✓ MagSafe
✓ Glowing Apple
✓ SD Card slot
✓ HDMI port
✓ Optical Audio Out
✓ Reliable Keyboard
✓ No T2 Kernel Panics
✓ No soldered storage
✓ No Dongle Hell
✓ No Emoji Bar
✓ MagSafe adapters available for less than $10
✓ It's a company logo...
✓ Dongle - $5, hub - $20
✓ Dongle - $5, hub - $20
✓ Pros that require optical audio use a separate interface
✓ Magic Keyboard is great
✓ T2 Kernel Panics were fixed months ago
✓ You want a larger-but-removable component, then make the trade-off with something else...
✓ It's only 'hell' if you purchase individual dongles rather a cheap, small hub, and use all the particular I/O every day
✓ System Preferences > Keyboard > 'Press Fn key to Show App Controls', Touch Bar shows Expanded Control Strip.
Problems solved!