What do you SAY to your computer?

[OldManJimbo]

We all have strange relationships with our computing machines. Some of us even have names for them. A firm I once worked for named every computer in a 100+ staff company after characters in the Bible. (The servers were Adam & Eve).

Anyway - think about your computer and share with us the thing you most often say TO it.

When I had a Windows PC, the most common thing was, "What do you want me to do, NOW?"

Since using a Mac, I find I don't talk to the thing that often because it just WORKS. How about you?

 

[brap]

Snarling profanity, most of the time. Both Windows and OS X. Obvious reasons.

 

[Blue Velvet]

Either:

F**k you!.. or

C'MON! (as in hurry up)

The work Mac is a dual 2.5, 2.5gb RAM, WD Raptors... but it still gets referred to as a piece of s**t.

And sometimes...

O wow, that's really cool/nice/nifty
(when I stumble over something new)

 

[jeremy.king]

mother f'in beach ball from hell!

Of course this is because my second drive always spins down - trying to save power you know

 

[Blue Velvet]

mother f'in beach ball from hell!

Of course this is because my second drive always spins down - trying to save power you know

Unaffectionately known in our office as SPOD...

Spinning Pizza Of Death

A spod alert can often mean a step outside for a cigarette for one colleague or a quick trawl through these forums on the PC for me...

 

[rhpenguin]

Both of my Macs get called pieces of sh*t on a regular basis because they screw up a lot.

The Powermac gets kernel panics on a regular basis because of some screwey ram and the iBook just fails a lot (see my post on iBook for Cube?)

 

[homerjward]

"you f***ing computer, i said open photoshop!!"
"why the hell can't you connect to the internet now?!"
*slaps monitor* "hurry up!!!"
"you burned me, motha f***a"
"dude, it's at 640x480 on low with the sound off, what more do you want?!"
and other things to be said at a celeron running windows.

 

[jalagl]

I can't write here what I say to my computer some times, especially what I say to my work laptop that runs windows and a couple of beta M$ products...

 

[Logik]

I named my linux machine Shodan (from the game System Shock), my old dell inspiron was dubbed "Craptop"

 

[Jovian9]

Stupid fu....g modem error!
Stop unexpectedly quitting you stupid f.c..n. modem!
The network is not too busy you stupid f..k..g modem!
What do you mean there's no network to connect to you stupid f..ki.. modem!

I hate dial-up

 

[Calvinatir]

PC LOAD LETTER!?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?

 

[Blue Velvet]

Stupid fu....g modem error!
Stop unexpectedly quitting you stupid f.c..n. modem!
The network is not too busy you stupid f..k..g modem!
What do you mean there's no network to connect to you stupid f..ki.. modem!

I hate dial-up

Try the v34 modem script. It made all the difference in my case.

 

[Nermal]

mother f'in beach ball from hell!

Of course this is because my second drive always spins down - trying to save power you know

That's the reason that I got rid of my second drive

 

[virividox]

"c'mon baby you can do it!!! DAMN IT!'

force quit hehe

 

[haiggy]

Well,

Since I have speech feedback turned on sometimes I say:

"Close window"
"Play WarCraft III"
"Tell me a joke"
"Pawn D2 to D3" (Apple's Chess Using Speech)

Or..

"Quit Safari"
"File, New Window"

 

[gekko513]

"Pawn D2 to D3" (Apple's Chess Using Speech)

I couldn't play chess using speech because it wasn't able to recognize the difference between A and H.

 

[_pb_boi]

"Ow! You shocked me!" [to Powerbook]

"Ow! You shocked me!" [to alu cinema display. fscking static!]

"No! I didn't mean the adjacent dock icon, I meant THAT icon!"

andy.

 

[combatcolin]

Lots of rude words to my PC.

Not much to my trusty old iMac at the mo, when i get my new desk(s) i'll have a chat.

 

[zelmo]

To my work Mac (a 450MHz G3 with 192MB RAM named "Ol' Useless"): "Arghhh, not the Spinning Pinwheel Of Death!"

To the family G4 iMac (which my daughter routinely attempts to destroy): "Oh God, what has she done to you now?"

To my recently purchased PowerBook (which I often take to work for reasons which should be fairly obvious ): "C'mon, baby, load already," but only when I'm particularly impatient.

 

[blackfox]

I have been with my computer(s) so long, that we no longer need to talk.

We communicate by looks and gestures; a raised eyebrow,a smile, a hesistant walk away. Occasionally there is a longing beep to puctuate the loaded silence.

I usually reserve my harshest words for my periphrials, which are much more problematic and seemingly antisocial. I also occasionally yell at individual programs, particularily MS word X.

 

[PlaceofDis]

AHHHH

WTF?!

Now What?

Come,on

Hurry up will ya?!


thats about all, i used to be worse, but i only have some speed issues occasionally when im trying to multitask too much, and i know its because i dont have enough ram, but i cant afford any more right now so what am i gonna do....

 

[Poeben]

a while back i was on a voice iChat with a friend and we were playing with speakable items. Well I set my compter to respond to @s*h*le. Funny thing was i was screaming stuff like "C'mon A-H get my mail" and it wouldn't do it half the time, but it was doing stuff my friend was saying over iChat on the first try. Go figure.

 

[Mechcozmo]

iMac:
Fold, baby fold!

PowerBook:
Damn spinny thing
Yay! No pageouts!
Keep going... 3 more minutes of battery life left...

Windoze:
!#@$!
%!$@%
$!@$%#@!
@^&&&% @@%$
!))^% ^@UY$%
@$^^ &^&^%#@%$
!$#%!# %^$#&& @$^%@%$^ ^*&*&^%@@$
!@$# help system
Why the @!%* did that crash? Again? Why again?


Dog:
Good boy!

Oh wait.. computers only...

 

[Macs R Us]

Well The Most comman for me to say to these are:

Dell:
WTF is the PC (Peaice 'o Cr@p) so @#$(#$) SLOW... Load you POS... Etc...

HP:
Why the #%#@, couldn't you just make printers...

Apple:
Please, load... Little faster...

Homemade:
Who the #%$% Made this POS...

Well I think these are all comman things, but thats just me... Yeah I Blocked the bad words for you all .....

 

[paxtonandrew]

To My Dull Laptop:
Hurry the Fsck up and open word (10 mins later, still nothing)
Stupid piece of Windoze Crap
Where is an open Window to throw you out of when you need one?
No, Don't freeze, where is command+alt+esc when you need it?

To My PowerBook
Not the Spinning Beach-ball of Death again
'Computer Tell me A Joke'
'Computer, close window'
'computer quit Application'
Ahhh speech, i love it.