Tracking wife on find my phone

[The-Real-Deal82]

You people and lack of boundaries. Your justifications are hilarious. 'I need to know where they are at all times to be sure they are safe'. Ok CIA operative working in Pakistan....

This thought crossed my mind, too…...

Its a very good app when used sensibly and not by paranoid people with things to hide.

Personally, I'd find it very creepy and controlling behaviour. Actually, as I hugely value my privacy, my personal space, my private time, and my autonomy, for someone - anyone - to seek to track my movements, in 'jest' or otherwise, whether would be a game changer (as in relationship termination game changer) for me. I would not tolerate it under any circumstances, seeing it as intrusive, controlling, downright creepy, and massively disrespectful of personal boundaries and the concept of private space.

What's wrong with sending a text, or suggesting that one be sent to you?

I have been with my wife for over 10 years now and I don't go anywhere that she would disagree with or be annoyed about. I can see it would be weird in a new relationship and come across as very controlling but when you are comfortable with one another and have trust, this is not even a big deal.

When you say its a 'termination game changer' in the context of a relationship, this gives the impression to me you perhaps do go places you wouldn't want the other half knowing about and would most likely be on the receiving end of the termination should this app be used lol.

I say that jokingly of course, but nobody can criticise the use of this app for other people they do not know and from around the world because the context can never be understood until you know the people involved. As long as all parties agree to its use, its not stalking, spying or being deceitful in any way, shape or form. The OP is strange, but I don't think the app was ever created for his intended use so lets not tar everybody else with the same brush.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Its a very good app when used sensibly and not by paranoid people with things to hide.

I have been with my wife for over 10 years now and I don't go anywhere that she would disagree with or be annoyed about. I can see it would be weird in a new relationship and come across as very controlling but when you are comfortable with one another and have trust, this is not even a big deal.

When you say its a 'termination game changer' in the context of a relationship, this gives the impression to me you perhaps do go places you wouldn't want the other half knowing about and would most likely be on the receiving end of the termination should this app be used lol.

I say that jokingly of course, but nobody can criticise the use of this app for other people they do not know and from around the world because the context can never be understood until you know the people involved. As long as all parties agree to its use, its not stalking, spying or being deceitful in any way, shape or form. The OP is strange, but I don't think the app was ever created for his intended use so lets not tar everybody else with the same brush.

No. I simply have strong issues with boundaries and privacy and respecting my personal space. Relationships do not imply ownership, the right to intrude in personal or psychological safe without permission, or a gilded prison; even within a relationship, boundaries exist and I, for one expect them to be respected, and extend that same respect to others.

Permission is not something that I view adults needing to receive and the idea of monitoring everyday movements is something I find repellant and repugnant.

Your expressed thoughts that someone who seeks autonomy and privacy is 'going to places you wouldn't want the other half knowing about' seems to me extraordinarily suspicious in how you view such matters. Obviously, mindsets differ, as do relationships.

My parents both said to me - independently - that one of the reasons for the success of their relationship was that they each gave the other a considerable amount of space; this meant that they respected the interests and hobbies of the other, and allowed the other to grow. It meant that my mother took foreign holidays on her own, with like minded friends and colleagues, on cultural tours abroad, and my father was fine with that.

In truth, my private life is splendidly boring, but - and this is a big but - I do not feel the need to account for it to anyone, and would find the idea of having to do so within the context of a relationship deeply abhorrent. Here, issues of space, and trust and privacy are paramount, to me, at least.

Obviously, perspectives differ, and some of those on line here are bizarrely happy with a level of intrusion, invasion of privacy, and desire to control that I, personally, find utterly incomprehensible.

 

[I7guy]

No. I simply have strong issues with boundaries and privacy and respecting my personal space. Relationships do not imply ownership, the right to intrude in personal or psychological safe without permission, or a gilded prison; even within a relationship, boundaries exist and I, for one expect them to be respected, and extend that same respect to others.

Permission is not something that I view adults needing to receive and the idea of monitoring everyday movements is something I find repellant and repugnant.

Your expressed thoughts that someone who seeks autonomy and privacy is 'going to places you wouldn't want the other half knowing about' seems to me extraordinarily suspicious in how you view such matters. Obviously, mindsets differ, as do relationships.

My parents both said to me - independently - that one of the reasons for the success of their relationship was that they each gave the other a considerable amount of space; this meant that they respected the interests and hobbies of the other, and allowed the other to grow. It meant that my mother took foreign holidays on her own, with like minded friends and colleagues, on cultural tours abroad, and my father was fine with that.

In truth, my private life is splendidly boring, but - and this is a big but - I do not feel the need to account for it to anyone, and would find the idea of having to do so within the context of a relationship deeply abhorrent. Here, issues of space, and trust and privacy are paramount, to me, at least.

Obviously, perspectives differ, and some of those on line here are bizarrely happy with a level of intrusion, invasion of privacy, and desire to control that I, personally, find utterly incomprehensible.

Given your stand that those who allow themselves to be tracked or to do the tracking is utterly incomprehensible, you of course are at liberty to forego use of said app.

Those of us who find that this technology enhances certain aspects of our lives do use it without a lot of machinations.

As others have said, I lead a blessed but boring life and i don't care one whit if I get tracked 24x7, it is in no way an invasion of my privacy. On fact i welcome it should my car be lying overturned in a ditch.

 

[JayLenochiniMac]

Actually I'm very happy that you and some other posters are not the gatekeepers when it comes time to hand out FMF acceptance requests.

Thankfully I don't need your approval and whether you believe my rational for my significant other tracking me and me tracking my significant other is valid, is irrelevant.

While I'm not being pejorative, we obviously have different value. For those who believe this is stealth, creepy technology don't use it. For those who believe this technology adds to their life and can only help in an emergency then use it.

What I agree is a non-starter is an NSA like approach to tracking others without their consent; but most of us are not talking about that.

You seem to be barking up the wrong tree. Most of the replies were directed at the OP, which is clearly an invasion of privacy, unlike in your case where each member of your family agrees to FMF.

We've had this conversation before, but it seems like you like to argue with members on what's really beside the point and can't seem to leave the topic well enough alone. We really don't care about your family's agreeing to FMF but are more concerned about the OP's intrusion into privacy without his wife agreeing to it. Either way, you seem to protest too much and/or your guilty conscience is hard at work.

 

[I7guy]

You seem to be barking up the wrong tree. Most of the replies were directed at the OP, which is clearly an invasion of privacy, unlike in your case where each member of your family agrees to FMF.

We've had this conversation before, but it seems like you like to argue with members on what's really beside the point and can't seem to leave the topic well enough alone. We really don't care about your family's agreeing to FMF but are more concerned about the OP's intrusion into privacy without his wife agreeing to it. Either way, you seem to protest too much and/or your guilty conscience is hard at work.

You got all that from an internet post especially my guilty conscious. I'm impressed.

Didn't op say it was a joke? Didn't others respond they and their spouse agree to it? Didn't the poster who I responded to make a general comment about how it was a nonstarter, invasion of privacy, and even a judgement call as to when it was acceptable? Poster is entitled to any opinion and I'm entitled to respond back.

Me thinks you're barking up the wrong tree.

 

[makotoisle]

The woes of of living in first world cities.

Cycling deaths in 2012 hit a five-year high, as 122 cyclists were killed on Britain’s roads last year.
http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/public/cyclesafety/article3313260.ece

The girlfriend and I use it for cycling. If either one of us is out for an extended ride, it can be used to locate a person when they don't come back home. I know of several people that have used this feature to find someone that was either stuck on the side of the road or hit by a car and left.

Of course, there are now apps that will do this as well but free is always good.

We set it up for the exact same reasons. I usually bike/hike/rock climb alone and it's nice to know that someone will be able to find me in the event that I become incapacitated in some sort of accident.

 

[JayLenochiniMac]

You got all that from an internet post especially my guilty conscious. I'm impressed.

Didn't op say it was a joke? Didn't others respond they and their spouse agree to it? Didn't the poster who I responded to make a general comment about how it was a nonstarter, invasion of privacy, and even a judgement call as to when it was acceptable? Poster is entitled to any opinion and I'm entitled to respond back.

Me thinks you're barking up the wrong tree.

Anyone can claim it was a joke and a nonstarter when it's in fact their insecurity at play.

 

[Shrink]

Trust and privacy...concepts dying a rapid death...if not dead and buried.

 

[I7guy]

Anyone can claim it was a joke and a nonstarter when it's in fact their insecurity at play.

Sure, nothing wrong with being the Sigmund Freud of MacRumors.

 

[The-Real-Deal82]

No. I simply have strong issues with boundaries and privacy and respecting my personal space. Relationships do not imply ownership, the right to intrude in personal or psychological safe without permission, or a gilded prison; even within a relationship, boundaries exist and I, for one expect them to be respected, and extend that same respect to others.

Permission is not something that I view adults needing to receive and the idea of monitoring everyday movements is something I find repellant and repugnant.

I have no problem with your opinion because it suits you and your situation. The way in which we view a healthy relationship will differ from person to person naturally. I respect my wife and she respects me. We have separate activities we do and those we all do together as a family. I play golf at weekends and we both go out with friends together and often apart. Space isn't an issue and invasion of privacy has never been something either of us have accused the other of.

My issue originally when I quoted you was how you viewed others explanations of using the app with the same way you view it in your life, almost like everybody else's situation was the same as yours? I think its fine if people don't like the thought of 'Find Friends' and think its creepy and an invasion of privacy, don't use it. It makes no difference to anybody else I am sure. Its just best not to assume this should be the view of everybody. It is useful for me and my wife and we don't use it every minute of the day to track each other. Its used in certain situations and has provided piece of mind in the past like when my wife was an hour late home from work and couldn't answer her phone to name just one example. It works for some of us.

Obviously, perspectives differ, and some of those on line here are bizarrely happy with a level of intrusion, invasion of privacy, and desire to control that I, personally, find utterly incomprehensible.

I respect your opinion but none of the descriptive words you use here apply to me. The 'desire to control' isn't even applicable for my use.

 

[lordofthereef]

This is an interesting thread.

I guess that my take on it is if I didn't want to be tracked I could easily just turn the feature off. Or change the password (setup my own account if I have to).

I often get home before my wife and I am the one tasked at making dinner. I like to get dinner ready near when she is about to arrive home so I will check how close she is. She usually texts or calls when she is leaving, but traffic can get crazy. I am also a runner and she likes to make sure I am ok if I end up going on a longer run.

Anyway, she knows I do this and has no problem with it. I think rather than try to define an absolute for every relationship and situation, you need to discuss whether your spouse or whomever is ok with it. Some of the trust issues people bring up, in my mind, are just over the top, because they don't apply to me (us). How one can presume they know how "dangerous" something like is between two people they don't even know is beyond me.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

This is an extremely interesting thread.

Of course there is a distinction to be drawn between the OP's post - which describes an action which I (and clearly, his spouse) would see as an unwarranted invasion of privacy, and something which I personally find somewhat creepy, and those who say that these application are used with consent and permission on both parties. Not for me, (irrespective of car-in-ditch argument) but each to their own.

However, I do wonder at the libertarian rhetoric which runs through many of these threads on these fora: For example, the gun threads and right to carry them, and the wild debates on the incursions made by the state on people's lives- alleged, real, or otherwise, which has generated extraordinary heat in online debates.

Thus, from what I can see, debates on whether the state can, ought, or should, spy on the private conversations, emails, or texts of citizens causes outrage, while the idea that spying software be used on a spouse (with or without permission) does not cause anything like the same degree of outrage.

I confess to a degree of……..surprise…..

 

[rui no onna]

Thus, from what I can see, debates on whether the state can, ought, or should, spy on the private conversations, emails, or texts of citizens causes outrage, while the idea that spying software be used on a spouse (with or without permission) does not cause anything like the same degree of outrage.

I confess to a degree of……..surprise…..

For me, there's a big gap between strangers at the NSA accessing my information without my explicit consent or a search warrant vs a spouse or family members, someone I presumably trust, knowing my location (or really, my devices' location) with my consent.

 

[I7guy]

However, I do wonder at the libertarian rhetoric which runs through many of these threads on these fora: For example, the gun threads and right to carry them, and the wild debates on the incursions made by the state on people's lives- alleged, real, or otherwise, which has generated extraordinary heat in online debates.

Thus, from what I can see, debates on whether the state can, ought, or should, spy on the private conversations, emails, or texts of citizens causes outrage, while the idea that spying software be used on a spouse (with or without permission) does not cause anything like the same degree of outrage.

Interesting that no distinction is made between warrantless mass collection of personal data by the government and what happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of their own home. I guess that is a bit insight to the way that our brothers across the pond think differently from us.

 

[charlituna]

The benefits of finding one in an emergency far away the so-called invasion of privacy. A recent turn of events really cemented that home. We are all on each others find my friends. If we don't want to be tracked, we turn off location services, no questions asked.

I don't want to remember multiple apple ids for FMI, so FMF is the next best thing.

Using find my friends is one thing. You can control it after all. Using find my iPhone, which would require turning it off, turning off phone etc is a tad much.

And being cavalier etc over partners issue with it is way much.

 

[charlituna]

Got it. My family does and we can FMF 24 by 7.

You all signed into Find my friends. You agreed to be tracked and you have the power to control who can and when they can. You knew it was happening when you turned it on.

This is the case of someone knowing the password to use find my iPhone as a tool to spy in someone and then acting like it's no big deal with that person even after being told that it's creepy etc.

 

[Winona Northdakota]

Tracking wife on find my phone

What's wrong with sending a text, or suggesting that one be sent to you?

True story: My friends who are married, treat text like instant message. It sometimes takes a half hour or eve hours for texts to reach the other. One or the other usually throws into a rage when they don't get an instant response. If I am around, I usually suggest using an IM app for more reliability, but they counter that IMs waste their data plan and texting is free. Good Lord!

 

[I7guy]

You all signed into Find my friends. You agreed to be tracked and you have the power to control who can and when they can. You knew it was happening when you turned it on.

This is the case of someone knowing the password to use find my iPhone as a tool to spy in someone and then acting like it's no big deal with that person even after being told that it's creepy etc.

With your spouse or significant other where apple is is shared, I say behind closed doors. If you don't want this don't share apple ids.

 

[JayLenochiniMac]

With your spouse or significant other where apple is is shared, I say behind closed doors. If you don't want this don't share apple ids.

It is not a matter of sharing ID. Many of us know our significant other's ID and password (in case they temporarily misplace their phone and ask us to Find My iPhone on the fly for them) but we do not invade their privacy by tracking them behind their back and without their permission like the OP.

In fact, from 5 Things Guys Do That Girls Actually Hate:

5. Checking in on her
You know the drill: Drop her off, but wait until she's inside before driving off. That's fine—no woman is going to fault you for seeing her safely home. But when you start asking her where she is, or when she's coming back, even if it's just because you care about her and are excited to see her, she'll start getting irritated.

"This is almost always meant to convey interest, caring, and affection," says Clark. "But it can read to her as controlling and jealous. Too much attention can feel invasive." Bottom line: Unless she asks you to, or you need her immediate expertise on how to put out a kitchen fire (or something), try not to check in on her.

 

[I7guy]

It is not a matter of sharing ID. Many of us know our significant other's ID and password (in case they temporarily misplace their phone and ask us to Find My iPhone on the fly for them) but we do not invade their privacy by tracking them behind their back and without their permission like the OP.

In fact, from 5 Things Guys Do That Girls Actually Hate:

When you say "we"...you mean you. OP said it was all in fun. I understand why OP posted, unfortunately the internet can be unforgiving, but since this is behind closed doors they both have to deal with one another.

 

[nateo200]

Alright this title is even creepy! I know the OP probably isn't the controlling type but still..maybe to find out what shoe store she likes so you can get her a gift card but then you could ask her friend that....slippery slope...if you don't want the Govt. doing it don't do it to others!

 

[I7guy]

How does the mass surveillance program of the NSA translate to two married adults under the same roof? Right, nothing.

 

[JayLenochiniMac]

When you say "we"...you mean you. OP said it was all in fun. I understand why OP posted, unfortunately the internet can be unforgiving, but since this is behind closed doors they both have to deal with one another.

Too bad you're failing to see how the OP's action can be considered intrusive and creepy.

 

[kevintech]

A dangerous game to play. Some people's partners won't like it, others will. Take the word of your wife, from her point of view she doesn't like it, to her it could mean a lack of trust, and a lack of privacy both are highly valuable to all people.

I'd stop doing it, it could also make you more paranoid. All it takes is you to be following her one day as a joke, you asking her where she has been and her innocently forgetting to mention one place she has been to which you call upon. From then on you could feel a lack of trust and end up tracking her movements for real.

It's a very dangerous game and in my opinion there is a reason as to why it's called "Find my iPhone" and not "Find my wife".

Lastly I find it to be intermittently accurate, sometimes it is spot on to the exact pin point, other times it can be a few hundred yards out making it possible to mistake it's exact location.

If she's paranoid about you following her, then that's a red flag.

If you're wife isn't hiding anything, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with it, right?

 

[JayLenochiniMac]

If you're wife isn't hiding anything, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with it, right?

Do you read your wife/girlfriend's texts? After all, if she's not hiding anything, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with it, right?

Now you understand why some people find that intrusive unless they consent to FMF freely.