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- Thread starter Nobita
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1) Having had a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you are good at it. From some of the comments posted, there are a fair number of people who are bad at relationships. To quote one person " 'Treat em mean, keep em keen' is my motto."
2) Having a successful relationship doesn't mean you are good at giving advice about how to work through a bad spot. You will notice that I am not telling Nobita what to do about his relationship - just where he gets his advice.
3) I found it interesting that not one person asked Nobita what her side of the story might be. The automatic assumption was that he wrote a full, frank, and honest backgrounder - leaving out no details that might make him look bad. There are some clues in what he wrote that perhaps she has grounds to be peeved at him.
4) Personally, I think many of the people who write into these threads are basement dwelling geeks ... Its why I trust their judgement for all things technical. 😀
To Abstract..... then I can't help you.
C'mon Snberk it's pretty simple and your being pretty silly here. Your reading threads in the "community" section and posting to show your displeasure that people are asking for and possibly taking advice? Really?!? I'm not a Nascar fan. (No offense to any of you racing fans, just an example) Now wouldn't it be ridiculous of me to go to a Nascar event and complain about the people who take an interest in the sport. And to question the actual people themselves. "Um, I know your into the race and all, but can I talk briefly with you about your choice in sports entertainment? You should really consider that there are other choices that might be better suited to you and ...."
If you think there are key points that have been missed by other posters then ask questions or make those points. But, let's not be silly and insulting to the original poster by telling him not to listen to what others have to say. Community is all about learning from others and he chose this community to ask his question. Of course he might not have have made that choice if he had known that Jessica was lurking around. 😀
Ya i live in a cave in mount everest.....🙄
You also know that being a geek about mac or pcs or even tvs doesn't mean that you truly know how they work and how well they might work. Some work some don't. You won't hear this is the best from every single user that has used it because some of them don't work well. So,you say what you know. From your EXPERIENCES! This is what we do HERE!
So answer me something. From you point of view there isn't anyone who can advise someone else about relationships. But why did you tell him in the first place to ask his friends? I am thinking that:
a)Having had a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you are good at it.
b)Having a successful relationship doesn't mean you are good at giving advice about how to work through a bad spot.
Oh and about 4,thanks for insulting many people here.🙄
You also know that being a geek about mac or pcs or even tvs doesn't mean that you truly know how they work and how well they might work. Some work some don't. You won't hear this is the best from every single user that has used it because some of them don't work well. So,you say what you know. From your EXPERIENCES! This is what we do HERE!
So answer me something. From you point of view there isn't anyone who can advise someone else about relationships. But why did you tell him in the first place to ask his friends? I am thinking that:
a)Having had a relationship doesn't necessarily mean you are good at it.
b)Having a successful relationship doesn't mean you are good at giving advice about how to work through a bad spot.
Oh and about 4,thanks for insulting many people here.🙄
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In my opinion, there is someone else in the picture. I won't guess to what degree, but a that's what a change this abrupt says to me.
I know there are other explanations, but that was my immediate gt reaction to the original post, and I stand by it. Take my opinion for what it's worth... Which is about as much as you paid for it. 😉
In my opinion, there is someone else in the picture. I won't guess to what degree, but a that's what a change this abrupt says to me.
I know there are other explanations, but that was my immediate gt reaction to the original post, and I stand by it. Take my opinion for what it's worth... Which is about as much as you paid for it. 😉
Yeah, I get this impression too. I've seen this kind of thing quite a bit, and based on what the OP is telling us, she's behaving in a pretty textbook manner.
DUDE!!!!!!😱
WHY r u asking for advice! in this forums!!!!!!!!!!!!😱
This is something between you and her!😉
WHY r u asking for advice! in this forums!!!!!!!!!!!!😱
This is something between you and her!😉
This is very good point. - now that your single, you'll have extra money to buy yourself a new mac 😛
My intention is not to insult, but I know that my words may be taken that way by some.
To equate Nascar racing to relationship advice....well, if you can't see the difference then I don't know to say. Generally, I don't jump into these threads.... but there is someone else involved here - the girl-friend. Her life is also affected by the advice Nobita gets here. From only the first two pages, Nobita got advice like.....
"... most women usually treat guys pretty poorly. It's some kind of feminist power trip."
"Seconding this. Women expect men to know what's wrong with them."
"Women will blame a man for just about anything they can."
"Treat em mean, keep em keen' is my motto."
"Never be afraid to let a woman go no matter how much you love her."
"Dating is all about gaining high ground or the upper hand."
"Remember the ring goes on her finger and her ring goes through your nose."
I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm trying to keep Nobita from screwing up his relationship (and the girll-friend's relationship) because he thinks anyone on this board actually knows what he is going through, and therefore is qualified to give him advice.
I don't care how many relationships anyone on this board has had.... we don't know Nobita, the girl-friend, and the stresses that they may be dealing with. That is why I am suggesting he talk this over with people who might actually know him, and what is going on.
Your line of thinking you've displayed on this page is spot-on, and pretty much word for word what I'd say. Bravo.
As if it needs to be made any clearer. Picture a little kid and their teddy bear. The one they took everywhere with them. The one they'd drop on the dirty ground and then sleep with every night. Now fast forward to a more respectable age (you and her). You're that teddy bear. She drags you around in the dirt all day then comes back to sleep with you at night. Most likely, you're not getting any ... which somehow, would make some of that kind of treatment worth while.
Ditch her now before you come home and she's boiling something you love.
I understand what you mean but there are guys that think this way(the italics way). I disagree with them but still,some of them like that kind of thinking. But that's why we should post what do we think. Imagine only that guy answering this tread. I agree that his relationship would go down in a minute. But giving him some suggestions means that we put the OP to do some thinking.
BTW i don't think the OP is going to answer although i would love to know the ending. Remember that his was afraid to tell us his age because he was afraid that his girl was gonna find out about us....
Umm. No. I think you are the one who fails to "see the difference" or understand the analogy that was made. Read it again, slowly. The point is the op came here willingly to ask this specific question. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions about what advice to take. Everyone here knows this is the internet and being such there are inherent risks. If he wants to ask his friends he can. If he wants to see a professional he can. If he wants to elaborate more on "her side of the story" he can.
You playing the role of "thread hall monitor" to say "Danger, this is the internet and some advice here may not be what is best for you" is just plain silly. Here's another analogy for you, now concentrate. Your words are like those crazy warnings on products. "Do not use this hair dryer while in the shower" or "Caution, do not stick you hand under lawn mover while the blade is spinning". No DUH! Do you really think the op is a mindless fool that is going to use some of the moronic advice that you have referenced. I certainly hope not, but if he is that dumb then he doesn't deserve to keep his relationship going.
You actually have some good points. Stick with that and leave it up to the op to make up his mind on what "words of wisdom" or "voices of experience" to apply to his life.
Oh and as far as my personal ability to speak with any measure of authority or qualifications on this subject. I'll be happy to email you a copy of my Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. You can also look up my Professional Counseling license online. If you'd like references from clients and families I've worked with then I can also provide those.
I'm not trying to be rude and you certainly haven't offended me. I'm just saying recognize that the internet is an amazing tool for communicating and connecting with others. Forums are a place to do that. It's up to the individual what they take from the interaction and how they apply it to their life. You can't control or moderate that. So relax, give your opinion, and enjoy the experience. 🙂
"Thread Hall Monitor".... that's a good line. I don't agree that I deserve it.... but I do like the idea. What's that phrase that lawyers use in court when they will accept the other sides facts without dispute? Anyway, I will accept that you have some experience with therapy etc. But I also have some experience, albeit through my wife's job, with the way women can get badly sideswiped by other people's action (her job doesn't entail getting sideswiped, but dealing with aftermath and changing the policies to encourage sideswiping).
If it was just Nobita about to do something silly, then I may (or may not) have weighed in with how he should live his life. And if he chooses a less-than-wise course of action, then c'est la vie. This is how we learn. But in this case there is an innocent bystander. His girl-friend is not part of this.... and if he followed some of the bad advice, then she suffers.
I don't care if Nobita is a "big boy" or not, I just don't want his girl-friend to suffer because he took advice from people who have no clue. I will even include you in that group - only because you don't know him, can't ask the questions that a therapist needs to ask, and doesn't even have a basic backgrounder on kind of stresses etc he and she may be under.
People will do the stupidest things, based on the bad advice they get on forums. I know that. I'm not trying to stop them. But in this case, its a community I happen to like. Someone called out for help. And my advice was to ignore the people who have no idea what the situation was, and to find some help from people who were in a position to actually offer informed advice. Informed because they knew him and her.
I did not mean to insult anyone deliberately... though I know some people will have taken my words the wrong way. And I'm not sorry if they have.
I think Nobita has enough advice now.... and really, if he doesn't agree with me then there is nothing more I can say.
I do generally enjoy debating things on forums - the give and take, the reassessing of assumptions, etc. I have even been known to deliberately push a button occasionally. But in this case, IMO, it was different due to the possible outcomes involving the girl-friend.
I would like to know how it all ended up.
I stopped reading after this.
Nobita, don't make a girl the center of your life. ALLOW her to be a part of yours. I don't care how amazing or wonderful she is to you. Stop. Clinginess will kill every relationship you'll ever have.
You want to know what to do? Don't even make contact. Leave it at that. You've got real business to deal with; your life. Her behavior is out of line. Show her by giving her the strongest message possible: silence.
I've got some good stuff for you to read. Send me a PM if you feel like growing up.
Good show snberk. I think we actually agree more than you may realize and I also enjoy a good debate. Sorry if I was a little over the top in my attempts to be "light hearted" in making my points. Sarcasm can be so difficult to get just right when your online.
Your empathy and compassion for the unrepresented girlfriend is commendable. In all honesty, none of us will ever know the truth. This is not just the case in online interaction, but in the real counseling room as well. You have to work with what you are given and you never really know where the real truth lies. I guess that's part of what I was trying to express to you. No matter what people tell us here we will never know their true intentions or if they have accurately presented all of the facts. And, regardless of the subject matter, there will always be varying opinions. The hope is that the person seeking advice, support, direction, or encouragement will use discernment in their situation and understand that the only thing they can control is their own actions.
As far as Nobita's situation, well, his girlfriend is telling her side of the story on a PC based technology forum and it's not very pretty. I hope she doesn't follow some of the advice she is getting there or it just might be CTRL ALT DELETE for Nobita if you know what I mean. 😀
So I'm wondering if she's dumped him yet.
I bet $1 she's into some new dude and is going to blow off the OP until she knows whether or not new dude is going to keep her.
I bet $1 she's into some new dude and is going to blow off the OP until she knows whether or not new dude is going to keep her.
I'll bet a million dollars this is a disillusioned, unhappy girl and a stereotypically insecure boy who misses the sex.
But I could be wrong.
I remember when my "soul mate" dumped me. 30-some years later, though married and quite happy, I STILL have a pain in my chest from that.
Men almost always need professional psychological help coping with the ups and downs of relationships. It's the SEX man, and unfortunately the problem is hard-wired into our DNA.