Quick predictions of how the event will kick off: Tim Cook walks on stage, brandishing a harpoon. "Welcome to Apple; we are so excited to be at Apple this morning." Crowd jumps. "Don't jump." The harpoon is gone. Where is the harpoon? "Where is the harpoon? Anyway, we need to do the computers now." Tim Cook turns his back to audience to hide pouting. The screen shows the Twitter logo for 15 seconds before the Star Trek intro plays in its entirety. The crowd doesn't jump; they applaud the intro. "Thank you so much!" Tim Cook pantomimes blowing a kiss by bringing both of his hands to his mouth, making a "mwah" sound, and raising his arms away, but the harpoon is back. He pokes himself. "Nothing a little elbow grease can't take care of," but Tim is visibly angry and turning greener with every second. "Now," says Tim, bringing both of his hands together in front of him as if to pray (but he pokes himself with the harpoon again), "Delicious Apple."