Advice for a loser in London

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by udinesio, Jan 6, 2014.

  1. udinesio macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    #1
    Hey,

    This is probably going to be the weirdest question to ever be posted to this site. It's a long story, but I lost everything I had and now my self esteem is very low. One thing that hurts me quite a lot is that I see everyone picking up girls and I just can't do it. It's been quite a while since I last went out with a girl. I just moved to London and I don't know where to meet women. Being successful on that would help me quite a lot to recover from this. I'm 19(it might sound strange, but I really did lose everything and I had quite a lot of stuff to lose). Does anyone have any advice on where to meet girls here in London? I don't have any friends here(it seems people don't like guys with low self esteem), so it has to be a place I can go alone.

    PS: no hookers, brothels or escorts.
     
  2. puma1552 macrumors 601

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2008
    #2
    Generally, people who had a lot to lose and lost everything, aren't looking to meet women.:confused:
     
  3. TSE macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2007
    Location:
    St. Paul, Minnesota
    #3
    Start a social hobby, do interesting things, talk to people, gain friends, expand network, meet women.
     
  4. udinesio thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    #4
    I'm in need of human contact and interaction. Even if there's no sex, just touching and having a nice talk in, say, a bar or a park would help me a lot. Besides, I feel I'm a failure. Not being successful with women makes me feel even more like a failure. Having success on that would certainly make me feel better. Just the "I did it!" feeling would be very good. If I get a little bit of strength, I will be able to pursue more complex things which will give me a lot more than I had.

    ----------

    I'm stuck in "gain friends", "talk to people", "expand network" and "meet women". I don't know anything in this city. I just don't know where to meet people/women. :(
     
  5. Dontazemebro macrumors 68020

    Dontazemebro

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2010
    Location:
    I dunno, somewhere in West Texas
    #5
    You're only 19, you have your entire life ahead of you.
     
  6. Wahlstrm macrumors 6502a

    Wahlstrm

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2013
    #6
    stop giving a...

    Stop giving a ******, it´s the universal solution to almost every problem.
    Once you let go, stuff will just randomly work out. :)

    The minute you think to your self "I really like my life as a single guy, I really don´t want to have a girlfriend right now" *Boom*.. 5 potential girlfriends instantly show up, all begging for your attention..

    Women can´t stand seeing a man all happy by him self, they have to suck out his soul and domesticate him at once. ;)
     
  7. udinesio thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    #7
    I have a whole life ahead of me, it's true. But in order to live it, I gotta get out of this ****. It's not easy to simply stop giving a ****. :(
     
  8. citizenzen macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2010
    #8
    I'm in this camp as well.

    Start by gaining a job and a place to live.

    Once you've regained some savings, perhaps some decent clothes and at least minimal furnishings, then you might regain some of that lost self esteem.

    Then when your sense of self esteem begins re-establish itself and you have proven yourself capable of holding down a steady job and maintaining a home, only then should you begin to look for a woman.
     
  9. vrDrew macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2010
    Location:
    Midlife, Midwest
    #9
    Lasting success with women usually ends up being a side-effect of success in life. That said, most young women don't expect their 19 year old boyfriends to be financially independent. Some sort of income, a decent personality, and good personal hygiene will put you in the upper percentile of potential men friends.

    If you want some advice that actually is worth something, here it is:

    Whatever you think you've "lost" - probably wasn't that valuable. It was only stuff, or numbers on a computer screen. As long as you've got your health, you've got the rest of your life to get more stuff. And at 19, you've hopefully got a whole lot of years to recoup your (perceived) losses.

    Find a job, or some other occupation, that you are reasonably good at and - most importantly - you like doing. It doesn't matter what it is: organizing parties; playing guitar in pubs; selling fashion t-shirts; working in a bank; or fixing leaky plumbing. Find an occupation you like going to every day, and chances are all the other things you want in life will come along of their own accord.

    Romantic opportunities arise through social connections. People you meet at work, or through school, clubs, Church, or your friends and family. Make as many connections you can in those areas, and you'll be amazed at how quickly suitable women friends appear.
     
  10. LIVEFRMNYC, Jan 6, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2014

    LIVEFRMNYC macrumors 603

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    #10
    Well you are probably going to have to embarrass yourself a ton of times before you truly don't give a damn anymore. Trust me, I've been there, done that. It's all about stepping outside your comfort zone until it actually becomes your comfort zone.

    Just get out there. Travel around a bit and it shouldn't be hard to figure out the type of crowd you want to socialize with. You obviously have to have neighbors, if you bump in to them, ask them where are some decent places to hang out.

    I've learned from experience, just saying something like "how you doing" to people that are next to you at any given moment can spark up a conversation easily, even in some of the most rudest places. Many will ignore you, but you will meet new friends and girls this way. Nobody is going to acknowledge you if you don't show that you acknowledge them.
     
  11. Astroboy907 macrumors 65816

    Astroboy907

    Joined:
    May 6, 2012
    Location:
    Spaceball One
    #11
    1. Don't call yourself a loser.

    2. Walk around, explore, meet people and don't be afraid to talk.

    I wish you the best, it's gonna be tough but you gotta ride it out.

    As for getting girls, be yourself (I know you've heard this 2000 times). Be kind, be honest about your expectations if you have any. E.g if you just want girl friends and not girlfriends, let them know.
    And telling them you aren't looking for a girlfriend really works. Whoever said that is brilliant. I'm hard at work at school, and the moment I said I don't want a girlfriend (too much drama for me), girls started asking me to dances and stuff. Weirdest thing ever.

    ----------

    This is so true. Brilliant. We need to name this law- it's pretty much a scientific principle.

    ----------

    Agreed. Find a club, group, or something that interests you and the people and friends will start coming along. Plus, then you will be involved in something you like!
     
  12. sviato macrumors 68020

    sviato

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2010
    Location:
    HR 9038 A
    #12
    Sounds like you could use a little ego before that self-esteem really builds up. Really evaluate what your strengths are and capitalize on them.
     
  13. robbieduncan Moderator emeritus

    robbieduncan

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Location:
    London
  14. udinesio thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    #14
    I already asked people, but no one knows where I can make new friends and meet girls. I lost quite a lot, really. Financially, socially and so on. And I don't have health. I shouldn't last that long, so I better start living now.

    About getting a job, I already have one. I don't make much, but enough to go to a pub once in a while for example.
     
  15. jav6454 macrumors P6

    jav6454

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2007
    Location:
    1 Geostationary Tower Plaza
    #15
    If you consider yourself a loser, you'll always act, behave, and endure things as a loser.

    The first step towards a better life is loving yourself a bit more and thinking better of you. Think as a winner, not a loser and you'll see it'll get better.

    Loser thoughts will not give you the courage or confidence to talk to someone you don't know. Be sure of yourself.


    Also, 19?! You have a whole life ahead of yourself. Thinking like this is just making yourself out as an excuse which is not valid.

    Unless you have AIDS, Cancer, or terminal condition, you have health.
     
  16. udinesio thread starter macrumors newbie

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    Jan 6, 2014
    #16
    I have a terminal condition. :(
     
  17. jav6454 macrumors P6

    jav6454

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    Nov 14, 2007
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    1 Geostationary Tower Plaza
    #17
    Doesn't matter. Your thought train can determine how good it'll be till the end. Giving up now is pure joke.
     
  18. udinesio thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2014
    #18
    That's why I'm asking for help. I don't have much time left, so I wanna live life as much as I can.
     
  19. jav6454 macrumors P6

    jav6454

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2007
    Location:
    1 Geostationary Tower Plaza
    #19
    You already got some from many posters here. Even mine. Surely one of those can apply?
     
  20. jeremy h macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2008
    Location:
    UK
    #20
    Join a reading group. In fact join a few.

    Ask in your local bookshop, library or search online.

    You will meet girls in a non pressured environment and you'll have something to chat to them about.

    Moving to London on your own is tough. I think everyone who does it is often lonely (it took me about 5 years to start building a new life here.) Don't beat yourself up if you're finding it hard. It's hard for everyone who does it.
     
  21. chown33 macrumors 604

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    #21
    Seek professional help.

    Not just counseling for your mental state, but advisory and referral services for your current financial, housing, living conditions, etc. In the US, these are generally called "social services", but I don't know if it's the same in Britain.

    If I were to make a list of suggested avenues for coping with your mental state, I would not put "Ask for personal relationship advice on a technology-oriented forum" anywhere near the top of my list. This would be for roughly similar reasons I wouldn't suggest seeking technical assistance on a personal-relationship website, which to put it briefly, is called "domain expertise". A related colloquial term is "barking up the wrong tree".

    However, since I'm primarily a technical guy, I could be wrong.
     
  22. b06tmm macrumors regular

    b06tmm

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2009
    Location:
    South Louisiana
    #22
    May I suggest helping other people that may have a terminal condition? It may help you to regain some self esteem and give you insight on how other people cope.
     
  23. Apple fanboy macrumors P6

    Apple fanboy

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Behind the Lens, UK
    #23
    Sorry to hear about your health. I used to live in London and it can seam quite a lonely daunting place. A friend of mine used to go to dancing lessons to meet girls. You get a lot of single ladies in need of a partner.
    Doing voluntary work or drama groups is another way to meet people.
    If you are desperate for a relationship, you may find thats a bit off putting for some girls. Just be yourself and don't try too hard.
    Hope things take a turn for the better.
     
  24. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #24
    OP joined the forum yesterday and has posted only in this thread with a sob story.

    Is my BS detector the only one feeling tickled right about now?
     
  25. Apple fanboy macrumors P6

    Apple fanboy

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Behind the Lens, UK
    #25
    It's possible of course, but lets be honest if his story is true. How big you gonna feel?

    I'd rather show a bit of kindness and thank my lucky stars I have my health and a loving wife and child.
     

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