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Need help with girlfriend smoking

How many cigarettes were in the packet? I know a few people who have given up smoking; and while they were trying to stop, they would carry a few cigarettes around with them, so that if they get a craving, they know they have one (but don't necessarily smoke it). In a lot of cases, it helps to quit.
 
tiredhorses said:
How many cigarettes were in the packet? I know a few people who have given up smoking; and while they were trying to stop, they would carry a few cigarettes around with them, so that if they get a craving, they know they have one (but don't necessarily smoke it). In a lot of cases, it helps to quit.
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it was pretty much full. What's interesting is that my girlfriend told me that the doctor told her sister that she's going to need to quit, or this will happen again. The girlfriend then said that she went into her sister's purse and threw her cigarettes away.

I hope this is a wake up call...

By the way, GF's sister has NO mental damage whatsoever. She still can't move her left side, but it's amazing that she's 100% still mentally able.
 
xodonniedarko said:
Tell her you're worried to death that she's prone to cancer and strokes, and that if she fell in the same position as her sister, you wouldn't know how to deal.
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And if she asks you if you will still love her if she has a stroke and (god forbid) becomes a vegetable DONT PAUSE, just keep saying "yes I love you" don't ask a question, or look around and avoid it.


>_>
 
PlaceofDis said:
i see two problems.

1. you're expecting her to change. its her life, she gets to dictate it how she wants.

2. she feels the need to hide it from you. which she shouldn't.
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Cromulent said:
That is a pretty big invasion of her privacy.
<snip>
I would be livid if that happened to me.
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The two posters above covered part of what I was thinking about, so I will bore you with a personal story from not too terribly long ago.

Being a smoker who once dated a woman that desperately wanted me to stop I decided that the relationship was worth it and I would stop smoking. This worked well for about two weeks, then I went back to smoking when I was performing/traveling (which was my job at the time) and not smoking when around her. Basically, it led me to harboring ill-feelings towards her as well as me noticing any other "suggestions" for me to change something. Eventually she surprised me by showing up to a show, saw me smoking and drama ensued via comments such as "If you love me you would quit!" and "Why won't you just change this for me?". I had been drinking bourbon that night, and really wasn't too keen on the "emotional blackmail" so I ended it that night. In my experience, I am not the only person that does not respond well to blackmail of any sort.

Others in the thread have mentioned "emotional blackmail" as a possible plan of action, and I strongly disagree with it. You need to ask yourself if her failure to comply with your desire for her to stop smoking is worth possibly losing her? If she really wants to quit, and just had a moment of weakness, then she will need your positive support, and a good way to start that is to be honest and tell her you threw her smokes out if you have not already.

Regardless of your plan of action, best of wishes to you and her in regards to the relationship.
 
I agree with what's been said before, communication is key.

If she truly wants to give up smoking, have her visit a doctor and see about going on Chantix. It's base medicine is Varenicline and it's worked wonders for my friend. She couldn't quit no matter what she tried and relapsed many times. Chantix is seriously amazing. You smoke for a week while taking it, then after a week you stop cold turkey and it blocks the nicotine from getting to the recepters in the brain... She smoked a lot and has had no urge to smoke since she started (and was only sick from withdrawal for about the first 3 days). It's sometimes not covered by insurance but it's really an amazingly effective medication.
 
rockthecasbah said:
I agree with what's been said before, communication is key.

If she truly wants to give up smoking, have her visit a doctor and see about going on Chantix. It's base medicine is Varenicline and it's worked wonders for my friend. She couldn't quit no matter what she tried and relapsed many times. Chantix is seriously amazing. You smoke for a week while taking it, then after a week you stop cold turkey and it blocks the nicotine from getting to the recepters in the brain... She smoked a lot and has had no urge to smoke since she started (and was only sick from withdrawal for about the first 3 days). It's sometimes not covered by insurance but it's really an amazingly effective medication.
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I hear it gives you wild dreams...
 
My wife smokes, it does irritate me sometimes, but she doesn't smoke in the house and doesn't smoke that much anymore.
Who am I to deprive someone of something they enjoy?
 
I really wonder sometimes about the sincerity of anti-smokers whose partners, male or female, smoke. This thread has added to my wonder! If their primary concern is the health of their loved ones then okay, I'll take their word for it, but more often than not it really seems to me to be a control issue. I guarantee you this (having read his posts...the language is classic)....if the OP succeeds in bullying his girlfriend in to giving up smoking he'll find another issue to harass her over after that. The fact that he felt he had the right to rifle through her purse suggests she's the one who got the raw deal in this relationship. Does she know what he did?? I hope she does, and I hope she walks away before it's too late.
 
bartelby said:
My wife smokes, it does irritate me sometimes, but she doesn't smoke in the house and doesn't smoke that much anymore.
Who am I to deprive someone of something they enjoy?
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If ye were a chick and we were single I'd marry ye. It's becoming rare to hear tolerant people speak
 
you've only got yourself to blame for ending up in this dilemma, if you had stuck to your gun and not dated a smoker you wouldn't be asking this question.

And are you crazy going through her handbag (as we call them in the UK) that would get most blokes killed!

Just don't worry about her smoking, when she is ready to give up she will do.
 
This is a pretty simple one- you knew what you were getting into when you started dating this girl. Now she feels she has to sneak around behind your back because of your demands and you've resorted to going through her purse. This probably wasn't a good match from the start.
 
Hello.there said:
Whatever about having a policy not to date smokers, I think most women on this earth would have a policy not to date men who look through their purses: unbelievable! And for you to throw away her cigarettes at such a stressful time for her....you sound to me like a control freak.

I too am a smoker and I can tell you one thing for sure: no amount of nagging and bullying will make a smoker stop, they have to want to do it, whether that be for health or financial reasons. So back off and leave her alone, she's an adult, she'll make her own decisions, right or wrong.

Meanwhile, never ever go through anyone's purse again.
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I agree and..

If my GF did that while my brother was recovering from a stroke I'd tell her to F- right off. Just like the person who piously claims they'd never be in a situation like that because they despise smokers, I'd never be in that situation because I despise ******s.

edit> not calling you one- making a point about blanket statements, although you really shouldn't be tossing things out that were in her purse. Bad idea.
 
Hello.there said:
Good grief! If I was married to you I'd ask you to move out now!
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Ditto. However, it works both ways. I'm sure if I were to do something that my wife would find equally distasteful, then she'd be entitled reconsider our relationship. But, there's no need to worry about that because we'd have to become completely different people compared to who we were when we first met.
 
You got into a relationship with this girl knowing that she was a smoker. This is her choice to make, not yours. She is stressed right now -- show her that you are there for her, not against her.

I find the whole 'If you loved them wouldn't you want them to live longer so you can love them and be with them longer?' argument selfish. If you loved them, you'd let them live their life the way they choose to live it. And be happy that you get to spend as much time with them as you do.

The only person you can change is yourself. Never go into a relationship hoping to change someone. Won't happen. Accept who they are and love them for it or find someone else.

And no, I don't smoke. I have never smoked. I just realize that people change when they want to, not because someone else wants them to.
 
Wow. According to many of the posters, your girlfriend must be pretty weak-willed and you guys must have a pretty sad relationship.

They argue that you are being controlling and demanding of her that she quit smoking. But, you told her before you started dating that you don't date smokers. Thus, your girlfriend must be weak. After all, you made her date you and your demands. She had no choice in deciding to date you. She didn't choose to get involved with someone who disapproved of something she does. You must have forced her. She is so weak, you are so controlling.

Also, it's only been nine months, and you are already looking for her cell phone? I don't care that you may have just wanted to make a phone call or wanted to make sure that her family could get in touch with someone who was at the hospital. Nine months! At nine months I didn't so much as look at my wife's purse at nine months. It's been almost three years since we got married, and I still don't look to make sure she has her cell phone!

You were looking in the purse for a good reason. She knew what your feelings regarding smoking were before you started dating. That you threw away the cigarettes is iffy, but if her dentist/orthodontist told her not to smoke with the invisaligns, and she knew that, coupled with the stroke, it is understandable. Is it too late to talk to her about it, rationally, and she her you care? No. It would have been nice to do before the fact, but even now, you can let her know what happened, what you did, that you were concerned for her. But, unless you really are sorry that you did it (which I sense you aren't - and that is fair enough), don't say you are sorry.
 
mgargan1 said:
Alright, here's the deal. I told my girlfriend, before we started dating, that I don't date smokers. At the time, she smoked all the time, not just socially. Since we started dating, about 9 months ago, she's been much better... usually hiding her smoking habits so I don't find out.

She just got invisalign, so she can't smoke... but today, her sister had a stroke. I'm actually sitting in the ER waiting room, on the complimentary internet... and she left her purse on the desk while she went to see her sister. Well, I was looking to see if she had her phone, and while i was looking, i found a pack of cigarettes.

At first i didn't do anything, but the more i thought about it, it bothered me. Not only because it's bad, she has horrible genes, and very predisposed to diseases... cigarettes are a huge factor in stroke victims. So, I threw them away.

Now, I'm not trying to start a smoking thread, we already have that. And I'm not saying what I did was right... but how would you guys go about this?

I really don't want to see her end up like her sister... and I hope and pray that she gets better.
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So let me get this straight,
You stole from your gf in a time of high emotional stress. That'll work out…
You didn't just steal, you took her cigarettes- something every current or ex-smoker wants during times of high emotional stress… you really think this was the best day to have this fight… that's so considerate of you. I don't think she gives a crap about anything else right now, just your insecurities about her smoking. You should be priority one right?

Did someone call the gf selfish? Yeah, it's not her life or anything. All I see is a control freak bf that can't just grow up by either accepting her how she is or getting a life of his own.

If you don't like eating with someone, don't be with them- you're going to do a lot of eating together.
If you don't like breathing around someone, don't be with them- you're going to be doing a lot of breathing.

Other people's families are none of your concern either.
 
I won't date people that eat unhealthy food, because it leads to obesity and diabetes.
When I catch my girlfriend eating a donut, I snatch it from her mouth and throw it in the trash where it belongs, then admonish her at length for taking such a serious risk with her health, and since I can smell the donut, she's taking a risk with my health too!
I'm sure she is just thrilled to be dating such a caring and empathetic person.

BTW, I'd like to pass a law that requires people to go outside to a designated area to exercise their disgusting, smelly, puking, disease-causing, junkfood, habits.
No junkfood on Planes, buses, trains, or in cars with other people either.
 
This is a touchy subject to ask people advice on. If it were me, I'd tell her it's either me or the cigarettes -- you can't have both. Then again (and again this is a matter of personal opinion), I would never even start dating a girl who smokes, even occasionally. I absolutely, positively, 100% would not tolerate it, but I am vehemently anti-smoking. Good luck to you.
 
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