The most commonly asked questions on MacRumors...

[iParis]

Many of these have been mentioned, but I thought I'd offer my list, along with the responses some of us WISH we could make! (by the way, for the sense-of-humor challenged, this is a joke!)

Buy now or wait? "Just buy SOMETHING and leave us alone!"
MacBook or MacBook Pro? "Buy both!"
Old or unibody? "Neither!"
Matte or Glossy? "Where's my gun?"
I got a virus! "Take two of these and call your doctor in the morning!"
Which laptop sleeve/bag? "Try a grocery bag!"
Should I get AppleCare? "No, you'll probably void it, anyway!"
Will AppleCare cover this? (usually damage by the user) "Sure! They'll give you a new computer every week! No questions asked!"
I HATE (Apple, Apple Store, Macs, etc.) (basically anyone who doesn't let them get their way) "That's it! No supper for you!"
Which keyboard/mouse? "Rule for trouble-free computing: never EVER touch your keyboard or mouse/trackpad!"
When will (insert any Apple product here) be updated? "Tuesday, dammit!"
Why no Firewire? "Because you've been bad!"
Can I get a Mac free with no credit and no money since mommy won't buy me one? "The check's in the mail!"
OMG! 911! HATE! SUCKS! BLOWS! Rip-off! (or any other childish temper tantrum) "GROW UP!!!!"
RAM? (how much? where to buy? what kind to buy? install it myself? will it void warranty?) "Just order the thing from Apple with all the RAM you want, overpay for it, and save us all the misery!"
Hard drive? (5400 vs 7200? how much? where to buy? what kind to buy? install it myself? will it void warranty?) "See instructions for RAM"
Batteries (are they covered by AppleCare? health? calibrate? leave plugged in?) "Just buy something that runs on AAA batteries, replace them daily, and stop posting about them!"
Which applications should I get? "Get 'em all!"
Is this brand new MBP on Craigslist for $5 a good deal? "Don't forget 2 bodyguards and a bulletproof vest when you go to pick it up"
Which is better: Mac OS X or Windows? "There's actually a definitive answer to this one, but we're never going to tell you what it is. Try 'em both and figure it out for yourself!"

Dude, I love your comments next the questions! EPIC POST!

I presume you mean this one, yes?

That video is amazing! Thanks for sharing. I really think Arn should require newbies to watch ALL of this video before posting.

 

[mogzieee]

I presume you mean this one, yes?

Epicly Brilliant. Awesome.

 

[Melrose]

My favorites are the ones that ask "I'm trying to do" <insert some illegal behavior here> "and it just isn't working. Does anyone know why?"

I get a kick out of these too.. It seems like they think that because it's the Internets then asking about warez and pirating is perfectly kosher.

 

[iParis]

I get a kick out of these too.. It seems like they think that because it's the Internets then asking about warez and pirating is perfectly kosher.

Those threads always turn into "Is pirating illegal?" thread.

 

[Melrose]

Those threads always turn into "Is pirating illegal?" thread.

Yeah exactly. Sooner or later, rather than a simple "Pirating is bad so don't ask" response it descends into a flame argument of some kind..

 

[TheAngusBurger]

"Convince my mum/dad/boss/grandma to buy me a Mac instead of a PC". I think we need a sticky full of reasons, there's a new one of those threads every day.

On a similar note, "Should I get this Mac, or this PC?" A little stupid asking that on a Mac forum, really.

 

[mcpryon2]

"What plug-in do I use to make my camcorder look like a Hollywood movie?"

"How do I make my project better?" And, of course, giving no details whatsoever.

People talking about "filming" with a camcorder. This one just makes my blood boil, I guess I'm a relic of the past era.

 

[millerj123]

People talking about "filming" with a camcorder. This one just makes my blood boil, I guess I'm a relic of the past era.

I agree with your first two, but this one confuses me. Up until recently, camcorders recorded on tape. "Videoing" sounds silly. "Taping" implies just setting to record. So, how should people describe this act?

 

[Doctor Q]

People talking about "filming" with a camcorder. This one just makes my blood boil, I guess I'm a relic of the past era.

You should dial your phone and complain to someone about it!

MacRumors and other forum sites are often called boards, short for bulletin board systems (BBS). There's another out-of-date metaphor. I have trouble getting the thumbtacks that hold my posts to stick through the screen!

 

[dejo]

"Taping" implies just setting to record. So, how should people describe this act?

You mean there's a difference between taping and filming?

 

[iBookG4user]

I agree with your first two, but this one confuses me. Up until recently, camcorders recorded on tape. "Videoing" sounds silly. "Taping" implies just setting to record. So, how should people describe this act?

Wouldn't taping imply recording to tape? And perhaps it should be called video recording or just plain old recording?

 

[millerj123]

You mean there's a difference between taping and filming?

Well, I can understand the act of filming a movie or tv program is different than just recording what someone else has created, but the distinction with regards to a camcorder eludes me.

 

[iMacZealot]

I like how almost every thread in the Community Discussion asks a personal question, then everyone answers it personally to hear themselves talk without caring what other people have to say. They all have become shallow discussions.

 

[DoFoT9]

when is the G5 powerbook going to come out?

 

[mkrishnan]

I like how almost every thread in the Community Discussion asks a personal question, then everyone answers it personally to hear themselves talk without caring what other people have to say. They all have become shallow discussions.

You such more grandiloquent possibilities for threads with suibjects like, "I like this hot girl at school -- what should I do?"

 

[Consultant]

MAC partition doesn't show up
(after user did not bother spending 1 minute to read the directions and formatted the wrong partition).

And yeah the newbie MAC instead of Mac thing.

 

[dmmcintyre3]

Old MacBook Pro with matte screen or unibody with techrestore matte screen

 

[Cromulent]

There's no such thing as British English!

Damn straight . It's English plain and simple.

 

[instaxgirl]

Can a mac . . .
use a mouse/with right click???
use an external display??
run windows/my windows software???
backup?? I heard about some memory thing??
run office??

apple.com Seriously

 

[dmmcintyre3]

How do I get my apple products to display under my posts?
How do I get an avatar?

 

[northy124]

Damn straight . It's English plain and simple.

No there is British English as compared to US English we have U's in words where they are supposed to be

 

[mkrishnan]

No there is British English as compared to US English we have U's in words where they are supposed to be

But apparently, an almost complete disregard for punctuation or sentence mechanics?

 

[Cromulent]

No there is British English as compared to US English we have U's in words where they are supposed to be

No, we speak English. Everyone else speaks a variant of English , therefore we need no qualifier before the word English.

 

[dmmcintyre3]

"Is (insert product) right for me?" -- We have no idea, we don't know you and we're not your friends.

"bump?" -- if it wasn't answered before, what makes you think it will be now?

"I just DLed a torrent of Leopard, how do i install it?" -- Ummmmmm...

"really, my dog/sister/car ate my restore disks, how do i use this torrent?" -- Duhhhhhhh...

It's called clone the restore disks to the internal HD when you first get the computer!

 

[IJ Reilly]

No, we speak English. Everyone else speaks a variant of English , therefore we need no qualifier before the word English.

So say you, wrongly.

I'm sorry I brought it up, even as a joke.