The Great Parental Troll

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Theophany, Mar 22, 2011.

  1. Theophany, Mar 22, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2011

    Theophany macrumors 6502a


    Nov 16, 2008
    NW London.
    Ok, so I've had a pretty epic day of trolling my parents. It was utterly brilliant and the full text of it can be found here where I posted it as it unfolded (doing it over multiple forums would have frazzled me!) but I wanted to share it everywhere! Below is an abbreviated version of events ;)

    ACT I - 1:11pm

    First and foremost, I love my family more than anything else in this world, but we do have something of an ongoing 'thing' of playing practical jokes on each other that started approximately on the day I was born.

    On Sunday I was involved in a filming session for my housemate's job application to Saatchi & Saatchi, for which she has to spoof a popular TV advert. She chose to do the BT Adam & Jane campaign, which apparently will feature the marriage of the two on the same day as the upcoming Royal Wedding.

    Many photos were taken as we staged the photo shoot and filming at the University chapel and some of them look quite believable for a student wedding on a shoestring budget. My parents hate the thought of me getting married until I'm at least 30 (not good enough for me, live your life, etc) so I thought I could have a bit of fun at their expense. A small selection of the many photos taken:

    So now I'm thinking what should I write in the email I'm going to send with the photos attached? Or should I send them in a different format to email? I know my dear mother will **** a chicken when she sees them and I'm pretty sure my dad will freak out too. I'm wondering what is the best way to email them to convey sorrow for not telling them, but also great pride in what I'm claiming to have done. If I leave it to April 1st, they'll clock my troll immediately and a great opportunity will have been wasted. Plus, I could do with a laugh today. :)

    Thoughts people?

    ACT II - 1:53pm

    Ok, sent. IIRC my old man is out of the office until ~4pm today, so he won't pick it up until then. But here is the email:


    ACT III - 4:04pm

    The eleventh hour approaches...

    ..meanwhile, aside from the many chat bubbles I've had opening up on Facebook to congratulate me and ask what on earth I am doing with my life, the lovely bride is remaining committed to the troll amongst her own friends. Truly stellar performance - maybe I should actually propose? :D


    The parentals should be blowing their lids within the next 10 minutes I expect...

    ACT IV - 4:09pm


    So my phone has been ringing for the past few moments, going to let it ride to voicemail and see what the reaction is and who leaves the message, might give me some clues as to how it's been received!


    Christ, ok, I think this has gone pretty much EXACTLY to plan folks. We are looking at a stage 3 meltdown right now. I have quite possibly given my mother a freakin' brain aneurysm.

    Normally she's really bubbly, got a very happy tone to her voice and rarely gets angry. But she has this special tone of voice that I came to learn as a child growing up. Basically, this tone of voice you are about to hear is one I have only ever heard in my life moments before getting a massive bollocking and the sole of a slipper to my arse!

    Ladies and gentleman, I give you Theophany's mum, probably with blood trickling out of her ears right now:

    Another few minutes and I call, hopefully just as she's reaching critical mass.

    One of my younger brothers just got home and has text me asking why mum is going mental and asking him to check my Facebook and why I'm listed as married. I filled him in on the story and after wetting himself with laughter, he is playing along. Possibly the first time in my life I'm glad my brother studies drama and is bloody good at acting/ad libbing!! :D

    ACT V - 5:19pm

    Ok so I couldn't, in what good conscience I have left, let it ride for any longer. Knowing my mum would be on the warpath I picked up the phone and called.

    To say she was in a state would be being economical with the truth. Not only was she bat**** livid with me she also seemed reasonably upset by my marriage, so I'm afraid I won't be posting the recording of the conversation. Mother has managed to catch me out with troll's remorse...

    The conversation went like this:

    Me: Hi mum, you called?
    Ma Theophany: Yes Alex, I did.
    Me: What's up?
    Ma: What the hell have you gone and done? ...general ranting about how I'm an idiot for throwing my life away and 'how long has this been going on? questions...

    It is at this point I can hear my Dad losing his **** in the background and laughing like a lunatic. Eventually after her ranting train loses some momentum and the lightbulb above her head flashes on...

    Ma: This isn't for real is it?

    At which point I had to come clean because my Dad had ruined the gig. Turns out as soon as he got the email he spotted the troll - clearly all that father-son bonding over the years means he knows me too bloody well! But, what really gets me is that without any instruction or asking from me, he carried the troll on to my mother and *really* poked the bear over the last hour or so.

    Apparently he came up with an elaborate story pretty much on the spot about how it has been going on for ages and how he and I discussed it before I got 'married.' He told her that he had paid for some of the wedding, had given me his blessing and had spoken with Jo's parents over it who were over the moon about their daughter marrying me.

    Honest to God, I cannot give Pa Theophany enough credit for this. Clearly trolling a genetic trait, because not only did he pick up the baton but he ran the **** out of the race and picked up the gold medal. Top marks.

    My mum eventually calmed down enough to see the funny side of it, though she was a little teary from worrying so much about how I was wasting my life! By the end of the conversation she was laughing, albeit very nervously! I think the relief that it was all a joke was starting to set in.

    I would have liked to keep it going up to something more epic, such as meeting the in-laws, as somebody had already suggested; it would have been doable as well as our families don't live far from each other at all. But I think taking it that far would likely have resulted in my mother disowning me and never forgiving me for it.

    For now, she's alright though. She did however force me to promise over the phone that I wouldn't get married until I was in my thirties... Looks like Jo might have to wait a while :p
  2. dukebound85 macrumors P6


    Jul 17, 2005
    5045 feet above sea level
    haha awesome......though makes you wonder what would happen if you ever did get married lol
  3. Theophany thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Nov 16, 2008
    NW London.
    As long as I invite my mum I'll be ok seems to be the gist she's giving me ;)
  4. eawmp1 macrumors 601


    Feb 19, 2008
  5. mscriv macrumors 601


    Aug 14, 2008
    Dallas, Texas
  6. electronique macrumors 6502

    Aug 27, 2008
    OK.. Thats all well and good.. But whos the hot bride? Is she single?
  7. arkitect macrumors 603


    Sep 5, 2005
    Bath, United Kingdom
    Wait, what… didn't you just read the thread?

    She just got married.

  8. iBlue macrumors Core


    Mar 17, 2005
    London, England
    That is fantastic! You hilariously evil troll!

    P.S. Congratulations! :D
  9. ender land macrumors 6502a

    Oct 26, 2010
  10. chrmjenkins macrumors 603


    Oct 29, 2007

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