Meeting marriable women

[floriflee]

Yeah, thats what I kept saying, and then one day out of the blue (and just a week before I thought I wanted to break up because he was getting on my nerves so bad and I thought the relationship wasn't going anywhere), I look at him across the table and I just "get it". And what I mean by that is I finally SEE how much I really care for this person and it scared me that I could love someone so much--more than myself! It scared me because all of a sudden I realized how worried I am about anything bad ever happening to them and also worried about the possibility of becoming heartbroken if I lost them(which has happened as well). That is how I was hit with the feeling of love--TWICE. It is not something that can really be predicted or forced in my opinion. It happens when it happens and there is NO stopping it--even when you thought you didn't care!

Oh, it's definitely a scary feeling the first time you realize you've met someone you care so much you put them before yourself. It's so new and makes you feel almost vulnerable. However, it doesn't mean you always remember that you're willing to do that. It breaks my heart everytime I've found myself forgetting that fact and in some way hurting the man I love. Even after he's forgiven me for whatever it was I said or did, it's the hardest thing to do to learn to forgive myself for having done it.

 

[macartistkel]

Oh, it's definitely a scary feeling the first time you realize you've met someone you care so much you put them before yourself. It's so new and makes you feel almost vulnerable. However, it doesn't mean you always remember that you're willing to do that. It breaks my heart everytime I've found myself forgetting that fact and in some way hurting the man I love. Even after he's forgiven me for whatever it was I said or did, it's the hardest thing to do to learn to forgive myself for having done it.

Very true!! I hear you floriflee! I have spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the things I have done at times too! Hurting someone you care about is rough in any kind of situation. I would like to never feel that way again if possible for the rest of my life!

 

[MarkCollette]

Library? Girls that can read are always a plus

Like someone previously said, don't think about it so much. That's not to say don't think about it entirely, but try not to dwell upon it. When the time and person are right, it'll be right, don't go looking for just someone to marry.

Adding Libraries to the list No idea if girls go there, but we'll see. Actually, the library downtown has these little seminars that I've wanted to check out for a while, so maybe I'll go there regardless

 

[MarkCollette]

floriflee and macartistkel, I don't know if this sounds dorky, but I'm was getting a little emotional reading your love stories.

About that guilt thing... I get flashbacks, sometimes a couple every day, of times that I've hurt or disappointed others. Sometimes pretty minor things that I'm sure they've forgotten. And then I feel really bad or stupid for a minute or so. Do other people have that too, or do you guys just feel guilty right after the event, and then move on?

Well your only 26 (thats a good age to start being able to visualize how you want your life to be). You sound intelligient, fun, and your cute if that is your actual profile pic! I just cannot predict the future so I don't know when or where you will meet the one you fall in love with, but I have hope (as for everyone who feels the same way) that it will happen someday!!

Hehehe, of course my picture is of me. In my profile there's a link to my homepage, which is where I put up my pictures, on tribe.net, if you'd like more photographic evidence

Ever since I was 16 I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do in my life. Of course, I learned a lot in the past decade that's adjusted the plan, but the basic idea is intact.

 

[MarkCollette]

It's your mood, your confidence (or attitude, if you like), your mindset, or your 'aura' that keeps you from seeing them, and keeps them from approaching you in a receptive manner.

You'll attract exactly the attention that you are projecting to the world that you are looking for. Have you ever heard of muggers targeting people who 'look like' victims and avoid people who look confident? It's the same thing. Your demeanor reflects your state of mind and intentions (concious or unconcious), and while guys are generally clumsy at decoding body language, I can guarantee women are making the decision whether to smile at you or avoid you based on your unconcious body language. (and it's not about learning to fake it -- that fools people for only very short periods. see below.)

Yeah, I totally get that. I've noticed that there's this mandatory 2 week period, after a breakup, no matter how minor the relationship was, where meeting someone is impossible, because of my mood. Well, for most of that 2 weeks I don't even want to meet someone... But I can see the looks in peoples' eyes, that they all steer clear. And then once I've accepted things and moved on, poof, some girl pops out of the woodwork.

But, I wonder, maybe I'm not sending out a good-girl-compatible vibe. Ever. More like a flee-from-the-naughty-boy kind of vibe. Or worse, I've noticed that mainstream girls sometimes assume I'm gay. People who actually know gay people tend not to make that mistake. Maybe I'm exuding some kind of made-for-TV-gay-stereotype that doesn't mesh with good girls? I don't act gay, but maybe the Le Chateau clothing confuses them... Wow, I've totally gone off on a tangent...

As soon as you are clear with yourself and are confident you know who you are and what you want your life to be, you'll find that the women you need to meet will be plentiful, and they will be approaching you.

This was my experience, at age 26, following a desperately unsuccessful ten years of dating. In my case, I took a personal development course, and within 2 weeks had met my wife-to-be.

Yeah, I guess that it's only recently that I've realised what I want, in that I don't want to be in a holding pattern any more. Maybe somehow that'll be communicated. Was that course Landmark? Some guy at my work was telling us about this self-improvement course he attended. Just curious if it's the same thing.

 

[Greencardman]

Wired News just did an article on where geeks and nerds can go to find love. And if you ask me, a girl who knows what a MUD is and the Quark key command for "resize" is just sexy

I can't find the article, but this was one of the sites. Er... not that I've been there or anything, but if you're a geeky guy is Austin TX, I think you're in luck.

http://www.consumating.com/

 

[achie25]

Where to find true love?? Go to the nearest stripper club. You can find a lasting relationship with a woman there at least until you run out of dollars!!

No seriously meeting someone through mutual friends is always nice and can work but the advice I always got and it was true is that once you stop looking for that special someone they find you.

Kind of hallmark cheesey I know but it happens more that way than you think.

 

[floriflee]

floriflee and macartistkel, I don't know if this sounds dorky, but I'm was getting a little emotional reading your love stories.

About that guilt thing... I get flashbacks, sometimes a couple every day, of times that I've hurt or disappointed others. Sometimes pretty minor things that I'm sure they've forgotten. And then I feel really bad or stupid for a minute or so. Do other people have that too, or do you guys just feel guilty right after the event, and then move on?

I feel guilty long after the fact sometimes. I even still feel a tinge of guilt about mean things I did to a friend when I was in junior high (young teenagers with raging hormones can be so thoughtless sometimes). It's worse when I've done something stupid...again...and then I'll just start compounding all the stupid things I've done to the hubby (or whoever). Then I'll start to think "will I ever learn?!" It gets to be depressing when that happens, but then I have to remember that I may not get it right the first few times, but if I really do love and care for this person then I will have the desire to actually change and I will put that desire--even if it is ever so slowly--into action. Luckily, in those situations, even though the hubby gets frustrated with me, he is very patient and caring just as he expects me to be patient and caring with him when he's in my shoes. The same goes for family members and friends.

 

[jelloshotsrule]

My advice is, if your striking out at the bars for the youngins, go to a cougar bar and dress up all preppy... bag yourself a cougar, take her home and bone her a few times... then pass out.. in the morning they usualy leave...

but in order to acomplish this there needs to be a VERY accessable phone so they can call a cab


words of wisdom from a fellow canadian

 

[0098386]

I met my girlfriend at college. pretty certain that we'll end up getting married over the next few years. looking forward to it actually. but yea, places of education are good

 

[macartistkel]

I feel guilty long after the fact sometimes. I even still feel a tinge of guilt about mean things I did to a friend when I was in junior high (young teenagers with raging hormones can be so thoughtless sometimes). It's worse when I've done something stupid...again...and then I'll just start compounding all the stupid things I've done to the hubby (or whoever). Then I'll start to think "will I ever learn?!" It gets to be depressing when that happens, but then I have to remember that I may not get it right the first few times, but if I really do love and care for this person then I will have the desire to actually change and I will put that desire--even if it is ever so slowly--into action. Luckily, in those situations, even though the hubby gets frustrated with me, he is very patient and caring just as he expects me to be patient and caring with him when he's in my shoes. The same goes for family members and friends.

All I can say is DITTO! We must be similiar in some ways because that summed up exactly how I have felt! I am also very lucky to have patient people in my life. I am such a sensitive and impulsive person. The least little thing can sometimes feel like the end of the world for me. Being so emotional has caused me to become a little more upset and cause so much drama and problems at times too because of how strongly I do feel inside about things. All in all, I think its had more of a positive affect on my life than negative though. I am a forgiving person (not a doormat like some people have said), just very understanding and I don't like to hold grudges if I can help it because I have appreciated it when other people have given me the benefit of the doubt in situations! I rather work out differences with people and see other sides than just stay angry about something.

 

[macartistkel]

floriflee and macartistkel, I don't know if this sounds dorky, but I'm was getting a little emotional reading your love stories.

Oh that is awesome! I just like the fact of getting to read what other people have to say as well as sharing my little stories---that is why I like message boards! I learn SO MUCH from other people and it really does help me out sometimes!

About that guilt thing... I get flashbacks, sometimes a couple every day, of times that I've hurt or disappointed others. Sometimes pretty minor things that I'm sure they've forgotten. And then I feel really bad or stupid for a minute or so. Do other people have that too, or do you guys just feel guilty right after the event, and then move on?

I feel the same way!! See my post above to floriflee!

Ever since I was 16 I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do in my life. Of course, I learned a lot in the past decade that's adjusted the plan, but the basic idea is intact.

Thats cool! I am 29 but it was just a couple of years ago around your age that I finally started visualizing how I wanted my life to be and what steps I need to take to achieve it--I still don't have the whole "purpose" thing in life yet---hopefully I have more time to figure all that out but I know what direction I am going at least. Not everything will turn out as planned of course (as with the two stories I shared---like if I had not gone into the shoe store at that moment, on that particular night, I would have never even spent 3 years of my life with that person. Same with going to the boys bathroom and bumping into the guy I have spent the past 5 years of my life with---it was just random times like that that altered my path forever! That's the coolness of not knowing what could happen at any moment! Now having said that, I am also a pessimist at times so I get the overwhelming feelings that at any moment tragedy will strike and my world will come crashing down on me!!

 

[Jaffa Cake]

One word for you – the internet. It's how I met the missus.

 

[Josh]

I'm not about to give anyone advice on this, as I'm only 21 and know no more about it than the next guy.

But, one thing that has helped me find relationships that, while they were not life-lasting, were very good and averaged 2 years, and ended on good notes: not looking for love.

Love sneaks up on you, and is always, always always always, in the most unexpected place or time.

I've done the one night stand thing, and went out and met girls out of boredom, and while it was fun for the time, it is not as satisfying to me as a strong, well-founded relationship.

Every worthwhile relationship I've had that was of any quality and meaningful duration came about entirely unexpected.

 

[adroit]

I met my boyfriend at a race car club
It was actually a university's club that competes in an annual event host by the Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE). Good times.

You never know what will happen so just go and enjoy doing things that you're interested in, there's no point trying to pick up new hobbies just to meet girls. Who would have thought that I'll met the love of my life while working on a race car.

 

[emmawu]

I met my husband at a picnic when he was 25. He was in graduate school in mathematics and I was and English major writing music reviews for an alternative paper. We had mutual friends. It seems I've loved him all my life.

The odd thing is, we were at the same school, we lived a block away from each other and in high school we live two blocks away from each other. All it took was this picnic to meet.

Go everyplace. You never know when love will come along. Trust it.

 

[BrianDavid0523]

Mark you are smokin' HOT!

What a shame you're a str8 boy. :-(

 

[stubeeef]

I was in the Navy, I would come home for the holidays, my mom would have me set up on some awful "dates". About every other trip home I would meet one for lunch the day before I left to go back and play Navy. And darn if she didn't get it right, finally. We met (I was 29) and married 10 months later.

It is never where you are looking, or even while you are looking. Give up and it will find you cause you're sitting still.

Married 17 years this year, 3 kids.

PS: This thread has Clayj all over it! Where he b?

 

[yellow]

So, the question is, where does one go to meet the good girls?

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign
reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.

The first floor has wives who love sex.

The second floor has wives who love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

Seriously though, the best place to find someone is to 1) not actively LOOK (Murphy's Law application), 2) do things that you like to do (as it's nice to meet someone who has similar basic interests).

 

[MarkCollette]

My advice is, if your striking out at the bars for the youngins, go to a cougar bar and dress up all preppy... bag yourself a cougar, take her home and bone her a few times... then pass out.. in the morning they usualy leave...

but in order to acomplish this there needs to be a VERY accessable phone so they can call a cab


words of wisdom from a fellow canadian

Hehe, thanks. But, no, I'm not having trouble meeting those kinds of ladies. And I'm trying to get past the short-term thing. And while the last few months has been a buffet of varying ages and experiences, I think that someone my age or a year or two under would probably work best for me, long-term.

 

[Lau]

I couldn't agree more with the "it'll come when you least expect it" theory. I think this is because when you're having a good time as yourself and are happy, that's when you're at your most attractive.

There's nothing wrong with taking up new hobbies - that's a good thing for anyone to do. However, do them because you want to, and do things you enjoy doing, and that's when you're again likely to meet someone.

What's the point of taking up hang gliding if you hate sports? You'll end up with a sports loving hang glider that you're not suited with. If you love surfing MR, that might be the place you meet someone. I'm over simplifying things, and obviously it's good to have different interests to each other, but you get my drift.

Be yourself - it's the best way to end up with someone compatible.

 

[MarkCollette]

The odd thing is, we were at the same school, we lived a block away from each other and in high school we live two blocks away from each other. All it took was this picnic to meet.

Go everyplace. You never know when love will come along. Trust it.

That's exactly the idea that drives me crazy. Just think of every good event in your life, and the series of events that led up to them. Think of what innocuous difference might have changed everything. Or hell, bad events too. Such as, this one time where someone was murdered at a convenience store a few blocks from my home. There was a crowd of people who just them him die. My and a friend went to the store just after this. If we'd stopped by earlier, we could have saved him.

Random chance. That's what we're putting our faith in, to guide us on a path that will last our whole lives. Crazy. Inefficient. A little scary.

I went to this club a while ago, and the door man checked my ID. He lives one floor up in my building. People come from all over the city to this club. Or, years ago, there was this other club I went to, and some girl from there, her mother lives in my building. Or my neice's best friend's sister, she lives in my building too. Somehow, a great match for you could be just around a corner, and you've been connected indirectly this entire time, and then it all comes together. Or not.

I can see why it's better to not think about it, and just meander through life until it all works out, because if you actually start calculating the probabilities, it becomes astronomical pretty quick

 

[MarkCollette]

What's the point of taking up hang gliding if you hate sports? You'll end up with a sports loving hang glider that you're not suited with. If you love surfing MR, that might be the place you meet someone. I'm over simplifying things, and obviously it's good to have different interests to each other, but you get my drift.

Be yourself - it's the best way to end up with someone compatible.

Thanks. The thing is that I like exploring new things, and there are a lot of facets to me, so when I talk about trying new hobbies, don't worry, I'm not planning on suffering through stuff just to pick up ladies, it's just that I kind of want to fit every experience possible into this one life anyway

 

[DrEasy]

Mark, try European girls, I think they'll be your cup of tea. And they won't confuse your sophistication with being gay!

 

[CanadaRAM]

Yeah, I totally get that. I've noticed that there's this mandatory 2 week period, after a breakup, no matter how minor the relationship was, where meeting someone is impossible, because of my mood. Well, for most of that 2 weeks I don't even want to meet someone... But I can see the looks in peoples' eyes, that they all steer clear. And then once I've accepted things and moved on, poof, some girl pops out of the woodwork.

But, I wonder, maybe I'm not sending out a good-girl-compatible vibe. Ever. More like a flee-from-the-naughty-boy kind of vibe. Or worse, I've noticed that mainstream girls sometimes assume I'm gay. People who actually know gay people tend not to make that mistake. Maybe I'm exuding some kind of made-for-TV-gay-stereotype that doesn't mesh with good girls? I don't act gay, but maybe the Le Chateau clothing confuses them... Wow, I've totally gone off on a tangent...

Yeah, I guess that it's only recently that I've realised what I want, in that I don't want to be in a holding pattern any more. Maybe somehow that'll be communicated. Was that course Landmark? Some guy at my work was telling us about this self-improvement course he attended. Just curious if it's the same thing.

The thing is -- it never works to conciously manipulate the vibe you are sending out. Posing or faking it does not work (see Hugh Grant in About a Boy for case study), wardrobe and hairstyle are only a superficial thing. (Actually there is a word for those rare people who can convincingly maintain a false facade and fool people, that word is "sociopath").

It's what you believe yourself to be at the root, which displays itself unconciously as your 'vibe' .

So: Work on the foundation, and the vibe will automatically follow.

There are many courses with the same basic objectives and differing in details. In my case the course was Pursuit of Excellence. Personal Message me to discuss this any further, I'm not here to pitch any particular course in-forum.