's motivation for not wanting her friend to date you could be genuine concern for her friend.

Like many have mentioned it could simply be a territorial thing in that she doesn't want her friends around you because they are "her friends".

I think you also have to take a hard look in the mirror and check your own motivations as well. Is your interest in her friend in any way motivated or enhanced by the fact that you know it ticks your ex off. If you are still emotionally invested in what your ex thinks about how you live your life, whether positive or negative, then you are probably not fully over the relationship and don't need to be getting into a new one, especially with her friend.

I'd also be a little concerned about any girl who was so easily willing to break the unspoken "don't date your friend's ex" rule. What is her friend's motivation for wanting to date you? What is the nature of their relationship, how close are they? Is she wanting to tick off or get back at your ex for something that happened between them. Hey, you may not have even thought of this, but it's scary how "catty" some girls can be in their friendships.

The bottom line is all of you are consenting adults and what you do is up to you. That being said, there are a lot of consequences to consider in your situation and depending upon the details those consequences should be taken seriously.
 
This is definitely not the kind of question for which the answer is the same for everyone, nor is it one that we can definitely answer for you. It really depends on your past and present relationship with your ex-wife, the circumstances of your divorce, and the kind of people the three of you are.
 
I'm assuming your ex-wife's friend is still close with your ex-wife, in which case, bad form.

Really though, even if they're not friends anymore or merely acquaintences now, it's just not going to lead to anything but drama.

Now, if the two of you are deeply in love and need to pursue this, I'd say maybe. Unfortunately I don't think that's the case.

Lastly, what robbie said.
 
If you're morally confused about this then perhaps it's not even worth pursing. But there are other factors, do you have children because if you do then making sure you have a decent relationship with the mother is important. Otherwise, it's entirely up to you. I figure it douchy but douchy doesn't mean it's entirely wrong.
 
Well , we haven't seen a picture of this chick yet...or even a picture of him. Maybe he's smoking hot, and way out of his league. If that's the case, I'd be all over it.


Not to mention, maybe his ex doesn't care if her friend wants her EX-baggage.

renewed said:
With so many women out there why you would even consider this is beyond me.

Although it'll most likely be "dating my ex-wife's ex-friend" shortly.
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