Should She Push Herself...?

Ah, someone from Newcastle. I just finished my application to Northumbria!

Anyways, it seems like you are setting the bar of what YOU consider successful onto her. Not everybody wants to, or needs to, go to University and become a professional or anything of that nature. Most people, I would say, aren't cut out for that kind of life.

However, I agree that your parents SHOULD be pushing her to go to university. Not on the expectation that,"We are paying $$$ for your current education!", but because they want her to be successful. To be successful, you need a backup plan. Having a degree is something you can fall back on in case something doesn't work out the way you thought. If you don't have a college degree and something doesn't work out the way you thought, you are much more screwed over than someone that does.

Push her to go, talk to your parents alone and have them push her to go, but don't force her to go. She is going to want to go, not feel like shes being forced to go,"Because we are paying out the ass for you to go to your private school."

 

She's 15.

 

Yeah, at 15 the OPs parents don't need to make her mad at them by pushing her to o to University. That is still several years off, and she will probably change her mind before then.

 

Support her in whatever she decides. You are her older brother/sister, not an authority figure, and she needs you to be there for her if/when things don't work out. She has enough people pushing her (maybe not your parents, but school counsellors and teachers, friends, etc). If you push too hard, then she may decide to cut you out of her life.

Give your parents some credit, they may know her better than you think. This could just be a rebellious phase, eh?

 

OP, you should be commended for caring about your sister this much.

If you want to help her, I'd suggest helping her find her joie de vivre/raison d'etre. Of course at this age it could be 1) surfing the web, 2) texting, or 3) tv, but I think you could be surprised. If you find help her find her passion, she will most likely work towards it, and you can encourage this rather than alarm.

Your parents may be giving her a great education, but that doesn't mean she must go to a university. I realize that this is often felt to be the "correct" path in life, and as someone who's been in school for a while himself, I can say affirmatively that this isn't always the case. The time, expense, and income sacrifice of going to school isn't really worthwhile if you don't like school or if the thing you'd like to do doesn't really require a professional education. That time can be better spent advancing in that field.

I'm just pointing this out so you don't feel that your sister is a failure if she doesn't go to college. There are many types of success and it's up to your sister to figure out which one she wants for herself.

 

You need to think on her level if you want to motivate her. Here is reasoning that may motivate her. The majority of the people with college degrees are of higher socioeconomic status and have a higher income. People rarely marry opposites. If she want's to marry a rich guy, that's great. But if she has just a high school diploma, they may not want to marry her. If she wants to be attractive in the job and dating market, she needs a degree. Furthermore, if she goes to college, she will have the opportunity to meet a rich guy, experience the world, get a whiff of freedom and have some fun. Her friends are ALL going to go to college and what is she going to do? Sit at home all day and watch TV?

While there are always exceptions, I rarely date people with less than a Master's degree. It has nothing to do with shallowness, SES or income; it is about being able to relate to someone on a similar level; and a huge portion of my life and what I value is academics. Because I am the product of academics and the world of so called "liberal arts", I am an extremely eccentric person and without having gone through the experience of college, people cannot understand where I am coming from and what has shaped my beliefs and caused me to operate in the manner in which I do. Mind you, there are plenty of smart people without college and plenty of idiots with, so I said rarely because it is not always.

Finally, she is 15 which I assume is a sophomore. She is thinking about kissing boys, going to prom, being in the cool social crowd, a new pink cellphone and whatever else girls of that age do. Long term planning practically does not exist at that age and people are generally most impulsive around then. She still has about 2 years until she applies to colleges and she will likely mature greatly in that time as girls mature earlier and quicker than men.

If she has no drive whatsoever, it is a waste of money for her to go to college. I wouldn't count her in or out; it is too early to tell. If you give her too much crap though, people of that age will frequently push for the opposite just to spite you. Finally, intelligence has no direct correlation IMO with success in college. Your level of dedication is far more important and you are only going to get out what you put in. In conclusion, don't worry and don't push too hard. Generally speaking, people WANT to go to college and so sooner or later, she should change.

 

It could be teenage rebellion. Or maybe she'd be happier becoming a plumber or something.

 

She's still very young.
At 15 I had no idea what I wanted to. Aced college and university (3 years ago) and to date still haven't landed a "real" job. But I'm doing just perfectly self employed.

Point being you can have all the brain and street smarts in the world and never get a good job. You can meticulously plan everything and have it fall apart. You can be a filthy trillionaire without college or university.

She'll eventually find out she needs to etch out her own career. You can't force her into anything, just tell her that shizz gets serious once you've flown the nest.

 

I think she just hasn't realized the extent fully but she probably will later. She still has time to change her mind. If she doesn't have the will/desire to do something, then there really is no point. Hopefully she'll do whatever makes her happy.

 

Tell her she's more likely to meet a rich man at University than if she doesn't go. She can shack up with a nice business student (is there such a thing?) and achieve her goal, and leave with a nice backup plan, too.

 

As others have pointed out, she's only 15 years old. Heck, 20-somethings make some pretty outrageous statements of their intentions and never follow through on them. At present, yes, Mom and Dad should be encouraging her to do her best in school. Why wouldn't a parent do that?

 

You know what? If I were the parents, I'd start taking away all the stuff she's got now and make her work for everything, so she'd have an understanding of how hard it is to make a living. It sounds like she's having everything handed to her, and she lives in a household where both parents make pretty good money. Nothing wrong with the latter, but the whole environment doesn't sound conducive to helping her understand what the real world is like.

And don't tell me I'm being harsh -- Warren Buffett did the same thing with his kids. He made them work menial jobs for their spending money. Nothing like it to remove the rose-colored glasses from your eyes.

 

Well......I know I would love to marry rich and be a house-husband haha

As my older (in 60's) co-workers once advised......it is just as easy to love someone who is rich as someone who is not, so marry rich if you can lol

 

I think she should. You can't depend on anything, you have to be proactive and try to make a life for yourself.

I think good points have been brought up. She is more likely to meet a guy, especially a successful guy, if she does go to University.

However, she is only 15. Chances are she may change her mind and make the decision herself within the next few years to go to University.

The most important thing is that she knows she has your and your family's support in whatever she does decide, but I think it is important to explain to her the pros of pursuing higher education and the cons of..not.

You seem like a great big sister, she's lucky to have one like you.

 

I'm 22 (almost 23). My father is a lawyer, my mom does office management. I went to an expensive private school, didn't bother getting good grades, didn't really care much, my parents never pushed me, etc. It took me some time, but I have my ****** together now, and am doing well in school, possibly going for med school... not quite sure yet.

my point is, it's not just about pushing one self right now, but also the environment you're raised in. My parents didn't push me, but eventually I learned to push myself. And because I learned to push myself, instead of an external force pushing me, I feel like it's more ... legitimate. I'm happy pushing myself, as opposed to other people who push themselves to stress out over failing because they don't want to disappoint so and so.

P.S. Having said that, I also have the philosophy that this is America, there's always another chance. I'm aware that the British school system is different, adjust my advice accordingly

 

As has already been stated she's still young and will probably be changing her mind several more times.

Instead of a 4yr university maybe she will want to just get a 2yr degree from a community college in a technical/medical/other field. When I was in HS we could enroll in a program called Running Start. HS students could take community college classes as a replacement. It counted as HS and college credit. If you have a program similar to that she might be interested when she gets to her senior year.

 

My daughter is much younger than 15, but she already knows what she wants to be...a widow. "Been talking to Mom again, Pumpkin?"

Anyhow, she is a bit young, but wanting to be a trophy wife? I hope she has more ambition as she matures.

 

That's exactly wha I thought too. It's fine to have a partner who can cover all your life expenses with his/her income alone, but relationships built entirely on money do not work out in the long run.

 

I can't stop laughing to this.

 

I think her level of schooling wouldn't affect her chances of dating a rich guy, since many guys are happy to date someone they believe is dumber than himself. However, an Arts degree may increase her chances a bit, just so that he can tell his friends that he didn't just marry her for her looks.

And with regards to uni, she'll likely take a good look at herself, and do a lot of self-assessment when it's time, and her group of friends are all in the same situation. There's no way it's cool to be the one girl who isn't in a position to even consider uni. In fact, it'd be downright embarrassing for some because they think that's where they're supposed to go! Don't worry about her. By next year, she'll be over-concerned about her university choice.