When it rains it pours.....

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Backtothemac, Apr 24, 2008.

  1. Backtothemac macrumors 601

    Backtothemac

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2002
    Location:
    San Destin Florida
    #1
    UGH, I have to vent to someone, and I cannot vent to my wife and daughter because I have to be a rock for them right now. Here is what has happened.

    At the end of March, my wife and I found out she was pregnant. We were scared to death because of her age, and the risks that are involved with women 40 and over having children. Through much prayer we decided that it didn't matter if we wanted more children, the fact was we were pregnant, and were going to have another child. We were excited. Two days later we found out that it was a tubular pregnancy, and it would have to be terminated. Also they found a cyst on her ovary and said we should have it looked at in a few months. Instead of surgery, the doctor recommended methatrexate which is a chemotherapy agent. This would dissolve the fetus and thus avoid surgery. The next day my daughter came down with the flu. And she missed 11 days of school. I was taking care of my wife and my daughter, and of course, had to miss the first week and a half of this month working. Then the doctor decided that my wife had to have another round of the methatrexate, so I was home with her for another week. The next wednesday the doctor gave her the all clear and said the shot had worked to come back once a week for six weeks for blood tests to confirm the shot was still working.

    Well, last friday we went to an OBGYN to have the cyst looked at. He informed us that it wasn't a tubular pregnancy, but in fact was in the uterus like it should be. He was shocked. He requested the radiology report from the hospital to see it, and sure enough, the radiology report says that it is a normal interuteral pregnancy. The doctor at the hospital did another ultrasound and said it was tubular and administered the shot!! Well the OBGYN said there was no heartbeat and scheduled a D&C for today. However, last Sunday my wife miscarried here at the house. Tuesday she had the D&C done to remove the rest of the tissue.

    She has been home resting, and I am taking care of her. Yesterday I was informed from work that because of missing this month to take care of her, they are taking away my salary for three months.

    I am at wits end. How the **** does so much happen at one time to people, and how the hell do we pull through this. My wife in an emotional wreck. She blames herself because she let them give her the methatrexate. And to top it off one of our close friends killed herself the week that my wife had the first shot of chemo.

    I want to go crawl into a corner and just curl up in a ball and loose it. My daughter is devastated, and worried about me and her mom, because she can tell that there is a lot going on. So now I am trying to take care of her, the house, our daughter, and to find a new job too. And trying to find a way to live until I do find a new job.

    I have sold everything we had of value except my old PowerBook and PowerMac, and I have an offer on the PowerBook, and I am going to have to take it unfortunately.

    Keep us in your prayers, and if you know of anyone that needs a very good IT director in Lafayette Louisiana, let me know.
     
  2. Surely Guest

    Surely

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2007
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #2
    I'm sorry to hear about your run of bad luck. Sh** happens, but it will get better.

    My advice: Find a good lawyer that deals with Medical Malpractice and go after the doctor and the hospital that misdiagnosed the pregnancy. Based on what you vented about, I'd say you have a case (but I'm no lawyer).

    Good luck man.:cool:
     
  3. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #3
    How can your job take away three months' salary when you were only gone for a month? That sounds illegal to me.

    Sorry to hear about all the trouble. Try to keep your chin up.
     
  4. CanadaRAM macrumors G5

    CanadaRAM

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2004
    Location:
    On the Left Coast - Victoria BC Canada
    #4
    Sorry to hear of the trouble, heartache upon heartache.

    Well normally, I wouldn't say this, but if it could be a case of medical malpractice, then you should definitely review this with a lawyer.

    As far as the works situation goes, I'm guessing that they have said they don't have work for you for three months after your absence. That might be legal, if you were on part time or temporary and had no contract covering medical or compassionate leave.

    If they are suggesting that you missed a month so now you have to work for them for free, that's an entirely different story and needs to go to your local employment standards agency ASAP.
     
  5. Backtothemac thread starter macrumors 601

    Backtothemac

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2002
    Location:
    San Destin Florida
    #5
    We have met with a malpractice attorney and he is taking the case. As far as work, they paid me during the month that I have missed and now placing me on leave. They will allow me to work, but I can only earn commission. Louisiana is an at will state and since we don't have a contract, the attorney said they can do pretty much whatever they want to do.
     
  6. glocke12 macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #6
    Good luck....Things will get better eventually.
     
  7. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #7
    Wow, it often pours when you're around, doesn't it.


    I don't quite understand the job situation, but I don't think I really have to in order to understand your situation. I also don't really understand exactly what happened with the OBGYN and doctor(s) who diagnosed the tubular pregnancy and what not, but that sounds really really bad. You can't do anything about the pregnancy now, so I guess the thing you need to worry about most right now is the job situation. Good luck with that.
     
  8. blackfox macrumors 65816

    blackfox

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2003
    Location:
    PDX
    #8
    I am sorry to hear about all this BTTM. I really feel for your situation.

    Although I am not sure if this violates any forum rules, I would be happy to donate some funds to your situation, if you were willing to accept.

    I have posted here for a long time, and in many ways we are a true community. Perhaps others may feel the way I do. I'd be more than happy to help.

    Get in touch. Best wishes regardless.
     
  9. MacDawg macrumors P6

    MacDawg

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2004
    Location:
    "Between the Hedges"
    #9
    Wow, and wow again.

    Lean on your friends and family for support, as well as your faith.
    I know we have no real words to comfort you, but know that you are in our thoughts.

    I have to believe you are due some good news soon.

    Woof, Woof - Dawg [​IMG]
     
  10. LethalWolfe macrumors G3

    LethalWolfe

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #10
    Understatement of the year coming up... dude, that royally sucks. I mean, just, wow...

    You and your family are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.


    Lethal
     
  11. sushi Moderator emeritus

    sushi

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Location:
    キャンプスワ&#
    #11
    BTTM, I am sorry to hear of your situation.

    Our prayers are with you and wish you the best.
     
  12. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #12
    My guess is they are not taking away all the money but going to take away part of it to cover lost time.

    I am assuming he was paid during that time and has 2 weeks worth of leave that he did not have vacation/sick pay for. So instead of taking all his money for 2 weeks they are instead spreading it out over 3 months.

    It more a kindness on the companies part because other wise he would be going with out pay for 2 weeks and honestly it is harder to go with out pay for 2 weeks straight instead of having a reduced income. But I am going to assume you know that. Cash flow is very important.
     
  13. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #13
    Well that's what I thought as well --- and he shouldn't be getting a new job because of it. I didn't fully understand many parts of his post, but it still sounds bad overall. I hope he can cope.
     
  14. Legolamb macrumors 6502a

    Legolamb

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2006
    Location:
    North of where I'd like to be
    #14
    ... the rain will eventually stop

    This must have been a nightmare.
    Things seem to have stabilized somewhat for you to at least breathe. The malpractice suit will take time. Eventually, the loss of income will be made up. I pray not only for your wife's health, and you and your family's welfare, but that you (she) don't blame yourselves for the mistakes of people you entrusted your health to. This is the time to lean on your friends and family, and know that you are not alone. Take care.
     
  15. Backtothemac thread starter macrumors 601

    Backtothemac

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2002
    Location:
    San Destin Florida
    #15
    Well, she has blamed herself for this. I have tried to make her understand it isn't her fault, but she won't listen. She feels that she should have gotten a second opinion. I have explained, that after 13 hours in the er when the doctor comes in and tells you what is going on, you trust them. We where exhausted, and followed the doctors advice.

    It is unreal that it unfolded the way it did.

    Abstract, I know it was kind of incoherent. Basically. Radiology said we had a normal pregnancy, but we didn't know they said that. The doctor said it was tubular, and gave her the methatrexate to kill the fetus. Then two weeks later we found out it was inuteral, and dead. Then she miscarried, then surgery to stop the bleeding.

    Thanks for the kind words everyone!
     
  16. Legolamb macrumors 6502a

    Legolamb

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2006
    Location:
    North of where I'd like to be
    #16
    You are talking logic. Your wife is racked with emotions. Coming from a "been there" POV, your wife may need some professional help. You seem to be religious, perhaps one from your faith. But I must say, that a certain amount of guilt, self-blame, mixed with anger, is normal if not well-deserved.
     
  17. ricgnzlzcr macrumors 6502a

    ricgnzlzcr

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2005
    #17
    Like everyone else I want to really wish you the best. It's a very rough time and you have to rise above it as a family. Life unfolds in an interesting manner but in the end, it's all about being able to take care of your loved ones--which you're doing amazingly. I really commend your courage and just have to say that sticking it out will be the best solution. Time heals all.

    Next, I wanted to mention that you should definitely get a lawyer. That is definitely medical malpractice that has not only caused harm to your wife, but to your entire family emotionally and economically.

    Lastly, gather items that might have some sort of value and sell them on ebay if you can to make a little extra money while you're going through your rough times. I'm not sure how your savings are but make sure to be frugal in any way possible (cut down on meaty meals, eliminate cable, use less electricity, etc.). If you can, solicit help from your family if it gets to an unbearable point. You'll make it out just fine. Just let time do all the healing.

    My best wishes
     
  18. mcarnes macrumors 68000

    mcarnes

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2004
    Location:
    USA! USA!
    #18
    Don't worry about the money in the long run. You should get a good settlement from this. I would be off the charts furious if this happened to me.

    Get an attorney that specializes in medical malpractice and has a good track record. If yours does not, find another one. Ask what percent of the settlement they take, and what other fees are involved. There should be no other fees except a percent of the settlement, probably 33%.

    What a sloppy doctor. Unbelievable.
     
  19. spamdumpster macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2008
    #19
    I'm a lawyer. I would definitely find a good medical malpractice lawyer.

    I don't want to make this a repeat of the atheist vs. religion threads, but I would imagine that your sincerely held religious beliefs should really add to any settlement/judgment you get in this case. It seem a little crazy, but it seems to me that pain and suffering in a situation like this is far more severe if you have certain religious views regarding the unborn.
     
  20. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
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    #20
    ^^^Sounds logical to me. Your religion is a part of this case. I know you don't want to "use" it in any way, but this is one of those times where it may explain how your thoughts and feeling developed as the news was given to you, and how you felt regarding an abortion.

    Not so sure about that. I'd still worry about it if I was him, but only because he has had money issues in the past due to bad luck.
     
  21. ms.gio macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2007
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #21
    Oh goodness. I know I'm new around here but I just wanted to say that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Like Lee said, "keep your chin up." I know it may look bad now but hopefully it'll get better around the corner.
     
  22. MacBooksRock macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
  23. Cromulent macrumors 603

    Cromulent

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2006
    Location:
    The Land of Hope and Glory
    #23
    Three months salary for missing one month of work? Surely that is illegal, I would imagine it is over here.

    Well I know it doesn't help much now but I hope things start getting better for you and your wife soon.
     
  24. Les Kern macrumors 68040

    Les Kern

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2002
    Location:
    Alabama
    #24
    Listen to the lawyer above. He is wise. Whatever you feel politically about this is immaterial. What's relevant is what happened to you by the hand of your ex-employer and the medial folks who caused this to happen. Sounds like you'll have years of painful and sometimes depressing and maddening "red tape" but this seems like a clear case with a clear outcome for you.
    Chin up, get damned mad, and destroy those who destroyed you. No sitting in corners, no blankies, but rather 10,000 phone calls and 1,000 visits with those that will right this terrible wrong.
     
  25. NotFound macrumors 6502a

    NotFound

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2006
    #25
    When you get back on your feet I would be speaking with a lawyer and suing the piss out of the doctors who concluded it was a tubal pregnancy.
     

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