1. Won't have a keyboard if it must be used only in landscape
2. Possibly will have Wifi but what is this about being inferior to the touch? They wouldn't be comparable IMO.
3. No apps. The Touch and the iPhone already do apps, so if that is a feature you want you already have sufficient options.
Why wouldn't it have an accelerometer? The iPod Nano's have them. It would definitely have 3G as that is also used for voice, not data. IT WON'T NEED SPEAKERS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Seeing as it would be a phone it would probably need to ring...
I think you got it backwards on every point.