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what do i do? my best friend is a lesbian!

LOL, this topic reminds me of High School - I was always fixing relationships. 😎

Eric,

Just ask her if you're still friends; direct approach is quite often the best. I don't see someone throwing a ten-year long relationship out the window cuz that person is in a romantic relationship. If you've been friends that long, you shouldn't have any problem expressing how you feel about this whole situation. Just tell her what's on your mind.

🙂
 
Eric Lewis said:
Ok...heres the story

My really close friend (basically best friend) told me like 6 months ago..that she was a lesbian..which i didnt mind...lesbians are amazing..but anyways

now she has a girlfriend and shes with her 24/7 and we never spend any time together and when i ask about it..she just says that she loves her and that we will hang out eventuallly and it gets delayed and delayed...

im not sure what to do...cause right now shes picking her lesbian lover over me..which before i was her best friend..

any ideas? suggestions? thank you
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This sounds like the perfect oppertunity for the dream of every guy. Just show up at her house one night and ask if they want to try something new...
 
YeahIKnow said:
Uff, thankfully I'll be in another country tomorrow. More thankfully is the fact that I can bring my PB G4 667! It still works!
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umm...I dont think the rules of confession are bound by borders haha. reminds me of when people used to joke around about "it's not really cheating if your in another area code".

anyways, as other people have said, the fact that she is a lesbian doesn't really make a huge difference. sounds to me like you have a litte bit of jealousy, which i know how it feels. It's jealousy from a freindly standpoint. Your used to spending so much time with someone and all of a sudden it seems like they just disappeared. It's part of life and you just need to make sure that she knows that you will always be there for her.

This saying usually goes for men but works in this situation as well. just make sure she knows "bro's before ho's". When people have a girlfriend/boyfriend it's easy for them to get emotionally attatched to that person, and socially detatched from the rest of the world. A relationship my not last but for the most part, true friends will always be there.
 
I'm sure most of this has been stated already, but i skipped through most of these threads.


You sound a little creeped out by the fact that she's a lesbian. Like, you made a point to say that your friend is a lesbian multiple times. The fact that she's spending time with her current love interest is not unique. Most people, when they start a relationship, tend to put their friends on the backburner and focus all of their free time and attention to the person that they're currently infatuated with.

I've never had a girlfriend who was a lesbian and spent time with her new lesbian lover. I have, however, had a bunch of friends start to disappear as they spend more and more time with their newest infatuations. That's just how life is when you're young, dumb, and in love.

Go to her house, talk to her face to face, and simply say "I miss hanging out with you." etc.etc. Not sure what kind of situation your friend is in (are people prejudice towards her because she's a lesbian? Are her parents okay with it? Do they know? Is this her first lesbian girlfriend or whatnot so maybe she feels safe with this new girl and no one else?), but you need to make sure that she knows that you're okay (wow, lots of pronouns there) with her sexual orientation and that you just miss her as a friend.

If you make a serious and explicit effort to notify her that you both want and need to hang out with her a bit more than you have been recently, then she will reciprocate the effort (or, in the worst case, ignore you and therefore end your toil of trying to get her attention for the last few months. but this wouldnt happen, dont worry).
 
BengalDuck said:
I'm sure most of this has been stated already, but i skipped through most of these threads.


You sound a little creeped out by the fact that she's a lesbian. Like, you made a point to say that your friend is a lesbian multiple times. The fact that she's spending time with her current love interest is not unique. Most people, when they start a relationship, tend to put their friends on the backburner and focus all of their free time and attention to the person that they're currently infatuated with.

I've never had a girlfriend who was a lesbian and spent time with her new lesbian lover. I have, however, had a bunch of friends start to disappear as they spend more and more time with their newest infatuations. That's just how life is when you're young, dumb, and in love.

Go to her house, talk to her face to face, and simply say "I miss hanging out with you." etc.etc. Not sure what kind of situation your friend is in (are people prejudice towards her because she's a lesbian? Are her parents okay with it? Do they know? Is this her first lesbian girlfriend or whatnot so maybe she feels safe with this new girl and no one else?), but you need to make sure that she knows that you're okay (wow, lots of pronouns there) with her sexual orientation and that you just miss her as a friend.

If you make a serious and explicit effort to notify her that you both want and need to hang out with her a bit more than you have been recently, then she will reciprocate the effort (or, in the worst case, ignore you and therefore end your toil of trying to get her attention for the last few months. but this wouldnt happen, dont worry).
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Good advice. Also Eric, it sounds like this is a new relationship for her. If so, keep in mind that sometimes when a relationship just starts up people spend all their time together, but as time goes on, and they feel safe and comfortable in the relationship (ie, its on solid ground) they will make more time for friends and other pursuits. So it may just be a matter of time, so to speak. The fact she's a lesbian really has no bearing on the above - if that is an issue for you (ie, it weirds you out a bit - and i don't think there's anything wrong/judgmental about that) its a different one than what you've brought up here 🙂.
 
I usually give my friends a 2-3 month free pass, where this is allowed to happen. I can understand. However, after that, I get a bit more impatient...
 
inVINCEcible2k3 said:
funny thing you mention....i had a crush on a classmate who told me she was lesbian. and that she had broken up with her gf who she had been with 5 years and never had a bf. But , yea.....thought i could get in there...but my word of advice
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Have you ever heard Weezer's "Pink Triangle"? Check it out on iTunes - classic.
 
I don't know why everyone is saying that her being a lesbian isn't a factor. I've totally noticed that gay males tend to mix company with men and women a lot more than gay women. This may well be more than just how couples drop off the map. She might be experiencing pressure to shun him, as a male, from her girlfriend.
 
Let her know that you will remain her friend, and her beard if necessary.

OMG, that was so "Will & Grace". 🙄
 
This kind of situation will happen. Old friends get separated due to romantic relationships. I've done it myself (not on purpose, it just turns out that way) - but its even worse when you stay friends but they change personality completely.
A friend of mine was really shy, met an outgoing girl and just became detached from the rest of us. It wasn't like him at all and we drifted apart. They split up and he reverted right back to normal.

I went out with a lesbian once. That was a barrel of laughs!
 
I agree with most, that you just going to have to accept it. I was also friends with someone, now going on 14 years, and i was in the same situation. I was best friends with her, and talked to her every day. We dated for a bit, after i finally got up the nerve to ask her out, after she decided it wasn't the same, we ended up breaking up. But we still remained best of friends.

A couple of years ago, she met a kid i graduated high school with, a person who i didn't care for. They ended up dating for awhile, and ended up getting married last year. Even though i was mad at her for the same reason, i realized that it doesn't matter how i feel, its not going to change anything. Besides, if you want her to be happy, give her some space. She'll come around.
 
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