Call me a romantic, but I've never understood the logic behind this. The heart wants what the heart wants.
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21 and never had a girlfriend. What am I doing wrong?
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Call me a romantic, but I've never understood the logic behind this. The heart wants what the heart wants.
It isn't romantic, it is dangerous, especially if you like your job and want to stay there. If your heart wants what it wants, then you need to learn how to control it.
If something goes wrong with an at work date, you will be in a awkward position every day after the failed relationship. Not sure if you have noticed, but jobs aren't that abundant right now. This is the reason for not dating at work.
If people didn't marry folks they met at work, there'd probably be a third less married couples in this country.
The heart also wants what it see everyday, it covets!
Also when you break up, you STILL WORK TOGETHER!
Although it sucks that the world works this way, you can't walk up on your last day at work and dump all your feelings on her, because you'll weird her out because people just don't do that. So if somebody does do that, they appear a freak. Instead, tell her you want to stay in touch, ask for her number, and contact her later to ask her out.
My experience is that many girls hop from relationship to relationship with little downtime in between. If she's not engaged or married, I don't think of asking her out as "homewrecking", especially at your age. Go for it and I think make it clear you're asking her as more than friends; she always has the option to say no.
She may seem perfect but like everyone said, she is not. There are behaviors and beliefs that you will later detect that you don't agree with. You're putting her on a pedestal and your lack of relationship experience clouds the depth of your vision.
Like any other skill, relationships take practice. The first few are going to be tumultuous and you're going to experience some heartache until you figure out what you really want in a soul mate. The 21 year old you thinks he knows what he wants, but that target will change over time. You need to log some hours, so go for it (with her, and later with others) and get your relationship skills honed. Pretend for a moment that she actually is perfect for you. You in your current state may not be perfect for her, because you really don't know how to act in a relationship. Are you good at compromising? Communicating? Listening? Sharing? Comforting? Resolving conflicts? Sharing yourself without losing yourself? Now be honest and answer those questions again. You owe it to your "perfect 10" to be good at those things, so go practice up.
You may want to honestly assess why nobody before her has been good enough to date. You may be a great person but it is unlikely that you are so unique that no one until her has been a decent match. It is more likely that what you think is important in a girl really isn't -- and, again, this won't change until you get more relationship experience.
Good luck. Oh, and for whatever it's worth, my wife and I met at a party.
My experience is that many girls hop from relationship to relationship with little downtime in between. If she's not engaged or married, I don't think of asking her out as "homewrecking", especially at your age. Go for it and I think make it clear you're asking her as more than friends; she always has the option to say no.
She may seem perfect but like everyone said, she is not. There are behaviors and beliefs that you will later detect that you don't agree with. You're putting her on a pedestal and your lack of relationship experience clouds the depth of your vision.
Like any other skill, relationships take practice. The first few are going to be tumultuous and you're going to experience some heartache until you figure out what you really want in a soul mate. The 21 year old you thinks he knows what he wants, but that target will change over time. You need to log some hours, so go for it (with her, and later with others) and get your relationship skills honed. Pretend for a moment that she actually is perfect for you. You in your current state may not be perfect for her, because you really don't know how to act in a relationship. Are you good at compromising? Communicating? Listening? Sharing? Comforting? Resolving conflicts? Sharing yourself without losing yourself? Now be honest and answer those questions again. You owe it to your "perfect 10" to be good at those things, so go practice up.
You may want to honestly assess why nobody before her has been good enough to date. You may be a great person but it is unlikely that you are so unique that no one until her has been a decent match. It is more likely that what you think is important in a girl really isn't -- and, again, this won't change until you get more relationship experience.
Good luck. Oh, and for whatever it's worth, my wife and I met at a party.
I'm with Lee on this one. Post a picture and let MR judge.
Could be a lot of things. I am not a party person at all, and I am not even that good looking, but I never really had a problem finding getting into relationships.
Never met a girl that I dated at a club or party, a couple were from college though.
Nothing wrong with setting a bar high, but don't set it too high. Everyone has flaws.
Could be a lot of things. I am not a party person at all, and I am not even that good looking, but I never really had a problem finding getting into relationships.
Never met a girl that I dated at a club or party, a couple were from college though.
Nothing wrong with setting a bar high, but don't set it too high. Everyone has flaws.
I wasn't implying that you cannot find a girlfriend at a party/bar/nightclub. I was just encouraging OP that he doesn't need to be a party person to find a girlfriend because at least in my experience, most (longish-lasting) relationships begin elsewhere. Of course, the spark may hit anywhere, anytime - there is no best place to find a partner.
If she is with someone, unless she comes to you to complain about the guy, forget it.
If you don't like party scenes but want something more challenging then take some dance classes.
If you don't like party scenes but want something more challenging then take some dance classes.
Is that because once a turtle is on it's back there is not much chance of .........
KGB
Man, you sound just like me! I am of similar age and look quite good as well. However, I had tons of girlfriends in high school, in fact, I had a new one every few months. As I find myself in college now, I find myself in a similar situation and I can relate. I have asked out girls, I even tried buying new clothes, fancy jewelry and such, but nothing. Even the D League girls haven't asked a stud like me out.
I see that you have a girl that you have liked for quite some time. I had that experience once where there was this girl in one of my discussion classes, she had a boyfriend, but I asked her out anyways and she said she will think about it and never got back to me. The semester is over and I don't have to face her every day anymore. Well, she recently announced on FB that she broke up with her douche of a boyfriend and I think I have another shot, but I'll leave her since I would be an obvious upgrade and too much for her to handle.
We are too much alike. Us quality guys should stick together and try to find that perfect someone. Remember, there's always a girl behind the one you were looking at. I'm glad someone here shares the same feelings here.
The best advice yet man, don't take it for nothing.
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I love how the OP just posts his question and disappears. Then 4 months later pops back up and posts the same exact question again.
I was like this in high-school, op. Do yourself a favor. Just remember there are plenty of girls and never think of any one girl as the "one." You won't get a GF unless you try to get one. Usually, girls won't ask you out on a date. And whatever you do, do not act like you care or act too nice in the beginning. Be polite, but don't be a pushover. It'll take you a long way.
Edit, I also read some other replies.
Don't listen to this relationship experience nonsense. I don't think experience matters as much as actually finding someone you get along with. Whatever you do, just don't care what girls think of you. Be yourself and be confident, and if you aren't confident, just fake being confident if you can do it.
Edit, I also read some other replies.
Don't listen to this relationship experience nonsense. I don't think experience matters as much as actually finding someone you get along with. Whatever you do, just don't care what girls think of you. Be yourself and be confident, and if you aren't confident, just fake being confident if you can do it.
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I agree, experience means nothing. After all, what is it experience at? Failed relationships.
So you don't think learning what went wrong is as important as what went well? From failed relationships I've learnt about the things that I think at the start I can tolerate but by the end drive me so nuts I can't put up with them any more. I know next time if somebody shows those traits, it's not worth pursuing.
Don't give up!
My situation was just like yours OP. I hadn't been out on a date purely because I wasn't one of those lads who went after girls and to be honest was probably a bit "overly" shy. I had a few girls interested in me but had no guts to do anything about it.
But there was a situation where I was 19/20 and I saw this girl and just had to be with her. Through friends and text messages we met up and I walked her home from her work.
11 years on and the girl I saw is now my wife and we have a child and another on the way.
Don't feel you need to put it about. If you see "the one" go for it. You'll know when it feels right.
My situation was just like yours OP. I hadn't been out on a date purely because I wasn't one of those lads who went after girls and to be honest was probably a bit "overly" shy. I had a few girls interested in me but had no guts to do anything about it.
But there was a situation where I was 19/20 and I saw this girl and just had to be with her. Through friends and text messages we met up and I walked her home from her work.
11 years on and the girl I saw is now my wife and we have a child and another on the way.
Don't feel you need to put it about. If you see "the one" go for it. You'll know when it feels right.