Women...
Can't live with'em
Can't live without'em
"Women...
Can't live with 'em.
Pass the beer nuts."
I always thought of it more as "Women. Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em."
Women...
Can't live with'em
Can't live without'em
"Women...
Can't live with 'em.
Pass the beer nuts."
I just can't seem to get over the fact that the undeserving guy got all the love and I couldn't even start a relationship.
I belive the quote is
"Women...
Can't live with 'em.
Pass the beer nuts."
I always thought of it more as "Women. Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em."
Mine's just a quote from Norm the barfly on Cheers.I always thought of it more as "Women. Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em."
But I don't get the part about being wrong by doing good things to win her heart. Isn't this what everyone does? I think every guy who ever made a girl fall in love with him, did some nice things just to attract said girl, and not just because they were really nice guys. I don't think anyone's ever been completely selfless when pursuing a relationship. The only difference is that it worked for those guys and it's not working for me. Anyway its effed up, I know, what do I do now?
There's a pattern particularly common among serial monogamists where the good-guy/bad-guy role you experienced in your last relationship gets reversed in your next relationship. It's the source of a lot of needless drama.
Damn you do make a lot of sense. But I don't get the part about being wrong by doing good things to win her heart. Isn't this what everyone does? I think every guy who ever made a girl fall in love with him, did some nice things just to attract said girl, and not just because they were really nice guys. I don't think anyone's ever been completely selfless when pursuing a relationship. The only difference is that it worked for those guys and it's not working for me. Anyway its effed up, I know, what do I do now?
No, there is a major difference, and it has to do with unconditional acceptance. It sounds like a wonderful thing when you say it, but think about it this way:
When your mother tells you that you are a wonderful young man with many good qualities to offer the right young woman, and that she will surely come along someday... do you believe her? Does that boost your self-esteem and give you all the validation you need? Of course it doesn't. It doesn't count because as your mother it's sort of her job to say that.
That's something like the role you've taken. You can't prove anything to her because you're determined to unconditionally tell her she's wonderful. She doesn't need to be handed a victory. She needs to win one. Part of the reason this can't ever change is that you can't back out of this role you've assumed, ever, short of ending the friendship. You cannot be someone's unconditionally accepting confidante and then back out to being a desirable partner to be won over. You can never offer her the validation she's looking for in a lover. That's what the "friend zone" is all about.
Gelfin, are you a psychiatrist? How do you know all this, or where do you get your opinion from?
How many ways can she say "NO"?
You'll get over her.
I suggest Bacardi 151°.
I'm going to guess that Gelfin knows this from experience. A lot of people here are giving advice based upon the same. Although what you're going through sucks large amounts of donkey balls, it's not an uncommon experience.
Dude, it's time for some tough love:
...
You can thank me later.
but predicting the outcome of my case based on the outcome of someone else's case, doesn't seem entirely objective to me.
.....
Anyway, I'm in pretty bad shape right now. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I guess I'm a bit wary of taking advice from complete strangers on the internet, specially when it's about such a critical part in my life.
Well let me start by saying that I now accept that I'm in denial about some things. But still, experience just doesn't cut it for me right now. A lot of people have been using the word "never" like they're holding statistics of every "friend zone" case in the history of mankind. I know everyone's trying to help, but stating that something is an unbreakable rule based only on their personal experience with said rule, is to me as uncertain as any other perspective I've had to deal with so far. I know I'm in my most subjective state of mind right now, but predicting the outcome of my case based on the outcome of someone else's case, doesn't seem entirely objective to me. Also considering that I've condensed a year of story in only 2 or 3 posts.
Anyway, I'm in pretty bad shape right now. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I guess I'm a bit wary of taking advice from complete strangers on the internet, specially when it's about such a critical part in my life.
We're not basing "never" just on personal experience. We're also basing it on basic social interactions and applied psychology. Whether we choose to accept it or not, we are still animals driven by baser instinct with our behaviour further shaped by predictable social constructs. ...
floyde, try not to take the thoughts expressed here as critical of you as a person. I don't think anyone means to make you feel judged. You seem like a nice guy, and I'm sure we can all relate to feeling a bit sensitive when our personal lives are causing us pain. Take care of yourself, and I hope you start to feel better soon.
And because I'm a couple of Coronas deep and am therefore completely unable to shut my mouth, let me make another comment:
This isn't going to the be the end of the world for you. It might seem like it now, but one day you're going to realize that life will continue even if she's not there. Love can really ***** suck sometimes. I occasionally see some crap that really bugs me. I'll take some guy and his wife and children to Aspen one week, just to take him and his hot 20 year old girlfriend to Vancouver a few weeks later. And this is a guy that the general public has a large amount of respect for. Part of my job is ignoring this crap, but it'd be a sh*tstorm of global proportions if word got out.
Point is, sometimes I feel like love is completely hopeless. But then I look at my wife, whom I love very much, and I feel better. I think she's the most amazing person on the planet. And guess what? There were more than a few women in my past that didn't work out, and after every one I was convinced that I missed my chance at my 'one true love'. I'm glad I was wrong.
A lot of people have been using the word "never" like they're holding statistics of every "friend zone" case in the history of mankind.
I guess I'm a bit wary of taking advice from complete strangers on the internet, specially when it's about such a critical part in my life.
Anyway, I'm in pretty bad shape right now.
I'm going to guess that Gelfin knows this from experience. A lot of people here are giving advice based upon the same. Although what you're going through sucks large amounts of donkey balls, it's not an uncommon experience.
Anyway, I'm in pretty bad shape right now. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I guess I'm a bit wary of taking advice from complete strangers on the internet, specially when it's about such a critical part in my life.
Turns out, I'm also one of those people who just sort of always seems to end up in an advisor role for his friends' assorted life problems (mostly because I refuse to pull punches). Your story isn't just something I've experienced myself; it's something I must've heard about half a godzillion times from other guys.