Snowball coming
I agree totally with those that say it has to stop. It is a boundary, respect and trust issue.
If it doesnt stop now, it WILL get worse.
Been there done that over 4 years and it nearly killed me. So i just have to chip in.
It started with the phone, then emails, then deleting mails, calling friends, calling my business clients, writing fake texts, breaking my backup cds, accusing me of everything with anyone, claiming to have installed spyware on my computer (and me wasting a week trying to locate it) ...
Eventually i couldn't even look at someone and started choosing tables and seating to avoid possibly looking inadvertantly at someone else.
It snowballs and goes from bad to worse. I too thought by allowing access there would be transparency and eventually trust. Nooooooooo, it just got worse with her assuming i was just getting more sophisticated hiding things. I lost a close friend and important business contact due to this.
It took me 4 years to get over it. To start understanding what normal and a normal relationship meant. You see, it starts out small, but bit by bit you allow more and more and in the end it takes you to some obscene place. A place you would never have allowed yourself to come to from the outset. But the bit by bit thing happens too gradually to react decisevely to.
Yes, my story was very very far out. But the lessons are there. If you or your partner should ever feel the need to snoop, then something's wrong.
Want an anecdote (just one of many and not the most serious)? Gf sends me out alone skiing one afternoon on pretext she is not up to more. Precedes to go thru my ibook, makes some phone calls to check on some stuff and then has the audacity to tell me i must have created a situation to meet another skier who shared a chairlift with me. And why did i even admit to talking to someone else? Because she had ways of accusing and insisting on knowing all. And i was still striving to offer her complete transparency. Rest of ski holiday was a nightmare.
There are personal stories related to her issues, that i cringe and feel sick to my stomach thinking about.
Do you want more? Indeed that is the question you should be asking yourself... Do you want more? It is a snowball that starts off small but becomes gigantic.
So now i know, after 8 yrs of hell. If i canot leave my phone unlocked and rest peacefully knowing it will not be touched, then i'm outa there.
You have every right to have your boundaries and if she cannot respect them and also lie to you and is not willing to accept... It is time to go.
I hope you can sort it out and if your only way is to have the proof to make your point, then hopefully you do not have to resort to devious tactics to do so. Just be alert.
Good luck i really hope you can do it.
