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Married MR members--How did you and your SO setup your household budget?
- Thread starter puma1552
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Yes, and it doesn't make a difference - not sure why it would.
Well, Xmas, for instance. Do you buy the presents jointly, separately, or a combo. Where does their personal spending come into play? I'm sure there's other monetary considerations, as well, that's just the first thing that popped in my head. As I said, I'm just curious. Whatever works for you is great. Wanna know how the other half lives...
In our case, we buy the presents for others via the joint account, while the presents for each other come from our respective personal accounts.
I'm not married but I'm basically as good as.
We have a program we wrote in python which at the end of each month we enter in what we paid for that comes under household expenses (rent, bills, groceries, white goods, any other joint expense really) then that amount it split proportionally to our earnings and it spits out who owes who what. This never presents an issue as we live very comfortably within our income without making an effort to economise, which seems strange as it's not too big an income, we just don't spend that much money.
What's left we generally spend on what we like, we don't have to run anything by each other though it's rare for any large purchase to not be mentioned simply because we communicate with each other fairly well. We would be putting a set amount towards savings though we're both paying off some personal debts so that will start once they're gone, even then they won't be in a joint account they will be separate unless there's good reason for them to be otherwise.
We find it works for us fairly well.
We have a program we wrote in python which at the end of each month we enter in what we paid for that comes under household expenses (rent, bills, groceries, white goods, any other joint expense really) then that amount it split proportionally to our earnings and it spits out who owes who what. This never presents an issue as we live very comfortably within our income without making an effort to economise, which seems strange as it's not too big an income, we just don't spend that much money.
What's left we generally spend on what we like, we don't have to run anything by each other though it's rare for any large purchase to not be mentioned simply because we communicate with each other fairly well. We would be putting a set amount towards savings though we're both paying off some personal debts so that will start once they're gone, even then they won't be in a joint account they will be separate unless there's good reason for them to be otherwise.
We find it works for us fairly well.
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Single joint account.
Just like my computers and software, I like powerful yet simple and elegant solutions.
Just like my computers and software, I like powerful yet simple and elegant solutions.
White goods?
As for our actual budget, it's maintained in microsoft excel. Every two weeks, it knows what bills are due and on which date. It also calculates how much (if any) carry over is needed to the next period if it has a lot of expenses. It's tracked per item category, so we have a really good idea of where our money is going.
Just like everything else, whoever has money and feels like spending it.
The day you start saying things like, "You need to buy this thing this month, because I paid last month," is the day you start having money arguments.
You're buying gifts for your child - more often than not, each of us will buy him different things. Almost always we say it's "from mom and dad." Like I said, you don't have to keep track of who bought what, or who spent how much.
More often than not, when we go out to eat, I pay for it - but that's just because I usually have more money (and it's usually my idea). Same with groceries, same with most things that aren't mortgage, utilities, or car payments.
Bonuses, overtime, all of our "extra" income is ours to keep. A month or so ago she got a bonus - she put it toward getting a new car. Most recently when I got a bonus I bought a new telescope.
We discuss major purchases with each other, even if only one of us is making the purchase. There's no "hiding" expenses - what in the world am I going to buy and keep a secret from her? Think about it, the last major purchase I made for myself with non-bonus money was my iMac, and I couldn't exactly hide it from her once I got it home, could I?
Sorry if I'm coming across grumpy about it, but there are a lot of questions in this thread coming from people who seem completely befuddled as to how two people could keep separate finances without it being a problem, and it just isn't a problem.
Just remember the old saying. What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers
.But seriously, there is no correct answer. Talk things out with her and do whatever you both decide on. As far as the student loans, you both agreed to help out each other by the act of getting married (i.e. she is marrying your student loan). You should both together pay for whatever you owed before you got married and decide together how you are going to handle any future expenses.
Just a joint account. Similar spending habits, so not a source of arguments. If we were to do separate accounts, I think putting everything into the joint account first, and then an equal allowance from it to the personal accounts would make sense. The OP mentioned some proportional deposit... to me, that seems like it would be a source of tension in some circumstances. One person might be flush with money and the other just getting by.
Yes, and it doesn't make a difference - not sure why it would.
In our case, it's a "lessons learned from first marriages" thing.
Furthest thing from our minds - like I said, we also have joint checking and savings accounts.
Her first husband used to spend money without checking the bank balance. My first wife and I would each spend money, and from time to time you end up having to explain why each of you withdrew the last $100 for something. It's much easier for each of us to have our own money to do with what we will - no headache of trying to track someone down to ask, "Hey, is there money in the account for me to go to dinner with a couple of co-workers tonight?" There's no hassle of trying to justify to someone else why you decided to spend $200 on clothes this weekend. We each put money into the joint account to take care of household expenses, and we each keep the rest.
We take care of those the same way everyone else does.
Wow, you make it sound like you think we're petty people. If I have money, I pay. If she has money, she pays. It's not about keeping score.
Yeah, we don't have that problem.
Its not that I am befuddled - it just seems like more maintenance and moving money around accounts when it doesn't have to be that way. With your responses above, I can see the point if you keep a particular account that comes close to zero at certain times and two people are spending money at the same time. But otherwise if you have a comfortable margin in there I don't see the point. Either person can go online at any time (often from a mobile phone these days) and see what is in there.
I'm not calling anyone petty either - I just personally dislike the point in which the check comes when I go out to dinner with friends and we have to split up the check. Its a real pain. I would hate to also have to do that with my spouse.
My point about a large purchase was more the technicalities of it. Lets say your buying a couch. Its $2,000. Do you each swipe a card or write a check to the store for $1K? Does one person pay and the other person write a check for half to the other person? Do you just keep a tab and balance it out at the end of the month? It just all seems like a lot of work/thought in order to not have to "justify" small purchases - purchases that it sounds like most people here wouldn't need to justify anyway.
Don't get grumpy - I'm just curious
People obv should do what they want, its a free county right? But by posting on a public BB its going to be open to at least a little public scrutiny.Since food expenses are in the budget, all dinners are paid from the joint account, even when out with friends. It's pretty easy. I can pay from my personal account if I want to make the occasion feel more special.
For a big purchase, it's usually pulled from savings. But if we're to split something (as in your example), we'd probably purchase it from the joint account, then each transfer our portion of the money to the joint from our personal accounts - which is a trivial process via iPhone.
Come January this is what I will be doing. I have nothing to base it on, apart from that it seems to work for my parents.
With Marriage, there's no right or wrong way to do things. You can only do what works for your family regardless of size or financial situation. I find this discussion very interesting...
My wife and I have both of our checks deposited into a joint checking account. This is where all of our bills are paid from. We have a set amount that is automatically transferred into a joint savings account for emergency items and general savings. Each month, my wife an I each get a $400 allowance that we transfer into our individual checking accounts that we can do whatever we want with. If, at the end of the month, we have more than $10K in the checking account, the overage is also transferred into our joint savings account
Works for us.
GL
Works for us.
GL
I think it has worked because we don't really have these ambitions (at this stage anyway). We don't need a car and aren't particularly interested in buying a property as we like moving frequently. Perhaps in the future the priorities will change.
For starters we'd never pay $2000 for a couch! But if we were making a $2000 purchase of some kind I might transfer $1000 into my wife's bank account or just pay half the cost at the POS as you said or pay another cost to a similar amount. We dont keep a ledger of who spends what. We just roughly try and figure it out as we go. If she buys groceries one day I'll try and do it the next. But it's not something we ruminate over.duncanapple said:
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I do, and I wouldn't call it funneling money into a personal, that smacks of selfish behavior.
For me and the wife, we share which bills to pay, she handles a series of bills, like daycare, and such, I handle the utilities and mortgage and such. We then see who has more cash on hand if we plan on doing a specific activity.
Didn't mean to "smack" of anything. I humbly apologize.
No problem, just when people talk about funneling money, its usually meant as a negative connotation.
As I stated, so far the wife and I have equitably split the bills and share the expenses even though we don't use a joint checking account.
Could we do better, perhaps, I'm not against improving how we pay bills/save for the future. Given that she was out of work for so long, we're not quite at the point where we are fully on our feet yet. So that type of discussion has been shelved.
The most important thing is you all get a system that works.
I think it is important that parties have an good idea what the numbers are in terms of bills.
I know that chances are when I get married I more than likely will not be the one paying the bills. I will know how big they are and have a good idea on what they are every month but my personality type is that of if it is in an acceptable range and the delta between the months is with in the norm I am not going to pay much attention to it. There is nothing to raise a red flag to me but I will want to look over the bill. I had that habit when I lived on my own like above. I would look them over and let the automated system I had in place do everything and I only step in if I needed to.
I made things like my phone bill automatically drafted, power bill bank drafted, rent was auto paid every month.
Only bills I did anything with was my CC and often times I did that over my phone to tell it to auto draft it. The bill I strugge paying on time ever month was my water bill. The ONLY bill that I had to write a check for.
I think it is important that parties have an good idea what the numbers are in terms of bills.
I know that chances are when I get married I more than likely will not be the one paying the bills. I will know how big they are and have a good idea on what they are every month but my personality type is that of if it is in an acceptable range and the delta between the months is with in the norm I am not going to pay much attention to it. There is nothing to raise a red flag to me but I will want to look over the bill. I had that habit when I lived on my own like above. I would look them over and let the automated system I had in place do everything and I only step in if I needed to.
I made things like my phone bill automatically drafted, power bill bank drafted, rent was auto paid every month.
Only bills I did anything with was my CC and often times I did that over my phone to tell it to auto draft it. The bill I strugge paying on time ever month was my water bill. The ONLY bill that I had to write a check for.
Just remember the old saying. What's yours is hers and what's hers is hers
Her divorce lawyer will agree with this, as will the judge in many states.
Not married however been with my partner for 8 years.
We have a joint account for everything. We do have personal credit cards however this is more through the banks policies rather than a personal decision. If we could have joint account we would, in fact we probably could now but couldn't when we set them up.
My parents also have a joint account for everything. Their wages are very one sided with my mum having taken many years off work to look after us kids when we were young. I am very appreciative of that time.
For those with separate accounts how would you evolve to cope with a similar situation? Would you move towards a single account?
I am well aware of the fact that different people have different ideas however many of the answers above assume that both partners are in employment. Or that salaries are relatively close, for example in my parents case once my mum returned to work her salary was/is ~5-6 times less.
We have a joint account for everything. We do have personal credit cards however this is more through the banks policies rather than a personal decision. If we could have joint account we would, in fact we probably could now but couldn't when we set them up.
My parents also have a joint account for everything. Their wages are very one sided with my mum having taken many years off work to look after us kids when we were young. I am very appreciative of that time.
For those with separate accounts how would you evolve to cope with a similar situation? Would you move towards a single account?
I am well aware of the fact that different people have different ideas however many of the answers above assume that both partners are in employment. Or that salaries are relatively close, for example in my parents case once my mum returned to work her salary was/is ~5-6 times less.
Lots of good perspectives so far.
So, given that I will make 2x+ more than she will, which do you think is better:
A) Each person direct deposits money into their personal account, and funnels the same percentage of their income into the joint account
or
B) Each person direct deposits money into the joint account, and funnels the same AMOUNT to their personal account?
When I started this thread option A seemed pretty good since then both people are proportionally responsible for bills with respect to their income which seems fair, but at the same time then in the event of a large salary discrepancy, one person has a lot less personal money then.
--Also, how do you deal with Roth IRA/Investment contributions?
--What about cars, if one of you wants/has a much more expensive car than the other?
So, given that I will make 2x+ more than she will, which do you think is better:
A) Each person direct deposits money into their personal account, and funnels the same percentage of their income into the joint account
or
B) Each person direct deposits money into the joint account, and funnels the same AMOUNT to their personal account?
When I started this thread option A seemed pretty good since then both people are proportionally responsible for bills with respect to their income which seems fair, but at the same time then in the event of a large salary discrepancy, one person has a lot less personal money then.
--Also, how do you deal with Roth IRA/Investment contributions?
--What about cars, if one of you wants/has a much more expensive car than the other?
