XS Max was an amazing phone. Partner loved his until it randomly died this summer.
It's all about cameras now. 11 Pro Max cameras are incredible compared the XS Max, more so in low light. Wide lens shots are beautiful now. I scoffed at the 'Pro' moniker when it came out and thought it was a gimmick to cover the 5G omission that year, but after testing the 11 Pro Max camera I've changed my mind, I think some threshold has been crossed now.
If you're not taking photos or videos, I think it's hard to find a genuine reason to upgrade these days.
Ultimately many of us are hoping that the time will come when some leap in sensor technology arrives and the phone can truly replace a DSLR for street and even a lot of landscape photography. For many shots, it's already very close and the older point and shoot cameras, even the very good ones, which I used to eye up as a potential purchase, like Sony's RX100 vii - I've completely written off. I think that market will be killed off by Apple and co with their image processing tech. I already prefer iPhone 11 Pro photos to the RX. RX beats it when cropping in obviously with the sensor and in low light, but for the vast majority of point and click shots, 11 Pro pics just look so much nicer.
Only thing I get excited about with the phones is thinking what the cameras will be like in 5 years.