Line-Up:
Welcome
Sales
You app developers are great
We have written checks worth of XXX gazillion Dollars to you. (applause)
Some new software.
Some new Features.
This is new in iOS (hundreds of keywords unreadable / incomprehensible).
Some highlights: Dark Mode (thundering applause), new colors (thundering applause)
Internet: Apple is DOOMED, APPLE IS SOOOO DOOMED
We love what you do with iOS devices and we want to be even better. (thundering applause)
iOS and OS X are the same, that's why we call them iOS PRO and macOS AIR!
Internet: Apple store is down! Apple store is down!
New hardware.
Internet: Apple is DOOMED. Steve Jobs is gone!
We love you. You make Apple great. Thank you.
And some music, because we love you so.
Internet: Apple is doomed. Apple is doomed.
Internet: WHAT? NO ONE MORE THING? Where's the Apple Car? Where's the egg cooker? APPLE IS SOOOOOO DOOOMED.
Ten weeks later: Where's iOS X, where's macOS? I can't wait for it!
After installing: it's buggy.
Internet: Apple is doomed. Apple is (yaaawn, snore.)
Okay, ready for some excitement? Shake it up. Feel the hype. Live the dream and SELL IT, boys!