My guy friend likes me but I don’t like him back, what do I do?

[Demosthenes X]

I burned many a good friendship this way, at least initially. If we're both mature about it, we become friends again (and randomly hook up from time to time, if our current partner is cool with it, which most are.)

I'm not sure which option you're referring to when you say "this way".

In my experience, if you go on a couple dates and it doesn't really click, it's easy to stay friends. If you just shut it down from the outset, it's a lot harder because it leaves unresolved tension (at least on the other party's side).

I didn't "like" mushrooms either, until I actually tried them. Now I'm hooked.

(The food, not the drug, just so we're clear...)

 

[eric/]

Don't say anything, just give friendship signals, such as:
- handshakes instead of hugs
- meet up only in public places
- non-romantic meetups, sports or such

He'll figure it out.

Are you a woman? Because that's exactly what a woman's first instinct is. What she should do is tell him directly.

and handshakes between male and female friends, unless meeting for the first time is very, very awkward and just tacky.

 

[dukebound85]

He said STRAIGHT men.

So? You're point?

 

[(marc)]

So? You're point?

No. He line.

 

[sou1 so1di3r]

I've liked this girl from my school for a while now, pretty much since I first met her last Spring.

Me being to shy to say anything left for summer only hanging out with her a few times. Then fall term I saw her twice in August before I went to Europe to study for 3 months. I talked to her a lot on facebook, thought it was clear I really liked her (we even skyped a few times) and then one day she tells me she is seeing a different guy from home and was apparently caught off guard when I got upset at this fact (bs srsly).

Then I came back and didn't really talk to her for like 5 weeks (we have lots of mutual friends though) and apparently she started seeing me differently and starting liking me a lot. Eventually she starts calling me and texting me all the time and we hang out a few times more but now she just left to study away for 2 months as well. But I think things are going to work out. Obviously it's a unique situation but basically the friend zone sucks so either date the guy or dont talk to him anymore.

There is no middle ground.

 

[Shrink]

He said STRAIGHT men.

So? You're point?:rolleyes:

I believe our ever-so-butch friend is suggesting that no real, manly man (like him) could have
a platonic friendship with a woman. See, get the implication...nudge,nudge...wink ,wink - light in the loafers if you just have a woman as a friend.

His posts suggest that he doesn't look at women as equals, or even quite human - but rather a collection of body parts made for his pleasure. That, of course, is only what his posts suggest. Might be a really sensitive guy...

 

[Tinyluph]

Straight Men and Women can't really be friends. Eventually something WILL have to give.

Horsedung.

 

[whythatsabsurd]

This.

OP: Someone is going to get hurt. Might as well just tell him how you feel now and get it over with.

FALSE. I'm a straight girl, and my best friend is a straight guy. We've both been in other relationships, and we are completely platonic. I love him so much, but could never see him in a romantic light, and he feels the same. Myth = disproved.

 

[Poonz]

Straight Men and Women can't really be friends. Eventually something WILL have to give.

I've always been a pretty firm believer of this. No matter how long, no matter how much both believe that it's purely platonic and they're just friends one of them as had the thought or is thinking about it.

Personally I guess I'd want to be told I'm with the girl that I was friends with for 5-6 years before we started dating. Once I started to have feelings not knowing made it so much worse. The initial hurt is gonna be rough and he may not get over it. But it's better than never knowing or he takes his shot and get denied. Just gotta be gentle.

 

[MorphingDragon]

Straight Men and Women can't really be friends. Eventually something WILL have to give.

Be careful what you say. Family members can be straight.

 

[robanga]

Straight Men and Women can't really be friends. Eventually something WILL have to give.

I agree with this although its not politically correct to say so these days. Qualified with the following: The only way they can be only friends is if there is some factor that widely separates them as compatible for mating/romance. So maybe a huge age difference or the like, real friendship could occur.

If there is ANY chance either side of that equation could find a mate in the other, than all bets are off. As an example, how many "friends" have broken up monogamous marriages? Happens all the time.

Unless you are polyamorous and are fine with extending intimacy beyond your significant other, and then everyone in the group of friends is ok with that...

If someone is interested in you and you are not, the friendship has likely run its course.

 

[sviato]

I've always been a pretty firm believer of this. No matter how long, no matter how much both believe that it's purely platonic and they're just friends one of them as had the thought or is thinking about it.

Yup, it's true. 3 years ago a girl told me we'd never be more than friends and I told her we'd hook up eventually, and we did a few months ago - it's inevitable.

That said, I've met a lot of girls who's "best friend" is a guy who likes them, and they usually don't make it out of the friendzone and sadly in some cases have had to watch me take their women.

On the rare occasion, eventually the guy will grow on the girl and she'll begin to like him too. I guess this is what a lot of guys hope for, but if you get too comfortable as a good friend then you may stay that way forever.

 

[Synchromesh]

His posts suggest that he doesn't look at women as equals, or even quite human - but rather a collection of body parts made for his pleasure. That, of course, is only what his posts suggest. Might be a really sensitive guy...

Wow wow wow! Are you saying they're not just that??? News to me!

Ok, jokes aside, I finally did get a few female friends. Vast majority of them are married to my male friends so it's relatively easy. It just makes hanging out together less awkward because wife doesn't get ignored.

But the truth is that having female friends as a straight male is rather overrated. Sure you can talk to them about relationship stuff but aside from that they tend to be rather useless. Most of them don't have manly hobbies or interests which makes hanging out with them rather unexciting unless you're prepared to talk about girly stuff all the time. They're also generally more demanding than guys are as friends. On the other hand, for me a woman that likes cars/trucks/manly things is more like a man which is a turn off too of a sort. So really most women are not nearly good as friends as guys.

 

[Shrink]

Wow wow wow! Are you saying they're not just that??? News to me!

Ok, jokes aside, I finally did get a few female friends. Vast majority of them are married to my male friends so it's relatively easy. It just makes hanging out together less awkward because wife doesn't get ignored.

But the truth is that having female friends as a straight male is rather overrated. Sure you can talk to them about relationship stuff but aside from that they tend to be rather useless. Most of them don't have manly hobbies or interests which makes hanging out with them rather unexciting unless you're prepared to talk about girly stuff all the time. They're also generally more demanding than guys are as friends. On the other hand, for me a woman that likes cars/trucks/manly things is more like a man which is a turn off too of a sort. So really most women are not nearly good as friends as guys.

This is so grotesque, I wouldn't know where to start to respond. The expressed attitudes are beyond horrendous.

I hope you're kidding, because if not...

 

[Mord]

I agree with this although its not politically correct to say so these days. Qualified with the following: The only way they can be only friends is if there is some factor that widely separates them as compatible for mating/romance. So maybe a huge age difference or the like, real friendship could occur.

pfft, bull, I fancied various of my friends of the opposite and same sex at one point or the other, proceeded to get over it and we're still friends, heck the odd one reciprocated and we've had flings that fizzled out and we're still friendly.

Unless you are polyamorous and are fine with extending intimacy beyond your significant other, and then everyone in the group of friends is ok with that...

that's pretty much how my relationship(s) work now, works pretty well. I wonder if I seem able to handle friendships with those I feel potentially/actually attracted to just fine because I don't really get jealous at all. It's just not an emotion I do.

If someone is interested in you and you are not, the friendship has likely run its course.

Disagree.

I agree. Jump right into bed with him and help yourself to some mind-blowing encounters. It'll satiate some of his desires and you'll walk away with a few good rounds of sex under your belt. Some of the best sex I've ever had has been with people I cannot stand or had no attraction for.

Terrible advice, I can think of few things more unpleasant to think about than the time I've gone along with sleeping with people I've not been that into.

 

[robanga]

pfft, bull, I fancied various of my friends of the opposite and same sex at one point or the other, proceeded to get over it and we're still friends, heck the odd one reciprocated and we've had flings that fizzled out and we're still friendly.

that's pretty much how my relationship(s) work now, works pretty well. I wonder if I seem able to handle friendships with those I feel potentially/actually attracted to just fine because I don't really get jealous at all. It's just not an emotion I do.

Disagree.

Terrible advice, I can think of few things more unpleasant to think about than the time I've gone along with sleeping with people I've not been that into.

You proved my point Friendships only occur in this case because of the sexual attraction. Many people are not like this. They are serial monagamists (sp?) I'd venture to say 90% of the people that read this board have some form of that value and like the OP as well. So in that context does friends with the opposite sex work? probably not. Give me two people that are even close to compatible and you have biology occurring. That is how we were wired.


Awesome on the jealousy thing. Polyamory in all its forms trumps this but its a pretty small percentage of the population that are. Even today, you find people go from relationship to the next with some sort of monogamy expectation for some time. Say what you will about the morality of polyamory i do not believe the statistics say it is any less successful.

 

[SteveyAppleSeed]

Duh

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone...

You should address it head on first, then set him up with another girl or play wing woman every time you two go out. Do NOT break his ego by being standoffish or mean, this is the worst position for any guy to be in and the pain/memory of how he's treated will stick with him for life. He's literally as impressionable as a toddler right now and you hold the power.

Maybe start with:

"I respect you more than most guys and I think you're a good catch, so I want to be honest and not string you along...[insert length talk]...I hope you respect that I'm being upfront with you and not a bitch like most girls."

Get what I mean?

 

[Peace]

Wow. This thread is still being used ?

9 months. In my younger days I would have been through 4 or 5 relationships by now.

Ha !

 

[TedM]

So me and this guy, we’ve known each other for a few years now. We’re pretty close and I love him dearly as a friend but honestly, I just don’t see him in a romantic way. In fact, I just don’t want to date anyone right now. I’m pretty sure he knows this too, that’s why he hasn’t asked me out or made a move, but it’s still kind of awkward/uncomfortable knowing that he likes me. And I value him as a friend so I don’t want to ruin/make things awkward by telling him upfront.

He hasn't told me that he liked me yet. He's close to one of my friends and he tells her everything and through her, I know what's going on in his mind. He basically has the same mindset as me -- He's afraid that confessing to me will scare me away.

Hard-core friend zoning is occurring.... at you at least attracted to him?

 

[Mord]

You proved my point Friendships only occur in this case because of the sexual attraction. Many people are not like this. They are serial monagamists (sp?) I'd venture to say 90% of the people that read this board have some form of that value and like the OP as well. So in that context does friends with the opposite sex work? probably not. Give me two people that are even close to compatible and you have biology occurring. That is how we were wired.

I wouldn't say so, I wasn't attracted to plenty of those people when I first met them, a couple I didn't feel a thing for years. Plenty of others who I've known for years who I can certainly appreciate as attractive but there are no romantic feelings.

Awesome on the jealousy thing. Polyamory in all its forms trumps this but its a pretty small percentage of the population that are. Even today, you find people go from relationship to the next with some sort of monogamy expectation for some time. Say what you will about the morality of polyamory i do not believe the statistics say it is any less successful.

Cool, I don't really believe in morality, only personal ethics in my case based on tangible harm caused to others, basically I try not to do anything that negatively impacts the conscious experience of anyone else if I can help it, being atheist prescribed morality just doesn't really make sense to me.

Our relationship certainly is sound, been together 5 1/2 years, my entire adult life.

 

[thatoneguy82]

I don't think this has been mentioned before but, why is every one assuming OP is female? Nothing in the post suggests a definitive gender.

However, I am going through this (sort of). I was in a rebound relationship with a guy about 5 years ago. It ended quickly but since we had mutual friends he met my family and they liked him and so did he. I ended it abruptly and ceased all communication; I was in a new relationship 2 months later. Through the years we (mostly me) was cordial to each other via electronic communication or friends. Two years ago we patched it after he gave me a really big peace of his mind that he had been holding since then. And thing is, his feelings have never changed not even now. One year later (last year), we met again and we had put our past behind us. I assumed he also did with his feelings which would be good since I wasn't interested in any relationship right now with anyone. Anyway, we were becoming friends and it was good. But, he began trying to trick me to spend the night at my house, also telling me he was in a store 1/4 mi (8mi frm him), etc. Anyway, I started becoming an @$$ but he still went on. I drifted communication again and sporadically call/text/meet. Hope this time he gets that I just want to be his FRIEND!

 

[Synchromesh]

This is so grotesque, I wouldn't know where to start to respond. The expressed attitudes are beyond horrendous.

I hope you're kidding, because if not...

Which part? I was kidding about certain thing, but not so much about others. Of course it must be said that I'm generally not friends with your average people too. Ones I deal with stand out in a certain way and all have a common background. So that might be a part of it.

 

[Shrink]

Which part? I was kidding about certain thing, but not so much about others. Of course it must be said that I'm generally not friends with your average people too. Ones I deal with stand out in a certain way and all have a common background. So that might be a part of it.

Ah, it comes clear...an übermensch.

I'm sure you and your not average, special friends must have a ball in your special, not average ways.

Can you say megalomania?

Can you say delusions of grandeur?

Pitiful self delusion...

 

[PandaGirl200679]

Just string him along and let him take you out and pay for dates, fix your car, and whatever else you can think of.

That's what most people do in my experience. Not first hand, but having watched friends time and time again get used like that. And it does go both ways.

In a situation like this that is the worst thing you can do because he/she might find out that you are using them and get pissed, and then you would lose a friend.

 

[mobilehaathi]

In a situation like this that is the worst thing you can do because he/she might find out that you are using them and get pissed, and then you would lose a friend.

Fortunately, that user is no longer with us.