Here is the (tongue-in-cheek) response I
posted on my site this morning to this:
I would genuinely appreciate it if the executives at Real would gently get off this trend of attempting to
slam Apple and do something more useful; like being jailed for
hacking Apples FairPlay DRM. Isnt the US firmly bent on jailing little asshat teens for cracking DVD and other ineffective copy protection schemes? It seems like every other week some pimple-faced geek is tossed in the slammer for this sort of thing. So why are the Real decision-makers (
the ones who made the command decision to crack the iPod code) not in jail being ass-reamed by Bubba the pedophile?
Makes you think
Not really, but anyhow. Real somehow has gotten away with cracking iPods DRM so Mac users around the world will instantly begin downloading an insane amount of music from the Real Networks rather than from iTMS. The
technology is called Harmony and is really just a mind-boggling giant illegal hack that reaks of Microsoft fingers. I dont know how this is lawfully possible, but they did it and now promote the hell out of it on their websites. Real claims they cracked the DRM through 'public knowledge' and this is just innovation. Yeah yeah, M$ makes that claim all the time too. It causes Cheerios to launch violently from my nose with laughter.
So now, you must be as tempted as Oprah in front of 20 gallons of ice cream on a hot summers day to point your Mac over to their website and get some music for just $0.49 (well for this week)? Oh, but you say that if you go to the
Real website and try to get to the music store on your Mac it says,
Bugger off, youre on a Mac? Hmm
imagine that. They didnt think this whole thing out too good, did they? I guess in order to get the Freedom of Choice for your
APPLE iPOD, you also have to purchase a PC. I say it again, asshats. They make my ass twitch almost as much as the
Evil Empire.
Speaking of Freedom of Choice, have you seen this
real piece of **** website? First of all, half the links dont work. Secondly, the interface is inferior to something my kid barfed up last night on the living room rug. Next, it gives inaccurate claims that many Mac users have refuted. Finally, its just childish. And their mothers wear army boots.
Quite understandably,
Apple is as stunned as someone waking up with their head stapled to the carpet. I am hoping that in retaliation they put out an iPod update that breaks the Harmony DRM hack. Something deliberate that will format the iPods hard drive with 1s and 0s for being a traitor to the cause. You should lose your license to being a Mac user if you download one song from that communist site. Yes, Real Networks is a secret Nazi organization planning to take over the world through your headphones by whispering subliminal communist propaganda. Prove to me that it isnt.
Actually, I am publicly encouraging someone to write an iPod virus that, when connected to Harmony, will attack the Real Network relentlessly. Now do my bidding.