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It's a known fact of certain dangers that cell phone emmisions have, what is debated is the extent. IF THERE WEREN'T ANY DANGERS AS YOUR GENIUS "SCIENTIFIC" LOGIC WOULD HAVE IT THEN WHY DID EVERYWHERE AROUND THE WORLD, THE US, THE EU, HAS ESTABLISHED A SAR, FOR MAXIMUM LEVELS OF RADIATION, WOULDN'T IN YOUR WISDOM HAVE JUST SAID OK BOYS NO SAR NO NOTHING ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION IF HARMLESS RADIATE AWAY WITH YOUR PHONES AND IMPOSE NO LIMITS....Exactly.

Capital letters are no substitute for rational argument Jack.

And I guess the "exactly" means you agree with yourself. Cool. As you can see here, few other people do. It's still bad science and scaremongering, however much you claim to have read. And we do have a measles epidemic killing people because of this kind of crap.

Your logic amounts to:
1. You can't trust the authorities
2. The authorities say this SAR is safe
3. Therefore it's not safe
4. There's always an industry cover-up
5. THEREFORE IT'S DEFINITELY NOT SAFE

Just chuck your phone away or sell it on eBay.

And a couple of afterthoughts:
- isn't typing in capitals the forum equivalent of "screaming"
- since you know nothing at all about me, your claim to have read "probably 50 times" what I have is just like all the other statistics you claim - made up out of thin air on the basis of no knowledge, science or measurement whatsoever.
 
Why would you ever suggest a bluetooth headset? You're just introducing more radiation to the equation; The Bluetooth device is much closer to your brain than the cell phone will be (assuming you don't press it hard against your head). I would suggest using wired speakers (like those apple earbuds), or the speaker phone option.

Anyways, the risk of cancer due to radiation isn't nearly as bad for the brain, because it contains none to little stem cells. Cells aren't at great risk for DNA damage unless they're dividing, because the DNA is more packed. This is why part of cancer treatment involves radiation therapy; the rapidly dividing cancer cells are much more susceptible than surrounding tissues.

My advice to all: We live in a constant flood of radiation, from natural and man-made sources. Cutting down on your own cell phone usage is really the best you can do short of living in a Faraday cage.

Mods, please lock this thread.

No you are wrong, trust me I am computer and tellecomunications scientist, Most people keep their cell phones as close as the bluetooth headsets, BUT, the cell phones esp. at 3g carry much more radiation than bluetooth, bluetooth frequencies are the ones we have in home wireless phones, while 3g cellular networks are at least 5X times the intensity of bluetooth. The risk with bluetooth headset is minimal compared to the 3g network. I am not introducing more radiation, one only has to keep their phone at a safe distance, say a meter and use the headset. YOU ARE WRONG about wired headphones, they can even INCREASE the risks as they work as a huge antenna taking radiation right into your ear from the cellphone.

As for your second paragraph, I suppose you have some fluency of sorts in biology? I am not well versed in it, so I will take your word for it, I have no opinion on that. So where would one find more stem cells than in the brain?

Of course cutting down on usage is the wisest move, where did you hear me disagreeing with that, that's been my initial point all along, I was replying to someone with givens on time spent on phone.

I personally use a combination of speaker phone on my iphone, holding it at arms length or so, which drastically removes any dangers and/or bluetooth headphones.
 
No you are wrong, trust me I am computer and tellecomunications scientist, Most people keep their cell phones as close as the bluetooth headsets, BUT, the cell phones esp. at 3g carry much more radiation than bluetooth, bluetooth frequencies are the ones we have in home wireless phones, while 3g cellular networks are at least 5X times the intensity of bluetooth. The risk with bluetooth headset is minimal compared to the 3g network. I am not introducing more radiation, one only has to keep their phone at a safe distance, say a meter and use the headset. YOU ARE WRONG about wired headphones, they can even INCREASE the risks as they work as a huge antenna taking radiation right into your ear from the cellphone.

Okay, so even if bluetooth is a step in the right direction, it's still problematic (it's not secure) and it involves radiation. Wired headphones won't increase radiation; they're the equivalent to a giant rubber-ducky antenna - neither the right length, nor typically the right shape to effectively conduct 900/1800/etc. Mhz signals.

As for your second paragraph, I suppose you have some fluency of sorts in biology? I am not well versed in it, so I will take your word for it, I have no opinion on that. So where would one find more stem cells than in the brain?

Of course cutting down on usage is the wisest move, where did you hear me disagreeing with that, that's been my initial point all along, I was replying to someone with givens on time spent on phone.

I personally use a combination of speaker phone on my iphone, holding it at arms length or so, which drastically removes any dangers and/or bluetooth headphones.

Stem cells can be found in the skin, bone marrow, to name a few. You might want to look it up on Wikipedia, I'm sure that page ought to be fairly accurate.
 
Capital letters are no substitute for rational argument Jack.

And I guess the "exactly" means you agree with yourself. Cool. As you can see here, few other people do. It's still bad science and scaremongering, however much you claim to have read. And we do have a measles epidemic killing people because of this kind of crap.

Your logic amounts to:
1. You can't trust the authorities
2. The authorities say this SAR is safe
3. Therefore it's not safe
4. There's always an industry cover-up
5. THEREFORE IT'S DEFINITELY NOT SAFE

Just chuck your phone away or sell it on eBay.

And a couple of afterthoughts:
- isn't typing in capitals the forum equivalent of "screaming"
- since you know nothing at all about me, your claim to have read "probably 50 times" what I have is just like all the other statistics you claim - made up out of thin air on the basis of no knowledge, science or measurement whatsoever.

Unfortunately google chrome which I am testing at the moment crashed on me and you are not going to get the 6-7 paragraph post, it would have gone waisted on you anyways. You seem very backward and you don't bother to read what the other is saying instead like I said you are talking to someone in your head, some scaremonging science illiterate whatever. None of the 1-5 point are any I have made, but I can't go into them again. All industries hide things and all industries have time and again polluted and posited health risks to humanities, it's only for pressure groups and aware citizens that the damage has been contained, not minimize of course. I quoted ongoing research from universities. Everywhere provisional SAR standards have been set, that is not to say that these should not evolve to account for newer findings, if that were the case, the automotive industry would not have evolved to include airbags, abs, ebd etc. etc. Have you thought about that?

I am advocating information to the public (instead of idiocies like go hide in a faraday cage if you don't want to be affected), ongoing research (which is what both the eu and the us governments have suggested in their task forces), being sensitive to these issues because a lot of robust (but sometimes inconclusive) animal studies have shown real dangers, and I am also advocating moderation in use.

I would also like apple to use such policies, I find it unacceptable that apple should posit a 10 times the threat than a cheapo lg phone with their iphone, whatever that risk might actually be.

All in all I am not bothered by the backward and senseless commenting like yours here, progressive people have always faced such reactions, happened with the tobacco co's with greenpeace with everything. I am happy to see a lot of support and discussion here considering this is a gang ho go iphone tec forum.
 
First of all muncher I just read you wanted to lock the thread and asked the mods to do so, is there any reason why you would want such a fascist approach here? Are these views or people's health concerns not worthy of the forums attention?

Okay, so even if bluetooth is a step in the right direction, it's still problematic (it's not secure) and it involves radiation. Wired headphones won't increase radiation; they're the equivalent to a giant rubber-ducky antenna - neither the right length, nor typically the right shape to effectively conduct 900/1800/etc. Mhz signals.

Stem cells can be found in the skin, bone marrow, to name a few. You might want to look it up on Wikipedia, I'm sure that page ought to be fairly accurate.

What do you mean it's not secure? It's as secure as they come, wifi ins't secure either wpa2 can be cracked in seconds. If you have sensitive data there are other approaches, but the average joe can't eavesdrop on your calls if that's what you mean. Bluetooth's have been adopted by industries all over the world....and in any case that is beside the safety discussion. YOU ARE WRONG with the wired headphones, I am not going to do the research for you but google and you ll find that a number of studies have actually found an INCREASE in radiation with hands free sets. Bluetooth is safer, ask anyone who knows anything. The only thing you avoid with hands free sets is the damage due to heat conduction from the phone.

So you have a background in the biological sciences? I am aware what stem cells are and as soon as I have the time I will look it up in terms of their relation to cancer and radiation, but I have a shaky background to gauge well who might be right or wrong in debated issues there.
 
First of all muncher I just read you wanted to lock the thread and asked the mods to do so, is there any reason why you would want such a fascist approach here? Are these views or people's health concerns not worthy of the forums attention?



What do you mean it's not secure? It's as secure as they come, wifi ins't secure either wpa2 can be cracked in seconds. If you have sensitive data there are other approaches, but the average joe can't eavesdrop on your calls if that's what you mean. Bluetooth's have been adopted by industries all over the world....and in any case that is beside the safety discussion. YOU ARE WRONG with the wired headphones, I am not going to do the research for you but google and you ll find that a number of studies have actually found an INCREASE in radiation with hands free sets. Bluetooth is safer, ask anyone who knows anything. The only thing you avoid with hands free sets is the damage due to heat conduction from the phone.

So you have a background in the biological sciences? I am aware what stem cells are and as soon as I have the time I will look it up in terms of their relation to cancer and radiation, but I have a shaky background to gauge well who might be right or wrong in debated issues there.

I have a college level background in bio officially, but I know alot about genetics. I'm also a licensed amateur radio operator, and I don't see how a large (3 foot?) wire like a headphone cable would play a major roll in conducting radiation; I guess I'll have to look it up.

The reason for locking he thread is simple; everyone here has stated their opinion, and the people posting in this thread have been subject to attacks. I just think it would be better if this thread were locked. Anyone with any further comments would be welcome to open up a new one.
 
Hello there,

I've had my iPhone for a few months now and have experience some of the same symptoms listed in the previous posts. After a quick Google search for "Iphone radiation +leg pain +headaches" I came across this thread and was appalled at the ignorance here.

I'm a very reasonable individual and I'm intelligent enough to diagnose an issue that arose after I made a major change (getting the iPhone). It started with random unexplainable headaches after hour (or more) long conversations that seemed to had no cause. After a few weeks of having the iphone in either pocket (in roughly the same place) I noticed a minute leg pain in my upper leg. What stuns me is that people realize that the iphone emits radiation (haven't you ever received a call with your phone next to a landline or CRT monitor and seen the disruption?) but just dismiss it with cliche comments.

After reading this thread I was actually surprised at the number of "tin foil hat" type comments. Do you not realize NO long term tests have been performed since the device is so new? Do you realize that the young generation is the guinea pigs for all of today's new technology? I think it's naive to dismiss these claims with something along the lines of getting lead boxer shorts.

Along the same lines: I love my macbook pro, even though I only run Vista on it I think it's a wonderful laptop. But when my genitals start to feel "funny" after I have it on my lap for too long I know there's an issue. So, I take a preventative measure and only use it on my desk (sorry, no lead box around it.)

I digress, I know for a fact before I had my iphone I had none of these symptoms, now I do. Problem diagnosed.

In short I'm biting the bullet and buying a $49.99 Samsung to replace my phone and throwing mine in the trash. It's just not worth bathing my brain in radiation to surf the net when I should be paying attention in class.

Thanks to the few who actually responded to this thread with serious responses, and the even fewer who actually stated a fact and then backed it up with evidence instead of just ending their post after a stated "fact."
 
..and the people posting in this thread have been subject to attacks. I just think it would be better if this thread were locked. Anyone with any further comments would be welcome to open up a new one.

Ridiculous. Notice you have one group of posters trying to provide a fact based argument while the (for lack of a better word) fanboys shoot them down with cliche idiotic responses. There is NO basis for locking this thread as it is providing us dead-legged headache ridden iphoners with valuable information.

Common sense seems to be getting rarer every day. Please, if you come across any article regarding the iRadiate, please post it here.
 
Ridiculous. Notice you have one group of posters trying to provide a fact based argument while the (for lack of a better word) fanboys shoot them down with cliche idiotic responses. There is NO basis for locking this thread as it is providing us dead-legged headache ridden iphoners with valuable information.

Common sense seems to be getting rarer every day. Please, if you come across any article regarding the iRadiate, please post it here.

Really? :confused: Do you think there are any new points of view not discussed yet, or any side to the arguments we haven't seen? Please, share them. I'm interested.

When you say "fanboys," are you talking about apple fanboys, or just cell phone fans in general?

Indeed, common sense does seem to be getting more and more scarce. It seems like more and more people are close-minded, and unwilling to acknowledge the other side's point of view. They just don't realize that nobody is right 100% of the time, and that they're included.

Hello there,

I've had my iPhone for a few months now and have experience some of the same symptoms listed in the previous posts. After a quick Google search for "Iphone radiation +leg pain +headaches" I came across this thread and was appalled at the ignorance here.

I'm a very reasonable individual and I'm intelligent enough to diagnose an issue that arose after I made a major change (getting the iPhone). It started with random unexplainable headaches after hour (or more) long conversations that seemed to had no cause. After a few weeks of having the iphone in either pocket (in roughly the same place) I noticed a minute leg pain in my upper leg. What stuns me is that people realize that the iphone emits radiation (haven't you ever received a call with your phone next to a landline or CRT monitor and seen the disruption?) but just dismiss it with cliche comments.

After reading this thread I was actually surprised at the number of "tin foil hat" type comments. Do you not realize NO long term tests have been performed since the device is so new? Do you realize that the young generation is the guinea pigs for all of today's new technology? I think it's naive to dismiss these claims with something along the lines of getting lead boxer shorts.

Along the same lines: I love my macbook pro, even though I only run Vista on it I think it's a wonderful laptop. But when my genitals start to feel "funny" after I have it on my lap for too long I know there's an issue. So, I take a preventative measure and only use it on my desk (sorry, no lead box around it.)

I digress, I know for a fact before I had my iphone I had none of these symptoms, now I do. Problem diagnosed.

In short I'm biting the bullet and buying a $49.99 Samsung to replace my phone and throwing mine in the trash. It's just not worth bathing my brain in radiation to surf the net when I should be paying attention in class.

Thanks to the few who actually responded to this thread with serious responses, and the even fewer who actually stated a fact and then backed it up with evidence instead of just ending their post after a stated "fact."

What makes you think the samsung phone will be any better than the iphone? The iPhone is just a phone; it carries practically the same transceiver equipment as every other quad-band phone, besides for possibly 3G. While the SAR of the 3G is above average, there are phones that are much worse. According to this, you should get a sidekick.

A lot of your "issues" with the iphone can be explained by other phenomena. For instance, I can sometimes feel my iPod touch in my pocket when it's been in there the entire day. Tell me, the Wi-Fi is off, and the thing is in its sleep mode, why do I feel it? Perhaps because of the shape of the device? I notice many things others don't. I hear a high pitched buzzing noise from old TVs with CRT monitors. That's not radiation affecting my brain, though, that's the sealant on the flyback transformer (a device that boosts voltage). Of course we're guinea pigs. Just like in WWI, when early pilots were guinea pigs for whatever strange planes engineers dreamt up. Also, my eyes hurt after staring at a monitor for 2 and a half hours straight. Not because of whatever my imac happens to be emitting at the moment, but because staring at a glossy screen causes eye strain.
 
Radio Frequency Safety

First RF Radiation is "Non-ionizing" meaning it does not change the structure of a cell so it’s NOT like "Ionizing" radiation (example: nuclear, atomic, x-ray, beta, Gama, etc)

Non-ionizing radiation released by Cell towers have been proven to cause burns,headaches,burns,fatique and general flu like symptoms. Usually by the time it gets to a customers cell phone it’s harmless.

but I just read a study about re-radiation what this is when multiple signals are sent out from different devices but all at the same level like waist level or head level the signals bounce off of each other and whatever device is sending them. in this study 30k people with a number of them making calls of taking pictures with there cell phone (by the way this was at a concert so nobody knew they were part of the study) when readings were taken the re-radiation was the same as at a cell site and that would be above the safe point for the general public.

You see all these studies about how safe cell phones are. With most of these done back when cell phones first came out and not everyone had one you have to thank that re-radiation wasn't considered. so now that every one has one and as long as there on they admit a signal so if its in your pocket or next to your head it doesn't matter a single cell phone won't hurt you because it's below safe levels per FCC
But the question is with thousands of signals bouncing around(cell phones, wireless devices, wireless speakers, what are the re-radiation levels ? are they still below the FCC requirement ? next time your riding a bus or at a concert and you fill dizzy or like you have the flu maybe a fever look around and see how many devices are being used and remove yourself for that place and see if you feel better just like the iphone against your leg you may have a legitimate claim of pain but there are so many variable’s it is almost impossible to prove without a doubt.
 
After reading this thread I was actually surprised at the number of "tin foil hat" type comments. Do you not realize NO long term tests have been performed since the device is so new? Do you realize that the young generation is the guinea pigs for all of today's new technology? I think it's naive to dismiss these claims with something along the lines of getting lead boxer shorts.

Do you not realize that the iPhone uses the same bands as most every other quad-band GSM phone? Do you not realize that Apple is not the only company to use the same technologies?

I digress, I know for a fact before I had my iphone I had none of these symptoms, now I do. Problem diagnosed.

Correlation is not causation. The very fact that you use that sort of logic makes me skeptical of your claims.

In short I'm biting the bullet and buying a $49.99 Samsung to replace my phone and throwing mine in the trash. It's just not worth bathing my brain in radiation to surf the net when I should be paying attention in class.

I got some bad news for you -- your Samsung is going to "bathe your brain" in the exact same types of radiation as the iPhone did.

That said, I fully expect that getting a Samsung phone will alleviate the problem. You know why? Because you've already decided that the iPhone has caused various sensations which are almost certainly psychosomatic in nature. You've already told yourself what the problem is, and thus as soon as you change phones you will notice that the problem's gone; getting a new phone will (in your mind) vindicate you, and the disappearance of your symptoms will confirm your initial diagnosis.

Sad thing is, there's no way I can convince you otherwise. I fully believe that you feel the sensations you describe. I don't think they're a result of the iPhone's radio emissions though -- but since that's what you've ascribed them to it's going to be damn difficult for anyone to convince you otherwise.

Can I at least have your iPhone? I mean, since it's a harmful device you wouldn't mind giving it to some disbelieving **** like myself, right?
 
for anyone concerned about phone radiation, i have a product you might be interested in. I have it on my iPhone...better safe than sorry i always say

its called the "RF Raider" http://www.rfraider.com/

its a chip that you stick near your antenna....it absorbs 60% of the radiation coming to and from the phone. The thing with the iPhone is that it's constantly sending and receiving information...so although I use my headset most of the time to take calls to eliminate radiation to the brain, I DO have my phone in my pocket all day everyday. The chip can help absorb a lot of the radiation to protect....the boys?....from danger.

I looked into the product...its legit...they needed to lower the chip to 60% radiation absorption because it's the highest absorption level they could attain without compromising signal strength.

The original prototype of the RF Raider absorbed 100% of the radiation...but the problem was, that the phone wouldn't work anymore...it was impossible to get service :)

so if you're concerned about this stuff...look into that product...I use it, and believe in it.

Hope this helps
 
for anyone concerned about phone radiation, i have a product you might be interested in. I have it on my iPhone...better safe than sorry i always say

Got some bad news for you... those little stick-on shields are completely useless. They were useless when they gained popularity c. 2000, and they're useless now.
 
Correlation is not causation. The very fact that you use that sort of logic makes me skeptical of your claims.

Well put.

I got some bad news for you -- your Samsung is going to "bathe your brain" in the exact same types of radiation as the iPhone did.

That said, I fully expect that getting a Samsung phone will alleviate the problem. You know why? Because you've already decided that the iPhone has caused various sensations which are almost certainly psychosomatic in nature. You've already told yourself what the problem is, and thus as soon as you change phones you will notice that the problem's gone; getting a new phone will (in your mind) vindicate you, and the disappearance of your symptoms will confirm your initial diagnosis.

Sad thing is, there's no way I can convince you otherwise. I fully believe that you feel the sensations you describe. I don't think they're a result of the iPhone's radio emissions though -- but since that's what you've ascribed them to it's going to be damn difficult for anyone to convince you otherwise.

Can I at least have your iPhone? I mean, since it's a harmful device you wouldn't mind giving it to some disbelieving **** like myself, right?

I was going to put a link to the wikipedia page on the placebo effect in my previous post, but I decided that that would be too mean. I agree with you though; it seems as if this radiation commotion has become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
well put your tin foil hats on because there going to be rolling out a 4G network within the next 6 months. so if your sceptical about what cell phones do now wait until you have to us a glove to make a phone call and wear a monitor that warns you of over exposure.:eek:
 
Well this brightened my day, and to the sceptics you've probably spent more time reading this thread than your going to lose due your cell phone. Definitely going to subscribe to this one, poorly evidenced arguments make me happy.

:):apple::apple:
 
well put your tin foil hats on because there going to be rolling out a 4G network within the next 6 months. so if your sceptical about what cell phones do now wait until you have to us a glove to make a phone call and wear a monitor that warns you of over exposure.:eek:

And then after the 700Mhz band is handed over to Verizon and whichever other companies bid on it on June 12...
 
YOU ARE WRONG about wired headphones, they can even INCREASE the risks as they work as a huge antenna taking radiation right into your ear from the cellphone.

If you forget your tinfoil hat, you could always wrap a couple turns of your wired headphone cord around a ferrite core. I had a few ferrite cores in the ole' radio parts bin, so I actually did that with my old Treo headset, since the Treo had a pretty high SAR rating. It was also a super geeky inside joke, since only other radio experimenter types knew what is was. Most women though it was some sort of charm.
 
Technically you're both right and wrong. You're right in that radio frequency interference is likely to blame, but that too is radiation. It's not harmful to us because it has low energy (low frequency). Gamma rays and x-rays have much higher frequencies and are detrimental in high dosages. Microwaves are also radiation, but these are again lower frequency. Visible light is also radiation.

Electromagnetic-Spectrum.png

Something doesn't sound right here. The other posters listed the watts/kg of each phone as an indicator of power output and exposure. Frequency, measured in hz, has nothing to do with it.

In fact, its been my experience, that equipment using lower frequencies uses far more power (but with more range) than higher frequency devices.

Maybe im looking to far into the whole thing...
 
Why would you ever suggest a bluetooth headset? You're just introducing more radiation to the equation; The Bluetooth device is much closer to your brain than the cell phone will be (assuming you don't press it hard against your head).

My bluetooth thingy sticks out from my ear about the same distance as I hold my iPhone top speaker.

Furthermore the bluetooth thingy has a transmitter barely powerful enough to send a good signal across the room. Whereas the iPhone has a transmitter powerful enough that I've made calls over 10 miles away (direct line-of-sight) from the nearest cell tower. Which radio do you want warming your ears?
 
My bluetooth thingy sticks out from my ear about the same distance as I hold my iPhone top speaker.

Furthermore the bluetooth thingy has a transmitter barely powerful enough to send a good signal across the room. Whereas the iPhone has a transmitter powerful enough that I've made calls over 10 miles away (direct line-of-sight) from the nearest cell tower. Which radio do you want warming your ears?

Why not just use the included iPod headphones?
 
Do you not realize that the iPhone uses the same bands as most every other quad-band GSM phone? Do you not realize that Apple is not the only company to use the same technologies?

Correlation is not causation. The very fact that you use that sort of logic makes me skeptical of your claims.

I got some bad news for you -- your Samsung is going to "bathe your brain" in the exact same types of radiation as the iPhone did.

Yes, I do realize. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide I just didn't want an iPhone anymore, nor was I previously out looking to get rid of it. My issues have been taking place over the course of the months of me owning an iPhone, it's not something that sprung up overnight. My first phone was a StarTac, and I've had many different ones over the years but none of them would actually give me headaches when I talk for a prolonged amount of time. This isn't hypochondria, and I don't imagine pains. My reasoning is that my issues have started up since I purchased my iPhone, very simple. I'm not talking more on the phone or keeping it on my person any longer than I did my last phone(s) (Razr) so I can say the iPhone is the only variable to change. Clearly other are experiencing the same issues, so I'm not the retarded duckling here.

Join the gay armada.

No.
 
My bluetooth thingy sticks out from my ear about the same distance as I hold my iPhone top speaker.

Furthermore the bluetooth thingy has a transmitter barely powerful enough to send a good signal across the room. Whereas the iPhone has a transmitter powerful enough that I've made calls over 10 miles away (direct line-of-sight) from the nearest cell tower. Which radio do you want warming your ears?

Why not just use the included iPod headphones?

He beat me to it.
 
Yes, I do realize. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide I just didn't want an iPhone anymore, nor was I previously out looking to get rid of it.

Oh, I know. But I am quite positive that now that you've established (in your mind) that the iPhone is the issue, using any other phone (even one with more RF output) will bring you relief. You've already told yourself what the solution is, and the placebo effect will make sure that you experience relief.

Clearly other are experiencing the same issues, so I'm not the retarded duckling here.

Please tell me you're not using this is supporting evidence for your claims...
 
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