Apple Lucky Bag: The [ugly] TRUTH
Well we did it. My wife & I got in line for the Apple Store SF grand opening...at 3:AM in the morning. We were 150th position in line, and as you remember the first 200 Apple fans to walk through the door were to receive the coveted Apple "Lucky" Bag, with contents promised to value at over $600.
We had a great time camping out. We brought a huge pad, blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, both dogs, and plenty of snacks to feed ourselves and 30 of our closest [new] friends, 90% of whom by the way were young male ...well...Apple geeks. The first thing I said to my new found friends upon waking in the morning was "You guys all looked much better under the flattering hue of darkness." They all liked me very much
AND might I add watched with awe as I made love to my wife on that downtown city sidewalk.
As 10:AM approached, the excitement was buzzing in the air. The line now stretched around the block and then some. And as I sadly expected....various wives, girlfriends and other friends of certain scumbags began to assimilate into the line. I found this behavior to be the lowest of low, for every freshly showered and well-rested newbie who entered the line at the last minute, meant that some poor schmuck who had invested hours in anticipation, was now effectively screwed out of his well deserved right to claim the prize. Apple's unwillingness to give out numbers or in ANY way control the crowd was unforgiveable.
Anyway, over 500 Apple fans had now surrounded the store, most of whom had just come....to the best of my knowledge get a free t-shirt and look at Apple stuff? Willie Brown showed up, as well as our new Mayor Gavin Newsom, and once those front doors opened the crowd rushed in with all the enthusiasm and body crunching of a 1972 Led Zepplin concert. Except that the only 'music' heard was feigned enthusiatic cheering and hand-clapping by Apple Store employees.
Now is when the real excitement started. As we approached the counter to receive our Lucky Bag, my wife realized she had forgotten her ID, which we had just discovered was required to receive the goods. After momentarily panicking I got permission to run blocks away to our car and retrieve her wallet. Upon my return I found her just approaching the counter, and as it turns out also just in time to hear the dreaded announcement that they were down to 10 bags!...with 30 of us still waiting. My wife was chosen as one of the lucky 10. I was not. The crowd was livid. This was f*cked. All those hours invested, and now to come down to this.
After another flash of panic I remembered that bags were also available upstairs. So as the mob began beating aluminum PowerBooks in protest, I darted up to the 2nd level and found a few people left receiving their prizes. I stood there, still sweating from my recent jog to the car, hoping and praying I would make the cut. By this time my wife had joined me upstairs, lucky bag in hand, and as I presented myself at the counter it dawned on me....all the friendship and camaraderie found in the long night's wait had turned into every Apple-geek for himself, with some actually attempting to re-enter the line and double their fortune. I thought to myself "What if this had been a line for drinking water? For bread?" These slouching zit-faced geeks were really just greed-driven street punks who when given the opportunity would have killed each other over these things. And without a shred of guilt I whispered to my wife to give me her ID and hide her lucky bag under her jacket. I placed an order for two more bags and instructed her to meet me outside.
Moments later we found ourselves giddily and greedily skipping away from the Apple Store, 3 Lucky Bags in hand, quite satisfied with our new found fortune and even more satisfied that we handily screwed just one slouching, zit-faced street-punk out of his.
Shame on us? Shame on you Apple.
