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Eric Lewis

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Feb 4, 2007
2,380
1
CANADA? eh?
Ok...heres the story

My really close friend (basically best friend) told me like 6 months ago..that she was a lesbian..which i didnt mind...lesbians are amazing..but anyways

now she has a girlfriend and shes with her 24/7 and we never spend any time together and when i ask about it..she just says that she loves her and that we will hang out eventuallly and it gets delayed and delayed...

im not sure what to do...cause right now shes picking her lesbian lover over me..which before i was her best friend..

any ideas? suggestions? thank you
 

jaw04005

macrumors 601
Aug 19, 2003
4,514
402
AR
The fact that she's a lesbian has nothing to do with it. You're going to lose friends because they find girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. Maybe you should find a girlfriend or boyfriend?

It's just a part of life. Find some new friends, preferably a group, so you have a variety of folks to hang-out with.
 

Eric Lewis

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Feb 4, 2007
2,380
1
CANADA? eh?
like i have other friends to hang out with...

its the fact that we were friends since we were 7 years old...now we are 17 almost 18...its been 10 years....

she just kinda left me i guess
 

YeahIKnow

macrumors member
Feb 27, 2008
36
0
Dublin
Hi Eric, I don't know how old you are because sometimes in this situation age can help. Anyway, I'll not tell you what to do as if I know what's right for you. I can only offer some advice based on your brief message. Eric, you obviously love this girl, just as a friend, but maybe "just" is the wrong word as sometimes this kind of love is the most important. This is your friend so don't, please, do anything to upset her. Maybe she's just come out to her friends and family and has a lot on her mind because of that. I know the worst thing you could do is to pressure her. In her mind she'll always know that she has her friend Eric. You will always be there for her, right?

She appreciates you. It's not a case of popularity between you and her lover. My best friend is also gay but I'm still her best friend after all these years. Sometimes her relationship will go wrong and she'll need a best friend. Please be there for her.

Oh, I just read your reply and you're just a baby! You have no idea how many friends you'll soon meet and how different your life is about to become. Cherish the fact that you had the most amazing girl as a friend. We'll see what happens next.
 

Hello.there

macrumors 6502a
Oct 12, 2007
730
1
Couch
I don't see how her being lesbian is relevant here? As the poster said above she was going to find a boyfriend/girlfriend eventually so this kind of situation was always going to happen.
 

PlaceofDis

macrumors Core
Jan 6, 2004
19,241
6
people get into relationships and focus on them. it happens, a lot. this doesn't mean your friendship is diminished at all, just means she is focusing on making something else work for the best of them two. once things are stable and they've been seeing one another for awhile i'm sure you'll be talking to her more often. it happens to everyone.
 

dsnort

macrumors 68000
Jan 28, 2006
1,904
68
In persona non grata
Be a friend.

Her being a lesbian doesn't change anything. Lovers go off alone when the relationship is new. Way of life. She'll be back around.
 

YeahIKnow

macrumors member
Feb 27, 2008
36
0
Dublin
Once things are stable and they've been seeing one another for awhile i'm sure you'll be talking to her more often. it happens to everyone.

Here, here!

Exactly my friend. Such wisdom is one of the benefits of experience. Our friend Eric will soon realise that this will be the case. I wonder what I did all those years ago when we didn't have macrumors forums? Here's to Arn and his site! Hip, hip...
 

inVINCEcible2k3

macrumors newbie
Apr 2, 2008
23
0
Brownsville F'kin Texas
funny thing you mention....i had a crush on a classmate who told me she was lesbian. and that she had broken up with her gf who she had been with 5 years and never had a bf. But , yea.....thought i could get in there...but my word of advice




"lesbians.......what a waste"
 

Hawkeye411

macrumors 68000
Jun 6, 2007
1,833
12
Canada EH!!!
Unfortunately for you, the same thing would have happened if she was straight and found herself a boyfriend. It's tough but you are going to have to be happy for her. Hopefully she will eventually become less obsessed with her new partner and she will realize that she needs to spend time with other people as well.

Cheers.
 

benmrii

macrumors 65816
Nov 14, 2007
1,091
4
FL
What's been said above - well, most of it - is accurate. Mainly: suck it up. She is your friend and she's in a new and exciting relationship. She'll likely include you in her life again, but let her do it on her own time. So long as what she is doing isn't self-destructive leave her alone.

What you really need to look at with respect to yourself is why you see a part of this problem as her being a lesbian. I mean, it's the title of the thread. WTF does that have to do with anything?

Either you think it is a part of the problem or you're willing to use her sexual orientation as a tacky ploy. Pretty shallow.
 

angelneo

macrumors 68000
Jun 13, 2004
1,541
0
afk
Aww.. It feels just like Will & Grace but the other way round. I agreed with the rest that being lesbian has nothing to do with the situation. I guess you are just afraid to lose your best friend. I think you should put some trust in your friendship with her. Good friends goes a long way :)
 

leekohler

macrumors G5
Dec 22, 2004
14,164
26
Chicago, Illinois
people get into relationships and focus on them. it happens, a lot. this doesn't mean your friendship is diminished at all, just means she is focusing on making something else work for the best of them two. once things are stable and they've been seeing one another for awhile i'm sure you'll be talking to her more often. it happens to everyone.

I couldn't respectfully disagree more. Part of being in a relationship is sharing. It's probably the most important thing. People who are secure in their relationships and themselves don't blow off their friends. They include them even more. Part of a healthy relationship is getting to know your partner's friends and getting to know them well. It also means including them regularly in social activities. Not doing so implies a certain level of insecurity. I've never in all my years blown off my friends for a lover or vice-versa. Both are equally important. I've always been very careful to balance my time between the two. To not do that gives the impression that the friendship is disposable- only needed when the lover is not around or goes away. I don't know about you, but any "friend" who's ever done that to me repeatedly doesn't remain a friend for long.

That said- you can't force her to hang out with you. If and when the relationship ends, be there for support and also mention how you were hurt by the lack of her being there for you. Hopefully, she'll learn from that and be more mature the next time around.
 

Sun Baked

macrumors G5
May 19, 2002
14,937
157
Maybe her new SO is a clingy demanding little tramp that doesn't like you. :p

Wait, to see how things turn out.
 

ham_man

macrumors 68020
Jan 21, 2005
2,265
0
Suggestions?

So let me get this straight. You have a best friend who has a lesbian lover, and you need to come onto a forum to get advice on what to do...?

C'mon bro... :rolleyes:
 

Sun Baked

macrumors G5
May 19, 2002
14,937
157
And remember, pictures or it didn't happen.


[/8th grader in me]

As long as everybody is over 18 in the pics and signs the MacRumors model release form.

No sense is having a go to jail if you click on this link in the forum.
 

millar876

macrumors 6502a
May 13, 2004
708
45
Kilmarnock, Scotland UK
just tell her you miss the chats you two used to have and that you want to catch up/ find out all the latest gossip ect. just let her know that you are still a friend, or even just offer to go and do something casual/sociable with both of them, so that the girlfriend will realize that you aren't trying to muscle in on her girl and you are OK with the fact your best friend is a lesbian. Just be cool.
 
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