View screen from the sides: That's because of the viewing angles, and as long as it's a TN-panel it will always look that way, and it seems like there are no other panels in laptops, even thought the Lenovo T60p or whatever someone said earlier have had IPS.
You will have even worse viewing angles vertically and it you look from the top it will probably look bright and from the bottom black. This is have the technique used in them work and there is nothing you can do about it.
Straight in front of it would be another issue, but you don't have it so yours are just fine.
Banding in gradients: This is because it's an 18 bit TN-panel, no "millions of colors", only 262k of them. It will be that on all of them and thought it suck and Apple also lies about the amount of colors it can't be fixed.
Spent half a day: Obviously you haven't tried many other OSes, I've spent waaay to many weeks on annoying computer things. (No I'm not talking Windows, atleast not mainly, Windows works just fine.)
well its a 6bit panel, thats 18bit colour and its a TN so that means you get low range of colour depth and naff viewing angles, but decent speed.
i think the viewing angle issue can be so bad at times that even looking head on you'll notice colour shifts in the corners (which will be at an angle to your line of sight and not perpendicular to it like the center)
but then again nearly all laptops use this type of display. but some are better than others. my dads sony 15.4 inch laptop has a great display, bright colours, even lighting and the back light is incredibly bright....but its CCFL and kills the battery pronto. its only 1280x800 but it still shows you can have a pretty decent 6bit panel
the 6bit TN panels use dithering to emulate millions of colours....it comes out to about 16.2 million. standard 2x2 dithering is the worst type, but there is a new dithering technique know as Hi-FRC, its available on those Chi-Mei 22inchers and apparently it aint half bad...certainly improving the case for such panels.