Curious, do any of you "separate accounts" folks have children? If so, how does that factor into the funneling of money into a personal account?
My situation is second marriage for both, children on both sides, no children in common.
We each have a mortgage on half of our home, income from renting out the second floor apartment goes into one of the two joint accounts we have, which pays bills such as electricity, insurance etc., as well as expenses on the upkeep of the house. By complete coincidence, I'm the one who keeps track of that account and does the monthly log-into-the-bank-to-pay-bills thing.
Other joint account is our food account. There is no checking here, so we each have a debit card on that account. I pay a slightly larger amount into that account, because my teenage son lives with us.
Above and beyond that, our money is our own. We each have personal accounts, into which our salaries go. We each have personal savings accounts.
We chose this method because with yours-and-mine kids it makes sense. We spend what we each like on our children (I only have the one, he has two and a grandchild). It's also a method highly recommended here for people in our situation because it makes the whole inheritance thing very easy for the next generation when we're gone - there's nothing for them to argue about (there's also a clear will in the mix here). If we had children in common, I'm sure we'd just share all expenses connected to them, probably with a "kids" account.
We have yet to have an argument about money. I find it very relaxing not to have to involve myself with how he spends his own money, and not to have him questioning me about mine. Our common financial responsibilities are given first priority by us both, and any projects we decide to do together are financed 50/50.
Neither of us had student loans left when we got together, so I can't speak from experience here. In our situation, it wouldn't make sense for us to help each other pay back those loans. But it seems to me that it would be reasonable to share the burden of paying them back if you're either sharing all your finances to begin with, or if one or both of those loans paid for the job(s) that support the household etc.
We live where we don't need a car, but my husband wanted one, and he wanted to be the owner (= the person who makes decisions about what car to have, where to take it for service etc). We agreed that I would pay for half of the insurance and repairs, and therefore have the right to use it. It sounds very formal, but it works out great. I have access to the car on those occasions it makes my life easier to use it, but none of the hassle of keeping it working (I am completely uninterested in cars

).
The OP asked about splitting the bill in restaurants and things like that. We don't eat out a lot, but when we do one of us sometimes treats the other, sometimes we just split the bill. In a situation where one of us really spent a lot more on our meal it would be reasonable for one of us to pay the bill, and the other to put his/her part of the expense into the other's account (everything's done by net bank here). It's not a big area of discussion for us, we just do whatever feels right on any given occasion, and we tend to agree on what feels right.
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To me the whole separate money concept seems a little selfish/non committal. To those that do it, don't take offense but the only real purpose it seems to serve is allowing for a clean break should the marriage not work out?...
No, having a clear financial plan is much more than having break-up insurance. Having thought these things out ahead of time makes good sense, and can avoid the types of tension and arguments that do occur in many relationships. As you can see from the reasons I've given, it makes practical sense for us, but having experienced it now for over 10 years I can say I'd be tempted to do it this way regardless of my situation. I wouldn't however assume that our way is the best way for another couple. Any two people need to figure it out for themselves, and I think asking around to hear how others have done it is a great idea.
You shouldn't underestimate the value of having a plan that in addition to working well on a daily basis, will cause the least possible grief in case of divorce. It's a fact that a lot of marriages do go under, and with all the grief and anger involved, having a clear economic agreement beforehand makes the process easier for everyone involved. A good plan for finances is also part of planning so that things
won't go wrong. It doesn't mean you're selfish or non-committal, it means you care enough about the future of everyone involved to think things through.