Why do I let myself get so attached?

[TequilaBoobs]

forming attachments and separating is what makes life special. i got a questions though: why did u pick a girl who lives on the other side of the world to get attached to? maybe pick is the wrong word, but u know what i mean.

i studied at beijing university for one year, and every single one of those students who was studying english wanted to be my conversation partner. chinese students are really ambitious and smart! one of my classmates from the states became smitten with a chinese student and never returned home but stayed indefinitely. havent heard from him so dont know if he is happy.

 

[lamina]

Attraction isn't a choice. I wish I didn't feel this way. I mean come on, look at her

Today has been good. I am keeping busy trying to find a temporary 2 week job before my Apple job starts.

 

[lamina]

Well folks, here I am, a year later. My how things have changed.

We got together, and I broke up with her on December 3rd. I had planned on going to Korea to teach, and I felt that having such a serious relationship would hold me back.

I tried my very best to do it in a nice way. I know I hurt her very very badly.

She's leaving for Orlando to study and stay with her high school friends. She says she can't stay here anymore, because everything reminds her of what we had. She told me she was leaving a few weeks ago, but it only hit me yesterday.

And boy did it hit me. I cried all day yesterday, like a little wimp. I felt so awful for hurting her. Since we've broken up she's become my best (sometimes only) friend. We talk every day, get together often, and talk about life.

Now that it's sunken in that she's leaving, I am absolutely devastated. I feel like she's the only person in the world who understands me. Through everything I put her through, she stood by me. And I broke up with her because I was getting restless with 'only one' girl and to free myself before going away... but now I just feel like I am losing a huge part of myself.

Funny how things change, isn't it?

 

[iJohnHenry]

Oh dear, excuse me for saying so, but cutting the cord is the only way.

By staying "friends" you have prolonged the problem for yet another year. And perhaps engendered hope in her for a reunion.

 

[Keebler]

Well folks, here I am, a year later. My how things have changed.

We got together, and I broke up with her on December 3rd. I had planned on going to Korea to teach, and I felt that having such a serious relationship would hold me back.

I tried my very best to do it in a nice way. I know I hurt her very very badly.

She's leaving for Orlando to study and stay with her high school friends. She says she can't stay here anymore, because everything reminds her of what we had. She told me she was leaving a few weeks ago, but it only hit me yesterday.

And boy did it hit me. I cried all day yesterday, like a little wimp. I felt so awful for hurting her. Since we've broken up she's become my best (sometimes only) friend. We talk every day, get together often, and talk about life.

Now that it's sunken in that she's leaving, I am absolutely devastated. I feel like she's the only person in the world who understands me. Through everything I put her through, she stood by me. And I broke up with her because I was getting restless with 'only one' girl and to free myself before going away... but now I just feel like I am losing a huge part of myself.

Funny how things change, isn't it?

lamina, i don't get it....is this over? is she gone yet?

sounds like you need to tell her you made a mistake?

 

[lamina]

lamina, i don't get it....is this over? is she gone yet?

sounds like you need to tell her you made a mistake?

I think she knows that I realize my mistake... but she's already got her ticket... she's leaving in 2 weeks.

If we got back together, it would be kind of for the wrong reason. I know we both still love each other, but I am off to Korea in July to teach, and she's got plans with her friends from Florida...

It's just a sucky situation for both of us.. But what can I do, right? It's not like I think I should change my life because of this...

 

[leekohler]

I think she knows that I realize my mistake... but she's already got her ticket... she's leaving in 2 weeks.

If we got back together, it would be kind of for the wrong reason. I know we both still love each other, but I am off to Korea in July to teach, and she's got plans with her friends from Florida...

It's just a sucky situation for both of us.. But what can I do, right? It's not like I think I should change my life because of this...

I'm so sorry lamina. But unfortunately it is over. Not that it makes it any easier, but try to think of it as the end of one story and the beginning of another. You'll be in a very different place a year from now, even just months from now. Do your best to get through it.

 

[tMac85]

things will work out man.
if its meant to be its meant to be.

 

[lamina]

Thanks again for your kind words Lee; you're always a great help.

I think the combination of overcoming (another) drug addiction, plus finishing my degree, plus planning on moving 15,000km away has me grasping at anything I can get.

I'm still in pieces right now. I woke up this morning and almost vomited with the thought of how much I hurt that poor little girl, and how I would do anything to take back the past... but it's just not possible...

I guess Maynard was right

Like a kidney stone... this too shall pass...

 

[BigPrince]

Time will heal you.

 

[leekohler]

Thanks again for your kind words Lee; you're always a great help.

You're welcome. I can't stand to see such a cute, sweet guy cry. Damn Canadians.

I think the combination of overcoming (another) drug addiction, plus finishing my degree, plus planning on moving 15,000km away has me grasping at anything I can get.

Is this metaphor? Or did I miss something? Drug addiction? If that's the case, congrats on kicking whatever it was.

 

[lamina]

You're welcome. I can't stand to see such a cute, sweet guy cry. Damn Canadians.



Is this metaphor? Or did I miss something? Drug addiction? If that's the case, congrats on kicking whatever it was.

I became very addicted to percocet and the past few weeks oxycontin. I am on my 3rd day of being clean and I am beginning to feel better.

I am not as emotional, but I still cry when I thin of how much I hurt that poor girl. I fell in love with her, and I never told her. And now I really want to tell her, but I know that would just make things worse...

The thing is... she's the ray of sunshine in my life. She's always got a kind word for me, and she's always smiling, and thinks of everything in a different way. I've learned more from her than from anyone I've ever met.

Now it's me who's crying. She's well over it, thank god. She doesn't cry anymore, but now that I am getting a taste of how I made her feel, it's just heart-wrenching to think of what I did to that poor girl. All she wanted to do is be the best girlfriend for me, and I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have. I just wish I could make it up to her these next few weeks. She knows how I feel, and I think she is glad to know that I still care.

So the question is... do I tell her how I feel (love) before she leaves? Now? When? Not at all?

 

[leekohler]

I became very addicted to percocet and the past few weeks oxycontin. I am on my 3rd day of being clean and I am beginning to feel better.

I am not as emotional, but I still cry when I thin of how much I hurt that poor girl. I fell in love with her, and I never told her. And now I really want to tell her, but I know that would just make things worse...

The thing is... she's the ray of sunshine in my life. She's always got a kind word for me, and she's always smiling, and thinks of everything in a different way. I've learned more from her than from anyone I've ever met.

Now it's me who's crying. She's well over it, thank god. She doesn't cry anymore, but now that I am getting a taste of how I made her feel, it's just heart-wrenching to think of what I did to that poor girl. All she wanted to do is be the best girlfriend for me, and I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have. I just wish I could make it up to her these next few weeks. She knows how I feel, and I think she is glad to know that I still care.

So the question is... do I tell her how I feel (love) before she leaves? Now? When? Not at all?

Only you can answer that. If do you tell her, what are your intentions? Are you looking to get back together? Clear your conscience? Do you simply want to apologize? Look at your motives first.

 

[lamina]

Only you can answer that. If do you tell her, what are your intentions? Are you looking to get back together? Clear your conscience? Do you simply want to apologize? Look at your motives first.

I just want to tell her what I was so afraid to tell her while we were together. I don't know why I was afraid. Maybe afraid of the commitment, given the fact that I was planning on leaving the continent this year.

Now she's moving to Orlando to get away from the memories of us here... and I feel like I've ruined her life. She's just finished her second year of her degree here... and now she's running from my **** up. She says there are too many memories here.

The crazy thing is that I've felt this way before about another girl, but she was the one who broke up with me, for another guy. It took me a while to get over that, but I did eventually. But this one feels like she's taking my heart with her, and I just don't know how to make this better for myself.

 

[leekohler]

I just want to tell her what I was so afraid to tell her while we were together. I don't know why I was afraid. Maybe afraid of the commitment, given the fact that I was planning on leaving the continent this year.

Now she's moving to Orlando to get away from the memories of us here... and I feel like I've ruined her life. She's just finished her second year of her degree here... and now she's running from my **** up. She says there are too many memories here.

The crazy thing is that I've felt this way before about another girl, but she was the one who broke up with me, for another guy. It took me a while to get over that, but I did eventually. But this one feels like she's taking my heart with her, and I just don't know how to make this better for myself.

The fact that she's leaving is her decision. Don't take all the blame on yourself, it's not fair. She will be fine, and you need not feel responsible for her actions.

Now as far as you're concerned- stop blaming yourself. I get the feeling there's more to this story than you've told us, and that's OK. There's no reason you need to publicize all the details. But my friend, whether or not your decide to tell her what you feel, think about the result you want from that disclosure. Is it for her benefit, or yours? Either way, do what you feel you must do.

In the meantime, stay away from the pills, Rush Limbaugh.

 

[lamina]

Luckily I wasn't as bad as Rush. Not even close.

I am starting to come to terms with all this. That doesn't mean I feel better, but I am starting to try to accept it. The point is that she is okay. She had her time to heal, now's mine.

I just hate what I've done. She was the perfect girl to me, but I pushed her away because I felt 'trapped' and unable to be with other girls. Well, I did the other girls thing, and sure it was fun, but now I am feeling the deepest regret for being so selfish. I just wanted to 'get with' other girls, and I have, but that is an empty feeling.

This girl knew about my plans to teach in Korea. She even planned on following me there, changing her life to suit my decision.

I just wish I knew a way to stop the pain and remorse.

 

[Gray-Wolf]

It takes time, and wisdom to heal the pain. Learn from it and the remorse can be healed as well. Then share the experience you learned with another in the same boat.

 

[Abstract]

1. You messed up a very good relationship for (what I believe to be) a temporary teaching job overseas. Did you actually love her? Sorry for asking such a question, but....

2. People feel bad when they feel that they've not only hurt someone they love, but when they think they made a mistake.

3. You'll get over it and find a South Korean girl.

 

[tangledweb16]

similiar thing happened to me when I went to Jamaica, but even if I did go back (which I want to) I doubt I could find her again.

Things have a way of working themselves out.

 

[iHerzeleid]

I wouldn't have left her go.

 

[lamina]

1. You messed up a very good relationship for (what I believe to be) a temporary teaching job overseas. Did you actually love her? Sorry for asking such a question, but....

I think I did, but I was afraid because I felt that she was 'the one', and I don't want to end up like my parents, married at 22, kid (me) at 24, and working menial jobs, supporting 3 kids. PS: I love my parents.

2. People feel bad when they feel that they've not only hurt someone they love, but when they think they made a mistake.

You said it.

3. You'll get over it and find a South Korean girl.

Actually this was the part that I kind of kept from you all. Of course, Lee was right. There was a Korean girl I was interested in during the summer. However she just let me know of some delightful news! She now has a boyfriend!!! Oh well. There are roughly 25,000,000 girls in South Korea. And no, I'm not interested in the younger bunch (nor the older bunch for that matter)

Things have a way of working themselves out.

I find that too, but it just hurts right now.

I wouldn't have left her go.

Coulda woulda shoulda. Unfortunately my flux capacitor isn't functioning as well as it should be these days.

I find I am most depressed in the morning, and if I'm spending time with people during the day, instead of moping around the house, the day turns out better.

 

[leekohler]

I find that too, but it just hurts right now.



Coulda woulda shoulda. Unfortunately my flux capacitor isn't functioning as well as it should be these days.

I find I am most depressed in the morning, and if I'm spending time with people during the day, instead of moping around the house, the day turns out better.

The best thing is to be around people. Time is going to have to heal this one. Let us know when you're leaving for Korea. I can't wait to hear the stories from there.