It's a tossup between three things, apologies for the flagrant ignoring of the title.
-My mother dying when I was 10.
-Realising at 18 that I could be myself in body and mind, and that this was both practical and good for me.
-Finishing that journey to finally feel completely comfortable with myself
The first emotionally killed me in ways I'm still only now realising, it forced me to grow up a whole lot faster than other kid. I still find it incredibly difficult to engage with anyone grieving, saying "I'm sorry for your loss" feels so woefully inadequate, a mere platitude. It reminds me how powerless you are in that situation, to know that no matter what you do that person is never coming back.
The second was a compete awakening, a transformation from just bumbling through life with no real desires goals or aspirations to suddenly feeling like I could enjoy life, that it was worth trying. It marked the beginning of nearly 5 turbulent years. A lot of insane crap happened over that period but most importantly the one thing that was a constant was my girlfriend Lisa.
The surgery I had last year, it's more than just surgery, it was a colossal release. It's changed me in so many subtle ways I can't even begin to describe them. It really eats you up to not feel comfortable in your own skin.
I'm at the point now where I feel like I can do whatever the hell I like, and for now that's enjoy every moment of my life with Lisa and doing my best at university, I've a fair few ideas of things I'd like to do once I graduate too!
It's just nice to have other goals really.