what do i do? my best friend is a lesbian!

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Eric Lewis, Apr 7, 2008.

  1. Eric Lewis macrumors 68020

    Eric Lewis

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2007
    Location:
    CANADA? eh?
    #1
    Ok...heres the story

    My really close friend (basically best friend) told me like 6 months ago..that she was a lesbian..which i didnt mind...lesbians are amazing..but anyways

    now she has a girlfriend and shes with her 24/7 and we never spend any time together and when i ask about it..she just says that she loves her and that we will hang out eventuallly and it gets delayed and delayed...

    im not sure what to do...cause right now shes picking her lesbian lover over me..which before i was her best friend..

    any ideas? suggestions? thank you
     
  2. tMac85 macrumors 65816

    tMac85

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2007
    Location:
    in a great place
  3. jaw04005 macrumors 601

    jaw04005

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2003
    Location:
    AR
    #3
    The fact that she's a lesbian has nothing to do with it. You're going to lose friends because they find girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. Maybe you should find a girlfriend or boyfriend?

    It's just a part of life. Find some new friends, preferably a group, so you have a variety of folks to hang-out with.
     
  4. Eric Lewis thread starter macrumors 68020

    Eric Lewis

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2007
    Location:
    CANADA? eh?
    #4
    like i have other friends to hang out with...

    its the fact that we were friends since we were 7 years old...now we are 17 almost 18...its been 10 years....

    she just kinda left me i guess
     
  5. YeahIKnow macrumors member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2008
    Location:
    Dublin
    #5
    Hi Eric, I don't know how old you are because sometimes in this situation age can help. Anyway, I'll not tell you what to do as if I know what's right for you. I can only offer some advice based on your brief message. Eric, you obviously love this girl, just as a friend, but maybe "just" is the wrong word as sometimes this kind of love is the most important. This is your friend so don't, please, do anything to upset her. Maybe she's just come out to her friends and family and has a lot on her mind because of that. I know the worst thing you could do is to pressure her. In her mind she'll always know that she has her friend Eric. You will always be there for her, right?

    She appreciates you. It's not a case of popularity between you and her lover. My best friend is also gay but I'm still her best friend after all these years. Sometimes her relationship will go wrong and she'll need a best friend. Please be there for her.

    Oh, I just read your reply and you're just a baby! You have no idea how many friends you'll soon meet and how different your life is about to become. Cherish the fact that you had the most amazing girl as a friend. We'll see what happens next.
     
  6. Hello.there macrumors 6502a

    Hello.there

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2007
    Location:
    Couch
    #6
    I don't see how her being lesbian is relevant here? As the poster said above she was going to find a boyfriend/girlfriend eventually so this kind of situation was always going to happen.
     
  7. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #7
    people get into relationships and focus on them. it happens, a lot. this doesn't mean your friendship is diminished at all, just means she is focusing on making something else work for the best of them two. once things are stable and they've been seeing one another for awhile i'm sure you'll be talking to her more often. it happens to everyone.
     
  8. davidwarren macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2007
  9. dsnort macrumors 68000

    dsnort

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2006
    Location:
    In persona non grata
    #9
    Be a friend.

    Her being a lesbian doesn't change anything. Lovers go off alone when the relationship is new. Way of life. She'll be back around.
     
  10. YeahIKnow macrumors member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2008
    Location:
    Dublin
    #10
    Here, here!

    Exactly my friend. Such wisdom is one of the benefits of experience. Our friend Eric will soon realise that this will be the case. I wonder what I did all those years ago when we didn't have macrumors forums? Here's to Arn and his site! Hip, hip...
     
  11. inVINCEcible2k3 macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Location:
    Brownsville F'kin Texas
    #11
    funny thing you mention....i had a crush on a classmate who told me she was lesbian. and that she had broken up with her gf who she had been with 5 years and never had a bf. But , yea.....thought i could get in there...but my word of advice




    "lesbians.......what a waste"
     
  12. Hawkeye411 macrumors 68000

    Hawkeye411

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Location:
    Canada EH!!!
    #12
    Unfortunately for you, the same thing would have happened if she was straight and found herself a boyfriend. It's tough but you are going to have to be happy for her. Hopefully she will eventually become less obsessed with her new partner and she will realize that she needs to spend time with other people as well.

    Cheers.
     
  13. YeahIKnow macrumors member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2008
    Location:
    Dublin
    #13
    As much as I hate to say this but in reply - not so much a waste if caught on camera....!


    I'm going to hell!

    Sorry Nina! :eek:
     
  14. Hello.there macrumors 6502a

    Hello.there

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2007
    Location:
    Couch
    #14
    That'll be 10 Hail Marys for you, my son.
     
  15. benmrii macrumors 65816

    benmrii

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2007
    Location:
    NC
    #15
    What's been said above - well, most of it - is accurate. Mainly: suck it up. She is your friend and she's in a new and exciting relationship. She'll likely include you in her life again, but let her do it on her own time. So long as what she is doing isn't self-destructive leave her alone.

    What you really need to look at with respect to yourself is why you see a part of this problem as her being a lesbian. I mean, it's the title of the thread. WTF does that have to do with anything?

    Either you think it is a part of the problem or you're willing to use her sexual orientation as a tacky ploy. Pretty shallow.
     
  16. YeahIKnow macrumors member

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2008
    Location:
    Dublin
    #16
    Uff, thankfully I'll be in another country tomorrow. More thankfully is the fact that I can bring my PB G4 667! It still works!
     
  17. angelneo macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Location:
    afk
    #17
    Aww.. It feels just like Will & Grace but the other way round. I agreed with the rest that being lesbian has nothing to do with the situation. I guess you are just afraid to lose your best friend. I think you should put some trust in your friendship with her. Good friends goes a long way :)
     
  18. pseudobrit macrumors 68040

    pseudobrit

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2002
    Location:
    Jobs' Spare Liver Jar
    #18
    What do you do? Ask if you can watch. (sorry, had to be said)
     
  19. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #19
    I couldn't respectfully disagree more. Part of being in a relationship is sharing. It's probably the most important thing. People who are secure in their relationships and themselves don't blow off their friends. They include them even more. Part of a healthy relationship is getting to know your partner's friends and getting to know them well. It also means including them regularly in social activities. Not doing so implies a certain level of insecurity. I've never in all my years blown off my friends for a lover or vice-versa. Both are equally important. I've always been very careful to balance my time between the two. To not do that gives the impression that the friendship is disposable- only needed when the lover is not around or goes away. I don't know about you, but any "friend" who's ever done that to me repeatedly doesn't remain a friend for long.

    That said- you can't force her to hang out with you. If and when the relationship ends, be there for support and also mention how you were hurt by the lack of her being there for you. Hopefully, she'll learn from that and be more mature the next time around.
     
  20. zioxide macrumors 603

    zioxide

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    Dec 11, 2006
  21. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    Joined:
    May 19, 2002
    #21
    Maybe her new SO is a clingy demanding little tramp that doesn't like you. :p

    Wait, to see how things turn out.
     
  22. ham_man macrumors 68020

    ham_man

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2005
    #22
    Suggestions?

    So let me get this straight. You have a best friend who has a lesbian lover, and you need to come onto a forum to get advice on what to do...?

    C'mon bro... :rolleyes:
     
  23. mcarnes macrumors 68000

    mcarnes

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Location:
    USA! USA!
    #23
    And remember, pictures or it didn't happen.


    [/8th grader in me]
     
  24. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    Joined:
    May 19, 2002
    #24
    As long as everybody is over 18 in the pics and signs the MacRumors model release form.

    No sense is having a go to jail if you click on this link in the forum.
     
  25. millar876 macrumors 6502a

    millar876

    Joined:
    May 13, 2004
    Location:
    Peterhead, Scotland UK
    #25
    just tell her you miss the chats you two used to have and that you want to catch up/ find out all the latest gossip ect. just let her know that you are still a friend, or even just offer to go and do something casual/sociable with both of them, so that the girlfriend will realize that you aren't trying to muscle in on her girl and you are OK with the fact your best friend is a lesbian. Just be cool.
     

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