I'm back from the future. Here's my transcript from the keynote.
[Steve Jobs enters. Audience goes wild. Steve walks across the stage, opens water, takes a drink and sets it down. Walks to center stage. Places hands together, then puts them up in the "I surrender" position. Repeat several times.]
Steve: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Gary Powell to make a major announcement!
[audience roars with laughter, Gary walks on]
Gary: Steve, I'm not sure I should be making this presentation. I know someone who happens to be very knowledgeable about this product.
Steve: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Brian Lam!
[audience roars with laughter]
Brian: Hello! I'm Brian Lam from Gizmodo, and I have with me today an iPhone.. uh, what are you calling this Steve?
Steve: The "iPhone Mid 2010".
Brian: Ah yes. I have with me today an iPhone Mid 2010, and I'd like to tell you about a few features. [drops phone]
Gary: Uh, Brian, you dropped your phone. Got $5000?
[audience roars with laughter, Brian and Gary exit]
Steve: It has flash!
[audience applauds for two minutes]
Steve: For the camera.
[audience roars with laughter]
Steve: The phone is available nationwide immediately, but first, I'd like to cover a few features.
[hall empties quickly]
Steve: So Gary, Brian, what are your dinner plans?