Caught my 13 year old brother looking at porn...

[SamIchi]

I was probably 12-13 when I started looking at porn online--it does take something away from you too quickly--it's not like the 1950s where you might find a playboy and the extent of the pornography is somewhat limited.

I never thought I would say this--as I am very liberal--but if I had kids I don't think I would let them have computers in their rooms at such a young age. I did--and it led to pornography and too much too young. I can't believe what a prude I sound like now (I'm 24). I'm sure my parents didn't know any better, as at the time, widespread Internet usage wasn't as common, people didn't talk about the dangers of kids and the Internet as they do now, and I was like the computer geek, not someone would have suspected of using the computer for porn. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with pornography though.

But porn viewing and addiction can become a sad thing. And at 13 you have so many possibilities!

Same here, about 12-13 through the almighty internet! Well anyways, I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing. It's normal. I didn't know what to think about porn at that age, but I knew it wasn't reality and only fantasy and by that age I hope kids can discern the difference. I've never had "the talk" with my father, and I'm perfectly fine (for the most part ), I didn't get addicted to porn or sexist.

I don't think you should talk to him about it. Kids with a level head know how to figure out stuff on their own. If it starts to interfere with his life then I think you should intervene. Give him the "if there's anything you want to talk to me, it's ok" spiel, that way you can keep it neutral.

 

[twistedlegato]

What religion is this?

Was it your choice to keep away from porn?

What would be so bad about porn making you want the real thing?

1.I am a Bahai www.bahai.org

2.Yes it was my choice because my parents never said "dont look at porn".

3.Because i might really want the real thing, and have the real thing before i am MARRIED which would be breaking my religious law!

 

[leekohler]

Make sure that you also discuss the benefit of learning to hide porn better.

 

[72930]

Make sure that you also discuss the benefit of learning to hide porn better.

I never saw the benefit of having a saved collection, and I am too young to have gone through the need to hide physical pornographic material...so I never had this problem...

 

[SamIchi]

I never saw the benefit of having a saved collection, and I am too young to have gone through the need to hide physical pornographic material...so I never had this problem...

I believ he's talkin' about covering up your tracks also. Delete cookies, empty cache, delete history

 

[eyemacg5]

3.Because i might really want the real thing, and have the real thing which woudl be breaking my religious law!

So you can't ever have sex... or is it just because of your age, which I understand.
If your religion forbids sex at any age I would seriously think about revising your status on religion in a few years, because of your age I don't think you are ready to make the choice of never having sex in your life.

 

[Felldownthewell]

There is a reason why you have to be over 18 to buy or look at pornography

a 13 year old or even an "experienced" 17 year old should not be looking at porn as a form of entertainment.
It set unrealistic perceptions and expectations to everyone.
Get some real life experience and talk to people rather than basing it of a fantasy...

Is it realistic to assume that, at age 17 years and 364 days, someone is going to be more mature than someone age 18 and zero days? Probably not. Maturity is not determined by age, it is determined by circumstance and personality. Here in the US, you can join the army before you can vote or legally look at porn- and something tells me that being deployed in a war zone is a little more hazardous than looking at porn or casting a vote. Age has very little to do with real-world maturity.

Beyond that, he is 13: he is not expected to fully comprehend that the porn industry is bad. However, since he is only 13, he is (likely) not going to be having sex and practicing what he sees on the internet. By the time he is old enough to be having sex, if he is smart, he will have realized that not all women shatter glass with orgasmic screams of delight whenever he looks at them.

Also, about talking to people- are you really going to go up to your mom and ask her to tell you about sex- not "where babies come from" but actually about sex- what is a blowjob, what feels good, etc? No. His friends don't know either as they are his age, and a teacher certainly isn't going to tell you... In our culture sex is so taboo there is no one to talk to, and the internet is one of the few ways to learn "the basics"...not about reality, but about sex as a concept.

I don't think there are many women who enjoy getting smacked on the face with a penis and creamed on but the porn industry makes that look like its standard. as a young impressionable person he or she would think that is how it is suppossed to be.
Most young women learn how to fake an orgasm before they ever have a real one. Why ? because the expectation is that they should have one every time, exactly when the guy is about done, if they dont the guy is unhappy...

This is true, the porn industry lies. However, one would think that he would figure it out from his end- his penis is not going to be 12 inches long- and anyone with half a brain can break down the rest of the fantasy from there. Beyond that, he will realize that the girls he sees in real life are not huge-breasted, tiny waisted, blondes in skimply clothing.

Why do most young women learn to fake an orgasm? Not only because the guy does not know how to pleasure her, but because SHE does not know how to pleasure HERSELF. In talking to my many female (and teenage) friends, they, for the most part (obviosuly there are plenty of exceptions), do not masterbate because it does not feel good. They learn to fake an orgasm to make the guy feel better about himself but also because they are embarassed that they cannot take pleasure from something the guy obviously does.

 

[3nm]

So you can't ever have sex... or is it just because of your age, which I understand.
If your religion forbids sex at any age I would seriously think about revising your status on religion in a few years, because of your age I don't think you are ready to make the choice of never having sex in your life.

agreed. and also i doubt he/she's ready to decide what religion is for him/her. my mom's side of the family is kinda religious but she told me not to get converted until i finish college or even grad school. i'm glad because i'd run into conflicts between what i'm studying and religion if i was converted.

 

[Kwyjibo]

perfectly normal ... perfectly healthy ... and trust me ... no matter what you do he will find a way to explore this kind of stuff. If he isn't doing it at your house its at his buddies house looking at the kids' older brother's stuff. I remember back in the AOL days me and my friends would forward each other pictures ... we also had a magazine hidden in the forest. We were quite bright to hide porn in the forest where it rained all the time ...

I think at the end of the day, you need to have a talk with him and make him understand how to respect women. Much like the advice everyone else is giving,

I wouldn't even out him on this stuff.

Just do yourself one favor, make sure that he's not chatting about this stuff. Have him watch Dateline's To Catch a Predator with you ... to make sure he's not trying to lure a creep over. Now female creeps don't really exist but again ... make sure he knows about creepy guys online.

 

[leekohler]

I believ he's talkin' about covering up your tracks also. Delete cookies, empty cache, delete history

You would be right.

 

[apple1984]

I'd say it's fine, and I'm 14. I started around age 12. Don't talk to him about it unless you notice dramatic changes in his attitude, or he becomes unreasonably secretive and reclusive. As long as he doesn't become obsessed with the stuff, he'll turn out fine.

 

[yg17]

I think it's time to talk to him about sharing his wealth with others

 

[Grakkle]

I'm 21 now and although my days of porn are behind me (Long term girlfriend! ) it is a problematic area as a young teenager and I certainly wouldn't advise getting into it as it is very difficult to get out of, especially at that age.

The problem is that soft core leads to hard core, and that leads to worse etc etc and before you know it the lines between reality and high-on-coke slu*ts that "act" in these things are difficult to distinguish.

I would talk to him, have "that" chat (although most 13 year old guys are pretty aware of everything anyway so don't be too infantalising about how it is wrong (because all his mates will be doing it too!) just say it's not appropriate on a family computer and that his quest for a girlfriend is much better!

Yes. Couldn't agree more. I don't agree with the school holding the opinion that porn is "normal' and a natural thing for the "healthy male" anyway. It's led to problems for everyone I know who's been involved in it. My experience with porn was minimal, but it left its effects and I wish I'd avoided it entirely.

It's unhealthy and leads to unrealistic expectations of women - not to mention disrespectful behaviour and relationship difficulties. I'd definitely say no to porn for a thirteen-year-old, though of course enforcing that would be the difficult part.

It's worth noting that many rapists and other violent offenders cite porn as a major inspiration for their acts. After all, when you constantly view porn that portrays women "enjoying" being raped, is it so surprising that some people will begin to believe that the real world is the same?

 

[Ugg]

It's worth noting that many rapists and other violent offenders cite porn as a major inspiration for their acts. After all, when you constantly view porn that portrays women "enjoying" being raped, is it so surprising that some people will begin to believe that the real world is the same?

Maybe their fantasies are what lead them to porn? People who are troubled will find any means to justify their actions and if it means demonizing all porn then they'll do it.

By the same token, violent video games are surely the reason for excessive violence in our society, right!?!?!?

 

[seabass069]

How about creating a folder for him, allowing him and only him to access that protected folder, so that he can put all of his porn in that folder. He is going to look anyway. That is normal. As a father figure, this will help build trust between you two.

 

[Grakkle]

Maybe their fantasies are what lead them to porn? People who are troubled will find any means to justify their actions and if it means demonizing all porn then they'll do it.

Could be. That idea does make sense.

By the same token, violent video games are surely the reason for excessive violence in our society, right!?!?!?

Of course not. But I would venture to say that they do have some impact.

Have you ever watched children playing video games? I have, and played them occasionally as a child myself. They do have an impact on behaviour - and not usually beneficial impacts.

 

[Fearless Leader]

Use this as a security lesson. How to encyrpt files and folders, delete history, yata yata,

 

[shecky]

Ugh, it's great you want to be his "cool" bigger brother and all, but if I caught my brother watching porn at age 13, I would have given him a good, long smacking.

You have to assert it is NOT OK to be looking at porn at such a young age. Delete the porn off the computer, and punish him with restricted access.

which would be a fantastic way to make him grow up to be a sexual deviant.

that post honestly gets my vote for the most ignorant, misinformed and flat out bad post i have ever seen on here.

 

[yojitani]

So you can't ever have sex... or is it just because of your age, which I understand.
If your religion forbids sex at any age I would seriously think about revising your status on religion in a few years, because of your age I don't think you are ready to make the choice of never having sex in your life.

Of course Bahai can have sex, though not out of wedlock. They wouldn't have lasted that long without it eh? I doubt the ayatollah would have been all that concerned about a group that would extinct itself .

At any rate, asking someone to 'revise' their status on religion isn't very helpful...

 

[someguy]

which would be a fantastic way to make him grow up to be a sexual deviant.

that post honestly gets my vote for the most ignorant, misinformed and flat out bad post i have ever seen on here.

I cast my vote as well. It's sad that people still think this way.

It's led to problems for everyone I know who's been involved in it. My experience with porn was minimal, but it left its effects and I wish I'd avoided it entirely.

Exactly what type of problems are you referring to? In what way were those experiencing these problems "involved"?

 

[yg17]

Have you ever watched children playing video games? I have, and played them occasionally as a child myself. They do have an impact on behaviour - and not usually beneficial impacts.

Not to stray too far off topic, but.....I did a huge research paper on this back in high school. I remember the major points, but unfortunately, no longer have a copy of it (should've kept it, it was one of the only papers I've ever gotten an A on), but I do remember that there was no scientific proof that violent games had any impact on the behavior of mentally healthy children (and adults for that matter). Of course, someone with a mental disorder might react differently, but they probably shouldn't be exposed to this stuff anyways. If there was any effect, it helped, because they allow people to vent anger on an inanimate object rather than on another person.

 

[bousozoku]

Not to stray too far off topic, but.....I did a huge research paper on this back in high school. I remember the major points, but unfortunately, no longer have a copy of it (should've kept it, it was one of the only papers I've ever gotten an A on), but I do remember that there was no scientific proof that violent games had any impact on the behavior of mentally healthy children (and adults for that matter). Of course, someone with a mental disorder might react differently, but they probably shouldn't be exposed to this stuff anyways. If there was any effect, it helped, because they allow people to vent anger on an inanimate object rather than on another person.

It's always a reason to make that clear distinction between reality and fantasy. We need that adult influence when we're younger to know what's right and what's wrong, too.

I don't think a 13 y.o. is going to believe that a movie is real, so why would video games or pornography be any different?

 

[mgargan1]

What made you go looking on his computer in the first place?

I'm not convinced that you need do anything at this point, just give him his privacy. 'Porn' covers a whole range of stuff so it's hard to say in what way, if at all, you should talk to him about this.

Again, this is all really great, and I'm reading every post to take in all the advice I can get.

As far as what made me look on his computer, first of all... it's technically my computer.

We have three computers in the house. I got a mac mini for 10 year old brother, an HP for step-mom (she doesn't wanna learn a Mac) and I let the 13 year old use my 17" iMac because I just got a new 20". Ironically enough, I wanted him to use a mac not only cause i thought they were better, but because i knew that the day would come when he did start looking at porn and I didn't want to deal with all the viruses on a PC.

I don't live at home, and whenever I do come home, it's understood that I use the iMac (i mean come on, who wants to use a PC?) Something told me that I should see if there was anything that shouldn't be on the computer.

So, I wasn't violating his privacy. This is my computer, and for all intents and purposes, a "puplic" computer. I'm not worried about my step-mom finding the porn, but my 10 year old brother who occasionally uses it.

 

[furious]

You are handling this with so much Maturity.

The only advice I could offer is this. Be his big brother not a Authority figure. Tell him he can talk to you about anything. Then ask if there is anything he would like to ask. Then tell him about the first time you took a girl on a date. How much you respected her etc. Don't mention the Pron. Not till you are deep in conversation if you get to the part at all.

 

[G5Unit]

I don;t know I was I was looking at the wrong thing. But every time I have been exposed to porn, I felt kind of offended. This was the really hard core crazy stuff, I just thought it was kind of weird.

Now I'm defiantly NOT prude at all, I'm 15 and have done so far what I want to do. I just found it weird that people get amused by this stuff. I'll take MAXIM over it any day.