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Approaching women in social settings

SthrnCmfrtr said:
My wife and I were talking last night and she said she wished she could go back in time and talk to her younger self and tell her it would all be alright.
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I would tell my younger self the same thing. Or, if I had to keep it really short and sweet, I would just tell myself: "Don't take everything so seriously!" Enjoy the moment, but there will be plenty of other moments to follow.
 
Meetin women? God, there's an eternal question.
My advice is not to take my advice, some of the most destructive relationships I've had were with the women I got on best with, who I met in pubs/parties/regular social situations, some of the best were people I met on IRC. I'm married to a woman I met on livejournal/IRC. I've also met some pychos online.

  • There is such a thing as the "friends zone" enter it and you'll never leave it without being broken into a total emotional state.
  • If she already has a boyfriend she already has a boyfriend. Forget a relationship, you will be in the "friends zone" before that relationship ends.
  • That bashorg quote a few pages back is truth.
  • Confidence is king.
  • If she's stupid but adorable, she will not stay stupid but adorable. She will become stupid and annoying. Fast.
 
there are exactly two rules to meeting women with romantic intent:

rule 1: be confident.

rule 2: see rule 1.
 
DrAtheist said:
There is such a thing as the "friends zone" enter it and you'll never leave it without being broken into a total emotional state.
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God do I know what that feels like. All to often does this happen..😡

It take a long time to coax your way out of that heavily guarded wall.
 
Daveway said:
God do I know what that feels like. All to often does this happen..😡

It take a long time to coax your way out of that heavily guarded wall.
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i agree... and there are two reasons why this happen, either the guy is just too slow and take too long so it goes into the "f-zone" or there are other guys like me who just can't actually start likin
g a girl until getting to know her well enough an dthen it's too late you are already in the "f-zone"... both of them suck...
 
Kwyjibo said:
This thread has a brilliant mix of horrible and good advice.

Someone said don't approach girls in groups ... wtf! Approaching groups is best, its a little more difficult I'll admit but the payoff is much better. If you win the group, its much easier to win the girl. You can isolate one of them and her friends won't be dragging her all around and back to the group ... because they trust you. The key word there is trust. You're a good guy, you met all of them, you weren't afraid of them, oh yeah and you're the center of attention. And if you want to get in a relationship with a girl, you date her friends ... why wait to meet them.

If you're really afraid of being rejected you aren't at all ready to meet girls and have relationships.

There's no problem with meeting a girl just about anywhere. If you like to go out, and she likes to go out, no problem meeting at a bar. Guess what, going out is a common interest.


Don't date out of your league? This is a question of opinion and confidence. I would be depressed if I was not dating up.

But enough bashing for a minute. There is good advice here. Confidence is awesome, women look for leaders. Being a leader is sexy and will build attraction. Body language is also key in projecting confidence.

Just remember, that you're special, you're the prize. If you live with that kind of attitude it will work out well. If anyone has any specific questions shoot me a PM.
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Best advice in this entire thread ...hands down.


Blue Velvet said:
You have to step up your game and make an attempt to treat women like people deserving of some respect.
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Respect is earned.
 
juanster said:
i agree... and there are two reasons why this happen, either the guy is just too slow and take too long so it goes into the "f-zone" or there are other guys like me who just can't actually start likin
g a girl until getting to know her well enough an dthen it's too late you are already in the "f-zone"... both of them suck...
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I wish more guys thought like this.

My most successful relationships (I know... I'm only 23 and only had 5 bfs and was just dated a few folks... once but still) have been with people who were my friends first.

My second bf and I were practically best friends for about 2 years before we started dating, part of the time I had a current bf too.

My current bf (of about 3 years) and I were really good friends since about sophmore year of highschool. I actually remember saying a few times "I don't think i'd ever date him and him about me" mainly because we weren't really single and that's just how we were... but we got together our sophmore year of college and have been together ever since.

All in all, Ive always been friends with a lot of guys (girls just bug me... we are bitches to eachother.. there are only like 3 i can stand as friends) and I had very few that I discounted BECAUSE they were my friend or in the friend zone. There were some that I always thought "hey i could date him maybe and some that i was like "eh. couldn't date you period" but i usually prefer being friends with a guy... and tend to like guys after i've been friend with them for a while.

I guess i'm the opposite of most girls. Personally i see guys turned off by the friend thing a lot too though. I think friendship is a great basis for a relationship. If more people could focus on that over anything else, we might have a higher success rate in marriage now a days 🙂

Now i'm just babbling though. It's late and time for beddy bye.

P.S. I also have a pair of friends who were friends for like 4 years before they started dating. The friend zone didn't bother them in the least. They are getting married in June 🙂
 
Hope this doesn't sound rude/shallow but I often observe that the better looking the girl, the more likely she'll only go for the real confident (bordering on arrogant) guys and do all the stereotypical "friend zone" stuff and game playing. The more you head towards the uh, opposite, the more likely it is that they actually like the nice/shy/quiet lads.

Maybe it's because the "nice guys" are less likely to call her fat or whatever.

It's so difficult to just "be confident" when you're of the shy/modest personality unfortunately!
 
Cloudane said:
Maybe it's because the "nice guys" are less likely to call her fat or whatever.
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Hmm. 😛

Actually, it's possible that it's more about how people view themselves.

I'm sure I read some study ages ago that said it wasn't about how attractive you actually are, it's about how attractive you think you are. If I remember rightly, they got a load of couples to rate their looks out of ten, and it turned out that people who thought of themselves as 10/10 would be most likely to be with someone who also rated themselves as about 10/10. And the same for 7/10, 3/10 and so on. It didn't matter how attractive they actually are, but how attractive they saw themselves as being.

Interesting, I thought, and it makes sense.

Cloudane said:
It's so difficult to just "be confident" when you're of the shy/modest personality unfortunately!
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Don't forget there's quiet confidence too (in my opinion the best kind) – just having the confidence to be yourself. Even if that's being able to say "I'm really shy" – if it's your personality, just get on with it, just be positive and confident about it, i.e. modesty fine, just don't put yourself down. 🙂
 
^ good post, Lau (had to edit this in, didn't see yours before I posted)

Lau said:
Don't forget there's quiet confidence too (in my opinion the best kind) – just having the confidence to be yourself. Even if that's being able to say "I'm really shy" – if it's your personality, just get on with it, just be positive and confident about it, i.e. modesty fine, just don't put yourself down.
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couldn't agree more.



Cloudane said:
Hope this doesn't sound rude/shallow but I often observe that the better looking the girl, the more likely she'll only go for the real confident (bordering on arrogant) guys and do all the stereotypical "friend zone" stuff and game playing. The more you head towards the uh, opposite, the more likely it is that they actually like the nice/shy/quiet lads.

Maybe it's because the "nice guys" are less likely to call her fat or whatever.
...
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it does sound that way, rude and shallow, and rather uniformed, to put it kindly.
Cloudane said:
Well, I can't possibly give any form of worthy advice as I'm 25 and not even been kissed 😱 ...
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hmmmm.


FYI, There is a BIG difference between confidence and being a prick. A woman without self confidence issues of her own will not go for that BS.

There is nothing wrong with being a nice guy but if you've got no confidence in yourself, people will have no confidence in you either.
 
iBlue said:
it does sound that way, rude and shallow, and rather uniformed, to put it kindly.
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I observed this as well - good looking girl throwing bones at one of my best mates. Until he told her that he's tired of this game, and if she really is interested in a serious relationship she should tell him. Haven't met her since then, but obviously she didn't.
 
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