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Am I Being a Dick?

DoFoT9

DoFoT9

macrumors P6
Jun 11, 2007
17,586
99
London, United Kingdom
having recently broke up with my girlfriend, i think its important that you realise that the relationship revolves around happiness of both parties.

personally, i am happy when my partner is happy, and they are happy when they are.. well.. happy (from my previous relationship anyway). so to me, i just want them to be happy because the break up was caused due to her not being happy.

let her do what she wants, and be supportive no matter what - if you want to be with her anyway. otherwise, i fear the worst case scenario may happen. :(

sorry to be a downer ;)
 
P

puma1552

Suspended
Original poster
Nov 20, 2008
5,559
1,947
Don't panic said:
can't you extend your stay in japan? and then move back only when you have a job and a more solid situation lined up?
Click to expand...

One year contracts, contract is up August 31st.

Sure I could stay another year, but it only prolongs the inevitable--going home without a job. No matter how I look at it, I have to be back living in the US before I can get a job. It's certainly not feasible to send out resumes in early August, spend $1200+ round trip to go for an interview in mid August (I can't take time off then anyway), fly back to Japan, and then spend another 1000+ flying home at the end of August. The most I could do is send resumes a week or two before I make the move. The situation isn't going to change, other than it getting more difficult to get a job the longer I'm out. Truth is there's very little I can do about a job back home while I'm still here, beyond sending resumes right before I come home and hope they want to interview me right after I get home. I also need to be available for second and third interviews, which can stretch out over several weeks, so I have to be home to interview.

The longer I dick off here, the less likely I'll be to be able to get a job back home. Anything beyond 2-3 years here is just wasting my time in terms of my career. I wanted to live in Japan and travel after college, and I've done that; it's time to wrap things up though. As it is the only reason I stayed a third year is for her.
 
Tower-Union

Tower-Union

macrumors 6502
May 6, 2009
450
20
Well I read the first page and quite frankly I'm not going to spend the time required to read the next two.

My question is: Why the years of schooling? My experience here has been that you can get a job working the front desk of a hotel with no experience, and (sometimes - though rarely) work your way up internally. I say let her get a job at a hotel, work for a few month's and go "huh, this is soul crushingly boring, and I'm not making sweet F all.... Hmmm."
 
M

MsMerryMac

macrumors regular
Apr 4, 2010
155
0
I think you are being a bit harsh by putting a dollar amount on the situation. When you fell in love and proposed, I doubt it was with the caveat expressed to her that you would expect her to move to a foreign country and fit right in career wise. You will be her only emotional support and that I'll be tough when you resent her for not making enough money.

On the other hand, it is nice that you're having this argument now rather than moving her here and throwingnher into a harsh realiy.

There are red flags all over this relationship. Marriages don't last o love alone...there is compromise and tolerance and compassion and compromise and compromis and more compromise. I think you should both consider what is important to each of you and make a mature decision not based solely on emotion or the size of the engagement ring.
 
emw

emw

macrumors G4
Aug 2, 2004
11,172
0
I have perhaps a slightly varied perspective on this - my wife recently decided that she no longer wanted to be in the corporate world, and left a very well paying job to go back to school and start her own business.

This resulted in a net 40% reduction in our take-home pay, as well as costs of school and business start-up.

Was I pleased that I have to think harder about the apps I purchase or the toys I buy? Not at all?

Am I concerned about the ramifications of her contributing negatively to our income for at least the next 6 months? You bet.

Do I love her enough to give her the opportunity to find out what's right for her and be willing to suck it up until she does? Certainly.

Your girlfriend has to be going through a lot of emotional turmoil - finding a job and determining what she wants to be when she grows up is probably not the issue. She's leaving all that she knows to pursue a life with you - a life full of uncertainties in a land she seems to know only a little about (really know, not read about or see on TV). She needs you to let her figure out just what the hell it means to be in America period, let alone be there and try to find work as someone in her position.

Perhaps she can ask her parents for some support in this endeavor? Don't know about that, but if you really want to be with her, you need to give her the chance to see what it is she's in for before talking about her long-term job plans.

That being said, it also sounds like you're both in a bit of an uncertain situation. Marriage may not be the best plan right now for either of you.
 
GoCubsGo

GoCubsGo

macrumors Nehalem
Feb 19, 2005
35,741
153
rdowns said:
For those not keeping score at home…

Dick- 342
Not a dick- 2
Click to expand...

Let us not forget the OP clearly likes to use the word "dick" for numerous applications in life.

Freud would have a few things to say about that one. :D
 
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