Yeah, the overblown expectations can ruin it. Dean Burnett (neuroscientist, author) wrote a good article a few years back: Festive stress: why the Christmas season can be anything but merry
One thing that bugs me the most is when it all gets competitive to the point of rudeness. For example, there were some very inconsiderate and pushy people out shopping yesterday. It sort of misses the point, doesn’t it?
So I should change my feelings about something that makes me unhappy to make others happy?No, it is also on you.
You have a choice not only in how miserable you are, but in how you choose to express that sense of - or feeling of - negativity.
Moreover, to my mind, while you have the right - the perfect right - to be miserable, that right does not include - or extend to - the right to insist that others are made miserable by your misery.
That is when it becomes controlling and almost self-indulgent, and that is where I think that @BasicGreatGuy had a point in the post he made earlier.
[automerge]1577291455[/automerge]
That is fair enough.
No need to disappear. All are welcome, as are all points of view. I’ve made it quite clear to my parents not to contact me at this time of year. I’m not celebrating it. I’m trying to forget it exists.So I should change my feelings about something that makes me unhappy to make others happy?
I have asked family to not invite me to holiday gatherings. As they know how I feel. I would rather stay home with the dog.
Yes I understand that I’m kinda self centered. always have been. If people don’t like me I’m fine with that.
Coming here is the most I go out of my way to be social. And I can disappear easily.
No need to disappear. All are welcome, as are all points of view. I’ve made it quite clear to my parents not to contact me at this time of year. I’m not celebrating it. I’m trying to forget it exists.
In the early years they sent me happy Xmas texts but I pointed out it wasn’t and I didn’t need the reminder. If they want to celebrate then fine. But count me out.
They have learnt.
Same at work. I’m not wanting to bring people down. So I won’t be attending the Xmas party. I don’t want to have to answer the same question time and time again.
I just decline the invitation and leave it at that.
Roll on January!
So I should change my feelings about something that makes me unhappy to make others happy?
I have asked family to not invite me to holiday gatherings. As they know how I feel. I would rather stay home with the dog.
Yes I understand that I’m kinda self centered. always have been. If people don’t like me I’m fine with that.
Coming here is the most I go out of my way to be social. And I can disappear easily.
No need to disappear. All are welcome, as are all points of view. I’ve made it quite clear to my parents not to contact me at this time of year. I’m not celebrating it. I’m trying to forget it exists.
In the early years they sent me happy Xmas texts but I pointed out it wasn’t and I didn’t need the reminder. If they want to celebrate then fine. But count me out.
They have learnt.
Same at work. I’m not wanting to bring people down. So I won’t be attending the Xmas party. I don’t want to have to answer the same question time and time again.
I just decline the invitation and leave it at that.
Roll on January!
Hence why I try to stay home as much as possible. If my feelings upset others isn’t that their problem.No, - you have a right to indulge your unhappiness but not at the expense of others.
And, if you do not wish to change your feelings - or be expected to do so - and that is your right, others also have the same right, even if the feelings they express (happiness, or joy) are different.
In other words, but do not impose your feelings of unhappiness on others, or rather, do not allow your feelings of unhappiness to trump others' feelings of happiness, and do not expect them to adapt their day - or moods - to suit your needs or the expression of your negativity.
[automerge]1577293879[/automerge]
Again, that is fair enough and a perfectly reasonable position.
Hence why I try to stay home as much as possible. If my feelings upset others isn’t that their problem.
No.
It is also yours and your choice to upset them; you can choose not to upset them, and still be miserable.
I totally agree with this. Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t care for or like doing because we care about the other person. Being a Debbie downer about everything isn’t going to get you far.
If I go I smiling and faking it do you think they won’t know? They know how I feel about the holidays. It’s been at least 15 years I’ve felt like this.
If I go I smiling and faking it do you think they won’t know? They know how I feel about the holidays. It’s been at least 15 years I’ve felt like this.
Is there a cathartic reason for the OP, or are you wanting to bring others down to your level, because you are bored?
If you are one of the ones that aren't religious, or don't like this particular holiday, (for whatever reason) there is nothing preventing you from going about engaging in activities that bring you inner solace of some kind. Being miserable this time of year is a conscious decision you are making. What people do in relation to observance, should have no direct bearing on your inner homeostasis.
If you end up traveling to be with family members, be thankful you are alive and can be with people that know and love you, in spite of all your moral frailties.
In essence, you are complaining for the sake of complaining, and wanting others to join in on your self-induced pity party.
In spite of all your negative cheering, I wish you well.
That door swings both ways. Sometimes people need to leave us alone because they care about US. Or is it only about those who have positive feelings?I totally agree with this. Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t care for or like doing because we care about the other person. Being a Debbie downer about everything isn’t going to get you far.
I was allowed to choose one Christmas movie this year. Very unenthusiastic "yeah!", but then I remembered a movie I liked that takes place during Christmas. I chose Die Hard. "Yippee ki yay!" Finally a Christmas movie I can sit through.Can’t stand the Christmas movies. I have to endure them at times. my girlfriend and her daughter watch non stop Christmas movies.
I'm not. I'm at home alone. I did laundry and I'm now taking a bath. It's another day.
I have been this way for almost two decades. This year though, I don't feel the usual sadness. I think I'm finally at a place where I'm okay with all that I've been through and lost. So it's not so bad anymore.
God I wish I was ok with myself. But maybe one day.I'm not. I'm at home alone. I did laundry and I'm now taking a bath. It's another day.
I have been this way for almost two decades. This year though, I don't feel the usual sadness. I think I'm finally at a place where I'm okay with all that I've been through and lost. So it's not so bad anymore.
Most people celebrate santa which is the surrogate to christ, it has overshadowed the Christmas holiday.Only if you permit it to be.
My family and I celebrate the the virgin birth of the Messiah
I don't celebrate Christmas. Nobody in my family does. It's not about Jesus, and it never was. Look up the origins online sometime for some light reading...
One of the benefits of moving to Arizona has been that we escape Southern California's endless New Year's day rerun of the Rose Parade. It happens once here and if you miss it - oh well.Actually what is worse is the QVC marathon or other television shopping clubs of Christmas in July which is just horrible commercialism.