Approaching women in social settings

[Lau]

On a side note: Wow, this thread is serious. I guess in a unbeknown to us all, Romance is dead. Never before have I known someone making a (Admittedly bad) joke towards someone trying to spark a conversation being described as 'invade her personal space and privacy'.

It really depends what the situation is. The delivery of a comment like that would be so important. If she was relaxed and it was said in a cheeky and funny way you never know, but equally if some guy sidled up to me in a bookshop and said a book I was flicking through I was too old for I think I would be more inclined to think "What's it to you?!".

Imagine that with the fact you don't know anything about why she was there or what kind of mood she was in – maybe she was having a bad day and just thought "oh for god's sake, piss off" or she could be, I don't know, shopping for her younger sister's second kid's birthday and be thinking "I'm getting so old and still haven't got kids", or a million other things that would mean that comment completely sucked. If you're going to make slightly cheeky comments they're going to work brilliantly some of the time, but you've got to expect them to fall flat sometimes too because you don't know people's situations.

Another way of looking at it is what exactly would you like to have had her say back to you If someone said "You're a bit too old for that."? I have no idea what I'd say."Er, thanks?".

Whenever I strike up a conversation with someone (I mean just friendly conversation anywhere) it usually happens with a kind of trigger – i.e. at a bar and they or I order a drink or make a comment to the barman and they chip in, or something. Just going up to people and randomly talking to them is a bit more full on and means it's pretty obvious you're trying to hit on them. Starting a natural conversation is a bit less threatening (and means they can get a feel as to whether you seem like a nice guy or not during the conversation).

 

[Blue Velvet]

Which isn't of much use if the only things you usually talk about is 90's video games, web programming, making music in your basement* and... uh... I am running out of topics.

Ha! Had this conversation with a friend of mine last night who went out with a bloke the other night, and when the conversation turned to computers, she told him she used a Mac... and for the next four hours, he bored her to death talking about Linux.

 

[Mord]

Which isn't of much use if the only things you usually talk about is 90's video games, web programming, making music in your basement* and... uh... I am running out of topics.

* if you don't play the guitar or a saxophone (instant sex appeal), you are pretty much uninteresting or, in the worst case, weird.

Depends on the girl, geeky girls do exist you just need to socialise in the right scenes.

 

[redAPPLE]

Girls in groups of 2 are fine to talk to, and a single girl alone is probably crazy and or looking for some lovin.

hey OP, according to motulist, there is hope! see #2.

 

[simontarr]

Depends on the girl, geeky girls do exist you just need to socialise in the right scenes.

<coughs>.....what scenes are these?

On a more serious note though, I've found that things work best if you don't actually try. By that I mean, the best situations always come about when you don't mean/expect them to.

Heck, I'm only 19 myself, so can't exactly enlighten anyone on these forums with my vast life experiences!

 

[Lau]

On a more serious note though, I've found that things work best if you don't actually try. By that I mean, the best situations always come about when you don't mean/expect them to.

Absolutely – I think that's why lines are a bit cheesy, it always seems a bit forced.

 

[simontarr]

Absolutely – I think that's why lines are a bit cheesy, it always seems a bit forced.

Yep definitely- I know some friends that can 'use' all those cheesy lines and, generally, it works well for them. However the girls they get, wouldn't be my type.

Regarding the OP then- if bars were 'never your thing' then going up to random girls (and random groups of girls) is not really going to work, I shouldn't think.

 

[c-Row]

Depends on the girl, geeky girls do exist you just need to socialise in the right scenes.

As for geeky girls, I am pretty much in the middle of nowhere. There's only one girl I know who's like that, but she kicks her boyfriend's ass in Quake quite regularly.

The only other girls within my circle of friends are either already engaged or not interested in me. Which leads to another problem - whenever I go out with some of them, other girls probably get the impression that we are a couple, so no chance to meet other girls. On the other hand, I totally hate going out alone, and whenever I do, I have a drink, stare at the wall and leave right after that. Ahhh, a vicious circle...

<coughs>.....what scenes are these?

SuicideGirls maybe?

Yep definitely- I know some friends that can 'use' all those cheesy lines and, generally, it works well for them.

Oh yeah, I know that sort of guy. He's a total jackass, but those cheesy pickup lines always work for him. I just pity the girls who fall for him - and usually realize their fault one month later and come to us, crying over the time they wasted with him just prior to falling for the next guy like him...

 

[simontarr]

Oh yeah, I know that sort of guy. He's a total jackass, but those cheesy pickup lines always work for him. I just pity the girls who fall for him - and usually realize their fault one month later and come to us, crying over the time they wasted with him just prior to falling for the next guy like him...

So true, so true...

 

[dukebound85]

get involved. meeting people with a mutual interest is sooooooooooooooo much better than bars. most girls at bars i wouldnt want to hook up with tbh

show me a girl who enjoys the things i do, whether it be a bike club, church or whatnot and the conversation will be so much more natural due to mutual interest than someone who i have no idea at all what they like or anything

bars are a bit overrated i think. when i go, its with my friends to have a good time not to find a soulmate usually lol

 

[c-Row]

Sure, but where do I meet girls who listen to nu skool breaks music and enjoy a good round of Dawn Of War or Dungeons & Dragons?

 

[Blue Velvet]

Sure, but where do I meet girls who listen to nu skool breaks music and enjoy a good round of Dawn Of War or Dungeons & Dragons?

I likes me some breaks and playing D&D... but I'm 44.

 

[c-Row]

I likes me some breaks and playing D&D... but I'm 44.

Age is just a number, but you are probably too far away from my place.

 

[tobefirst ⚽️]

Age is just a number, but you are probably too far away from my place.

Isn't distance just a number, too?

 

[c-Row]

Isn't distance just a number, too?

But sometimes distance is harder to bridge than age. However, if Blue Velvet is by any chance living in London, I would considering moving.

 

[iDAG]

If you want to meet someone you don't know and who is looking then I would suggest a internet dating service.

The only time doing something like that in person works if is you know them to some extent. For example, when I asked out my girlfriend, I was her friend but I never really did anything with her outside of school. I was afraid that she would say no but she knew what kind of person I was and she thought I was hot so..., but really we still have a good relationship and we are both really deeply into each other. Then again I'm only in high school.

 

[tobefirst ⚽️]

But sometimes distance is harder to bridge than age. However, if Blue Velvet is by any chance living in London, I would considering moving.

I'm pretty sure all people in the UK live in London.

/ignorant american

(;

 

[phillipjfry]

So today I went out and about and noticed a few things, being my day off of course . Where I live their are a fair number of bars and clubs and gameroom places that feature bars & clubs inside them. Needless to say, some women are just odd (that or I am missing some serious game that I am not aware of). For example at this bar I was at I saw a group of women (four) playing this one particular game in the gameroom area and their was that one that caught my eye. Needless to say I approached and asked if I could join in and see what all the fun was about. They all stared with blank faces at me as if I was some ufo or something and then burst out laughing saying I was "cute" while walking away. I don't comprehend this action, your at a social setting where people hang out and yet your greeted with that? So I shrugged it off and moved on. I saw this other girl playing on another game and asked her how it worked, she explained but then 14 seconds later this dude shows up and says "hey babe lets go get some grub, ya?". A "nice meeting you" followed.

Before I went home I stopped by the bookstore for some latte. I browsed this one section of the book store and noticed this one girl, alone, looking at this silly children's book. I made a joke about how maybe she was a little to old for that book so as to get a convo going. She then gave me this weird stare and kept saying I don't know. Then she just walked away. Weird...


I will admit I have NEVER been to a bar or club. Never really was my scene, but now Im turning 21 and wanted to see what I was missing, if I was missing anything.

So fella's, how do you get the fair ladies digits at these places?

After many failed relationships throughout my short life, I can only tell you what NOT to do
But I'll give you somethings to live by that helped me with my latest (and long living) relationship:

Look for someone who will supplement what qualities you already have, instead of having someone who complements what you think you need.

Catch22: Don't look It will drive you crazy. Look around but not "look for".

Those were two pieces of advice I got from an old old (....old) couple who had been married 70+ years.

Also, never approach a pack of women, they will not let you pick one of them off from the group and will fight to the death to prevent it. Instead, pick off one of the weaker ones near the rear of the pact

STUFF...And that's not the foundation of a beautiful relationship, man...

+1

Everytime I think about relationships, it reminds me of one of my most favorite bash.org quotes

Depends on the girl, geeky girls do exist you just need to socialise in the right scenes.

These social scenes do NOT exist in indiana, I can utterly assure you

 

[Blue Velvet]

However, if Blue Velvet is by any chance living in London, I would considering moving.

I live in London. Right in the very middle.

Although, not as in the middle as dynamicv, but then I don't think he's the girl for you.

 

[Brianstorm91]

IMO, never at parties, clubs, pubs etc, but that could just be dependant on your taste.
Always try to strike up conversation somewhere you feel comfortable, for example it's college for me.

 

[c-Row]

Everytime I think about relationships, it reminds me of one of my most favorite bash.org quotes

This is so totally true.

 

[Iscariot]

I usually open with "When I was born, my stomach was inside out. ... wanna see my scar?"

Chicks dig scars. Oh yeah.

 

[c-Row]

I usually open with "When I was born, my stomach was inside out. ... wanna see my scar?"

Chicks dig scars. Oh yeah.

Does she reply with "Do you want to see where I had my appendix removed? .... Over there, at the hospital."?

 

[yellow]

Don't try so hard. Believe me, it's obvious even if you think it's well hidden.

Don't take it so personally. Some people just want to be left alone, and ladies in particular might not want to be hit on when looking at children's books, ya?

 

[P-Worm]

If you act like a showoffy twunt to everyone then frankly you're a twunt.

So if you are a twunt you shouldn't be yourself? You should only be yourself when others approve?

P-Worm