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Am I the only one that experiences Christmas as a non-event?
- Thread starter DewGuy1999
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As a child, I used to love Christmas, as a teenager and young adult I loathed it (for some of the reasons mentioned above, excess commercialism, the 'faux' happiness that one is supposed to indulge in, the cabin-fever, the relatives, the historic belief that Christianity had merely hijacked an ancient pagan festival, the frenetic stress to 'make it' happy by adhering to a set of increasingly rigid and demanding traditions…..).
Now, I am much more balanced, easy-going and tranquil about it. In the past two decades, there have been years where I was flying out to work abroad immediately after Christmas, and on a number of occasions, also worked on Christmas Day, too and right through the Christmas period, returning - and not even always - in time for the New Year.
Most of my colleagues were parents with children - thus, it mattered that they were at home, whereas - as I don't have children (and I do think that Christmas is a magical experience for children) it wasn't really an issue for me and I was happy to work through the Christmas holiday while they took leave. (And that, in turn, meant that my wishes were invariably accommodated as I like to have Easter off).
Two things, really, have come to mind as I get older. The first is that people die, and traditions then wither away of their own accord. Some of the stuff that used to drive me nuts no longer does - or can - because the people that used to play a certain role at a certain time on Christmas Day (an uncle coming round for drinks at a very precise x o'clock every Christmas Day and so on) can no longer do so as they are dead. You realise that life is not eternal, despite what you might have thought about the tedium of it all at nineteen, and you look back with a rueful recognition of your youthful impatient self and wish you could remind yourself that taking a day or two out of your own normal routine to acknowledge other people's precious routines (if it makes the people in question happy) is no bad thing.
Therefore, the other thing, re rigid (family) traditions, is that one can craft and create and discard and discontinue them at will. They don't have to be set in stone, especially if you inherit what are considered family traditions which have been set by others; some of the traditions that I personally find tediously time-consuming have been quietly jettisoned, and that serves to knock some of the stress out of the equation, whereas I will maintain some that I quite like.
Re gift giving, I must say that I rather enjoy it. Actually, I rather like matching gifts to people. However, it does require forethought, and seizing opportunity when it arises. This year, I had bought many of the serious gifts I planned to give by September. That wasn't planning - it was more being open to opportunity, as when seeing something that you knew someone would really like, and taking the opportunity to buy it when you spotted it, and then putting it aside to be given at Christmas.
Now, I am much more balanced, easy-going and tranquil about it. In the past two decades, there have been years where I was flying out to work abroad immediately after Christmas, and on a number of occasions, also worked on Christmas Day, too and right through the Christmas period, returning - and not even always - in time for the New Year.
Most of my colleagues were parents with children - thus, it mattered that they were at home, whereas - as I don't have children (and I do think that Christmas is a magical experience for children) it wasn't really an issue for me and I was happy to work through the Christmas holiday while they took leave. (And that, in turn, meant that my wishes were invariably accommodated as I like to have Easter off).
Two things, really, have come to mind as I get older. The first is that people die, and traditions then wither away of their own accord. Some of the stuff that used to drive me nuts no longer does - or can - because the people that used to play a certain role at a certain time on Christmas Day (an uncle coming round for drinks at a very precise x o'clock every Christmas Day and so on) can no longer do so as they are dead. You realise that life is not eternal, despite what you might have thought about the tedium of it all at nineteen, and you look back with a rueful recognition of your youthful impatient self and wish you could remind yourself that taking a day or two out of your own normal routine to acknowledge other people's precious routines (if it makes the people in question happy) is no bad thing.
Therefore, the other thing, re rigid (family) traditions, is that one can craft and create and discard and discontinue them at will. They don't have to be set in stone, especially if you inherit what are considered family traditions which have been set by others; some of the traditions that I personally find tediously time-consuming have been quietly jettisoned, and that serves to knock some of the stress out of the equation, whereas I will maintain some that I quite like.
Re gift giving, I must say that I rather enjoy it. Actually, I rather like matching gifts to people. However, it does require forethought, and seizing opportunity when it arises. This year, I had bought many of the serious gifts I planned to give by September. That wasn't planning - it was more being open to opportunity, as when seeing something that you knew someone would really like, and taking the opportunity to buy it when you spotted it, and then putting it aside to be given at Christmas.
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Christmas isn't such a spiritual event for me like it was years ago mostly because I am older. But, because I am now earning about 10 times what my other family members do, it makes me happy that I can get them the special things that they cannot afford.
Also, I am now engaged to a woman with two children and seeing their eyes light up when they open surprises is very heartfelt.
Since I have never had any children of my own, this adds some extra excitement for myself as well.
Also, I am now engaged to a woman with two children and seeing their eyes light up when they open surprises is very heartfelt.
Since I have never had any children of my own, this adds some extra excitement for myself as well.
Before my daughter was born, we never really bothered with decorations.
But when she came along things changed.
Now she is 13 and I imagine our Christmas is very different from most.
I have three main issues with Christmas.
1. The expectation, of the perfect family Christmas. It doesn't exist for 75% of families and the films and adverts just remind everybody how crappy their family is compared to the perfect family highlighted.
2. Gifts. I never know what to get people, they don't know what to get me. So we buy and receive gifts we really don't need or want and just return/recycle/never use. Why?
3. Excess food and drink. We don't buy a lot of extra stuff for the house, but we still end up with extra crap in the house, that I end up eating and then put on weight.
Bar Humbug!
But when she came along things changed.
Now she is 13 and I imagine our Christmas is very different from most.
I have three main issues with Christmas.
1. The expectation, of the perfect family Christmas. It doesn't exist for 75% of families and the films and adverts just remind everybody how crappy their family is compared to the perfect family highlighted.
2. Gifts. I never know what to get people, they don't know what to get me. So we buy and receive gifts we really don't need or want and just return/recycle/never use. Why?
3. Excess food and drink. We don't buy a lot of extra stuff for the house, but we still end up with extra crap in the house, that I end up eating and then put on weight.
Bar Humbug!
Same here. In my christmas tradition the birth of christ is celerabted.
We didn't know Santa Claus as kids. That's more an american thing.
The one who brings the presents is the christchild (Christkind).
Usually only Christians celebrate Christmas where I live, and since not everyone is a christian, there is plenty of people ignoring it.
I do not like receiving gifts on Xmas. It's usually something I don't need or want and seems like a colossal waste of money. If you insist, make a donation in my name. Please, no more calendars or day planners.
It's the second most important Christian celebration in the year.
And the most important retail event of the year
BTW. I'm quite sure Jesus never saw a reindeer in his life. And he would have had a serious problem with people believing in elves or the easter bunny.
When I was a kid living upstate on a tiny farm east of the Hudson River, wed sneak out to the barn just before midnight, when barn animals would supposedly be awake and quietly waiting for the Christ Child. Our few cows were usually asleep on the job, but if any woke up then wed give them a little extra grain. Of course then the rest of them would get up and it was mayhem until they all got something. I imagine it messed up their milk production getting rousted in the middle of the night like that, but hey, it was only once a year! We used to decorate the milkhouse door with a braided straw wreath and red ribbon so our cows would know that big night was coming...
I have no idea where that tradition orginally came from, probably the Dutch, German, Swedish or other northern European farmers brought it to the Hudson Valley when they immigrated. The other thing they did was put out a big sheaf of straw with some suet and sunflower seeds for the birds to have on Christmas morning. I still do that at my place now if its been really cold for awhile, otherwise Im afraid the scent will draw some not-sleepy-enough black bear.
I have no idea where that tradition orginally came from, probably the Dutch, German, Swedish or other northern European farmers brought it to the Hudson Valley when they immigrated. The other thing they did was put out a big sheaf of straw with some suet and sunflower seeds for the birds to have on Christmas morning. I still do that at my place now if its been really cold for awhile, otherwise Im afraid the scent will draw some not-sleepy-enough black bear.
I don't think Christmas is connected to Jesus in the US.It's the second most important Christian celebration in the year.
And the most important retail event of the year
BTW. I'm quite sure Jesus never saw a reindeer in his life. And he would have had a serious problem with people believing in elves or the easter bunny.
That can be a real delimma, gifts you have no use for or highly dislike. I've told family if you are getting me something, just make it a gift certificate. And for some, we just wish each other a Happy Holliday and let it go at that.
For the OP, Christmas is mostly a time of tradition, unfortunately overly commercialized, but still a good time to meet with friends and family. Tree, lights, and decorations go up to please the wife.
As far as the Jesus never saw a reindeer comment, for good or bad, Santa Claus does have a religious connection and has been intertwined into the Christmas season.
I am always willing to learn.
How is a fat, bearded man in a red costume, who lives on the north pole and flies around in a sled pulled my macial reindeer, while throwing presents, made by ****ing elfs!!! in a workshop on the North Pole, down chimneys and eating cookies with milk and filling socks, after reading childrens letters and laughing "Ho, ho, ho!" connected to the biblical birth of Jesus Christ?
Please enlighten me.
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That, too. But the main thing is that the whole celebration as described above has no connection to the religious meaning whatsoever. It's plain ridicolous and I am glad that I did not have to experience that as a child. It appears rather traumatizing.
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It's the second most important Christian celebration in the year.
And the most important retail event of the year
BTW. I'm quite sure Jesus never saw a reindeer in his life. And he would have had a serious problem with people believing in elves or the easter bunny.
Jesus would have a serious problem with a lot of things so-called Christians do.
Yes, it's been commercialized, but to say that Christmas is not connected to Jesus in the US - and that is exactly what he said - is way, way off base.
You're assuming that that's the only observance of Christmas by Christians in the US, and you're wrong. Yes, my family and many others celebrate Christmas by exchanging gifts, putting up a tree, etc. - but we also go to church, do charitable work, and observe Christ's birth in part by reading from the Gospel and through prayer.
To answer your question more directly, the "fat, bearded man in a red costume" is based on an early Christian saint who was known for performing miracles and giving gifts. But to try to boil down an entire observance into just that aspect is short-sighted at least, and ignorant and insulting at most.
I believe you and I am aware of this. I was referring to the public depiction of christmas in the US and many other places.
And the tree is based on a pagan ritual.
If people were really observing Christ's birth they'd forget about trees and santa and exchanging gifts and instead spend the time and money on the poor and downtrodden. I know a few people who do that, but they are few and far between.
And no, I don't think there's anything wrong with trees, gifts and Santa, but it really isn't about Christ and celebrating his birth.
If people were really observing Christ's birth they'd forget about trees and santa and exchanging gifts and instead spend the time and money on the poor and downtrodden. I know a few people who do that, but they are few and far between.
And no, I don't think there's anything wrong with trees, gifts and Santa, but it really isn't about Christ and celebrating his birth.
I would never insult Bishop Nicolaus, but equating him with the american 'Santa Claus' could well be considered insulting. He had nothing to do with cookies and elves. He was not fat and did not live on the north pole.
Also the anglo saxon Santa is barely related to the ancient saint.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus
Saint Nicolauses day is traditionally celebrated on the 5th or 6th of December and he is depicted quite differently from Santa Claus. He is also only loosely connected to the birth of christ, except that he was a christian saint.
But at the end of the day christmas is what you make of it and if you and your family celebrate in the spirit of the real christmas then good for you.
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You are right. That wasn't my intention. After all it's about celebrating. Ho Ho Ho!!!
I started this thread and made a few replies to others but I don't think that I ever made it clear enough at what I was getting at, now with it being Christmas Eve Eve I think I've come up with what I should of said to start with.
I'm not a religious person (basically don't believe in it) but was sorta raised Catholic as a child. Christmas was about all the commercial aspects of it, but I also knew the true meaning of it and we always had a nativity. As it is to children it was a big deal to me because of the presents. As a child the presents from my parents were it since I basically didn't get any others, they were the big deal for me. To a lesser extent it was also about the tree and decorating and Christmas songs, etc.
As I got older it became about giving presents to others, especially when I could get them something they really wanted and surprise them with it. It also broadened my "traditions" to Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve presents and going to the in-laws on Christmas day for exchanging presents and the Christmas feast as these were things I never experienced growing up.
Now many of the people in my life are gone for one reason or another, there's no gift giving or gift receiving. There's no tree or decorations, what's the point, I don't think there's anything more pathetic looking than a Christmas tree with nothing under it. The Christmas feast has become a pretty much just a dinner at the in-laws that happens to be on Christmas day.
All around me, starting earlier and earlier every year by the retailers, Christmas begins and carries on with a constant reminding and nagging of what it is or just maybe what it's supposed to be. If I had never celebrated Christmas I think it would just be annoying, but instead it acts as a constant reminder of what used to be, of the people that used to be in my life and what Christmas used to be for me.
I'm not a religious person (basically don't believe in it) but was sorta raised Catholic as a child. Christmas was about all the commercial aspects of it, but I also knew the true meaning of it and we always had a nativity. As it is to children it was a big deal to me because of the presents. As a child the presents from my parents were it since I basically didn't get any others, they were the big deal for me. To a lesser extent it was also about the tree and decorating and Christmas songs, etc.
As I got older it became about giving presents to others, especially when I could get them something they really wanted and surprise them with it. It also broadened my "traditions" to Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve presents and going to the in-laws on Christmas day for exchanging presents and the Christmas feast as these were things I never experienced growing up.
Now many of the people in my life are gone for one reason or another, there's no gift giving or gift receiving. There's no tree or decorations, what's the point, I don't think there's anything more pathetic looking than a Christmas tree with nothing under it. The Christmas feast has become a pretty much just a dinner at the in-laws that happens to be on Christmas day.
All around me, starting earlier and earlier every year by the retailers, Christmas begins and carries on with a constant reminding and nagging of what it is or just maybe what it's supposed to be. If I had never celebrated Christmas I think it would just be annoying, but instead it acts as a constant reminder of what used to be, of the people that used to be in my life and what Christmas used to be for me.
That makes sense to me, OP. I've always loved Christmas, and about 15 years ago I had to spend one completely alone. It was weird and sad, but I made the best of it, and it all things considered, it wasn't too bad. But I certainly missed being with other people that day.
Things changed in my life, so that's not the case any more. I get what you're saying, and I hope you have someone to celebrate with again in future!
Things changed in my life, so that's not the case any more. I get what you're saying, and I hope you have someone to celebrate with again in future!
Dinner with the in-laws ... so you were once married—if not still. You mention that many people in life are gone. Does that include your spouse? If so, then I can see how the holiday could seem empty without them. If they are still alive, then why aren't you two exchanging gifts?
My wife and I live pretty quiet lives. We're not big into our families, visiting them or having them visit us. But we do have each other and enjoy the holiday being in each other's company. If you have lost that connection, then you have my sympathy. If you are still married, then I would devote a little time and generosity towards one another. Christmas provides an excellent excuse to do so.
Make it what YOU want it to be. You have the power. If you want it to be more than that, then it will be. If you want it to be nothing at all, that's fine too - all you need to do is ignore or tune out all that's going on around you that you perceive as hubbub or nagging.
I love to give gifts, but I don't get caught up in all the Black Friday nonsense (as I perceive it). I don't care if stores open on Thanksgiving, I don't care if people line up, I don't care if Best Buy has TV's for $99, I'm not going to be there so I don't let it get to me.
My family and I are not overly religious, but we will go to a service tomorrow afternoon for Christmas Eve, then we traditionally grab a coffee or hot chocolate and drive around looking at Christmas lights. When we get home I'll often read from the Bible the story of Jesus' birth - sometimes to the family and sometimes just to myself, depending on how the evening plays out. At bedtime I'll also read my son a Christmas story or two. That's what we make of it, but everyone should just observe the day (or not) in whatever way makes sense for them.