Meeting marriable women

[MarkCollette]

Mark, try European girls, I think they'll be your cup of tea. And they won't confuse your sophistication with being gay!

You know, I think that just about every single real real relationship I've been in has been with a European girl. Ok, well, more like an overwhelming majority. Maybe I should just move?

Hmm, maybe I could be like Dr Evil smart, and go to ethnic events?

 

[DrEasy]

You know, I think that just about every single real real relationship I've been in has been with a European girl. Ok, well, more like an overwhelming majority. Maybe I should just move?

Hmm, maybe I could be like Dr Evil smart, and go to ethnic events?

No, the ones you'll find locally will have most likely embraced Alberta's values, which seem to be different than yours...

Move? Why not? Europeans dig Canadians, and not only you might find "marriable women" but also more like-minded people in general. 26 is a good age to find out where you really belong!

Good luck!

 

[quigleybc]

Order a bride from Russia....

 

[thedude110]

Order a bride from Russia....

It wasn't funny the first time.

 

[MarkCollette]

It wasn't funny the first time.

As long as you know that

 

[aloofman]

I know this thread is old, but now that I've found it, I'll chime in. If your situation has now totally changed, just ignore it.

Single guy + latin or ballroom dancing = unlimited opportunity to meet unattached ladies who share a common interest. There isn't a woman in the world, I bet, who doesn't appreciate a guy who can couple dance. It's how I met my wife, as it happens (19 years ago this month!). We met socially and agreed to do some dancing together once we discovered the common interest.

Women tell me all the time that dance classes are babe central, and that women would be fighting over me just for showing up. There's one big problem with that: I find dancing boring. I don't hate it, but it's not fun to me. The one thing I would have in common with the woman would be something I'm only pretending to enjoy, which is no more a basis for meeting someone than if both of us like that bar's selection of alcoholic beverages. So either I perpetually pretend to like dancing for her benefit, or I explain that I've never liked dancing and only took the class to meet women. Seems like that will backfire either way.

As soon as you are clear with yourself and are confident you know who you are and what you want your life to be, you'll find that the women you need to meet will be plentiful, and they will be approaching you.

(emphasis mine)

This is only my observation based on experience, but I don't think a guy can depend on being approached by women, at least not directly. It happens occasionally, but not often enough to meet as many people as you'll want to meet. My impression is that a majority of women would rather wait for you to come to them than to take the initiative themselves, even at the risk of missing the opportunity and never meeting you again. This willingness to leave one's romantic future in the hands of others is baffling to me, but there's nothing I can really do about it.

My personal belief is that one can't base his/her happiness on being in a long-term relationship. You say you're "not lonely, but not happy." I strongly feel that you have to be happy by yourself before you can know how much happier a partner makes you.

 

[MarkCollette]

I know this thread is old, but now that I've found it, I'll chime in. If your situation has now totally changed, just ignore it.

Haha, thanks for your input. I've been trying some of the advice from this thread, but still find myself dating around, and not really getting into any serious relationship. So I guess that I'm fundamentally still in the same situation, while some details may have changed.

Women tell me all the time that dance classes are babe central, and that women would be fighting over me just for showing up. There's one big problem with that: I find dancing boring. I don't hate it, but it's not fun to me. The one thing I would have in common with the woman would be something I'm only pretending to enjoy, which is no more a basis for meeting someone than if both of us like that bar's selection of alcoholic beverages. So either I perpetually pretend to like dancing for her benefit, or I explain that I've never liked dancing and only took the class to meet women. Seems like that will backfire either way.

One thing I've noticed while taking several different dance lessons is that I definitely prefer some types over others. While I can understand if you don't like dancing at all, you might want to consider the possibility that you just haven't tried a type that you may well like.

For example, I took Salsa years ago, and found it to be a boring series of moves to spin girls around. So I stopped taking lessons. Later, I took Tango lessons, and really really enjoyed it. Even so, I stopped taking lessons after a while because not enough young women were taking lessons, as it's more popular with slightly older people. Now, years later, I'm taking Salsa again, and I'm now able to enjoy it more. But there are probably at least 10 different dance styles being readily taught in your area that you could check out. Maybe just try a single drop-in class for each?

But yeah, I wouldn't do something that I actively dislike in the hopes of meeting women. But there are other more female centric activities. For example, I go to a Yoga class every Sunday afternoon. I haven't really been hitting on anyone, but I've chatted with a few girls before class. There's probably 5 girls for every guy, and they're all young and fit.

This is only my observation based on experience, but I don't think a guy can depend on being approached by women, at least not directly. It happens occasionally, but not often enough to meet as many people as you'll want to meet. My impression is that a majority of women would rather wait for you to come to them than to take the initiative themselves, even at the risk of missing the opportunity and never meeting you again. This willingness to leave one's romantic future in the hands of others is baffling to me, but there's nothing I can really do about it.

Yeah, once in a blue moon a girl will approach me first, but I sure don't wait for that. I find that the longer I wait to initiate, the more likely it won't happen. I've been trying to kick myself in the ass to act within a few seconds of initial eye contact. To be fair though, a girl did pick me up on the weekend, so it is possible. But still, I don't think it falls under the marriageable category

My personal belief is that one can't base his/her happiness on being in a long-term relationship. You say you're "not lonely, but not happy." I strongly feel that you have to be happy by yourself before you can know how much happier a partner makes you.

Hahaha, yeah, that's one of those probably-true-yet-annoyingly-elusive pieces of advice. Back when I first made this thread, it was not long after a breakup, and also an ex-gf visiting and then leaving. So I was way more down than now. But still, my mind can't quite comprehend the idea of being happy alone, and then meeting someone just being a bonus.

 

[aloofman]

Haha, thanks for your input. I've been trying some of the advice from this thread, but still find myself dating around, and not really getting into any serious relationship. So I guess that I'm fundamentally still in the same situation, while some details may have changed.

Everybody just dates around until they meet someone that makes them want to stop dating around. The only alternative is to not date at all, which would really suck.

But there are probably at least 10 different dance styles being readily taught in your area that you could check out. Maybe just try a single drop-in class for each?

You have a good point, but none of the forms of dance I've been introduced to have really been appealing to me.

But yeah, I wouldn't do something that I actively dislike in the hopes of meeting women. But there are other more female centric activities. For example, I go to a Yoga class every Sunday afternoon. I haven't really been hitting on anyone, but I've chatted with a few girls before class. There's probably 5 girls for every guy, and they're all young and fit.

Yoga I think I could do. Fitness and self-improvement are both things I'm into. That's worth looking into. Thanks.

Yeah, once in a blue moon a girl will approach me first, but I sure don't wait for that. I find that the longer I wait to initiate, the more likely it won't happen. I've been trying to kick myself in the ass to act within a few seconds of initial eye contact. To be fair though, a girl did pick me up on the weekend, so it is possible.

Oh it's happened to me a few times, but it's too rare to expect it. And it's true, you do have to kind of psych yourself up sometimes. I just tell myself that if I don't do it, it won't happen.

 

[XNine]

****. I dunno man. I don't think there's a woman in the world worth marrying. I used to. And then there's always that old adage: "You haven't met the right one." On the contrary, i did...,.. she was just a two-timing whore who has my dog and I hope she dies a horrible painful death so I can get custody of him.

However: The hopeless romantic in me says this; Do not look for love in bars, do not look for love in a car. Do not look to the stars above, for this emotion comes from the heart, this crazy thing called love. Should you fail and fail, and fail again, and as trying as the efforts must have been, a lonely heart will find comfort from within. Another will take you by surprise by surprise,, you never do see it coming just as if you were blind.

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here every Monday night after the Avalanche beat the Redwings and I've had 8 pints to drink.

I say this to you my fellow man, do not go trying to find love, for it will find you.

 

[MarkCollette]

****. I dunno man. I don't think there's a woman in the world worth marrying. I used to. And then there's always that old adage: "You haven't met the right one." On the contrary, i did...,.. she was just a two-timing whore who has my dog and I hope she dies a horrible painful death so I can get custody of him.

Aha, I knew I was making the right choice by not having any pets!

However: The hopeless romantic in me says this; Do not look for love in bars, do not look for love in a car. Do not look to the stars above, for this emotion comes from the heart, this crazy thing called love. Should you fail and fail, and fail again, and as trying as the efforts must have been, a lonely heart will find comfort from within. Another will take you by surprise by surprise,, you never do see it coming just as if you were blind.

Damn, it seems like I'm only meeting girls in bars and getting action in my car. And I have a subcompact Toyota Echo, so I doubly don't understand why that's happenning Luckily, I've got that whole "never see love coming" thing down pat. Hahaha.

 

[sushi]

Look at ways of having women friends. Sports for example. Pick something were women participate. Tennis, skiing, and golf come to mind.

Once you have some women friends, you may develop a friendship with one that will last a lifetime after it blossoms into love. Or these friends may be the portal to someone else.

Networking if you will. Just like the ole job search. The key is to create a target rich environment for those that interest you.

Bars and the like are some of the least likely places to find a good woman. It can happen, but chances are slim.

 

[n8236]

AHAhahahaaha, best thread ever!

 

[true777]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc. Also, university campuses are of course great if it's a quality university with many graduate students. Sign up for a few email announcement lists for evening talks at a local university about topics that you find interesting.

And, of course, make sure to come across as the kind of mature, reliable, and educated person that the kind of woman you are looking for would like to date! Women love a combination of self confidence and humility in a man, so hold back on your crazy humor and present yourself as a person of integrity and substance.

Good luck!

 

[sushi]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc. Also, university campuses are of course great if it's a quality university with many graduate students. Sign up for a few email announcement lists for evening talks at a local university about topics that you find interesting.

And, of course, make sure to come across as the kind of mature, reliable, and educated person that the kind of woman you are looking for would like to date! Women love a combination of self confidence and humility in a man, so hold back on your crazy humor and present yourself as a person of integrity and substance.

Good luck!

true777, very well put!

 

[true777]

PS -- I am a marriable woman, and if I try to think where/how one would meet a woman like me or my single girlfriends -- well, either at work (research in high tech), high end fashion shopping, at scientific talks and high tech gatherings (venture capitalist talks, mash-ups, etc.), top universities, quality restaurants, brushless car wash, quality grocery store, nice cafe, out jogging in good neighborhood, often in private friends' homes for family gatherings and the like. Or online.

 

[XNine]

PS -- I am a marriable woman, and if I try to think where/how one would meet a woman like me or my single girlfriends -- well, either at work (research in high tech), high end fashion shopping, at scientific talks and high tech gatherings (venture capitalist talks, mash-ups, etc.), top universities, quality restaurants, brushless car wash, quality grocery store, nice cafe, out jogging in good neighborhood, often in private friends' homes for family gatherings and the like. Or online.

You should be receiving a PM from Mad Jew in 3, 2, 1...

 

[wimic]

The best way to meet someone is to get out and meet new people. I see you're living in Calgary - so am I and so are a bunch of my friends.

Interested in meeting new people? We should all play poker sometime or go for coffee. We have a few single bachelors (and bachelorettes... not me, but some of our friends) within the group - if you're looking for a wingman or a date, we might be able to help ya out

We're all pretty respectible people. I'm a civil engineer working downtown for a consulting company and my friend Sandy, who works with me, is also a civil engineer.

PM me if you're interested

 

[MarkCollette]

Look at ways of having women friends. Sports for example. Pick something were women participate. Tennis, skiing, and golf come to mind.

Once you have some women friends, you may develop a friendship with one that will last a lifetime after it blossoms into love. Or these friends may be the portal to someone else.

Networking if you will. Just like the ole job search. The key is to create a target rich environment for those that interest you.

Bars and the like are some of the least likely places to find a good woman. It can happen, but chances are slim.

Hmm, I'm adding "sports" to the list. Maybe softball or soccer or something like that. I already go to the gym and do yoga, but maybe I could fit that in too

My best friend is a girl, and I think that I disproportionately hang out with girls already. I'm not stuck in that dreaded "friend ladder" thing though Most likely when I'm hanging out in a crowd of girls, I just look gay though. I think I have to focus on meeting more guy friends. Well, non-computer-geek guys who actually like going out as much as I do

It's hard to not go to clubs though. I simply really really like going out dancing.

 

[MarkCollette]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc. Also, university campuses are of course great if it's a quality university with many graduate students. Sign up for a few email announcement lists for evening talks at a local university about topics that you find interesting.

And, of course, make sure to come across as the kind of mature, reliable, and educated person that the kind of woman you are looking for would like to date! Women love a combination of self confidence and humility in a man, so hold back on your crazy humor and present yourself as a person of integrity and substance.

Good luck!

PS -- I am a marriable woman, and if I try to think where/how one would meet a woman like me or my single girlfriends -- well, either at work (research in high tech), high end fashion shopping, at scientific talks and high tech gatherings (venture capitalist talks, mash-ups, etc.), top universities, quality restaurants, brushless car wash, quality grocery store, nice cafe, out jogging in good neighborhood, often in private friends' homes for family gatherings and the like. Or online.

Ouch, going to more mature events and holding back on the humour sounds pretty scary. I can't help but balk at the idea of wearing sweaters, combing my hair to the side, and generally acting like I'm 35 when I'm really just 26

But seriously, I've done some of those kinds of events, maybe I just need to keep at it. I already go to an art gallery open house once a month, and it sounds interesting to look into what kinds of talks the University of Calgary might have going on. But I'd be pretty hesitant to go to investment talks and real estate talks since I assume those would likely be scams. Plus I already own a condo and have an investment manager, so I'm not really in the market anyway.

 

[aloofman]

I'm not stuck in that dreaded "friend ladder" thing though

It isn't a "friend ladder." It's a Friend Black Hole. You can't see it directly, only observe its influence on things around it. And nothing escapes.

 

[Macky-Mac]

geeeeze.....you're only 26.....what are you worrying about this for?

 

[Blue Velvet]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc...

Quality people? Country Clubs?

Thought America didn't have a class system. Funny what people ascribe as quality... That sort of pigeonholing may increase your chances of meeting a bunch of stuffed shirts or republicans but if that's what you want, then knock yourself out.

I find the label of 'quality people' a bit loaded if you ask me. I'm not going to meet any interesting creative types (especially risk-takers) at an investment fair.

 

[aloofman]

Quality people? Country Clubs?

Thought America didn't have a class system. Funny what people ascribe as quality... That sort of pigeonholing may increase your chances of meeting a bunch of stuffed shirts or republicans but if that's what you want, then knock yourself out.

I find the label of 'quality people' a bit loaded if you ask me. I'm not going to meet any interesting creative types (especially risk-takers) at an investment fair.

Agreed. If there's one thing I'm sure of, you don't want to do anything that arbitrarily reduces your dating pool. It's hard enough to meet someone without limiting yourself to affluent people.

 

[islandman]

You won't meet them in this forum, that's for sure! Get out of the house more!

Seriously though, when you least expect it, the right one will fall into your lap. It happened to me as soon as I stopped worrying about it.

 

[mpw]

You won't meet them in this forum, that's for sure!...
...when you least expect it, the right one will fall into your lap....

So you're saying this IS where you'll meet someone?