Why is life complicated? Completely off topic to macs....

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by pulsewidth947, Feb 12, 2008.

  1. pulsewidth947 macrumors 65816

    pulsewidth947

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2005
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    squarefrog.co.uk
    #1
    I'm not really expecting any responses here, I just want to rant, and being the geek I am, I prefer to rant with my fingers.

    I know I'm only 25, and very pessimistic, but why is life so complicated? The reason I ask is I've recently realised that I'm very much in love with my best friend. Of course the problem is, she considers us 'just friends' :) Obviously that wasnt the reaction I was hoping for. The worse thing is - she really is my best friend - who I go to for everything.. so obviously I can't talk to her about how a girl is breaking my heart!

    Don't get me wrong, I'm completely delighted that I have her as a best friend. She understands me better than anybody I've ever met, but how do you fall out of love with someone? I've tried concentrating on her flaws, but I don't see any.

    very very frustrating..
     
  2. thesdx macrumors 6502a

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    #2
    This should be posted in Community Discussion, not the MB/MBP forum.
     
  3. abijnk macrumors 68040

    abijnk

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  4. bartelby macrumors Core

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    Jun 16, 2004
    #4
    It is...
     
  5. Hankster macrumors 68020

    Hankster

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    Jan 30, 2008
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    Washington DC
    #5
    Seems like a small world right now, but you have to understand this happens to EVERYONE. If you think about it, you'll never get over it or move on (even if you don't). It's always a tough thing to go through, hang in there!
     
  6. thesdx macrumors 6502a

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    #6
    Hmm...Must've been moved.
     
  7. bartelby macrumors Core

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    Jun 16, 2004
    #7
    Nope. Was always in the Community discussion. Do you use Forum Spy?
     
  8. tsincaat macrumors member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2008
    #8
    Well, if she really wants to be "just friends", then eventually you will find a girl who doesn't want to be just friends, and this first girl will be able to help you out so you can have an even stronger and better relationship with another girl.
     
  9. thesdx macrumors 6502a

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    #9
    Yep. When I clicked the thread, it said it was in MacBook & MacBook Pro.
     
  10. pulsewidth947 thread starter macrumors 65816

    pulsewidth947

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    Jan 25, 2005
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    squarefrog.co.uk
    #10
    Nah it wasn't.. Honest.. Actually I'm sure I put it in the community.. but I have had half a bottle of JD so I could be wrong.


    Yeah I suppose, but the worse thing is I've been single for about a year now, ever since i split up with my ex. Long story short - I fell in love and she f*****d me over. We split up, I didn't know why, about 10 months of heartbreak, some counselling, I kinda got back on my feet. Fell in love again and its all gone wrong again..

    Basically, my worry now is that I'm starting to distance myself because I really can't deal with getting hurt again! I realise it probably sounds pathetic but I don't take rejection very well.. :/
     
  11. Prof. macrumors 601

    Prof.

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    Chicago
    #11
    Ha!

    This thread reminded me of one of my favorite songs by Angels & Airwaves called "It Hurts" There's a line in it that says... "Your best friend is not your girlfriend.":(
     
  12. TatsuTerror macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    #12
    Why? Because during your life you interact with thousands of people, and their goals are different from yours...things clash.
     
  13. rivercottage macrumors member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    #13
    Lifes a bit of a monkey at times isnt it. Theres not much you can do about it really im afraid though, like the previous poster said, you just have to let it go and move on...if you keep thinking about it its gonna take longer

    ...and it will die down, it seems like it never ever ever will...but it always does :) ive been there far too many times!
     
  14. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #14
    if life wasn't complicated it'd be boring. :p

    but seriously. its a tough situation to be in. happens frequently though, and i'm sorry that she doesn't feel the same way. just remember that you'll find someone.
     
  15. furious macrumors 65816

    furious

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    Aug 7, 2006
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    Australia
    #15
    Don't sweet it. You are not alone in this situation.

    Number one rule I have found is to be honest with her. Tell her that you have feelings for her and that you think it would be best for you if you had a break from the friendship. This break is the only way you will meet other people and get out of your comfort zone. Meeting other women is the key I have found to get over a crush.

    BTW some harsh truths man up. You are not in love you are lusting after her. She is the forbidden fruit so to speak. The friendship mean a lot to you. Do you want to mesh up this friendship?

    And stay off the grog. :rolleyes:
     
  16. Gelfin macrumors 68020

    Gelfin

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    Denver, CO
    #16
    Entropy.

    For one, ask yourself whether being "very pessimistic" might have something to do with this.

    I bet you want a lot of things you can't have. How do you go on with life without those? It doesn't feel like it, but it's the same thing. Learning that it's the same thing is a major life lesson lots of people skip. Learning how to fall in love with somebody (and, by extension, how not to) is another.

    At risk of violating the boundaries of good taste, there's no small analogy between the emotional and the physical here: In either case, getting too far ahead of your partner too soon is just no good for anybody, and you should count yourself lucky if you're with the sort of person who won't make a big deal of it. If you find yourself in this situation, there's just nothing for it but to practice self control. Also, how well you recover, while it doesn't really fix the immediate situation, still counts for a lot.

    If you stop wallowing in your own hurt for a moment, you might notice that it's awfully hard on the girl to have this come up. You're hurting and she feels responsible. Perhaps recognition of how selfish it would be for you to keep her in that position would be the incentive you need to man up and move on, or at least present a convincing appearance of having done so. Getting drunk on her account is pretty much the opposite.

    We've mostly all screwed this up at some point. You'll get over it and if you pay attention you'll be a stronger person for it.
     
  17. pulsewidth947 thread starter macrumors 65816

    pulsewidth947

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    Jan 25, 2005
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    squarefrog.co.uk
    #17
    I know what you are saying, but I'm not lusting after her. I don't just want to shag her I want to be with her. I know I need a break - but she's my closest friend so that will be very very hard. We do pretty much do everything together, so it wont just be a break from her, it'll be a break from my social life :/

    I know it would be hard for her. I've never confronted her about it directly, because I'm not that inconsiderate. I would always put her feelings in front of mine. I know I will get over it, but knowing how long that will take is making the next few months seem pretty desolate.

    I didn't drink purely because of this. There's been some other things happening just recently, and I just wanted one night where I didn't have to deal with any of this. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't use alcohol or any other drugs to escape reality on a regular basis. Its just sometimes everything is just too much. And rather than do something stupid I had a drink to just take my mind off of things.
     
  18. maestro55 macrumors 68030

    maestro55

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    Nov 13, 2005
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    #18
    Life really does suck, but at least you can be with her as your best friend and while that may hurt it doesn't hurt as much as not being able to be with her would be. I am not going to jack the thread but I can tell you that life for us all does suck at times even the richest and greatest of them all.
     
  19. carbonmotion macrumors 6502a

    carbonmotion

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    San Francisco, CA
    #19
    Love and infatuation are two different things. I'm not saying you have one or the other. I'm just going to put my own thoughts on dating out there and you take whatever you want for it.

    Love requires commitment and it needs to be tested, while infatuation could last for a year or two, but it doesn't stand the test of time or the hurdles life through at you.

    Many girls that I know, will look at a guy really carefully before deciding if he's worthy of her love. She will ask questions like, is he a doctor, lawyer, or some kind of stable professional? Does he come from a good family with good genes? Is he well educated? Can I count on him if something bad happens to me? All these consideration are made in addition to things like is ...he good looking? Is he exciting? Does he treat me well? Do we have a connection?

    I think a good relationship is when a guy feels like he's found a special girl because she's beautiful and nice. He appreciates her and feels lucky to have found her. But it is equally important that the girl feels that she's lucky to have found the guy; someone that she can show off to her friends and family.

    I'm in my twenties, so I could have this all wrong. But from my personal dating experience as well as listening to my girl-friends talk, this is what I have gathered. That gut wrenching feeling that you get when you first meet a girl may not be "real love", per say.
     
  20. pulsewidth947 thread starter macrumors 65816

    pulsewidth947

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    squarefrog.co.uk
    #20
    This is so true. I don't want anyone to think I'm not grateful for the fact I've got an amazing best friend! I'm truly grateful she's in my life. My life would be a lot less rich without her!

    No I understand what you are saying, and its fair enough. But the thing is I actually tried to concentrate on why I shouldn't be with her. I can't find any faults with her. Without wishing to gross anyone out - she's peed in front of me, farted, collapsed, everything. But she still looks beautiful. I realise that probably sounds very very wierd, but I can't really describe it.

    I really don't want anyone to think that I'm just whining because I can't get my own way. I realise nothing can happen, I merely wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who thought life was very complicated.

    I'm actually grateful for what I have - I have my health, a job, water, shelter, all these things you can take for granted. What I'm trying to say is I'm reasonably contented, but a few things have happened that have complicated things too much for me right now. It's probably my age and lack of life experience that makes it too much.
     
  21. sushi Moderator emeritus

    sushi

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    #21
    I did an unofficial study one time concerning couples.

    Basically I found out the following. When asked to describe their spouse in a few words, 100% of those with a successful marriage described their spouse as their best friend.

    I apologize for not going into more detail here, but let me say it was an environment that brought out the worst in people. Needless to say, I learned a lot about relationships -- good and bad.

    To the OP, be glad that you have a wonderful friendship with this person. Right now that is what it is. Live with it. In the future, it may change. But for now, it is what it is. Enjoy your friendship with her.
     
  22. furious macrumors 65816

    furious

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    Aug 7, 2006
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    Australia
    #22
    What I mean to say is that you need to got out and meet some new people or renew old acquaintances. If you spend every waking moment with or thinking about this person it is not healthy.

    I have 4 different groups of friends (groups form each of my jobs, old school friends, sporting friends). Sometimes the groups are mixed when we go out other times it is just one group. It helps me meet other other people and get experience that I may never have gotten by just hanging out with a single group of friends.

    Remember life is just a ride. It is full or ups and downs and twists and turns.
     
  23. carbonmotion macrumors 6502a

    carbonmotion

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    #23
    Question for the OP: How old is this gal?

    What is your nationality/ethnicity and her nationality/ethnicity?
     
  24. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    #24
    Hehe mine is :) although we were only friends for a few weeks before I asked her out. But I did have a really hard time when an on/off girlfriend (back in school) finally kept us on "off". It took a while but I found someone else and all went peachy.
     
  25. spoon man macrumors 6502a

    spoon man

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2007
    #25
    Unlucky mate it happens to all of us sometime or another its life and it is Sh**y at times but its not over chin up.I wouldnt say blank her out no matter how much you think you might be hurting but hurting is one thing your get better but it would hurt more if she stopped being you best mate due to you not speaking to her i would say play it easy and try not to show as much emotion and at the end of the day she could like you but she mite not want to lose your friendship if things went wrong.The bottom line is just chill out and take things day by day........
     

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