You think I was too harsh?

[pagansoul]

If she is suffering from even a mild case of depression she needs expert help. All you can do is point out to her what you see, that she isn't helping herself so why should you.

It can also be that she came from a family that lived the same way. People do learn habits from their parents.

I have a girlfriend who is very sloppy but really is also a single parent, husband left (worthless to the max), and she works full time with 3 daughters. The oldest is 22 and has a baby of her own now, the second is 20 and lives with her and the youngest who is 14. The house has never been clean, meaning everything put away, in all the years that I've known her (since the baby was born). She's had to fight to keep the house from the bank 2 times that I know of and sometime just wants to let them have it. One thing I really like about her is she picks herself up and keeps on trying even if she gets depressed from time to time.

It sounds like your friend isn't trying. Does she have family? Does her husband acknowledge that something is wrong?

 

[mithrilfox]

Holy crap, you were way too easy on her.

Seriously, those two need someone to slap them around for a good 5 minutes. You both *absolutely* need to talk to them about their life. You can't do it for them, trust me... I tried to help a slob-roommate by doing his laundry and straightening up and giving him a "fresh start," but he just let it all go to heck all over again.

If you want to be a true friend, you have to talk to them. They have to get their life together. They will end up killing themselves and set their kids on a destiny with failure. Start out easy, but slowly start talking straight with them... "Look guys, we care about you, and that's why we want to tell you that although it might not be our business, your lifestyle right now is really dangerous for you and your children. This place is an absolute mess, your health is in serious jeopardy, and your kids need a much better environment."

Offer to come over and help them clean, but DO NOT do it yourself... only help them. If they flat-out reject you at first, let it drop, and give them time. They'll talk about it, at first complaining and moaning, but then slowly they'll be forced to admit you're right. Eventually, if they're smart at all, they'll be open to your help.

And, honestly, if things continue this way and they refuse to accept any help or change at all... consider calling child protective services, or heck, even adult protective services. It may actually be illegal for them to keep their house in that condition with children around. They'll hate you for it, but if they're determined to destroy themselves, should they be able to take their kids down with them?

It's your choice. Do what you feel is best.