Am I Gay?

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HckySo

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I'm 14 and I'm freaking confused. I can watch straight porn and enjoy it and I can watch gay porn and enjoy it just as much, am I bi or just attracted to sexuality itself? On the other hand when I kiss a girl its awkward and doesn't feel right. When I kiss a guy it feels magical and it feels right. I can see myself sleeping with a guy, in fact I have but I don't know if I could see myself taking one in the ass. I don't know, am if I'm attracted to guys or think I'm gay because I'm attracted to sexuality itself or something. For some reason my heart goes with guys, I love hanging out with gay guys and a lot of them turn me on. But I don't understand how I can be sexually attracted to straight porn.
 

HckySo

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That's what I thought but I couldn't get a relationship to work with a girl and it never felt right and my friends thought being bisexual was weird, they think I either have to be 100% this or 100% that. It's almost like my whole grade is afraid of people thinking they might not be 100% straight, which no one is. Why don't they teach this stuff in Health class?
 

devilot

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May 1, 2005
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HckySo said:
But I don't understand how I can be sexually attracted to straight porn.
Because a lot of the women look like drag queens and there are still plenty of men and "man-bits" to be seen?
 

HckySo

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Well I don't even know if I'm bisexual or gay. Maybe I'm too young to be thinking about this, my whole grade is straight and wouldn't think of the other side.

devilot said:
Because a lot of the women look like drag queens and there are still plenty of men and "man-bits" to be seen?
Ok then lets say it was Lesbian porn which I don't much like.
 

Peyton

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Feb 2, 2006
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HckySo said:
That's what I thought but I couldn't get a relationship to work with a girl and it never felt right and my friends thought being bisexual was weird, they think I either have to be 100% this or 100% that. It's almost like my whole grade is afraid of people thinking they might not be 100% straight, which no one is. Why don't they teach this stuff in Health class?

Um, my best advice is not to label yourself just yet. You are still at an age where hormones are going everywhere, I'd say let them calm down before you just decide you are something.

that's my .02
 

ITASOR

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Mar 20, 2005
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I think you should stop doing stuff and wait until you settle down. You're kissing guys and girls, and sleeping with guys and you're 14? Woah. Slooowwww downnnn.
 

calebjohnston

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Jan 24, 2006
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Things are only as weird or as unacceptable as your immediate society makes them. Sociology 101.

Don't worry about what other people say. Just be who you are; you're only 14, and have years to figure it out. Many people still don't know how they are at 30.

What are you doing watching porn at 14 anyway? I'm telling your mommy.
 

CanadaRAM

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There are very few people who are 100% one way or 100% the other. There is an infinite spectrum of attraction.

At 14, you don't have to decide whether you are one orientation or the other - you have several years of raging hormones and physical development ahead of you. I remember at approximately that age when my nipples started swelling and feeline very sensitive (as pretty much every guy's do at some stage) and being agonized wondering if I was a freak, or turning into something else -- it's impossible buck the tide of hormones.

You also don't have to feel pressure to be fully active, either. At 14 you can choose to not go all the way if you wish, and you can always choose to be safe, no matter what you do.

Don't stress too much, life is rich and full, if often confusing (still!)
 

WildCowboy

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Jan 20, 2005
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HckySo said:
Maybe I'm too young to be thinking about this, my whole grade is straight and wouldn't think of the other side.
That's what you think. You'd be surprised...
 

0098386

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Jan 18, 2005
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14? too soon. in the future you'll say "well I knew when I was 5" or whatever, but you shouldn't really decide upon this now. leave it a few years, go out with guys and girls, see who you like most. or who you'd rather be with.

Too soon mate.

Though... I did go out with a known bisexual girl when I was 14. she turned fully lesbian whilst I was still with her. that was fun. and very strange. maybe thats to blame for my surreal mind.
 

Peyton

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Did you say you live in a town with all straight people, yet you've already slept with a guy? :confused:

I don't think any town or school is all straight. Except some homeschools I suppose.

You really started a fire with this thread.... flamer. :D
 

calebjohnston

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I didn't read the sleeping with guys thing. You shouldn't be sleeping with anyone at 14, guys or girls.
 

HckySo

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Peyton said:
Did you say you live in a town with all straight people, yet you've already slept with a guy? :confused:

I don't think any town or school is all straight. Except some homeschools I suppose.

You really started a fire with this thread.... flamer. :D
One of them was older and the other was a long time friend who goes to an all boys school who's straight but secretly fools around. Anyway I was only talking about my grade like in the 8th grade...yeah I'm young.

calebjohnston said:
I didn't read the sleeping with guys thing. You shouldn't be sleeping with anyone at 14, guys or girls.
It really didn't seem that bad, I never took my clothes off, we just fooled around.
 

jsw

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Mar 16, 2004
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HckySo said:
Do you think this gay thing is just a phase and I'll end up liking girls?
I think that only time will tell, and that instead of worrying about what sex you should prefer instead just figure out which people you like and/or are attracted to. It'll all sort itself out over time.
 

iBlue

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Mar 17, 2005
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jsw said:
I think that only time will tell, and that instead of worrying about what sex you should prefer instead just figure out which people you like and/or are attracted to. It'll all sort itself out over time.
I was just going to say the same thing.

Slow down on the sex; it's not going anywhere. Be safe.
 

HckySo

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job said:
Regardless of age and/or preference, you have a pretty impressive website for a 14 year old.
Haha thanks. I wish I had no social life so I could spend more time being a nerd.

At age 11 I started my DJing services and ever since I've been known as the Little Big Spin because of my on the spot mixes I do at huge parties. I get paid anywhere from $200 to $500 an hour to lead a party and eat free food! And as my Gigs started to slow down to a weekly thing I started getting into photography and I could manipulate my little Nikon 3200, 2200 and Kodak Z740s to making some pretty good looking pictures and then I decided to get serious and bought myself a Nikon D50. I was lucky enough to impress a man to get a job at a photography studio. Right now I do weekend things every now and then holding flashes in weddings and carrying equipment, hopefully soon I'll start working full time there.

Back on subject, I don't know, I guess I'll just keep living and not worry about what to define myself as.
 

Frozone

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Nov 2, 2002
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HckySo said:
I'm 14 and I'm freaking confused. I can watch straight porn and enjoy it and I can watch gay porn and enjoy it just as much, am I bi or just attracted to sexuality itself? On the other hand when I kiss a girl its awkward and doesn't feel right. When I kiss a guy it feels magical and it feels right. I can see myself sleeping with a guy, in fact I have but I don't know if I could see myself taking one in the ass. I don't know, am if I'm attracted to guys or think I'm gay because I'm attracted to sexuality itself or something. For some reason my heart goes with guys, I love hanging out with gay guys and a lot of them turn me on. But I don't understand how I can be sexually attracted to straight porn.
I've been where you are, sorta. I turn 18 years old on Monday, and have struggled with the whole "Am I Gay" thing. I remember all the way back to whenever I was a pre-teen to early teenager and being extremely confused. I kept trying to label myself and kept placing myself into a certain "box" and saying THIS is what I am. But, the very next week that box would come crashing down and I'd be trying to decide again. As hard as it may be just try your best to resist labeling.

It's also one of those things you've got to sort of "feel" out for yourself. I can't remember the number of people I've talked to about my own personal issues and no matter how much they stressed certain things, it always came down to me seeing it for myself. It's tough, but it does get better and easier.

And about the porn thing. I'm pretty sure now that I'm "gay", but straight porn can still turn me on.
 

maestro55

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Nov 13, 2005
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I will agree with the others here, and say that you don't need to label yourself at 14. Dr. Kinsey (google if you don't know who he is) invented a scale that had 100% Straight on one side and 100% gay on the other. (I think there were 6 numbers on the scale). While at 17, and having been with a girl (yes, only one... to a certain point, I am still a virgin) if I was to label myself, it would be more accurate to say I am straight, as I am attracted to girls. But honestly nothing with with either way you choose to go (or both if that is your desire). It doesn't matter.

A) Don't let society make your mind up
B) Don't label yourself 100% until you can put thoughts (I think it is safe to say we all wonder about certain things atleast once in our life) and what you want in two different lights.
C) You can only help yourself, others can give you support in whatever you choose, but only you can help yourself in the end.
 

SC68Cal

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Feb 23, 2006
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From Human Development, 9th Edition:
Althought present in younger children, it is in adolescence that a personal sexual orientation generally becomes a pressing issue: whether that personal will consistently be sexually romantically and affectionately attracted to persons of the other sex or of the same sex or of both sexes.
So, you're actually doing everything just fine, according to the research. My suggestion is this, keep wrestling with the problem, but don't make a decision just yet. You've got at least another three full years, (which is adolescence) in which according to Erikson you are supposed to resolve the "crisis" of identiy versuses identity confusion, so as to becvome a unique adult with a coherent sense of self and a valued role in society.

Although, it is noted that "This identity crisis is seldom fully resolved in adolescence, issues concerning identity crop up again and again throughout adult life."

If you want more information, I have entire chapters out of this textbook that I would be glad to scan and send to you to read. It's very valuable information.
 

gekko513

macrumors 603
Oct 16, 2003
6,302
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Only you can figure this out, and you will soon enough. You can, as you say yourself, be gay, bisexual or maybe even straight, but going through a phase. I think it's unlikely to be just a phase when you describe it the way you do, but it's far from impossible.

It's definitely not weird being bisexual.

I agree with some of the others that 14 is early to get a lot of real experience. Sex is better with someone you've come to love over some time, and it's not certain that they'd be able to feel as exclusive and loved if they know you've been around.
 
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