Too busy to hang out...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by glocke12, Nov 11, 2011.

  1. glocke12 macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #1
    Ok...So I've never really been one thats highly social, outgoing or felt an overwhelming need to socialize with others. I have done so in the past, and on a routine basis but for me it just gets old quickly, especially once I realized that most people really aren't as interested in their company as much as they want YOU to entertain them because they are bored.

    Now for the past year or so work has just been insanely busy. I am working 10-12 hour days on top on having a 60 minute commute, throw in normal day to day stuff like maintaining a house and I am left with very little time to do things that are hobbies that I used to enjoy a great deal, much less take time to hang out.

    I basically ended up telling all my friends sorry, need a time out for a few months and so am "going into seclusion" to get caught up with things and make "time for myself". Don't take it personally, but you can call but don't expect a call back right away, if you stop by unannounced I will not be answering the door, and that the best way to contact me is by email.

    It really wasn't received well for the most part. I think one person understands, but most people fail to understand.

    Just curious if anyone else has felt the same way.
     
  2. roadbloc macrumors G3

    roadbloc

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  3. AnimaLeo macrumors 6502

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    Sep 2, 2009
    #3
    No. That's an awful idea by the way. You will most likely end up getting depressed. Make time for friends and loved ones, always.
     
  4. Queen of Spades macrumors 68030

    Queen of Spades

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
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    The Iron Throne
    #4
    That's harsh if you truly consider them your friends. It's also pretty selfish, sorry to say. Friendship is a two way street, what if they happened to need you during your self-imposed social hiatus? I guess they'd be out of luck.

    Personally, I love my friends so much, I actually consider spending time with them a crucial part of my sanity. Work, chores, and whatever other life tediums are the things that you need a break from. Spending time with the people you love is important to your emotional well being.
     
  5. Mord macrumors G4

    Mord

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2003
    Location:
    UK
    #5
    That's a really stupid thing to do, it's both inconsiderate towards your friends and foolish with regards to your own mental health.

    If any of my friends said that to me I'd consider the friendship over.
     
  6. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #6
    It might be harsh and selfish. But these days Im basically away from home for a total of 14 hours 5-6 days a week for work. Add in 8 hours of sleep, which is what I need to function, and thats what, 2 hours a day that I get to do all of the other things I need to do finished, and with multiple projects going on around the house, I just feel I need to shift priorities and take care of my own business first before I take care of other people business.

    Plus, its not like I am not reading emails/texts, I am just not responding until I have free time...If there was something that was truly an emergency and I was the only one that could render assistance I would be there.

    Like I said, one person I know totally gets it. She did the same thing actually, only took it to more of an extreme. She is a writer and disappeared entirely for the better part of a year to go live in the woods in the rockies in order to finish a book. told no one but immediate family and closest friends. She finished her book and came back refreshed and more energized than I had ever seen her.
     
  7. maflynn Moderator

    maflynn

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2009
    Location:
    Boston
    #7
    An old friend once told me this
    "Nobody ever wished they spent more time at the office on their deathbed."

    That is people tend to regret not spending time on the things that are really important, like friends and family but instead they pushed those aside for work.
     
  8. heehee macrumors 68020

    heehee

    Joined:
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    Same country as Santa Claus
    #8
    Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; CPU iPhone OS 5_0_1 like Mac OS X) AppleWebKit/534.46 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/5.1 Mobile/9A405 Safari/7534.48.3)

    You are never really too busy, that's just an excuse. I'm pretty sure both my wife and I work more than you do, we still manage time for family atleast once a week, Friends twice a month.
     
  9. steveca macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2005
    Location:
    Malta
    #9
    balance is the key to a good life... do your job, find a job that you like, and enjoy the time with your friends and all the other people that matter in your life...
     
  10. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2005
    Location:
    Bath, United Kingdom
    #10
    Not me.

    I'd be mightily pissed off if I were one of your friends and told not to contact you because you are far too busy…

    And the example you gave of the writer who retreated for a whole year. Well… that is what some authors do and it is quite different from telling people you want nothing to do with them because you are just too busy. You're not moving to the middle of a forest are you? You're just staying at home and being reclusive. ;)

    Personally I cannot imagine a life without our friends and family…
    As busy as my we get we always find some time to hang around and spend time with them.

    And no, I am not some Facebook freak with 2,001 "friends" who cannot stand being alone for a minute.
    I enjoy my own company and nothing beats time together as a couple just doing ordinary things…
    But cooking supper and a few bottles of wine with our friends… what could be nicer? :)

    Good luck…
     
  11. iStudentUK macrumors 65816

    iStudentUK

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2009
    Location:
    London
    #11
    Explaining to your friends that you are busy and may not be able to get back to them immediately is perfectly acceptable. We all have busy periods in our lives where it's tough to juggle everything. However, I think going into "seclusion" is a taking it too far, it's just going to make your friends feel unappreciated.
     
  12. Demosthenes X macrumors 68000

    Demosthenes X

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2008
    #12
    I agree with the sentiments here. Telling your friends you're too busy for them is telling them you don't value the friendship enough to make time for them. I've had some friends tell me that - unsurprisingly, we're either no longer friends, or the friendships have changed dramatically (for the worse).
     
  13. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #13
    Yep- glocke, I'm surprised by you. Friends are the most valuable things in the world. I wouldn't expect them to be calling any time soon.
     
  14. OutThere macrumors 603

    OutThere

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2002
    Location:
    NYC
    #14
    My buddies from college who still live in the northeast get together every couple months for a weekend. One guy stopped showing up and always came up with terrible, sometimes last-second excuses as to why he couldn't make it, tinged with implications that he had more important things to do than see us. Frustrating. Anyhow, after a year of declined/ignored/weaseled-out-of invitations, no matter how far we planned in advance, he doesn't get invited anymore. Maybe one day he'll wake up and realize he lost a lot of good friends. Friendship is mutual, you can't take a hiatus from your friends and expect to waltz back into things whenever you feel like it.
     
  15. likemyorbs macrumors 68000

    likemyorbs

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    Jul 20, 2008
    Location:
    NJ
    #15
    You know, my best friend does this sometimes. It pisses me off to no end. And when i say best friend i mean this kid is like my brother. He claims he needs "me time" sometimes and goes into hibernation mode. If you see my text, why the hell would you not reply to it?? It takes two seconds out of your "busy" day. I NEVER intentionally not reply to a text. Especially if it's a text that says "hey bro everything ok with you?". And i especially hate it when he tells me its nothing personal, while that may be true, it feels personal anyway. If you love me, make some time for me, no matter how busy you are. I always do.
     
  16. renewed macrumors 68040

    renewed

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    Mar 24, 2009
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    Bemalte Blumen duften nicht.
    #16
    You could always call your friends on the way home from work if it takes an hour.

    You could always plan to have dinner with one of them after work. You have to eat, no?

    Invite them over to hang out while you do your "projects". Turn on some football for the background if you must.

    Let your house "projects" wait for one weekend a month and spend a Sunday with your friends and family.

    You can absolutely find time for them if you truly want to.
     
  17. h1r0ll3r macrumors 68040

    h1r0ll3r

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2009
    Location:
    Maryland
    #17
    I'm have a pretty similar situation as you however I still make make the time/effort to hang out with friends. While I do chillax a great deal and am known to be quite lazy, I don't seclude myself away from everyone, board up the doors and, essentially, tell everyone to piss off for 2-3 months. That's a little too extreme IMO.

    The bottom line is that while this sabbatical works out for you at the moment, it won't work out for your friends (assuming they are really good friends) Basically, whenever you're ready to come out of your hole, don't expect your friends to be there. Since you've told them off, for the most part, they'll assume that whenever they want to go out, don't ask you since you'll just turn them down.

    As one poster mentioned, this is a great way to get depressed and/or start hitting the bottle. As much as your day is long/hectic, it'll benefit you to make some time to hang out with your friends.
     
  18. likemyorbs macrumors 68000

    likemyorbs

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2008
    Location:
    NJ
    #18
    I think the general consensus here is that what you're doing isn't right, OP. You have to take their feelings into consideration. While to you it might be just a break for a couple of months, the effects of that break can last for years. It will cause a loss of friends and the depression that comes along with that. Believe me, work is not worth all that. We humans are social creatures, we need other people, if you go into hiding, your friends will feel rejects even if you tell them it's not personal. Take what we are saying into consideration and rethink this idea. You don't want to do this.
     
  19. Iscariot macrumors 68030

    Iscariot

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    Aug 16, 2007
    Location:
    Toronteazy
    #19
    You might just find that when you come back from "seclusion" your friends have suddenly become just as "busy" and interested in taking "time for themselves" as you.
     
  20. Apple OC macrumors 68040

    Apple OC

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    Oct 14, 2010
    Location:
    Hogtown
    #20
    That one person must be holding out hope to become your BFF :cool:

    no need to respond ... I am busy with other threads :apple:
     
  21. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #21
    No, I'd never **** on a friendship like you clearly would.

    Or to put it better ....

    OTOH, a true friend doesn't need to be told you're busy, a true friend understands and will be there regardless. That is, until you **** on the friendship by declaring you'll refuse contact at any given moment. It's amazing how poorly someone treats something and takes what they have for granted when others (like me) would give anything to have your problem.
     
  22. KnightWRX macrumors Pentium

    KnightWRX

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Location:
    Quebec, Canada
    #22
    You were fine up until this point. If they stop by and you're there, answer the god damn door.

    Otherwise, it's your perogative if you want to waste your life away alone.
     
  23. samiwas macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    #23
    I had been thinking of posting a thread from the opposite side of the fence. It seems that a lot of people these days are just "too busy" to do anything. We met a lot of new friends six years ago when we moved into the neighborhood we live in currently.

    As time has gone on, we've lost almost all of them, as they always have some reason that they can't get together. One always unexpectedly works late and doesn't notify when she won't be showing up to a preplanned activity...even if she planned it! Another always has some family thing that comes up last minute. Yet another seems to need three-months advance notice to do anything because every minute of every day is packed with various things. One starts planning something with us, then just disappears. We've had parties where 18 people have RSVP'd yes, but fewer than ten actually show up.

    I start to think it's us, but when we do actually finally get together with these people, everyone has a great time.

    I think too many people put undue pressure on themselves and push other people away. I think some people need to feel busy all the time, or they feel like they are wasting their life. Others pour themselves into work hoping that it will lead to something down the road, or just because they need to be doing something.

    I'm currently thankful that I'm not in that position. I've set myself up to where I have lots of free time and love to hang out with friends any chance I get. Most of my earlier life was very anti-social, so maybe I'm making up for it now. I have no problem doing nothing all day either, so I don't have that urge to need to do something all the time.

    I think it's unhealthy to push away all social interaction. "Me time" is important, but it shouldn't be the only thing. There was some thread recently from a guy who studies 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, or something like that, and plans to do so for the next several years so he can get a certain job. That's just miserable.
     
  24. likemyorbs macrumors 68000

    likemyorbs

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2008
    Location:
    NJ
    #24
    I agree 100%. I'm starting to think that a lot of times when people say they're "busy", that busyness is very artificial. Don't tell me you can't answer a text or answer your phone because you're at the store. That's nonsense. I think people just like to feel more busy and important than they really are.
     
  25. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

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    On tenterhooks
    #25
    Why? If they show-up unannounced, let them leave the same way.

    Some people are just too damn needy, and not everyone has the time for that.
     

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