iJohnHenry
macrumors P6
You will have to elaborate just a little more, please.
How is a person protecting their livelihood "emotionally visceral"?
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Smelly woman in restaurant
- Thread starter greganpace
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You will have to elaborate just a little more, please.
How is a person protecting their livelihood "emotionally visceral"?
Wirelessly posted
Thank you for all the advice. To answer some doubts, I/we are concerned for her well being and want to help the situation. She is always very kind and polite while she is here and we definitely don't want to embarrass of offend her. As for getting her some help, as I mentioned, we are a small community and there really isn't anything nearby. I don't want to sound like a jerk but it would be unreasonable to drive her to a suitable place. I think next time she comes in, maybe I could say something or suggest she comes back at a later time in the day when we aren't so busy?
Thank you for all the advice. To answer some doubts, I/we are concerned for her well being and want to help the situation. She is always very kind and polite while she is here and we definitely don't want to embarrass of offend her. As for getting her some help, as I mentioned, we are a small community and there really isn't anything nearby. I don't want to sound like a jerk but it would be unreasonable to drive her to a suitable place. I think next time she comes in, maybe I could say something or suggest she comes back at a later time in the day when we aren't so busy?
The question isnt related to my position, but protecting your livelihood can be emotionally visceral it puts bread on the table. It threatens a person's well being at a basic level of Maslow's pyramid.
I don't know why I am advocating on behalf of a smelly person I know nothing about. I honestly have no idea why it is making me upset.
Old Smuggler
macrumors 6502a
iJohnHenry
macrumors P6
You have empathy for the woman, and that's good.
Unfortunately, the OP is not set-up to cure the ills of Society, and it appears that his community is also short of resources.
iJohnHenry
macrumors P6
Take heart.
If this is a small town, the OP must know some cops, and perhaps they know this woman?
They could make inquiries as to the woman's next of kin, who might be of some help.
I am in a small community too, and we need to care for each other.
I agree with what mpkayeuk is saying, and would like to expand on it.
If she is homeless, then she may need access to a shower - stocked with soap/shampoo. Also, access to a machine to wash her clothes. But again... she may need some clothes to change into (track pants, for eg) and help running the machine. And obviously she won't have coins for machine.
In a perfect world you will offer these services in a way that allows her to maintain her dignity and she'll accept. Perhaps she could "work" in the restaurant, or outside doing landscaping. You're happy, the town is happy, and your customer is happy. Unfortunately life is not usually that perfect and it may take some work to make this work.
If it doesn't work then you may need to start looking at a more senior level of government for help. Good Luck and thanks for trying to make it work before just tossing her out on her ear.
In my community there is a fellow who works really hard cleaning up the streets of litter. He has a sign he wears that explains he works by donations, but he never approaches you for money... you have to track him down. I think he does ok, because he works hard and lots of people are stopping him.. Perhaps your customer needs a job like that?
iBlue
macrumors Core
The answer is simple but wording it sure won't be. I wouldn't try to patronise her with verbose solutions for her to seek help unless she seems interested in hearing it. Have the info to hand but I wouldn't go in expecting to say it all. I might just say that I'm sorry to have to bring up a delicate matter but we're receiving complaints about your body odour. Although it's always been a pleasure to serve you, I can't alienate other guests so this must be addressed before you next return. (Something to that effect.) Best of luck.
Macman45
macrumors G5
Rather you than me...She might cause a huge scene making matters worse than they are already.
Zombie Acorn
macrumors 65816
If she escalates, just call the police, have her removed, if she comes back restraining order, problem solved.
whooleytoo
macrumors 604
I like this idea. The OP is presumably free to just refuse access, or kick her out.
But it might be easier for both if he could strike up a conversation (if she's a regular), ask her if she lives in the area or is homeless, and offer suggestions on where she might be able to get help..including a shower. Being a little subtle might help avoid embarrassing her, and the OP would feel better that they've lent a hand. Might help, couldn't hurt.
This is probably the best answer, but to add to it to prehaps have some info on places to go for help if she is unfortunately homeless or unable to provide for herself
Zombie Acorn
macrumors 65816
I actually thought of another solution, raise your prices. 😉
"We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem is solved from your end."
"We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem is solved from your end."
The problem with this, and other similar postings, is that the OP is in small community. One has to live in a small community to fully understand some of the implications. And the OP's town sounds a bit like my town.
Not only is the OP having to deal with this customer, they are doing so with half the town looking over their shoulder, ready to pass judgment. It doesn't matter what they do, there will be a segment who will think the OP did it wrong. And ... it's not just what they do it's how they do it.
And that may be OK, because the town's population all know that their town is unique in how much they all disagree about things, and will expect that some people will think the OP did it wrong. However .... if they all agree that what the OP did was wrong then the restaurant's business will evaporate faster than you can say "You can't get there from here." It may be better to annoy a few people with her presence than to have the majority of customers boycotting your business because someone was treated badly.
It's a dicey situation, and I feel for the OP. It is vital that regardless of the outcome, the town doesn't think the OP was rude or treated her with disrespect, imho.
If this community is so small, I'm curious if anyone else there has ever offered to help this person. I mean, if the OP knows her, then likely the other patrons do as well.
Did others offer assistance and she refused, or is OP the first person there to be prepared to act with any consideration?
In other words, helping this person ought to be a group effort because she is a part of the community, and cleaning her up benefits everybody. OP could be a facilitator since we know for sure they are directly affected - but what about asking around to see if anybody else wants to pitch in. I like the idea of offering a job; if she doesn't want to work in/around the restaurant, maybe someone else has an opportunity she's better suited for? Maybe someone owns an unoccupied building with a bathroom she could hole up in every once and a while? Maybe a church or youth group of some kind that volunteers knows something about her or can offer to pop in on her.
"We can refuse service, GTFO" works fine in the big city, but not so much in the little nooks and crannies of society. Again, though, I am curious why the situation hasn't already been addressed if the community is as introspective as it apparently is...
/socialist meanderings 😉
Did others offer assistance and she refused, or is OP the first person there to be prepared to act with any consideration?
In other words, helping this person ought to be a group effort because she is a part of the community, and cleaning her up benefits everybody. OP could be a facilitator since we know for sure they are directly affected - but what about asking around to see if anybody else wants to pitch in. I like the idea of offering a job; if she doesn't want to work in/around the restaurant, maybe someone else has an opportunity she's better suited for? Maybe someone owns an unoccupied building with a bathroom she could hole up in every once and a while? Maybe a church or youth group of some kind that volunteers knows something about her or can offer to pop in on her.
"We can refuse service, GTFO" works fine in the big city, but not so much in the little nooks and crannies of society. Again, though, I am curious why the situation hasn't already been addressed if the community is as introspective as it apparently is...
/socialist meanderings 😉
Just add a store regulation which says every customer has to have a proper appearance. And give details of that.
A challenging situation.
You've got a very fine line to draw here. On the one hand, from a purely business perspective, having a customer who is literally driving other customers away is something you can't tolerate. If - as you say - the situation is that bad, then I really don't think you have any choice but to do something.
On the other hand, I'd recommend strongly against getting too deeply involved in whatever personal, financial, or psychological issues may be troubling this woman. You are a restaurant manager - not a social worker. And even in a small community, where "everyone knows everyone" its best to let people for things out for themselves.
My recommendation would be to keep the thing as businesslike as possible. Instruct your staff that the next time the woman shows up (in a malodorous state) you need to be alerted immediately. Take her aside, to whatever private area you have, and tell her firmly, but politely, that she cannot dine their until she takes care of whatever is causing the poor personal odor.
How you word that is key: You don't want to imply its because she doesn't bathe (she may have some medical issue thats causing it.) You also, strangely enough, don't want to mention that other customers have complained about her (even if they have.) That may prompt arguments about people "ganging up" on her, and other paranoid reactions. Simply say that, until she "takes care of" or "addresses" the issue, she may not visit your restaurant. You need to stay away from words like "stinky" - simply say that you have noticed that she has a "body odor that is unacceptable" in your restaurant.
She's probably going to be upset. Prepare yourself for that. You may also wish to have available the telephone numbers of various local agencies: medical, mental health, Government or Charitable aid, etc. If this person is without their own personal transportation - you should offer to pay for a cab ride home, on the understanding that she not return until the issue is resolved. Lastly, you should make it clear (if you get the chance) she will be more than welcome to dine with you again once she's "taken care" of the situation. You might (if you are a real Saint) offer her a free meal if she does. (Just don't tell her you'll give her a thorough smell-test before going through with it.)
Good luck. The fact that you chose to ask this question tells me you are decent person who is (rightly) troubled about having to deal with such a delicate situation.
You've got a very fine line to draw here. On the one hand, from a purely business perspective, having a customer who is literally driving other customers away is something you can't tolerate. If - as you say - the situation is that bad, then I really don't think you have any choice but to do something.
On the other hand, I'd recommend strongly against getting too deeply involved in whatever personal, financial, or psychological issues may be troubling this woman. You are a restaurant manager - not a social worker. And even in a small community, where "everyone knows everyone" its best to let people for things out for themselves.
My recommendation would be to keep the thing as businesslike as possible. Instruct your staff that the next time the woman shows up (in a malodorous state) you need to be alerted immediately. Take her aside, to whatever private area you have, and tell her firmly, but politely, that she cannot dine their until she takes care of whatever is causing the poor personal odor.
How you word that is key: You don't want to imply its because she doesn't bathe (she may have some medical issue thats causing it.) You also, strangely enough, don't want to mention that other customers have complained about her (even if they have.) That may prompt arguments about people "ganging up" on her, and other paranoid reactions. Simply say that, until she "takes care of" or "addresses" the issue, she may not visit your restaurant. You need to stay away from words like "stinky" - simply say that you have noticed that she has a "body odor that is unacceptable" in your restaurant.
She's probably going to be upset. Prepare yourself for that. You may also wish to have available the telephone numbers of various local agencies: medical, mental health, Government or Charitable aid, etc. If this person is without their own personal transportation - you should offer to pay for a cab ride home, on the understanding that she not return until the issue is resolved. Lastly, you should make it clear (if you get the chance) she will be more than welcome to dine with you again once she's "taken care" of the situation. You might (if you are a real Saint) offer her a free meal if she does. (Just don't tell her you'll give her a thorough smell-test before going through with it.)
Good luck. The fact that you chose to ask this question tells me you are decent person who is (rightly) troubled about having to deal with such a delicate situation.
gnasher729
Suspended
Just saying: There are people who have problems with personal hygiene (and no other problems, either financial or mental), because they are either not aware of the smell or don't care. And there are some poor people where smell is actually a medical problem where no amount of soap makes a difference.
Myself, I used to go by train every morning for three years, and I used to get into the train, smell to the left, smell to the right, and walk to the carriage where the woman with the awful perfume didn't sit who joined the train one station earlier. 😱
Myself, I used to go by train every morning for three years, and I used to get into the train, smell to the left, smell to the right, and walk to the carriage where the woman with the awful perfume didn't sit who joined the train one station earlier. 😱