Chuck Norris... Jokes

[lozanoj83]

I searched in the forums.. and all i found were some jokes in the archive land...
so I wanted to start up the Chuck Norris Joke Thread
so just put sum of your favorite Chuck Norris jokes..

Here's my joke:
While in an orchard an apple fell on Chuck Norris's head, he roundhouse kicked it and created what we now call apple computers.

 

[j26]

Chuck goes killing, not hunting, as hunting implies possible failure.

When Chuck went to France on holidays they surrendered, just in case.

 

[Electro Funk]

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

 

[mkrishnan]

A doctor tapped Chuck Norris's knee to test his reflexes and Chuck Norris kicked him so hard that the doctor is orbiting Neptune.

 

[Cybix]

Chuck Norris has two speeds, Walk and Kill.

 

[TheDance511]

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

 

[Teh Don Ditty]

The mother of all Chuck Norris Jokes or Facts....

Link!

 

[mkrishnan]

If Chuck Norris were to eat sushi, he would poop out Pat Morita.

 

[Teh Don Ditty]

One of my favorites:

Chuck Norris CAN divide by zero

 

[Schnebar]

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried

 

[FF_productions]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

[Teh Don Ditty]

Chuck Norris Knows The Last Digit of Pi

 

[Abstract]

The mother of all Chuck Norris Jokes or Facts....

Link!

The original has a longer list.


"Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing."

 

[DISCOMUNICATION]

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

 

[Schnebar]

my fav 2


Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is.

 

[Teh Don Ditty]

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

 

[Electro Funk]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

[Abstract]

Chuck Norris touched MC Hammer.

 

[Teh Don Ditty]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

[jenn221]

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

 

[notjustjay]

I think this is my favourite Chuck Norris related link on the web

 

[ravenvii]

The dinosaurs pissed Chuck Norris off once. Once.

 

[MacNut]

Chuck Norris really can't act but everyone says he can so they don't get kicked in the head.

 

[P-Worm]

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

P-Worm

 

[jlcharles]

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.