Money & Friends Don't Mix.

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Healer Flame, Jul 24, 2019.

  1. Healer Flame macrumors 6502a

    Healer Flame

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    #1
    Lending money or any other valuable goods to family & friends can cost you both the money and your friends if proper agreements/contracts did not take place.

    Over years i lost around $2500 cash to 3 people and an organ worth $500 that was borrowed by a friend and never got it back.
    I also lost valuable books, Cds and other stuff because people are just careless and selfish so hard lesson learned but never never again.

    Seriously people, if someone lent you money or an item , the least you can do is appreciate and return it on time without causing embarrassment and tensions.

    How common is it? Did you lend anything to someone and never got it back or are you guilty of one? Honest answers please.
     
  2. AngerDanger macrumors 601

    AngerDanger

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2008
    #2
    Yeah, I'm always loaning friends my kidneys, liver, and spleen, and I'll be damned if I ever get them back on time if at all. :(
     
  3. Mousse macrumors 68020

    Mousse

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2008
    Location:
    Flea Bottom, King's Landing
    #3
    As Willy the Bard wrote:
    Translated: If you lend money, you'll lose both the money and the friend you lent the money to. If you borrow money, you become a spend thrift.

    Edit: My neighbor asked to borrow a trash bag the other day. I looked at him incredulously and asked, "You're gonna give it back? I don't want it back."
     
  4. Healer Flame thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Healer Flame

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    #4
    My B.I.L borrowed a very rare book from 1920' i got from special place in Europe and he carelessly gave it to his manager despite a promise. We didn't talk for 8 months.
     
  5. Apple fanboy macrumors Nehalem

    Apple fanboy

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Behind the Lens, UK
    #5
    If I have a friend in genuine need I give them some money if it seems appropriate.

    But lend? No I don’t need to do that.

    I also don’t borrow from anyone (including credit cards). Not my style.
     
  6. velocityg4 macrumors 601

    velocityg4

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2004
    Location:
    Georgia
    #6
    I never borrow stuff.

    I'll only lend stuff I'm willing to part with as a gift. That way there is no ill will if it is never returned or reimbursed.
     
  7. trillionaire macrumors regular

    trillionaire

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2018
    Location:
    Canada
    #7
    Too many people have learned this lesson the hard way ... myself included. It stings even more when they become a totally different person afterward. It's like you never really knew them to begin with.
     
  8. Healer Flame thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Healer Flame

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    #8
    If the person has genuine reason
    People usually very shy asking for money so they borrow instead give away. I don't mind giving people money as long as they have genuine problem but of course if the amount is in hundreds i expect they give it back when things get better for them.

    Some are selfish, suddenly they are angels and a lot nicer until they get what they want and then they go hiding.
     
  9. Healer Flame thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Healer Flame

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    #9
    They put you in uncomfortable situation where you have to beg for your money back. Really piss you off. I know someone who owes many people over $30 000 in total but drives a $49 000 car and wears only designers clothes.
     
  10. Scepticalscribe, Jul 24, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019

    Scepticalscribe macrumors Westmere

    Scepticalscribe

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2008
    Location:
    The Far Horizon
    #10
    But, @AngerDanger, what enquiring minds want to know is simply this: Did you ever loan anyone your heart?

    And, if so, was it returned, broken or otherwise?
     
  11. Zenithal macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    #11
    Based on @AngerDanger's posts, a friend who once used this forum. Sorry, Anger.

    My personal motto is never loan money out unless you don't expect to get paid back.
     
  12. AngerDanger macrumors 601

    AngerDanger

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2008
    #12
    C'mon, Scribe. Don't act like you don't know, and don't bring this up in the forums of all places!

    Not after all we've been through—I thought what we had was…

    It's listed on eBay. For parts only.
     
  13. MacNut macrumors Core

    MacNut

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    #13
    Doesn't that then become a donation?
     
  14. Zenithal macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    #14
    No? Because with a donation, traditionally you get to write it off. You don't get paid back, but you can claim the amount on taxes. Same effect, to a point.
     
  15. Apple fanboy macrumors Nehalem

    Apple fanboy

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    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Behind the Lens, UK
    #15
    I think we have different types of friends.
     
  16. keysofanxiety macrumors G3

    keysofanxiety

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2011
    #16
    AD’s what’s known as a heartbreaker, not a heart giver.

    *sniff*

    I’VE GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE
     
  17. eyoungren macrumors Core

    eyoungren

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2011
    Location:
    ten-zero-eleven-zero-zero by zero-two
    #17
    I don't lend out anything that is important to me that I intend to keep.

    If I give it out, I don't expect it back. Whether that's money or anything else.

    If it's something I do expect back, like letting a neighbor borrow a hose or a tool, it's not my best tool or only item and I don't expect it back in the condition I gave it in - because people don't treat my stuff like I treat it.

    The only person I ever ask to borrow money from is my mother. My dad will say no, my sister can't or would charge high interest. My mother never expects it back. I don't ask from people I know would expect it back - because I'm never in the spot to pay it back.

    If I borrow something from someone I treat it better than my own stuff. Because it's not mine and I have to give it back. And I don't want to have to explain why it's not in the condition they gave it to me in.
     
  18. Healer Flame thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Healer Flame

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    #18
    I guess it depends how large it is and who the person is. Parents are excepted of course, happy to give my parents anything and everything they desire and never expected it back.
     
  19. eyoungren macrumors Core

    eyoungren

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2011
    Location:
    ten-zero-eleven-zero-zero by zero-two
    #19
    For me, it doesn't matter how large. I'm not in the spot to give out large sums. I'm not even in the spot to give out small sums.

    If and when I am, the person needing it doesn't need the idea in the back of their mind that they need to pay it back. That's a stressor. And I don't need the stress of trying to recoup the loan.

    We've loaned money out before and gotten it back, generally to my wife's side of the family. But that's only because they wanted to pay it back. I never asked and I didn't expect it to come back.

    I just don't need the hassle of money between me and the other person. So, if I am giving money I do not expect it to be returned.

    That said, I have been told I am tightfisted, so there's that.
     
  20. 556fmjoe macrumors 68000

    556fmjoe

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2014
    #20
    I never lend to friends and family; I give and don't expect it back. Not worth the drama.
     
  21. Healer Flame thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Healer Flame

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2019
    #21
    Years ago my father (before he passed away) lent a digital short wave radio, a special printed dictionary in certain language and a book to some our relatives and never got it back.

    I remember he was talking about it a lot but felt uncomfortable to ask for it.

    A close relative asked me to borrow my brand new suite (Made in Germany ) for his brothers wedding so i couldn't say no. Of course he can afford a suite but he really liked the style and colour of it so i just told him to keep it.

    I guess its normal and acceptable in some cultures and communities but not everywhere.
    --- Post Merged, Jul 24, 2019 ---
    I am always happy to help but sometimes its good to say no to avoid stress and tensions.
     
  22. Gutwrench Contributor

    Gutwrench

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2011
    #22
    I keep my money because I have no friends and all my family are in jail or dead. Except for my sister who I had committed.
     
  23. chown33 Moderator

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    Location:
    bedlam
    #23
    If you were to write that up as a step-by-step plan and publish it on Amazon, I'd buy a copy.

    Maybe.
     
  24. Gutwrench Contributor

    Gutwrench

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2011
    #24
    Are you trying to be my friend?
     
  25. Zenithal macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2009
    #25
    I've seen you before. You don't look like Larry Ellison.
     

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70 July 24, 2019