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Telling a Friend That I Like Her

C

Creebe

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Nov 10, 2010
23
0
I just came back to my dorm from her dorm. She invited some of my residence neighbours and I to a little dry party. It is now almost 2am, but I'm still wide awake. All I can say is that I appreciate every bit of her and I have a lot of respect for her. I have known her for almost 6 years now - since grade 10, now I'm in my third year university. I don't know how this feeling should be officially classified, but I think I really really like her.

I can't think of any other girl that I like right now. I don't know if she notices this or not, and I hope she does. This kind of uncertainty is killing me, and I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to make a change. I don't know what this is going to do to our friendship. I know her parents, and they know me. Her sister and I are also friends. She's one of the few people on this planet that I can cry in front of without feeling embarrassed.

I feel that I should do something. My midterms are coming up in a month and I don't want this to affect my academic endeavours. However I'm scared that this might ruin everything and I would be screwed.

I'm not trying to ask for advices specifically, maybe I just need a bit of consolation. But feel free if you would like to give advices. This is the internet, and I think there is room for a guy to be weak and emotional. I hide it well in real life though, and I am reluctant to tell this to my friends. That is probably why I feel so out of control.

Thank you for your time...:rolleyes:
 
Hellhammer

Hellhammer

Moderator emeritus
Dec 10, 2008
22,164
582
Finland
Ask her for coffee and tell her how you feel. It's not the end of the world if she doesn't feel the same toward you, you can still be good friends.
 
redAPPLE

redAPPLE

macrumors 68030
May 7, 2002
2,677
5
2 Much Infinite Loops
i suggest attacking this issue after your midterms.

imagine this, you ask her next weekend (and talk about the "feelings" blah blah blah) and she doesn't appreciate how you feel and she basically "dumps" you.

you'd get semi depressed, can't study as good enough, asking yourself, why and what and what not.

that might make a huge impact (negatively) on your exams.

then you might start hating this "friend" and it could get worse and worse.

i suggest tell her how you feel. i know it sounds easy to give this advice, especially, when i am not the one asking the girl.;)
 
SESpy

SESpy

macrumors regular
Mar 13, 2010
228
0
You should definitely aks her out on coffee and tell her how you feel. Since you know her a long time, you should know if she's a romantic or not. If she is a romantic, go wild a bit, tell her you can eat or sleep or drink but if she doesn't fancy the romanticism do NOT go wild :D or she'll think you're oversensitive and that's what she won't like ( if she isn't a romantic ) :)
Just like the other people said, if you don't tell her now you'll keep wondering what would've happened. She'll eventually meet someone and you'll wanna be him and it will mess up everything.. Just tell her :)
 
GoCubsGo

GoCubsGo

macrumors Nehalem
Feb 19, 2005
35,741
153
Can you ask the girl how I can make my NAS accessible to people off my home network? Thanks
 
rdowns

rdowns

macrumors Penryn
Jul 11, 2003
27,397
12,521
Creebe said:
I have known her for almost 6 years now - since grade 10, now I'm in my third year university. I don't know how this feeling should be officially classified, but I think I really really like her.
Click to expand...


Friend zone. Very, very, very, few ever escape it.
 
Rodimus Prime

Rodimus Prime

macrumors G4
Oct 9, 2006
10,136
4
doubleohseven said:
Make a start. Make a change. The only thing you'll regret is not asking her!
Click to expand...

Very true. I can tell you from experience that is the biggest regret. I have one I never told still regret it.

I have had another friend who I used to have feelings for and told her. We dated for a while did not work out and now we are still good friend years later. Things were a little award for a while after we broke up but still friends.

Worse case is she does not return the feelings and would tell you as such. Things might be a little weird for a little while but it will quickly pass. That weirdness is a very good trade off to not live with the regret.
Best case is she has the feelings too. It makes moving into something more a lot easier because you do not have to deal with the getting to know you phase.
 
KnightWRX

KnightWRX

macrumors Pentium
Jan 28, 2009
15,046
4
Quebec, Canada
Hellhammer said:
you can still be good friends.
Click to expand...

This isn't true. Never has been. Men and Women can't be "good friends". Men always want more. Would you just go out with a women to diner or do an outdoors activity, leaving your wife at home ? Of course not, what's the interest in that ?

Tell her, if she rejects you move on. Don't stay stuck in the friend zone, you're just hurting yourself in the long run. And don't do a big romantic get up/showing. You already know what the answer is going to be probably.

Ladder theory people. Stop fighting it, it's basically as close to scientific fact as it's going to get at this point.
 
roadbloc

roadbloc

macrumors G3
Aug 24, 2009
8,784
215
UK
KnightWRX said:
This isn't true. Never has been. Men and Women can't be "good friends". Men always want more.
Click to expand...
Nonsense. I'm good friends with a girl I really like. I told her I liked her and she wasn't interested, so it ended at that. We are still good friends and although I do enjoy being in her company, I will not attempt to peruse her anymore unless she shows an interest, simply because I want her to be happy and doing so may result in the end of our friendship.

It's been true for me.
 
Apple OC

Apple OC

macrumors 68040
Oct 14, 2010
3,667
4,328
Hogtown
Creebe said:
I just came back to my dorm from her dorm. She invited some of my residence neighbours and I to a little dry party. It is now almost 2am, but I'm still wide awake. All I can say is that I appreciate every bit of her and I have a lot of respect for her. I have known her for almost 6 years now - since grade 10
Click to expand...

Chances are she only invited you folks over because she considers you all her friends ... she would have sent you a stronger signal than that over the last 6 years.

My sound advice ... do not say you like her yet ... she may feel uncomfortable to be friends after that and you will have lost a friend.

Try to set up some more "little dry parties where she is involved" ... be subtle and look for a stronger signal.

time will tell ... you just need the signal ... I don't think the first invite was it, but you should keep trying to find one. :cool:
 
C

Creebe

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Nov 10, 2010
23
0
Okay thanks for the advices you guys. I'm asking this on a technology forum because I'm typing on my Macbook...? And there is more guys here I assume. I don't know that many forums so yeah.

I think asking her out for coffee is fine, she probably won't think it's me showing interest though. I've hung out with her one on one many times, and I just started to develop feelings recently.
 
lPHONE

lPHONE

macrumors 6502a
Nov 17, 2009
671
1
if you don't say something, you will regret it forever... that should motivate you.
 
KnightWRX

KnightWRX

macrumors Pentium
Jan 28, 2009
15,046
4
Quebec, Canada
roadbloc said:
Nonsense. I'm good friends with a girl I really like. I told her I liked her and she wasn't interested, so it ended at that. We are still good friends and although I do enjoy being in her company, I will not attempt to peruse her anymore unless she shows an interest, simply because I want her to be happy and doing so may result in the end of our friendship.

It's been true for me.
Click to expand...

So you admit you want more than friendship. We've all been through it, we've all believed "hey, friendship is better than nothing". But it isn't a real friendship, it's just you wanting more and hoping it will come.

It just ends up hurting you. If for now you feel that's better than moving on, go right ahead, but don't tell me what I said was nonsense when you essentially repeated the same thing I did.

Trust I've been there.
 
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