21 and never had a girlfriend. What am I doing wrong?

[appleguy123]

I'm 18 right now. Never really had any relationship, and I don't really want to. I enjoy more than anything to be left to my own thoughts and goals. Am I going to be unhappy if I continue to indulge in this behavior?

OP sounds a lot like me, and also unhappy.

 

[Abyssgh0st]

Very interesting post. I have no idea what I should do about her. On the one hand all I want for her is to be happy. And she likes her boyfriend although her parents don't seem to like him all that much. And in my opinion he dosen't appreciate her enough. I know this girl likes me, her friends like me and her sister likes me. But how will it at out? I confess my love and she breaks up with her boyfriend for me? I don't think so. On ther other hand she really is on of a kind. If my perfect type of girl ranked at 10 out of a scale of 10. The. She is 12. She exceeds everything I look for in a girl. Everything. I know her for a year and have yet to see a single thing I don't like about her.

She's 12! That's awful! Slave labor and underage relations!


...Kidding.

But really, just go ahead and tell her if you're that convinced she may still have feelings for you. I'd do it with a week or two left until you leave that workplace.

 

[noisycats]

If the 103 replies that were made to your 'How to go from Girl-friend to Girlfriend' or the 111 replies go got to your 'Advice about a girl' is your third thread going to help you any further?

KGB

Seriously. The questions and answer are always the same.

https://forums.macrumors.com/threads/1259021/

https://forums.macrumors.com/threads/1164579/

 

[Papanate]

I want a realationship with someone I can care for and that will care for me.

You and several billion other people.

Over the past two years, I had 3 oppertutines that I gunned down because the girls in question were far from my type.

Fail. You have no idea if they are your type until you hang out with them.

One of the main problems is that I'm not in the party scene.

Fail. You believe the lie. A lot of people both nice and mean are not into the party scene...they are there because they are just as lonely as you.

Also I don't use Facebook.

Yeah and a lot of people don't watch TV either.

At my current job there is a girl I am crazy over. She is exactly my type. No, in fact she is even better than that. We share an office at work. We arrived at the same time, about a year ago. I instantly fell for her. She was single at the time and she likes me (both then and now). Unfortunatly I didn't make a move and 3 months later she met someone and has been with him in a good realationship since.

Fail. You waited for what reason????

In 5 weeks time my contract is up and I will be moving to a different company. I now she likes me. I really don't know if I should say something. I fear that over time we won't keep in touch and this might be my last chance.

Your last chance was 8 months ago. Now you have a chance to ruin something for someone else...do you really want to do that? If you were the guy dating this perfect girl - what would you do about this guy who fawned over your girlfriend for 11 months - aside from a bitch slap for being an idiot?

Despite never having a girlfriend, sex is the last thig I'm looking for. All I want is someone I can love and a proper realationship.

Sex is the last thing you are looking for? Give up now....Sex is one of the glues that hold most relationships together while the couples work out what they are about.

BTW Girls as well as Guys are never Perfect...nor are they ever perfect for anyone. There are all sorts of things to work out - and if you get married that only becomes a much larger task - not everyone is difficult - but if you want an oatmeal love life than good luck with that. To me you sound like you need a real woman who can kick your butt outta of wonderland as much as love you like no tomorrow.

 

[Hellhammer]

I know this girl likes me

The problem is, you don't really know this, unless she has specifically stated so but that would basically be the same as asking you out. Don't tell yourself she does because you're just gonna hurt yourself. You must be open for both yes and no answers. If you come with the attitude that she is all over me, you're just gonna lose it if she says no.

I'm still against the idea of asking her out but it's really your choice. There are more than enough girls on this planet, she isn't the only one.

 

[einmusiker]

Ok Jim Halpert, time to let the girl know how you feel. What can it hurt you're leaving the job anyway. She will reject you but at least she'll know. And then if she breaks up who knows? booty call

 

[obeygiant]

Don't date a girl at work.

 

[renewed]

Don't date a girl at work.

He is leaving work soon anyway.

 

[NutsNGum]

Unfortunately I didn't make a move and 3 months later she met someone and has been with him in a good relationship since.

Then, my friend, you missed the boat.

If the the fella she was with was a douchebag, I would perhaps suggest saying something, but it sounds like she's happy.

Don't be that guy.

 

[iJohnHenry]

Then, my friend, you missed the boat.

If the the fella she was with was a douchebag, I would perhaps suggest saying something, but it sounds like she's happy.

Don't be that guy.

Yes, he perhaps did miss the boat, but how do you know if she is really happy? Because she says so? She may have been happy that someone had the guts to ask her out, and pay attention to her.

Beautiful women can be lonely too, if there are no men around her with balls.

 

[andalusia]

Very interesting post. I have no idea what I should do about her. On the one hand all I want for her is to be happy. And she likes her boyfriend although her parents don't seem to like him all that much. And in my opinion he dosen't appreciate her enough. I know this girl likes me, her friends like me and her sister likes me. But how will it at out? I confess my love and she breaks up with her boyfriend for me? I don't think so. On ther other hand she really is on of a kind. If my perfect type of girl ranked at 10 out of a scale of 10. The. She is 12. She exceeds everything I look for in a girl. Everything. I know her for a year and have yet to see a single thing I don't like about her.

Sounds very similar to my situation, apart from all the over the top obsession! My girlfriend seemed happy, but I didn't think her boyfriend of the time treated her as well as he could, and I thought she might have lingering feelings for me. I was right.

Seriously, all I have to say is that you should really tell her your feelings. That way you're not expecting anything of her and you give her the choice to make a decision of her relationship status if she so chooses. You have nothing to lose.

That's the best advice I have for you.

 

[0098386]

I never did the party scene, don't drink, only recently started going out and socialising but I've had a few girlfriends. All long term (never wanted a **** buddy). All met through school or college.

Step 1) Find out the kind of girl you want to date.
Step 2) Go to the kind of place they gather.
Step 3) Don't dilly dally.
Step 10) Name the kid Dagless.

 

[greganpace]

Really, it has to be up to you. There isn't a right or a wrong way to go about this. I think if it were me and I didn't say anything, she would be the "what if...?" for the rest of my life and you don't want that. But if you do, don't "confess your love". That will sound especially scary to her if she is in a relationship. I would go the "always had a connection route and don't want to lose contact when I move" route. Let her know the options is there. It doesn't hurt to bash the guy she is with too if you can do it tactfully. Buy some tickets to a concert and just say you ended up with them and needed someone to go with. If she says she'll go, she's into you and you can try to have the talk on the date if all goes well. If she says no, your screwed.

 

[Schtumple]

I never did the party scene, don't drink, only recently started going out and socialising but I've had a few girlfriends. All long term (never wanted a **** buddy). All met through school or college.

Step 1) Find out the kind of girl you want to date.
Step 2) Go to the kind of place they gather.
Step 3) Don't dilly dally.
Step 10) Name the kid Dagless.

I thought his kid was called skipper? And was half grass hopper half boy?

 

[wpotere]

Very interesting post. I have no idea what I should do about her. On the one hand all I want for her is to be happy. And she likes her boyfriend although her parents don't seem to like him all that much. And in my opinion he dosen't appreciate her enough. I know this girl likes me, her friends like me and her sister likes me. But how will it at out? I confess my love and she breaks up with her boyfriend for me? I don't think so. On ther other hand she really is on of a kind. If my perfect type of girl ranked at 10 out of a scale of 10. The. She is 12. She exceeds everything I look for in a girl. Everything. I know her for a year and have yet to see a single thing I don't like about her.

Why do I get the feeling that we are going to be reading about you in the news?

Don't be "that guy"... You know, the one that feels he knows best for a girl and has to try and break up her relationships. You lost out, go find one of your own.

 

[Iscariot]

stop sucking.

 

[Schtumple]

Be more like this man-

 

[dukebound85]

move on. don't be a homewrecker

there are billions of women on this planet. find one that wants to be with you that involves not trying to sabotage a relationship

 

[wonderspark]

Reminds me of a Ladytron song: "Seventeen"...
"They only want you when you're seventeen; when you're twenty-one, you're no fun."

Anyway, my advice is to stay picky, live your life as if nobody will ever want you, and don't let the next opportunity pass you by. There's nothing to be afraid of *at all* with girls. After you've dated a few, you'll learn that the special ones are rare, and worth the wait.

Anyone can get laid, but finding real love is a true gift. Keep in touch with the girl you can't stop thinking of at work, but ONLY as a friend. The saying about the "friend zone" is BS. Eventually, when she's free, you may find another chance to tell her how you feel, and it may be the magic you seek.

 

[UlsterApple]

If you're seeking "true love", then it's unlikely that you will find it in a party.

Lightning strikes anywhere, anytime. I met my wife at a nightclub, a stunning long-legged brunette with the most beautiful eyes. I saw her across the room and one of her friends later introduced us. We both fell for each other instantly despite the fact that we both had steady-ish partners already...
22 years ago. I asked her to marry me that first night... and two years later I held her to that promise.
The night before, I was in a not-so-great relationship; next day I was committed for the rest of my life. It happens, and you'll never know when.

 

[Sankersizzle]

disregard i suck

 

[YS2003]

I just don't understand the big deal on this. There is always another one which meets your fancy. Have you heard of the population bomb? There would be more poeple on Earth in decades to come even though those people may not be from your cultural background.

 

[redAPPLE]

If my perfect type of girl ranked at 10 out of a scale of 10. The. She is 12. She exceeds everything I look for in a girl. Everything. I know her for a year and have yet to see a single thing I don't like about her.

picture. or i don't believe a word you said

 

[iBlue]

All jokes aside, I think this is a sensible post:

^^ I agree. You never get anything in life if you don't ask for it. OP, If you're about to be transferred or start at a new place you have nothing to lose.

My advice is be patient. Don't have sex just to have sex, and give up your virginity just to get it out of the way. There's absolutely nothing shameful about waiting. If you feel you have to, whatever - but make it your own choice, not just because someone told you to on an internet forum; don't forget, we might be smart, but we're a broad range of people with different values than you. Don't compromise how you feel just because we say to.

Volunteer at community events, at the animal shelter, or an old folks home. You'd be surprised how well connected people can be.

In my experience clubs aren't the place to find good, long-term relationship people. If you live in a city, take up jogging in the park. Try all different times. Take a wine tasting class. Art class. Something where a woman with a similar interest might be.

...frequent the Apple store. There's any number of girls in there that run the gamut of the cute/hot/geeky scale, and nearly always a safe coffee shop nearby for a quick chat.

Agreed.

And on that note, some people are just not ones for the running start on youthful "relationships". Not having several notches in your belt by 21 doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Everyone goes their own way. To be honest all I got out of my minglings into my early twenties was an appreciation for being out of that. Don't rush yourself just for the sake of it.

 

[Molecule]

People are telling you to get laid and go after girls that don't interest you. Don't listen to them. Like Steve Jobs said, "Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice.". You said yourself that what you're looking for is love. If that's the case, shagging random women isn't going to make you happy. Random people on the internet don't know what you want from life. Only you can know that. So listen to your inner self, not the internet.

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In terms of your current situation regarding this girl, I think we can both agree that in hindsight, you should have acted on your feelings sooner. So your problem here is a lack of assertiveness. But hindsight isn't going to help you get this girl. It may help you avoid making the same mistake in the future, but right now it's not going to help. So what should you do? You should become her friend. Don't push too hard, but over the next few days and weeks try and get a little closer to her. This will give you an excuse to stay in touch with her when you leave. If things don't work out between her and her boyfriend, you'll have your chance. I suggest you take it. But don't swoop in too soon, mind you. Just be there for her. If she likes you as much as you think she does, she'll come to you when she's ready. Just make sure you're ready, too.


Best of luck,
Molecule