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Relationship advice on a Mac forum...

TSE

TSE

macrumors 601
Original poster
Jun 25, 2007
4,079
3,730
St. Paul, Minnesota
Alright guys.

20 years old now. First real relationship for about 3 weeks. It's to a girl from China that was one of my best friends since I've been going to college for 2.5 years.

Am I an idiot if I think it's a big deal if the girl hasnt accepted our relationship on facebook?

And one night we were pillow talking and I asked her if her parents knew and she gave a really kinda weak answer that didn't sound truthful.

Am I being an overanalyzing *******? Let me know!
 
Hey... all valid questions/thoughts/concerns!

My advice would be ... enjoy the crap out of the relationship! Just really really really enjoy it, her, the whole thing. Don't get caught up on facebook... or anything social media. Of course she didn't tell her parents.. I rarely told my parents about any of my relationships in my 20's until they were over a year old.. let alone a few weeks.

When you look back on life, whether you're still with her or she's not a part of your life, you'll really treasure this time if you just enjoy the experience. Over-analyzing things will just lead to misery. Have fun with it!
 
TSE said:
Alright guys.

20 years old now. First real relationship for about 3 weeks. It's to a girl from China that was one of my best friends since I've been going to college for 2.5 years.

Am I an idiot if I think it's a big deal if the girl hasnt accepted our relationship on facebook?

And one night we were pillow talking and I asked her if her parents knew and she gave a really kinda weak answer that didn't sound truthful.

Am I being an overanalyzing *******? Let me know!
Click to expand...

Sort of like... in a way. I didn't start any sort of relationship until I was in college (so around 2000, I'm 31 now) but I've learned much since. Back then, FB wasn't even around, until like 3-4years later when my college was "invited."

Anyway, the whole FB acceptance thingy - I KNOW that's how the younger generation solidified things. I know many people, young and old, that don't really like to put their relationship out there for everyone to see. And also, it's only been 3-weeks! Just to satisfy my curiosity, have you had the exclusivity talk/will you be my boy/girl friend talk?

And as far as her parents are concerned, I'm pretty sure they don't know yet and they probably won't until a while. She needs to feel comfortable with you first and the whole situation before she starts bringing in others to start commenting, especially her family. I sure as hell didn't tell my family every single relationship, hook-up, etc I had in college; just the ones that meant something to me.

So, yes, stop overanalyzing. Enjoy the honeymoon period, because if you don't it'll be over before it began. Be good to and respect her and make sure does the same you.
 
I'm Chinese, born in Hong Kong, raised in Canada and I have a general idea. Feel free to take my idea as a grain of salt as I don't know what her family is like. :D

Most Chinese who can afford to study aboard usually comes from wealthy families and most are still very traditional. They usually want their kids to be with someone from the same race and same "class". So its not surprising she didn't tell her parents yet.

Just let it be and enjoy your time with her.
 
Let me just say this " Facebook is the Devil" lol . As said above , enjoy it and don't worry about social media crap. The whole telling the parents thing isn't a big deal unless its been 6 months to a year. Didn't tell my father who I was dating until like 5 months in. It's college, focus on school/work and have fun. :D
 
If it's not on Facebook then it's not official duhhhhhhhhh!!!! ;)


About the parent thing though, I wouldn't worry about that. Most people in the early 20s don't run to their parents right away to tell them about a new relationship, especially if it has only been 3 weeks.
 
What was her reason for not wanting to make it "Facebook official"?

And what was her weak response in regards to not telling her parents? Just curious.

I wouldn't worry a ton about the parents thing - I never really told my family about any of my gf's until weeks/months into the relationship...but then again we weren't really a family that shared a lot of personal stuff. Some families are very open like that, some aren't.
 
Still going strong! :)

My first real relationship and it has been an absolute blast so far. I couldn't ask for better.

MacRumors, you complete me.
 
TSE said:
Still going strong! :)

My first real relationship and it has been an absolute blast so far. I couldn't ask for better.

MacRumors, you complete me.
Click to expand...

Good to hear! What some people don't realize is that to have a great relationship, both people have to constantly work at it and not just "let it be".

Curious, how old are you?
 
thatoneguy82 said:
Good to hear! What some people don't realize is that to have a great relationship, both people have to constantly work at it and not just "let it be".

Curious, how old are you?
Click to expand...

20, 21 in July.

Going to be traveling Europe for 2 months starting tomorrow. My girlfriend is in China for the summer, we have been separated but keep regular contact and I still feel just as strong for her and she has stated she's the same!
 
Aaaah, how I'd love to be twenty again, and have these 'problems', of course all the while knowing, what I know now. Which is not a lot, btw, but a bit more than when I was twenty lol

I don't have many regrets, but to the OP, enjoy your youth and early adult life! …. 'time waits for no man'.
 
I never announce any relationship on Facebook. Never seen the point. A total waste of keystrokes. (I'm 21 btw.)


EDIT: ooops, might of accidently necro'd this thread. Didn't notice how old it was :eek:
 
BenTrovato said:
Hey... all valid questions/thoughts/concerns!

My advice would be ... enjoy the crap out of the relationship! Just really really really enjoy it, her, the whole thing. Don't get caught up on facebook... or anything social media. Of course she didn't tell her parents.. I rarely told my parents about any of my relationships in my 20's until they were over a year old.. let alone a few weeks.

When you look back on life, whether you're still with her or she's not a part of your life, you'll really treasure this time if you just enjoy the experience. Over-analyzing things will just lead to misery. Have fun with it!
Click to expand...

Well said. Enjoy it, OP and stop thinking so much.:p
 
BenTrovato said:
Hey... all valid questions/thoughts/concerns!

My advice would be ... enjoy the crap out of the relationship! Just really really really enjoy it, her, the whole thing. Don't get caught up on facebook... or anything social media. Of course she didn't tell her parents.. I rarely told my parents about any of my relationships in my 20's until they were over a year old.. let alone a few weeks.

When you look back on life, whether you're still with her or she's not a part of your life, you'll really treasure this time if you just enjoy the experience. Over-analyzing things will just lead to misery. Have fun with it!
Click to expand...

Totally agree. I mean don't over think it. Because whats going to happen will happen, and the opposite is true as well. You are 20 years old, enjoy it. I'd say use protection, but beyond that just live in the moment.
 
You're acting like a child. Relying on Facebook confirmation for relationship status? Give me a break. Grow up. Act like an adult. You can be sent to war to kill people. Act like it!
 
20 years old now. First real relationship for about 3 weeks.
Click to expand...

Congrats!

It's to a girl from China that was one of my best friends since I've been going to college for 2.5 years.
Click to expand...

Best friends is an excellent foundation for a relationship, good work.

Am I an idiot if I think it's a big deal if the girl hasnt accepted our relationship on facebook?
Click to expand...

Yep. :)

And one night we were pillow talking and I asked her if her parents knew and she gave a really kinda weak answer that didn't sound truthful.
Click to expand...

Three weeks is a very short period of time. Cut your best friend some slack. She'll tell her parents when she's ready.

Relax, have fun, be a kind gentleman and focus on making her as happy as you can.

That's the secret. To the degree humanly possible, forget about you, and serve her. Develop your ability in that direction, become an expert if you can, and you'll never be alone.
 
Hey guys.

Still dating her, but just a quick inquiry.

So she went back to china for the summer, I went to Italy, and it's been three months.

The first two months or so we talked often, messaging back and forth, we skyped maybe once every couple weeks.

The past month or so, she hasn't been talkative at all. It's always me initiating the conversation, and even then she doesn't talk much. I asked her about it a week or two ago and she said she was really busy with her internship and that's why. Well her internships been done for a couple weeks and she still doesn't talk. She doesn't say I love you ever like she used to, doesn't seem happy when she talks to me, just normal conversation. Which is weird, because we skyped about a week ago and she was happy as ever.

Am I just being stupid? Is this something I need to talk to her about since we are going to have more long periods of time where we won't see each other?

I mean, I understand being busy, but I just got done with a 24 credit semester in the spring, and there were times when I was running on no sleep and still tried to make an effort to get to her house just to hang out with her and such.

I've noticed from this relationship I'm way more needy than I thought I was, is that what is going on here? i'm picking her up from the airport on friday.
 
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