Was quoted £896.52 to replace all broken parts. Which was absolutely everything.
The reseller gave me back the repair log report thing. Some quite amusing comments really.
"14:52 - Excellent distribution of fanta throughout. Logic board definitely fried. RAM visibly corroded and faulty. Battery fine. Optical drive sticky and sugary. Hard Drive looks maybe ok, testing HD for viability of data.
15:08 - HD failed."
So all in all, it took 16 minutes for my machine to be declared officially dead.
So now Direct Line have all the quotes and documents and I should get a replacement Macbook within the next week or longer...
In theory, I'll get an Aluminium new one. But I'm genuinely afraid they'll just give me a replacement laptop and I'll end up with a Dell. Which would be a nightmare to sort out.
As my dad said (a recent Mac convert), "that would be like breaking a Blu-Ray player and getting a VHS as a replacement".