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Married MR members--How did you and your SO setup your household budget?
- Thread starter puma1552
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My wife earns about 1/3 what I do, she works from home and looks after the kids while I'm at work.
We've basically worked out our total monthly expenditure, and worked it so that we both have roughly the same amount left after bills each month. For us it works out that she buys all the groceries, I basically pay everything else, if our month is on track, we both have the same amount left over to spend on whatever.
So far its worked for us.
We've basically worked out our total monthly expenditure, and worked it so that we both have roughly the same amount left after bills each month. For us it works out that she buys all the groceries, I basically pay everything else, if our month is on track, we both have the same amount left over to spend on whatever.
So far its worked for us.
There's no maintenance. My personal accounts and our joint accounts are with the same bank - moving money back and forth is a cinch. She has the joint account set up as a payee from her bank, so moving money for her is a cinch. We can even do it from our phones, so there's no hassle at all.
We've been together for nine years and have never split a check.
No, that goes along with my comment earlier about "keeping score." One of us pays for it, either her or me.
She bought our living room furniture. I bought the new TV. Perhaps one month I paid more for groceries on my trip than she did on hers; or perhaps not. Nobody's keeping track, because it doesn't matter. It all comes out in the end - and if you take on the mindset of having to split everything down the middle, swipe two cards, etc. then you're keeping score, and somebody's gonna start to resent it sooner or later.
Don't get grumpy - I'm just curiousPeople obv should do what they want, its a free county right? But by posting on a public BB its going to be open to at least a little public scrutiny.
I don't feel like I'm being scrutinized at all, so no worries.
It sounds to me like you still aren't getting that we don't really keep track of who pays for what outside of the monthly necessities. We don't split checks, we don't keep track of who paid for last time (so it's your turn now), we just spend money when either it needs to be spent or when we feel like it.
It sounds to me that he has issues, probably driven into him by his life-experience.
Trust surely must go from money, and expand from there?
Maybe. The irony is that life experience is exactly why my wife and I handle our finances the way we do.
Maybe. The irony is that life experience is exactly why my wife and I handle our finances the way we do.
And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as there is no acrimony.
See you are over thinking it. The problem I see in your system is it almost like a keeping score. The 2nd you try to break it down to a keeping score system it were it falls apart and why things happen over money.
What you need is a system that works. The ones here that have the split accounts kind of have a system that works and no one feels slided.
My parents have pretty much 1 big joint acount that my dad funds. My mom has her own account that she funds. Now she pays for the house but that more or less kills her income.
Even people who are married if you really think about it even their "separate" accounts really are shared accounts because in the end they both end up funding everything.
Unless I am misunderstanding what you are saying, I have issues? How do you get there from here?
Whatever both of you think is fair is the right answer.
IMHO, if you're going to pick A then you should be paying for your student loans since it would be ridiculous to make some one who have 1/2 of your spending money pay for part of it. If you're picking B then I think your student loans should be roll into your joint account. Or you could do something between A & B. Just do whatever split that will make both of you happy.
Another problem with option A is that you and your partner's income level are very different and you would have different standards of living. What happen if there is an activity you both would like to do and your partner can't afford to do it with you?
My husband and I have one big joint account (well actually several accounts but they're both our money). We're both making about the same and it works really well for us. We mostly use credit cards to buy stuff to buy whatever we want and pay it off every month so we never had to keep track or ask if there is money in the account. We're both pretty frugal for our income level and we never had any financial arguments. It's not for everyone though and it doesn't work very well if both of you don't have similar spending habits.
True, there is no correct answer. There are so many variables.
I look at it as a team effort. It makes it easy when both partners are pursuing the same goals.
IMHO, family items including debt, investments, mortgages, etc., should be paid with family monies. It makes sense to have a join account where all of both your earnings are deposited.
Then you can each have your own account for incidentals. IMHO, the amount would depend on what the account is for not a percentage of how much you make. For example, if the individual account is to provide funds for lunch, then assuming lunch is $10 per day, then each would need $50 per week to be put into that account.
In the end, each couple must determine what works best for them.
Also, when things are going well and there is plenty of money, almost every system will seem to work. When you really find out how well your system works, is when you have a significant life issue such as one person looses their job. So always live beneath your means and be sure to save for a rainy day.
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My situation is second marriage for both, children on both sides, no children in common.
We each have a mortgage on half of our home, income from renting out the second floor apartment goes into one of the two joint accounts we have, which pays bills such as electricity, insurance etc., as well as expenses on the upkeep of the house. By complete coincidence, I'm the one who keeps track of that account and does the monthly log-into-the-bank-to-pay-bills thing.
Other joint account is our food account. There is no checking here, so we each have a debit card on that account. I pay a slightly larger amount into that account, because my teenage son lives with us.
Above and beyond that, our money is our own. We each have personal accounts, into which our salaries go. We each have personal savings accounts.
We chose this method because with yours-and-mine kids it makes sense. We spend what we each like on our children (I only have the one, he has two and a grandchild). It's also a method highly recommended here for people in our situation because it makes the whole inheritance thing very easy for the next generation when we're gone - there's nothing for them to argue about (there's also a clear will in the mix here). If we had children in common, I'm sure we'd just share all expenses connected to them, probably with a "kids" account.
We have yet to have an argument about money. I find it very relaxing not to have to involve myself with how he spends his own money, and not to have him questioning me about mine. Our common financial responsibilities are given first priority by us both, and any projects we decide to do together are financed 50/50.
Neither of us had student loans left when we got together, so I can't speak from experience here. In our situation, it wouldn't make sense for us to help each other pay back those loans. But it seems to me that it would be reasonable to share the burden of paying them back if you're either sharing all your finances to begin with, or if one or both of those loans paid for the job(s) that support the household etc.
We live where we don't need a car, but my husband wanted one, and he wanted to be the owner (= the person who makes decisions about what car to have, where to take it for service etc). We agreed that I would pay for half of the insurance and repairs, and therefore have the right to use it. It sounds very formal, but it works out great. I have access to the car on those occasions it makes my life easier to use it, but none of the hassle of keeping it working (I am completely uninterested in cars
).The OP asked about splitting the bill in restaurants and things like that. We don't eat out a lot, but when we do one of us sometimes treats the other, sometimes we just split the bill. In a situation where one of us really spent a lot more on our meal it would be reasonable for one of us to pay the bill, and the other to put his/her part of the expense into the other's account (everything's done by net bank here). It's not a big area of discussion for us, we just do whatever feels right on any given occasion, and we tend to agree on what feels right.
No, having a clear financial plan is much more than having break-up insurance. Having thought these things out ahead of time makes good sense, and can avoid the types of tension and arguments that do occur in many relationships. As you can see from the reasons I've given, it makes practical sense for us, but having experienced it now for over 10 years I can say I'd be tempted to do it this way regardless of my situation. I wouldn't however assume that our way is the best way for another couple. Any two people need to figure it out for themselves, and I think asking around to hear how others have done it is a great idea.
You shouldn't underestimate the value of having a plan that in addition to working well on a daily basis, will cause the least possible grief in case of divorce. It's a fact that a lot of marriages do go under, and with all the grief and anger involved, having a clear economic agreement beforehand makes the process easier for everyone involved. A good plan for finances is also part of planning so that things won't go wrong. It doesn't mean you're selfish or non-committal, it means you care enough about the future of everyone involved to think things through.
Wow...I'm so happy I found this thread. Reading it has been very ineteresting, seeing the arguments on both sides, and relating it to the way my wife and I do it. A lot of our friends think we are weird because we keep completely separate finances, no joint accounts whatsoever. We've been together for almost 9 years, married for just over 6.
Reading Tomorrow's posts, I would say we are very similar, minus the joint accounts. I do think we will set up a joint account soon once we plan on having kids, but for now we keep things separate.
It's just what has worked for us all along. We each make our own money (although we usually work together at the same place with her as my assistant), and keep our own accounts. We have never, to my knowledge, had an argument about money, or about who is paying for what. I've neer had to transfer money to her, nor her to me, because of money issues (splitting a large purchase, sure). I make about three times what she does in most years, and we try to split things up accordingly. She has only a checking account, while I have the checking, savings, and numerous funds. Many of those funds pre-date us being together, and I don't believe in that whole "absolutely everything automatically becomes 50% hers" thing (pull the generational or selfish card if you must).
I take care of the mortgage, utility bills, and groceries. She takes care of the health insurance, HOA fees, car insurance, and for whatever reason, the garbage fee. When we go out to eat, she usually buys lunch, and I buy dinner (we have to travel for work a lot, so we eat out quite a bit). When we traveled to Mexico on vacation recently, I paid for the resort, and she paid for the transportation costs and all costs while we were there. I pay for the rental car, she pays for the gas...etc etc etc. Other things we just kind of play it by ear, whoever's feeling it.
All this talk about "keeping score" and all this, we really don't do that. We just kind of decide who's going to buy what as we go. It's never been an issue thus far. Neither of us really knows how much the other has, although we have an idea. I rather enjoy that I am free to do whatever I want with my money without having to ask permission to take from the family account. She is free to do the same. When we do get a joint account, it will more than likely be only for kid/family-related fees. I assume at that point, we will each take a percentage of each paycheck to put in.
It's a little harder to budget these things when you're freelancers who don't get steady paychecks.
Reading Tomorrow's posts, I would say we are very similar, minus the joint accounts. I do think we will set up a joint account soon once we plan on having kids, but for now we keep things separate.
It's just what has worked for us all along. We each make our own money (although we usually work together at the same place with her as my assistant), and keep our own accounts. We have never, to my knowledge, had an argument about money, or about who is paying for what. I've neer had to transfer money to her, nor her to me, because of money issues (splitting a large purchase, sure). I make about three times what she does in most years, and we try to split things up accordingly. She has only a checking account, while I have the checking, savings, and numerous funds. Many of those funds pre-date us being together, and I don't believe in that whole "absolutely everything automatically becomes 50% hers" thing (pull the generational or selfish card if you must).
I take care of the mortgage, utility bills, and groceries. She takes care of the health insurance, HOA fees, car insurance, and for whatever reason, the garbage fee. When we go out to eat, she usually buys lunch, and I buy dinner (we have to travel for work a lot, so we eat out quite a bit). When we traveled to Mexico on vacation recently, I paid for the resort, and she paid for the transportation costs and all costs while we were there. I pay for the rental car, she pays for the gas...etc etc etc. Other things we just kind of play it by ear, whoever's feeling it.
All this talk about "keeping score" and all this, we really don't do that. We just kind of decide who's going to buy what as we go. It's never been an issue thus far. Neither of us really knows how much the other has, although we have an idea. I rather enjoy that I am free to do whatever I want with my money without having to ask permission to take from the family account. She is free to do the same. When we do get a joint account, it will more than likely be only for kid/family-related fees. I assume at that point, we will each take a percentage of each paycheck to put in.
It's a little harder to budget these things when you're freelancers who don't get steady paychecks.
I pay for everything
Same here. My money is our money, and her money is her money.
The house is paid off, the cars are paid off, credit cards are paid off each month... living debt free makes money issues less of an issue.