Yep, it's another thread about a girlfriend...

[haiggy]

Man, that is absolutely horrible.

The Christian faith is supposed to teach love and acceptance. It shouldn't matter what her religious views are.

I totally agree, and it is making her not see it that way. I have been trying to explain that.

Bringing her to your church is about the most pig-headed thing you could do, especially if you've only known her for five months. Let her decide on her own what religious faith she'd like to be and what actions she'd like to take in regards to that faith.

I know, I agree. I think that if it weren't for me, then she wouldn't believe anything at all... which is what my parents don't like.

My advice would be to have a talk with your parents explaining your position, then continue your relationship without any of these self-imposed ordeals. Relationships are hard enough as it is. It may very well be she's a flake as your parents suggest, but the only way you'll find this out is through experience.

That's what I think. I have had a talk with my parents, but they won't budge. She's 'not marriage material'

 

[haiggy]

I read this as that you are Christian and try to follow the teachings, but have doubts.

Correct

IMO, pursuing a relationship is never a waste of time. Even if things don't work out, you will have learned from the experiences and developed as a person. Plus, it sounds like you are sharing some great times together.

Thanks, I agree too that it is never a waste of time... but if my parents don't budge and won't let anything happen from it... is it still worth it?

You don't say how old you are. How could they stop you dating her and do you think they would actually carry out their threat?

I'm 17, she's 19 as I mentioned before. They could just tell her that it's over or something. She would be really upset. I think she might try to continue things regardless, but yeah... she just wants my parents approval more than anything.

Hmm. Seems like they have some pretty negative views of your girlfriend. What are the reasons for this? Have the two families met? Have you considered hosting a dinner party for both families or getting one set of parents to host a dinner party? Alternatively, why not try to find a charity dinner event and invite both families?

They say that she is a great, cute, wonderful girl... just not marriage material. I don't think they have any negative views except her religion, sadly. I tried to have the two families meet over Christmas or sometime... my mom said that would be okay but my dad said "No... it's too soon" as if he didn't want us to get too attached.

Why not ask her if there is any commitment she would like you to make in return? It could be anything - going horse riding with her once a week, teaching her to drive, an evening class, going to the gym, gardening, a DIY project, etc. The key thing is that she picks something that is a part of her life or that she wants to be a part of her life.

That is a good idea. However this is kind of hard. See her family lives 2.5 hours away from here (where my cottage is) and goes to school where I do. Her university is a 5 minute walk from my highschool. She doesn't have a car and such and is new to the area so she doesn't really have anything important to her that she does. I might be able to find one. Oh, and while we are at it my parents don't allow me to go over to her dorm room (she has a room mate if this makes a difference). This also hurts my girlfriend because she feels that they don't trust her. When I think about it, I have no idea how she has still stuck around... I guess that should mean something.

That is the wrong way to look at it. Relationships are about sacrifice, commitment and compromise in my experience. You need to find a way to turn things so that it is something you can share and something that is up to the both of you, so you can both change things.

I'll try to work with that.

Probably (not because of the situation but simply because parents usually are). But that isn't the point, the point is that it is your life any you must leave it as you see fit.

I know I should listen to my parents, but I want to make my own decisions to. My mom seems to be easier going than my dad. They are very serious about their faith and live by the bible pretty much word for word. They do not think they are 'outdated customs.'

One final thought: It may well be the first time your parents have had to deal with this situation from the point of view of being parents. They are probably outside their comfort zone of experience, too. They also are probably confused and uncertain of the best cause of action and just trying to do the right thing. Listen to what they have to say and try to see their point of view, but continue to listen to your heart and your head. Do what you think is right, not what they think is right - after understanding their point of view and their concerns.

Thanks a lot for the advice. I am the oldest child and they haven't experienced something like this before... but that shouldn't have to cause me to sacrifice a relationship that could mean a lot later in the future.

 

[haiggy]

The thing is, do you (haiggy) and your girlfriend have an issue with religion, or is it you and your parents that have the issue? From what you've said, she is being fairly relaxed about the religion side of it, and is even willing to try going to church. Even if she's an athiest, that is going against her beliefs somewhat, so she is being quite understanding of the situation. Again, from what you've said, the issue of religion is between you and your parents, not you and her.

Her and I don't have an issue with it... well that is a lie. We do, but only because of my parents. I said before she's either agnostic or athiest, however truly I just think she doesn't know anything because she hasn't been exposed to that before.

I've known couples (one religious, one not) bring up children in a reasonably relaxed fashion. The kids went to church with the dad on Sundays, and were technically Christian, but were also aware that the mum wasn't, and she was able to discuss what she did (or didn't) believe in with them openly. It's not a bad thing to grow up being aware of different viewpoints and religions. Again, it sounds as though it's your parents that would have the problem with this scenario, not her.

Yes, my parents would definitely have a problem with that. I am pretty sure she wouldn't.

I would echo the posters above who say you have to decide for yourselves, between the two of you, and think very carefully about giving up something that seems right to you simply because your parents say you should. I don't know your age, but looking at your profile picture (I assume you are the elder in the picture - if not I applaud your excellent writing skills ) it looks as if you are old enough to make a decision like this yourself. Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

Hey, thanks a lot for the excellent writing skills comment. I can always write well when I speak my mind or explain something... but when it comes to writing essays and such in school it is just terrible. lol

Random but the song "If You're Not The One" by Daniel Bedingfield seems so appropriate and fitting...

 

[haiggy]

Sorry for all of the posts in a row... I just wanted to try and answer everybody. I figured it would be too hard to do in one large post.

 

[Roger1]

As a parent who recently became a Christian (3-4) years ago, I can tell you the Christian/non-Christian thing can work. My wife was a practicing Christian long before I came around (oddly enough, it wasn't her who saved me). This is a good opportunity for you to show your girlfriend what kind of good comes from being a Christian. If I remember correctly, the bible doesn't prohibit this type of relationship.

What I think is going on is you're parents are concerned that she will possibly have a negative influence on you, since she is a non-Christian-even if she is a good person. You know, sex, drinking, etc.

Maybe you can negotiate with your parents allowing you to let you see her in public places, or with groups of friends, preferably yours, since your parents may trust them more than her friends.

Oh, someone mentioned that it sounds like your parents are trying to run your relationship with this girl. They probably are, and you may have to accept it, since your are still a minor, living under their roof. You also have to remember that this girl is 19, which makes her an adult, so if your parents wanted to get nasty, they could.

BTW, inviting her to church is a good idea. It would give her a chance to meet your church friends, and their parents, which might go a ways in easing YOUR parents anxieties.

Remember, don't let this relationship get in the way of your beliefs and values. It's not worth it. In other words, if they can coexist happily, fine if not, end the relationship.

 

[haiggy]

As a parent who recently became a Christian (3-4) years ago, I can tell you the Christian/non-Christian thing can work. My wife was a practicing Christian long before I came around (oddly enough, it wasn't her who saved me). This is a good opportunity for you to show your girlfriend what kind of good comes from being a Christian. If I remember correctly, the bible doesn't prohibit this type of relationship.

What did her parents think of that? I know its a good opportunity but that's what most people say. The bible does however prohibit a relationship between a Christian and a Non-Christian. "Do not be unequally yolked" or whatever. That's what my parents keep quoting, anyways.

What I think is going on is you're parents are concerned that she will possibly have a negative influence on you, since she is a non-Christian-even if she is a good person. You know, sex, drinking, etc.

The sex part isn't an issue because like I said we are waiting. It's something we both decided on... not just because of me since that is part of my faith. For just turning 19, she has been amazing when it comes to drinking. She hasn't gone to the bar or drank once since she hit 19. That doesn't mean that she doesn't drink... she does the odd occasion just to go out with friends. We wouldn't drink at my place or her place or anything... that's just stupid. If this matters or not, my parents don't drink at all. When I am of age I plan on drinking like casually and with friends. I don't plan on getting wasted every minute of my life.

Maybe you can negotiate with your parents allowing you to let you see her in public places, or with groups of friends, preferably yours, since your parents may trust them more than her friends.

I don't think that's the issue. The only place they don't trust us is at her dorm room. Otherwise, it's just the whole religion thing they don't approve of.

Oh, someone mentioned that it sounds like your parents are trying to run your relationship with this girl. They probably are, and you may have to accept it, since your are still a minor, living under their roof. You also have to remember that this girl is 19, which makes her an adult, so if your parents wanted to get nasty, they could.

Yes, I am a minor... but what is 1 year going to do for this? How can they get nasty? Are there like laws against this or something? I don't think my parents would get the law involved if that is the case.

BTW, inviting her to church is a good idea. It would give her a chance to meet your church friends, and their parents, which might go a ways in easing YOUR parents anxieties.

It's a good idea to do with anyone. Hopefully things work out. I just think that if she did come she might have a closed-mind because she knows what she believes in now and doesn't want to be 'forced' by my parents. She told me last night that she doesn't like when she is forced to do something.

Remember, don't let this relationship get in the way of your beliefs and values. It's not worth it. In other words, if they can coexist happily, fine if not, end the relationship.

It's kind of hard because I don't fully know my beliefs and values. Sure I know some of them but like I said earlier I am kind of stuck in the middle. I believe that our values and beliefs could coexist happily... it's my parents who don't. I'm not sure if I am just not thinking logically or something, but I want to make my own decision about this. I don't want my parents to have anything against my girlfriend and I want them to accept whatever I do. Then again, accepting doesn't necessarily mean they would approve. So I would want their approval.

And also I don't know any Christian girls that I am attracted to, or would see myself dating/marrying, etc. My parents think that because somebody is a Christian they are magically a good person who won't slip up more than a regular person. However, I know for a fact that most girls who say they are "Christians" definitely do not act like it.

 

[mdavey]

Thanks, I agree too that it is never a waste of time... but if my parents don't budge and won't let anything happen from it... is it still worth it?

see below

I'm 17, she's 19 as I mentioned before. They could just tell her that it's over or something. She would be really upset. I think she might try to continue things regardless, but yeah... she just wants my parents approval more than anything.

They say that she is a great, cute, wonderful girl... just not marriage material. I don't think they have any negative views except her religion, sadly.

I tried to have the two families meet over Christmas or sometime... my mom said that would be okay but my dad said "No... it's too soon" as if he didn't want us to get too attached.

Aha! Now I might be jumping to conclusions, but it seems as though your parents are quite traditional. Traditionally, the two sets of parents would meet after the guy had asked the girl's father for permission to marry the girl. Is it possible that your father thought you intended to ask your girlfriend to marry you at the combined family gathering?

How about telling your parents that the two of you have decided to cool it for a bit but that you are still friends? Even better if a group consisting of you two, some of your friends and some of her friends can go out together, because then you are just hanging out with your mates (especially if your parents think some of your mates are a good influence). Going out in a bigger group is more healthy too (sometimes one can 'forget' about mates when they meet a new girl!).

I'd still pursue the charity event thing, or see if you can find some other social event they have in common or that you can get both sets of parents involved in. You need to get the parents to meet and get to know each other, but in the most informal group situation(s) you can.

 

[mopppish]

Oh, man! I had a great reply typed up, and I got booted when I posted!
Let me try to summarize-
People hold fast to viewpoints and rarely budge, whether that's Christian vs. Agnostic or Mac vs. PC! It's human nature.
The problem I see with religious thought is that most religious people do not view their own beliefs as living, breathing entities. Rather, they accept a certain doctrine at some point in their lives and hold on tight! What better way to truly believe something than to question it, contemplate it, and try to understand it on every level?
It sounds like your parents are absolutely sold on their beliefs, and this marriage aspect in particular, and that they're not going to examine other possibilities. Some people see this as faithful or devoted, and I won't tell them they're wrong, but I see it as a character flaw.
I'm sure that your parents are wonderful and loving in many other ways, but truly thinking about what makes their kid happy, and considering that it may not be the same thing as what would make them happy, is not one of those ways. It's true that they're looking out for your best interests in the long run, but that's totally under the pretense that you intend to live your life as a devoted Christian, which may not be the case!
Having said that, you ARE pretty young dude!
I'm not a whole lot older than you (unless you consider 24 to be ancient), but I can tell you from experience and observation that a 17-year-old's perspective doesn't always hold a lot of water to someone more middle-aged. There are many things for you to learn and discover about the world and yourself, so making a huge, life-changing decision can maybe wait. I think you should still see where it goes, but at least wait for a few years to seriously consider marriage. At least by then you'll be a bit older and wiser, and perhaps your interests and thoughts will stand up a bit more convincingly beside your parents'. You're still a kid (hell, I'M still a kid), so don't forget to enjoy that while you can! There's plenty of time to worry about serious issues like this!

 

[inlimbo]

I'd love to parent-bash as the next person, but you don't have the life experience they have. They're married, so they got a leg up on you. It's funny... when a doctor gives you medical advice, you take it without much second thought, yet when parents give marital advice, it's taken as an insult or the ramblings of 'Christian nazis' (inlimbo). Oh please, grow up.

Last time I checked most people get second opinions on medical issues as well. For good reasons too.

If his parents dislike his girlfriend soley on the basis that she is not a Christian, then I think they have some issues. Maybe the 'Nazi' reference was over the top. I apologise. I completely agree that ur parents have life experience and that you should definately listen to them. But i think there is a line to be drawn. If we all thought like our parents we would all be against gay marriage, be still polluting the environment and practising out modelled concepts like only marry your own kind. Opps we still are.

Sorry not trying to pick a fight Lacero.

Reminds about the time Lee Kuan Yew (former Prime Minister of Singapore) suggested that only the intelligent should breed with one another so that Singapore would have a super race. Now thats some crazy parenting advice!

Take stock of what your parents are saying but don't take it as gospel. You have to make the decision for yourself not let your parents make the decision for you. Anyway your young and don't seem to have any plans to get married for a long time so don't stress about it.

 

[Roger1]

haiggy]What did her parents think of that? I know its a good opportunity but that's what most people say. The bible does however prohibit a relationship between a Christian and a Non-Christian. "Do not be unequally yolked" or whatever. That's what my parents keep quoting, anyways.

Her parents didn't seem to mind. I went to church with them a few times (Catholic), but I didn't "get it".

The sex part isn't an issue because like I said we are waiting. It's something we both decided on... not just because of me since that is part of my faith. For just turning 19, she has been amazing when it comes to drinking. She hasn't gone to the bar or drank once since she hit 19. That doesn't mean that she doesn't drink... she does the odd occasion just to go out with friends. We wouldn't drink at my place or her place or anything... that's just stupid. If this matters or not, my parents don't drink at all. When I am of age I plan on drinking like casually and with friends. I don't plan on getting wasted every minute of my life.

That's good to hear. Even so, I do know what its like to be a teenager, and peer pressure can be immense sometimes.

I don't think that's the issue. The only place they don't trust us is at her dorm room. Otherwise, it's just the whole religion thing they don't approve of.

That's good to hear. Stay out of the dorm (see above )

Yes, I am a minor... but what is 1 year going to do for this? How can they get nasty? Are there like laws against this or something? I don't think my parents would get the law involved if that is the case.

Although you are seventeen, they may be able to get the police after her since you are a minor, and she is an adult (sex doesn't have to happen for her get arrested).

It's a good idea to do with anyone. Hopefully things work out. I just think that if she did come she might have a closed-mind because she knows what she believes in now and doesn't want to be 'forced' by my parents. She told me last night that she doesn't like when she is forced to do something.

Don't force her, or try to. Lead by example.

It's kind of hard because I don't fully know my beliefs and values. Sure I know some of them but like I said earlier I am kind of stuck in the middle. I believe that our values and beliefs could coexist happily... it's my parents who don't. I'm not sure if I am just not thinking logically or something, but I want to make my own decision about this. I don't want my parents to have anything against my girlfriend and I want them to accept whatever I do. Then again, accepting doesn't necessarily mean they would approve. So I would want their approval.

Do you know a youth pastor/counselor whom you trust, and can talk to? They might be able to give you a little help with this.

And also I don't know any Christian girls that I am attracted to, or would see myself dating/marrying, etc. My parents think that because somebody is a Christian they are magically a good person who won't slip up more than a regular person. However, I know for a fact that most girls who say they are "Christians" definitely do not act like it.

Interesting last paragraph. Not attracted to Christian girls-don't worry about it. The second sentence has me scratching my head. "won't slip up more than a regular person"? Yes we do, sometimes. We are still human, vulnerable to all the fallacies of non-Christians. It's just that we try to hold ourselves to a different, possibly higher standard. The problem is, is when we fall, it makes a bigger impact, so to speak. As for girls who say they are Christians, but don't act like it, you yourself have given the reason why (reread your replies to my last post).

 

[MacNeXT]

If the relationship turns out to "go somewhere", it's HER you will share your life with, not with your parents. So it's your call, not theirs. Even if you're not a 100% sure about the relationship, nobody is. But this has been pointed out a couple of times already.

Ok, sure you want a good relationship with your parents. It seems that your relationship with her might get in the way of that. So it's your parents you need to work on.

If, and only if, you love each other enough, I believe you can work out any problem, or accept any difference, because the both of you will believe it's worth it. This includes parents who don't approve.

 

[pseudobrit]

Age of consent in Canada is 14, so that's not an issue.

At 17, I was pushing my parents away pretty firmly and making sure they knew where the new boundaries were, and they seemed to be able to adjust pretty quickly to my independence movement.

I'd just tell my parents to back off. Seriously, WTF is up with them talking about marriage when you're 17? You're not getting married until you're in your 20s anyway, so just tell them to back off and not worry about who you date. When the time comes for you to marry, you'll be a man and you won't have to listen to their ideas on potential mates.

Congrats on bagging an older chick at your age, though.

Universal words of wisdom for any guy: don't ever marry a woman who is under the age of 22.

 

[haiggy]

I'm not a whole lot older than you (unless you consider 24 to be ancient), but I can tell you from experience and observation that a 17-year-old's perspective doesn't always hold a lot of water to someone more middle-aged. There are many things for you to learn and discover about the world and yourself, so making a huge, life-changing decision can maybe wait. I think you should still see where it goes, but at least wait for a few years to seriously consider marriage. At least by then you'll be a bit older and wiser, and perhaps your interests and thoughts will stand up a bit more convincingly beside your parents'. You're still a kid (hell, I'M still a kid), so don't forget to enjoy that while you can! There's plenty of time to worry about serious issues like this!

I agree. However I don't think we can just not think about the future. It has to be done sooner or later. Sooner is probably better. I'm not set that I'm going to marry the girl, but at the same time I don't object to that idea. We would wait many more years, see where things go from here until we actually got married... but to have my parents understand from the beginning and let me do what I want to is what is needed here.

 

[haiggy]

Age of consent in Canada is 14, so that's not an issue.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

At 17, I was pushing my parents away pretty firmly and making sure they knew where the new boundaries were, and they seemed to be able to adjust pretty quickly to my independence movement.

I wish mine were like that.

I'd just tell my parents to back off. Seriously, WTF is up with them talking about marriage when you're 17? You're not getting married until you're in your 20s anyway, so just tell them to back off and not worry about who you date. When the time comes for you to marry, you'll be a man and you won't have to listen to their ideas on potential mates.

I know. If we were to get married it wouldn't be for like another 7 or so years! She just doesn't want to get so heavily involved if the relationship is 'going nowhere.' I understand that. My parents think that if I don't date Christians now, then I won't later on. If I ever got married I would be 100% sure about it before. I would not go into it with doubts.

Congrats on bagging an older chick at your age, though.

Haha, thanks

Universal words of wisdom for any guy: don't ever marry a woman who is under the age of 22.

That's not an issue... she'd be 26 in 7 years

 

[inlimbo]

Shakespeare wrote a play about this type of thing called Romeo and Juliet. Forget how it ended...

Best of luck haiggy. Like the last couple of posters have said 'don't worry about it'.

Who knows in time your parents might really like your gf once they she what a charming girl she is OR your gf may become a Christian (see Roger1's post above). Stranger things have happened. You shouldn't end the relationship now out of fear of something that may or may not happen years down the track. You don't want to turn around in your 30s and say 'Damn I should have ignored my parents. That girl was the best thing and I ended it.'

Life is too short haiggy. Good luck!

 

[ibook30]

Good luck haiggy-

My ex wife and I had different religious points of view - and to be frank, it made it more difficult to stay together. But- I'd be lying to say it was the factor that split us up.

My hope for you is that you can manage the situation without loosing the connection with your parents or gf.

Religion should not matter, but it can (unfortunately)! I hope you can help mankind evolve in your small way by making this work.

 

[CorvusCamenarum]

I know I should listen to my parents, but I want to make my own decisions to. My mom seems to be easier going than my dad. They are very serious about their faith and live by the bible pretty much word for word. They do not think they are 'outdated customs.'

How about other outdated customs such as slavery, avoiding pork and shellfish, refraining from mixing meat and dairy and refraining from wearing clothes of two different materials?

In light of your parents literal biblical interpretations, what you could do is take your girlfriend out in the country and sleep with her, and then according to a literal interpretation, you're required to marry her. I forget the actual verse, but I think it's somewhere in Deuteronomy in the 20s that has a stipulation for that sort of thing. You might also want to check out 1 Corinthians 7, around verse 12 I think. You might enjoy what you find there.

Sorry for the implied sarcasm. My parents are the same way, but fortunately I'm grown up and on my own, so now I can just smile, nod, and laugh at them behind their back.

 

[haiggy]

Shakespeare wrote a play about this type of thing called Romeo and Juliet. Forget how it ended...

Haha, thanks a lot...

Best of luck haiggy. Like the last couple of posters have said 'don't worry about it'.

Thanks. I'm not trying to worry about it. I think this is more in my girlfriends control because it is up to her as to what she wants as far as this goes.

Who knows in time your parents might really like your gf once they she what a charming girl she is OR your gf may become a Christian (see Roger1's post above). Stranger things have happened. You shouldn't end the relationship now out of fear of something that may or may not happen years down the track. You don't want to turn around in your 30s and say 'Damn I should have ignored my parents. That girl was the best thing and I ended it.'

They do really like her already. My mom just told me that. She clarified that she is good enough for me, we are just on different levels. I think the one thing that will make this work if she does become a Christian... but I can't expect her to be one when I don't know if I am myself. My mom said that marrying the right person is the number one thing on her list that she wants for me.

 

[haiggy]

Good luck haiggy-

My ex wife and I had different religious points of view - and to be frank, it made it more difficult to stay together. But- I'd be lying to say it was the factor that split us up.

My hope for you is that you can manage the situation without loosing the connection with your parents or gf.

Religion should not matter, but it can (unfortunately)! I hope you can help mankind evolve in your small way by making this work.

Haha, yeah.. that gave me some confidence
I hope I can manage the situation without loosing connection with either.
The fact that the religion part isn't why you divorced makes it better to hear. What was it like? Having different religious views? Were you the one with a religion or was she? Or were they both different?

 

[haiggy]

How about other outdated customs such as slavery, avoiding pork and shellfish, refraining from mixing meat and dairy and refraining from wearing clothes of two different materials?

In light of your parents literal biblical interpretations, what you could do is take your girlfriend out in the country and sleep with her, and then according to a literal interpretation, you're required to marry her. I forget the actual verse, but I think it's somewhere in Deuteronomy in the 20s that has a stipulation for that sort of thing. You might also want to check out 1 Corinthians 7, around verse 12 I think. You might enjoy what you find there.

Sorry for the implied sarcasm. My parents are the same way, but fortunately I'm grown up and on my own, so now I can just smile, nod, and laugh at them behind their back.

No, you're exactly right. It is stupid about the outdated customs. My mom however believes that what you listed are customs, but what they believe in to be current today are actual commands. "What fellowship does a believer have with a non-believer?" Things like no sex before marriage.. that type of thing is what she keeps talking about. She says God commands for you to marry a Christian. That he just doesn't say "Marry whoever you want to" I wish I was on my own too. But it still wouldn't remove the fact (the biggest issue) of my girlfriend not feeling accepted or good enough for me and not having the approval of my parents.

What makes this so much harder is that I don't know what I want or what I believe in.

 

[silverback66]

A few things for you to chew on....

1.It does say in the Bible we ought to be equally yoked. It's not a commandment, but it is a guidine for what will aide you in your pursuit of Christ. It's up to you to determine whether God or this girl is more important to you and choose accordingly. Just ask yourself who is number 1 in your life. If you are sincerely following christ and you find that your girlfriend is number 1 be careful because you may have made an idol out of her. Again, evaluate your priorities.

2. It also says in the Bible that's these things seem like foolishness to those who don't know Christ. I think you've already seen that in this thread and I think you know why that is.

 

[adroit]

Sorry I didn't have time to read all the replies so please let me know if I missed something.

I have sort of similar experience but in a much less extreme way....

I'm a Buddhist and my boyfriend is a Catholic. Although neither his nor my parents seem to mind us dating but I always feel a little sensitive about the religion issue because I know his mom converted from a protestant to catholic when she married his father.

I guess we're a bit older than you (20&27) and because he no longer live with his parents (they're in different city) and he rarely goes to church (except from may be easter and christmas) so it hasn't been much of a problem. However, I often feel uncomfortable when we're over at his parents' and they say pray just before dinner or participating in Christian events. I think my main problem is that I don't want to be rude by not participating but I am not sure if I should participate either. Most of the time I just end up sitting there feeling awkward .

I believe that family can play a very important role in your life unless you are willing to cut them off completely. No matter how much you love your girlfriend and want to keep the relationship but it would be cruel to put her in a situation that she will never be accept in your family for the rest of her life (assuming that this relationship continues and you actually do get married). Another important point is I'm not sure how religious you are but you'll have to be aware that marrying a person from differnt religion also mean that you may never have someone to participate in religious activities with you (ie going to church, lent, prayers etc). Just be aware that for some people it is very important that they have to be able to share the same lifestyle.

Talk to your family about it and tell them how important she is to you. I know it's not as easy as it sounds... but if you might get lucky and able to convince them.

Good Luck

 

[ejb190]

If the relationship turns out to "go somewhere", it's HER you will share your life with, not with your parents.

But if the relationship ends in divorce, you are going to need your parents, espically if kids become involved.

I have a brother and two cousins who all ended up divorced. In every case someone in the family told them not to marry those girls. Ever hear that love is blind - it can also be deaf, dumb, and stupid. Your family is standing on the outside and can see things you are too close to see. Listen to them. I am not saying that they will always be right, but the advice they give might give you time to prepare for something that would otherwise wreck a relationship.

I am not going to dive into the Christian prespective here other than to say it has been addressed many times in the forums at Crosswalk.com

 

[haiggy]

In light of your parents literal biblical interpretations, what you could do is take your girlfriend out in the country and sleep with her, and then according to a literal interpretation, you're required to marry her. I forget the actual verse, but I think it's somewhere in Deuteronomy in the 20s that has a stipulation for that sort of thing. You might also want to check out 1 Corinthians 7, around verse 12 I think. You might enjoy what you find there.

....

12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.

Isn't that referring to if you got married before you knew better? Like both of you were non-christians... and then you became one. THEN you should not divorce her? That's what I think that means.. because I don't know why it would contradict itself saying "Do not be unequally yolked"

 

[XNine]

Well, I agree with the others.

I was also raised ina Christian household. My father was also a Master Sargeant in the Army. Talk about hell!

When I was 15 I finally decided that religion is a waste of time (for me, personally) and if God went against my decision to just be a good person, then he or his people aren't worth my time.

Religion can often blind those of common sense and true compassion. This girl may not believe what you do, but it's another example of finding a common ground on which you can both build on your relationship.

Take for instance, my current GF. She is pretty much devoid of any movie taste. She refuses to go see King Kong, but expects that I go see some sappy holiday movie with her. No matter how many of these I see, she will not go see one I want to see.

Religion is the same way. You have to find a middle ground and not be completely one sided in your relationship.

If this girl is worth it (which, from my own experience I can tell you most are not), then stay with her and keep pushing and moving along with her. The realtionship can only go 1 of 2 ways anyway. So try for the best.